Wednesday, November 27, 2024
mental load of motherhood
Wednesday, November 20, 2024
10 things I have learned from being a Disney mom
1. On time is late. Early is on time. Way early is best.
3. Bundle and save, but don't sweat the spending. If you are on a budget, use gift cards to limit your spending.
5. Stay ready so you don't have to stress while getting ready.
6. Comfortable over cute every time.
7. Cast members will move your stroller. It will not remain in the exact location where you parked it. Do not panic. Personalize it.
8. Any moment is perfect for a sing-along, parade or dance party.
9. Calories don't count when you're walking all day.
10. A kiss goodnight is sweet.
lost my hearing
In a strange turn of events, I have a double ear infection and I can't hear. It started off pretty innocently, just a little runny nose. I kept up with my training. I remember doing my 10-mile training run and wondering if it was the right thing to do or not. That was Sunday, November 10th (10 days ago). I did do two 2-mile runs the following week, but it was a taper week and it got pretty cold. Later on Thursday, November 14th, I started to lose hearing in my left ear. By Friday, November 15th, I couldn't hear in the right ear either. I tried to rest all day Saturday, thinking it would clear up. But after sleeping most of the day, both ears were still plugged up late Saturday afternoon. We went to urgent care around 4:30pm and returned home at 8:30pm with antibiotics. People have been telling me that it should resolve after a couple of days. So now we're on day 4 of taking amoxicillin, and I still can't hear.
This semester came in so challenging. I got a change to my teaching schedule on August 9th. That was the Friday before my kiddo's first day of TK. Within a few days, he came down with COVID. Then my husband and I got it too. I was behind from the first week of classes all the way until about week 4 or 5 (end of September). After things settled down, I got a bit sad because we had low participation for RunClub. Just when I thought that was canceled, it was back on!
Being without hearing for a week has been odd. I feel like I'm forced into a meditative state. I can't be entertained by podcasts or music right now. It's a lot of work to have a conversation or watch TV because I have to read the subtitles or people's lips and really strain to pick up what they're saying. So I'm really in my head. What's nice is I've found a bit of gratitude there. It's the lead-up to Thanksgiving now. I'm in the home stretch of the semester. I don't have to hear the students ask me what each piece of glassware is. I don't have to listen to my kid whining. I can't hear the brakes on our minivan squeaking. It's all diminished. And what remains is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people in my life.
It's that time of year where we trim the tree and send out holiday greetings. I did get to send a few care packages to loved ones in advance of the holiday break. I bought holiday stamps at the post office. I cut up photos of kiddo to include in the cards. There are just so many steps to sending these out, but I'm ready this year. I'm ready for the end of this year. I'm looking forward to the Holiday Half Marathon. I'm looking forward to the Rose Bowl Half Marathon. I'm taking these setbacks (like this double ear infection) in stride because my training has been strong up until this point. I'm on track to submit grades early. Amazingly enough!
I've been working on my holiday bucket list. Or should I say, a list of holiday traditions that are meaningful to me. Given that we only have a few weekends to plan stuff, I want to make sure we're prioritizing things that are meaningful and not just "staying busy."
Nov 23 - Birthday Party 10am - noon
Nov 24 - Grand opening of Boeckmann park 11930 Mason Ave Porter Ranch 2-6pm (11 miles)
Nov 28 - Thanksgiving
Nov 30 - Holiday Train / Downtown Disney
Dec 1 - Pick up Fitlicious / Hot Chocolate Run (13 miles)
Dec 7 - Discovery Cube?
Dec 8 - CicLAvia + GH Holiday Parade 1:30pm - 4pm (14 miles)
Dec 14 - kids race
Dec 15 - Half Marathon + Chatsworth Holiday Parade noon-5pm
Dec 22 - Discovery Cube?
Dec 23 - 15 miles
Iceoplex Winter Wonderland
Dec 23-Jan 5
three sessions (9am-noon, 1pm-5pm, 6pm-10pm)
Saturday, November 30 - Anaheim (A.M.)
