Compiled Blog from Grad School
https://sites.google.com/site/kaiserwellnesscenter/home/biographies/grad-school-blues
Enjoy!
The view from my handlebars... A glimpse into the mind of a working mom.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
#madwriting
The fact of the matter is, I can't sleep. People used to tell me that I sleep so well because I have a clear conscience. Maybe tonight I am feeling guilty.
I'm thinking negatively today. Instead of thinking of the world as my oyster (and what does that mean anyway?) I'm thinking of it as a garbage dump. Like a vast wasteland, it doesn't matter if I put forth energy into cleaning it up, it's so massive and polluted that it doesn't make a difference what I do.
Instead of believing that people are altruistic, I'm believing that everyone is selfish and greedy and that's no kind of world that I want to live in. I'm thinking about long-range missiles and oil-consumption. I'm thinking about John Edwards and his love-child. I know it is useless to toss and turn over things I cannot control.
I'm also thinking about myself. I preach about reducing waste and recycling, yet I drive a gas-powered vehicle 400+ miles per week and drink coffee out of styrofoam containers daily. Some people think about the world as something we have no control over, like it doesn't matter what we do, entropy of the universe is always increasing.
On a good day, I imagine each person making small changes that add up to a big difference. I imagine the ideas spreading by education, "teach a person to fish and he eats for a lifetime," something like that. But then some days hormones take over and I can't do anything but cry and look around for the nearest exit.
My previous post described public/private. A doublet of talks I attended last week by Uma Chowdhry furthered this line of thought. I heard that corporations are now allowed facebook pages (with the new timeline feature) which give them the appearance of being equivalent to a person. Corporations hold certain values and skills, for example DuPont has core skills (polymers, fluorine chemistry) and values (safety, teamwork), but they are not a human-like entity. Although the buzzwords of sustainability can be found everywhere these days (did you know that 7% of Americans eat fast food daily?) its hard to believe that corporations care anything about solving the world's problems. Unless you think that making money for shareholders is the most important problem to solve in the world.
Given that I watched a talk by Stephen Wolfram about finding a computer program that explains all the complexity of life out of all the programs in the world (and all combinations thereof), I asked if DuPont would move to share non-patented non-published data with the public, such that it could be mined at large, and the answer was NO because the intellectual property of corporations are their bread and butter. I can understand that. She said that it was simply too much data, and it would not be likely that anyone would be able to make sense of it. I simply do not believe that. I would much rather like to believe Wolfram and the power of possibility. Hey, I might not be a gifted computer scientist, but I do like searching for patterns in nature. With the wealth of chemical-biological information tied up in corporations like DuPont and Monsanto, I wonder if we (ALL OF US: industry, government, universities, tinkerers) could better make sense of nature if we had more data.
Therein lies my public/private theme. Putting a happy face out for the public, while keeping valuable information private, puts a big frowny face on this bitch.
And another thing that keeps me up at night is trash. Speaking of fast food... I spent Earth Day 2012 at Disneyland in Anaheim. The amount of waste generated there must be immense. The amount of electricity to run the park is staggering. For entertainment? What's it all about? I was reading about recycling of aluminum and although Americans are recycling more cans, they are recycling less food packaging. When you eat at home, you cook the food in re-usable pots/pans and eat the food off of washable ceramic dishes with metal utensils, then store the leftovers in plastic/glass reusable containers. What about when you eat on the go? Or outside the home? Bingo! Waste! When are people going to get the message?
If you want to use the words "sustainable" it doesn't follow that you are a corporation who only cares about making money (hello First law of thermodynamics) not everyone can be making money all the time unless money equals entropy (hello Second law of thermodynamics). But by what law is it true that the universe is constantly expanding and there's no way we can control or understand it? Is that faith? And if we are guided entirely by faith, who is to set down the rules? And if we follow one set of "rules" or dogma, does that mean everyone else is wrong and they should be put to death?
Another talk I went to was Tim Steimle. I really liked some of what he was saying, but he always has a great way of making me feel really stupid. As he starts to drift into the lexcion of hard-core spectroscopy, my thoughts wander, and then I remember, "Hey pay attention, this is why you don't get this stuff!" It's great to be a "forever student." Like a cycling mentor once told me, "You gotta ride with people who are faster than you. If you never get dropped, you'll never get faster."