🎅Visit Santa Claus: November 23-24, 29-30, December 1, 7-8, 14-24. Appearances from 11:00 am – 2:00 pm.
👨🍳Meet a Pastry Chef! Gingerbread demonstrations on November 23-24, 40, December 1, 7-8, 14-15, 21-22, 28-29, January 4-5. Demo times: 11:00 am and 1:00 pm.
Westfield Topanga Village Snow falls Friday-Sunday evening Dec 3-23. 6, 7, 8pm.
Other ideas for the holiday list:
Yolanda Lights FREE
Baking gingerbread house
Sending holiday cards
White elephant @ CSUN
Holiday lights bike ride
Boat Parade Newport Beach
Rose Parade Bike Ride
Friday, November 8, 2024
Moving On
Oh, how I wanted to be a man. If you can't beat them, join them. But they don't want to let you in the club. You're not welcome. You're not one of them, the good guys, the old boys club.
Being born a woman was a series of disappointments. You'll never be as tall, fast, strong, smart, capable, free as a man. And by the way, you'll get hips and breasts in a very painful adolescent transformation. And you'll be bleeding one-quarter of each month. And you'll have to pay for those tampons. No, men don't have to go through this. And you'll be responsible if you get pregnant, so you'll have to pay for birth control, which may ruin your chances of conceiving later on in life when you're ready to get pregnant. Without information on these long-term side effects, you'll have to make these choices alone at age 15. After taking this form of injectable birth control so you wouldn't forget to take it and accidentally get pregnant for 11 years, you'll be told that no person is meant to be on it for that long and certainly not for 10 years.
Then, when you are married, and you can't wait a moment longer to get pregnant because your eggs are nearly all rotten, you'll bear the guilt of infertility. You'll AGAIN take all the hormones to produce a final clutch of eggs. You'll take methylprednisolone, which will make you feel crazy. You will relate to American Horror Story - Delicate, except without the power of witchcraft. You'll be a pincushion for months. You'll put in messy suppositories. You'll take pills, too. Your child's father will have to make absolutely no lifestyle changes. You'll look back on the last decade of trying to conceive as a failure on your part, God's way of punishing you for being a bad person and undeserving of motherhood.
Then pregnancy! Your partner will never understand what it feels like to be literally connected to the fetus. Your breasts will undergo another painful transformation. While puberty makes you a target of the male gaze, pregnancy is a leveling up from maidenhood to matron. You are no longer of aesthetic value to society. Your girlhood is spent, and you no longer have the power of allure.
You will turn inward. You will be responsible for paying for the prenatal vitamins. You may have to manage extreme hyperemesis gravidarum during pregnancy. You may get gestational diabetes. You may have to work right up until your due date. You might have to go back to work right after delivering the baby. There are so many shitty parts of pregnancy, it's all your burden to bear. Men will never understand.
Then you'll deliver. You'll have to learn how to breastfeed. You'll fall off of a hormone cliff that nobody warns you about. You'll be in more pain than ever in your life. Nobody will explain anything to you. You'll be alone with your pain and confusion, postpartum anxiety, and intrusive thoughts. Nobody will follow up with you. There will be no assistance in healing your body despite being cut 7 ways to Sunday, from hip to hip.
You'll learn too late that there were things you should have been doing in the two months after your C-section that would have prevented scar tissue. But nobody told you about that, and anyway, you will be too afraid to touch or look at your scar because it reminds you that you weren't able to give birth vaginally because male surgeons are in a hurry to cut. Hospitals only let you labor for 24 hours, even though birth can take much longer. You'll work on strengthing your pelvic floor with so many Kegels before delivery and then learn after the fact that you should have been thinking instead of being flexible instead of strong. You will have high levels of relaxin circulating for 1000 days, or however long you breastfeed or however long it takes for your period to return, but that's different for every woman, and you have no control over that. You may be encouraged by friends to see a pelvic floor PT, but you won't be encouraged to do so by your doctor, so you will be uncertain whether it's covered by your insurance.
Then, the pressure to be a good mom will descend on you and weigh you down for the foreseeable future. Everything wrong with your child will be blamed on you and not the child's father. Every time your child does not fit the norm, you'll be shamed if you don't immediately make it your foremost project to fix. Your colleagues will think you are unprepared while you exist in the fog of mombrain. You will search for the right words, which will elude you, while your newfound sense of superhearing and empathy will remain underrated. Your career will stall. Your male colleagues will think, she used to be so sharp; what a shame, she really let herself go. You'll hear phantom crying, even when your baby is only 2 feet away from you on the other side of the shower curtain. You'll have the strangest night sweats, engorgement, cravings for bacon and chocolate, and the worst body odor of your life. After 7 months, your hair will randomly start falling out.
Then, after adjusting to the demands of breastfeeding and nightmares and teething and toddler tantrums and potty training and picky eating and learning to read and self-feed and self-dress, finally, the little person doesn't need you as much anymore, which is kind of a heartbreak in itself, then you arrive at perimenopause. You'll take supplements you would have never considered before. It's not like you are trying to be eternally youthful. You're just trying to get through the day and night with less pain and suffering. You take pills to address clogged milk ducts, muscle repair, milk supply, mood, bone density, hair, teeth, nails, connective tissue, and cartilage. Should you be taking more? Less? Who knows? Because there are no studies on women. There are not enough women who engage in extended breastfeeding in their 40s. Your menstruation is not well understood, nor is the transition to that third life era -- crone. And the responsibility of knowing about it and doing the right thing, taking hormones or not, is All on you. Your husband will not know anything about it, nor will your doctor. 4 out of 5 professionals will tell you that you are just depressed. The one that takes you seriously will ask for an exorbitant fee to even begin to help you put the pieces back together again. Your insurance won't cover it. Again, the financial responsibilities will be all up to you.
And by the way, you'll be paid less than your male colleagues. And men will get jobs they're underqualified for. Their competence will be accepted with a handshake while you run uphill to prove yourself even though you'll never be considered good or worthy.
I feel so sad and powerless. I was so hoping that one woman could step into her power today. That I might be able to say, as a woman, is that I am equally likely to become president or CEO or tenured professor or marathon finisher. Thank God I still have my running to keep me sane. I can just keep my head down and keep falling forward. I can make my home a happy and safe one. Will there be a women's march again? Will there be a march for science? Will there be a resurgence of black lives matter? What good did those marches do last time? When will we ever have representation that understands what women go through? I don't care if you're a brother, husband or father. You will never know what it's like to walk a mile in our shoes. Sharing this for the daughter I'll never have. I don't know what it is about this election defeat that is causing me to live the entirety of my trauma again. Maybe it has something to do with being grabbed in the pussy -- AGAIN.
Tuesday, November 5, 2024
Election Day
It's the 2024 presidential election day. There were many other things on the ballot, but the race for president looms large. This is a historic moment where America gets to decide between another white male or a highly qualified Southeast Asian black woman. It definitely feels like a referendum on our culture. Can we accept a woman in the highest office in our nation? Or do we want to re-elect someone who was already impeached twice? Incredibly, we have to put a woman against an epically lousy candidate. I keep trying to put the election out of my mind, and then when someone reminds me it's election day, it's like BAM, I snap back to the real possibility that America might choose a crime boss over a Barbie.