I forgot to mention that the fireworks at Disney brought tears to my eyes. Twice. That Tinkerbell was something else. If wishes and dreams can come true, I hope to feel better tomorrow. Thank you and goodnight.
 |
| ANTM ~ Cycle 16 ~ Episode 8 (2011) |
Instead of believing that people are altruistic, I'm believing that everyone is selfish and greedy and that's no kind of world that I want to live in. I'm thinking about long-range missiles and oil-consumption. I'm thinking about John Edwards and his love-child. I know it is useless to toss and turn over things I cannot control.
I'm also thinking about myself. I preach about reducing waste and recycling, yet I drive a gas-powered vehicle 400+ miles per week and drink coffee out of styrofoam containers daily. Some people think about the world as something we have no control over, like it doesn't matter what we do, entropy of the universe is always increasing.
On a good day, I imagine each person making small changes that add up to a big difference. I imagine the ideas spreading by education, "teach a person to fish and he eats for a lifetime," something like that. But then some days hormones take over and I can't do anything but cry and look around for the nearest exit.
My previous post described public/private. A doublet of talks I attended last week by Uma Chowdhry furthered this line of thought. I heard that corporations are now allowed facebook pages (with the new timeline feature) which give them the appearance of being equivalent to a person. Corporations hold certain values and skills, for example DuPont has core skills (polymers, fluorine chemistry) and values (safety, teamwork), but they are not a human-like entity. Although the buzzwords of sustainability can be found everywhere these days (did you know that 7% of Americans eat fast food daily?) its hard to believe that corporations care anything about solving the world's problems. Unless you think that making money for shareholders is the most important problem to solve in the world.
 |
| Stephen Wolfram ~ Singularity Summit 2011 ~ Rule 30 |
Therein lies my public/private theme. Putting a happy face out for the public, while keeping valuable information private, puts a big frowny face on this bitch.
 |
| ANTM ~ Cycle 9 ~ Week 6 (2007) |
If you want to use the words "sustainable" it doesn't follow that you are a corporation who only cares about making money (hello First law of thermodynamics) not everyone can be making money all the time unless money equals entropy (hello Second law of thermodynamics). But by what law is it true that the universe is constantly expanding and there's no way we can control or understand it? Is that faith? And if we are guided entirely by faith, who is to set down the rules? And if we follow one set of "rules" or dogma, does that mean everyone else is wrong and they should be put to death?
Another talk I went to was Tim Steimle. I really liked some of what he was saying, but he always has a great way of making me feel really stupid. As he starts to drift into the lexcion of hard-core spectroscopy, my thoughts wander, and then I remember, "Hey pay attention, this is why you don't get this stuff!" It's great to be a "forever student." Like a cycling mentor once told me, "You gotta ride with people who are faster than you. If you never get dropped, you'll never get faster."
I forgot to mention that the fireworks at Disney brought tears to my eyes. Twice. That Tinkerbell was something else. If wishes and dreams can come true, I hope to feel better tomorrow. Thank you and goodnight.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Swimming or Swept away?
Thinking I could maintain weekly posts was ridiculous. The current is too strong.
Speaking of which, I heard a very powerful story about a baseball player who tried to swim across the Missouri River while in town for a game against the Royals (something every Omaha-an has thought of doing at some point). Now being married to a man who has a family history of male relatives ending up 6' under due to boating/water-related accidents, the possibility of something going terribly wrong on the water is very real to me at least. Undertaking this post-doctoral teaching experience was like jumping into the river without knowing anything about how it flows. I feel like I don't know where my career is taking me, except that I am trying to stay on the "fast track" and it's an exciting ride. I'm just hoping the undertow doesn't overpower my will to fight to stay on top of it.
Since my last post, I've administered a midterm, celebrated Easter with family, and obsessed about getting "caught up" which has very little chance of happening (see prev. paragraph). I actually took a week of quiet time at home. My husband and I took some major steps toward making our little house more liveable. I turned down some opportunities to attend seminars. I just felt like I needed rest. My family and friends started to buzz with worry. Then that worried me. Should I be worried about myself? Is there something going on that I can't see?