I remember the presidential elections that have happened in my lifetime:
- 1980 - Reagan v. Carter / Mondale
- 1984 - Reagan / H. W. Bush v. Mondale
- 1988 - H. W. Bush v. Dukakis
- 1992 - Clinton / Gore v. H. W. Bush
- 1996 - Clinton / Gore v. Dole
- 2000 - W. Bush v. Gore
- 2004 - W. Bush v. Kerry
- 2008 - Obama v. McCain
- 2012 - Obama v. Romney
- 2016 - Hillary Clinton
- 2020 - Biden / Harris
- 2024 - Kamala Harris
I wonder what my son, who is now 4.5 years old, will remember about this election. We did watch the live debates at home with him. And we voted around the kitchen table all together using our mail-in ballots. And we went as a group to drop off the ballots at an early voting center on campus a week early. Being Los Angeles, they had a photo-op set up for us and a volunteer took this picture. I feel like I remember President Reagan, so maybe my son will always remember President Harris. And he will have a different idea of what women can accomplish.
I remember Bill Clinton and his sex scandal. And people say that's why they couldn't elect Hillary even though she was smart and qualified. They say his behavior was somehow her fault or had tarnished her reputation irreversibly. But what can they say about Kamala? She is very good at her job and has none of the tarnish that people claim poisoned Hillary Clinton's campaign. Don't even get me started on Lock Her Up and Those Emails.
"Leave the door open and the ladder down" ~Bernard Kinsey
I can say Biden did a very good thing by serving one term, which was fairly uneventful, and then holding the door open for Kamala. It's like he "teed up" and let her swing for the fences. I don't know if that's a golf analogy or T-ball, forgive me, I'm not a sports person.
I just don't know if some people in our country can tolerate this challenge to their self-image. There is a real toxic masculinity in our culture; forget about microaggressions. There is straight-up racism, sexism, and violence against women. I wanted to write out my own personal thoughts for my future self, or for anyone who finds this after I am gone. On this day, before the results are announced. I feel very guarded. I don't know who to trust. I feel like there is a simmering violence that is hiding in the shadows and waiting to be invited out into the open. I feel unsafe when out running; I've already seen one pickup truck following me. I don't know what type of rage will be unleashed on ALL WOMEN if they don't get their way or if there is any challenge to the patriarchy.
I won't stay up all night to see what happens; I doubt we will have a clear answer today. But I know what I'm hoping America chooses. It will be amazing to make the Barbie movie a reality. But I'm also accepting alternate possibilities. America may decide that we're not ready for a Barbie president. America may decide that if Barbie is fairly elected, we cannot abide it. I am fearful of these possibilities. But I'm trying to live and record how I feel at this moment.
Monday, October 28, 2024
Podcasts for Runners
Let's face it, when I get into something, I really get into it. I'm deep into running right now. I watch running videos in the morning, listen to running podcasts while doing dishes, and read books about running if I read at all. If you're getting into running like I am, here are some podcasts that I subscribe to that I could recommend.
Marathon Training for Beginners with Mo and Harrison Crum
I'm currently listening to this one, catching up on old episodes. The 13 min/mile pace group leader of the LA Roadrunners recommended it.
I listen to this every week when there's a new episode. It's a group of runDisney fans who talk about their training and interview a different guest each week.
The Joyful Miles Podcast
3-2-1 Go!
This one is annoying but I still listen to it sometimes. Carissa Galloway gives good nutritional advice for runners.
The Running Explained Podcast
Experts, coaches, and runners speak on a variety of topics, including training, nutrition, racing, and mindset.
Another Mother Runner
This one has excellent interviews with moms and dads who run and how they balance training with parenting.
The Extra Mile Podcast Galloway Edition
If you want to learn about the Galloway RUN/WALK/RUN training method from Jeff Galloway himself, this is the podcast for you. There's more to it than just interval training.
Training updates from runners while they're out for a run.
Run4PRs
This one has good information. Run4PRs has a team of coaches that specialize in running. They also interview guests. Even if you're not a competitive runner, you can learn from them.
Rehab for Runners
I have yet to start this one, but a friend I trained with recommended it. It's about common running injuries, their treatment, and prevention.
Thursday, October 24, 2024
Mission Inn Run 2024 Race Report
The event itself: Where? How long? When? Weather?
The weather was good. It was about 55 degrees at the start and around 70 degrees at the finish, not too windy. Mt. Rubidoux shaded a good part of the trail, and the residential neighborhoods and parks had a nice amount of shade from mature trees. The 10k started at 7:45 a.m., and I was done by 9:10 a.m. It was enough time to stretch, cool down, and eat breakfast before the kids' race started at 10 a.m.Course description and evaluation of event logistics
Downtown through a park, on a bike path, along another park, through residential, back through downtown. Plenty of potties, a simple start and finish line, and no waves at the start.How you trained for the event
I followed a mixture of the Fit4Mom 10k training plan, the LA Roadrunners LA Marathon training plan, the Jeff Galloway runDisney half marathon training plan, and the Dumbo Double Dare training plan for the Disneyland race. I did observe a taper week before this race. I also focused on nutrition, hydration, and electrolytes in the week leading up to the run. I started to add hills and speed work 4 weeks before race day.Your gear and nutrition
I had two cups of coffee two hours before the run. I ate a banana and Rx bar 30 minutes before my run. I drank an electrolyte drink about 1 hour before the race. I wore my Nathan Trail Mix waist belt to carry my Gu. I used the toilet about 20 minutes before the race started. I ate one Gu at mile 2 and another Gu at mile 4. Both had no caffeine. I drank some of my water with my Gu and some of the water ended up on my head, arms, legs, and chest.Conversations you had
Dressing like Tinkerbell was a great idea. I had Disney Hits blasting on my Muzen, and people sang along. People were cheering Go Tink! It was excellent. I met a lady who was training for the Dumbo. She had hurt her foot, so she wasn't running that day. Lots of people started talking about the Disney races when they saw me. I saw a man who was wearing a Dopey 2025 shirt.Your finish and associated emotions
Somewhere between mile 5 and 6, I started to run out of gas. I considered walking and giving up. I started thinking, how can you think you can finish a marathon if you can't even finish a 10k and I almost started crying. I just wanted the race to be over and for my family to come pick me up. But then we got to downtown, and many people were cheering. It gave me a kick of energy to finish the last half mile. My playlist got to "You'll Be in My Heart," I thought about my run club, and they carried me when my legs were tired. I felt like they were with me. Also, two dozen high school cheerleaders were yelling Go Tinkerbell!!!!! That inspired me to run through the finish line.Your overall evaluation of the event
Overall, I loved staying at the Mission Inn and running the race. We parked the car and didn't need it. There are plenty of places to eat within walking distance.Budget Tracker
Movies and books about running
"Tyson's Run" is about someone's first marathon on Netflix (2022)
"Brittany Runs a Marathon" on Amazon Prime (2019)
"McFarland USA" on Disney+ (2015)
"Personal Best" (1982) rental between $3-4 on various platforms
First Ladies of Running by Amby Burfoot Rodale Books (2016) ISBN-13: 978-1609615642
Forward by Shalane Flanagan, daughter of Cheryl Bridges
Runners profiled include Julia Chase, Roberta Gibb, Kathrine Switzer, Charlotte Lettis, Joan Benoit, Doris Brown, Francie Larrieu, Mary Decker, Jackie Hansen, Miki Gorman, and Grete Waitz
The Miles and Trials of a Marathon Goddess: 52 Weeks, 52 Marathons (2019) Tender Fire Books ISBN-13: 978-1732692725 by Julie Weiss, Ali Nolan, and John Hanc
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Marathon Training (2011) ISBN-13: 978-1615640584 by David Levine, and Paula Petrella. ALPHA (publisher).
Of those 56,948 unique finishers in seven races, how many only finished one? How many finished ALL seven of these races? What about other numbers of races? Well, here’s the breakdown:
...Runners with 1 out of 7: 35,690 (62.7%)
...Runners with 2 out of 7: 11,887 (20.9%)
...Runners with 3 out of 7: 6,445 (11.3%)
...Runners with 4 out of 7: 1,144 (2.0%)
...Runners with 5 out of 7: 1,188 (2.1%)
...Runners with 6 out of 7: 187 (0.3%, the least common club)
...Runners with 7 out of 7: 407 (just a tiny 0.7% of the total)
How about the race weekends? How many can afford to do all three out of the three mentioned here?