This week, I had dinner with two women profs who have survived the tenure process. It was refreshing and inspirational. I also sat on a panel of profs representing different choices regarding graduate school, there were 6 women Ph.D.s on the panel in neuroscience, ecology, microbiology, organic chemistry, physical/biochemistry and analytical/biochemistry (me). It was interesting to be a member of the panel, hearing the other prof's advice, meeting the personnel from career services, and fielding students' questions. With their level of experience, it is even difficult for juniors and seniors to know what to ask, and this is why it is so hard to make a solid (informed) commitment to a graduate program right off the bat.
I also attended NSF Day @ USC, which presented junior faculty and staff with an overview of the federal funding process. The program officers were informative and approachable, encouraging us in every way to submit our ideas to the review process. I'm looking forward to getting some of my/our ideas down on paper and translating that into resources for my research group, which has grown in number to 3 students!
Merging chemistry and biology is a message I shared with my students this week as we talked about the chemistry of life (made up of just a few elements: C, H, N, O, P, S). This is part of the superpowers harnessed by the being known as Swamp Thing. It could either be a living mass occupied by the soul of a former biochemist, or perhaps one could think of it as the research love-child of the Alec Holland and his wife Linda, fictional comic book characters who invented a Bio-Restorative Formula that would solve any nations' food shortage by allowing plants to grow even in a desert. Seriously, this is right up my alley! Abiotic stress and plants' ability to survive it via metabolic reconfiguration is exactly what I study and it was great to share that with my students, along with the cutting edge research we are exposed to via seminars.
AND, we are doing some outreach this week in celebration of Earth Day! I'm looking forward to seeing my students (college age) interact with elementary school students, as they make green cosmetics.
http://www.sciencebuddies.org/science-fair-projects/project_ideas/Chem_p022.shtml
http://pbskids.org/dragonflytv/show/makeup.html
I'm so proud of what this cohort of freshman has learned in Chem 14/15.
Cool pictures here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/55505874@N08/sets/72157629332257440/
Also coming up is the 2012 VEX Robotics World Championship at the Anaheim Convention Center and we're going to Disneyland. Just like my Smart Car, smaller can be better, as Mus musculus has known for 4 million years, or thereabouts. I'm looking forward to seeing the innovations of our country's most talented youth. Go Robotics!
 |
| Omaha skyline and Missouri River |
Since my last post, I've administered a midterm, celebrated Easter with family, and obsessed about getting "caught up" which has very little chance of happening (see prev. paragraph). I actually took a week of quiet time at home. My husband and I took some major steps toward making our little house more liveable. I turned down some opportunities to attend seminars. I just felt like I needed rest. My family and friends started to buzz with worry. Then that worried me. Should I be worried about myself? Is there something going on that I can't see?
 |
P4 activation by group 3 metal arene complexes |
I also attended NSF Day @ USC, which presented junior faculty and staff with an overview of the federal funding process. The program officers were informative and approachable, encouraging us in every way to submit our ideas to the review process. I'm looking forward to getting some of my/our ideas down on paper and translating that into resources for my research group, which has grown in number to 3 students!
Merging chemistry and biology is a message I shared with my students this week as we talked about the chemistry of life (made up of just a few elements: C, H, N, O, P, S). This is part of the superpowers harnessed by the being known as Swamp Thing. It could either be a living mass occupied by the soul of a former biochemist, or perhaps one could think of it as the research love-child of the Alec Holland and his wife Linda, fictional comic book characters who invented a Bio-Restorative Formula that would solve any nations' food shortage by allowing plants to grow even in a desert. Seriously, this is right up my alley! Abiotic stress and plants' ability to survive it via metabolic reconfiguration is exactly what I study and it was great to share that with my students, along with the cutting edge research we are exposed to via seminars.
AND, we are doing some outreach this week in celebration of Earth Day! I'm looking forward to seeing my students (college age) interact with elementary school students, as they make green cosmetics.
http://www.sciencebuddies.org/science-fair-projects/project_ideas/Chem_p022.shtml
http://pbskids.org/dragonflytv/show/makeup.html
I'm so proud of what this cohort of freshman has learned in Chem 14/15.
Cool pictures here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/55505874@N08/sets/72157629332257440/
 |
| ¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! |
Also coming up is the 2012 VEX Robotics World Championship at the Anaheim Convention Center and we're going to Disneyland. Just like my Smart Car, smaller can be better, as Mus musculus has known for 4 million years, or thereabouts. I'm looking forward to seeing the innovations of our country's most talented youth. Go Robotics!