...All 3 weekends: 1182 (2.1%)
...Just 2 weekends: 4802 (8.4%)
...Only 1 weekend: 50,964 (89.5%)
Mar - LA Big 5k
Jun - CdM Scenic 5k
Sept - SMC 5k/10k (I don't think I would do this one again)
Oct - Mission Inn
Dec - Holiday Half
Planning 2025
Jan - Citrus Heritage, Rose Bowl Half, Surf City, Disneyland, Carlsbad Marathon
Feb - Palm Desert Half, Firecracker, SRLA Friendship Run, Ventura Marathon, Mardi Gras Madness, Chinatown Firecracker
Mar - LA Marathon, San Diego Half
Apr - Mountains 2 Beach Marathon, Chesebro Half Marathon
May - OC Marathon, La Jolla Half Marathon, Seaside Marathon (Ventura), Verdugo Mountains 10k
Jun - Valencia Half, Red Rock Rumble, Griffith Park Trail Marathon Relay
Jul - Ditmars Wine Run 5k (Council Bluffs, IA)
Aug - Pride of the Valley 5K, America's Finest City
Sept - Santa Monica Classic, Disneyland Halloween Half
Oct - Long Beach Marathon, Moorpark Mammoth Run, Malibu Moves, Mission Inn Run
Nov - Drumstick Dash LA, Catalina Island, Run Malibu
Dec - Holiday Half, Santa Monica-Venice Christmas Run
The Mission Inn Run started giving out a pin and hat for legacy runners who have done the run 3 years consecutively.
Tuesday, October 22, 2024
Coach Chat on Tapering
Mission Inn Run 2024 Training Journal | ||||||
Day | Wk | Date | Dist (mi) | Duration (H:MM:SS) | Pace (min/mi) | Split (run/walk) |
S | x | 8/18 | 4.5 | 2:03:43 | 26.7 | walk only |
T | 0 | 8/20 | 2 | 0:50:00 | 25 | walk only |
R | 0 | 8/23 | 4.8 | 2:15:00 | 28 | walk only |
S | 0 | 8/25 | 4.78 | 1:03:58 | 13.4 | run only |
T | 1 | 8/27 | 3 | 0:42:05 | 13.8 | run only |
R | 1 | 8/30 | 2.2 | 0:30:07 | 13.6 | run only |
S | 1 | 9/1 | 4.5 | 1:10:00 | 15.3 | hill walk / run |
T | 2 | 9/3 | 3 | 0:45:00 | 14.25 | walk / run |
R | 2 | 9/5 | 3 | 0:41:13 | 13.5 | run only |
S | 2 | 9/8 | 3.2 | 0:43:08 | 13.4 | run / walk |
T | 3 | 9/10 | 1.3 | 0:26:57 | 20.75 | walk only |
R | 3 | 9/12 | 2 | 0:34:29 | 16.5 | walk / run |
S | 3 | 9/15 | 3 | 0:42:30 | 14 | run / walk |
T | 4 | 9/17 | 2 | 0:31:40 | 14.8 | walk / run |
F | 4 | 9/20 | 2.75 | 0:37:32 | 13.7 | run only |
S | 4 | 9/22 | 3.35 | 0:44:05 | 13.1 | run / walk |
T | 5 | 9/24 | 4.4 | 1:18:24 | 17.8 | walk only |
R | 5 | 9/27 | 2.6 | 0:36:47 | 14 | run only |
S | 5 | 9/29 | 4 | 1:08:00 | 14.5 | run / walk |
T | 6 | 10/1 | 2.8 | 0:41:22 | 14.3 | run / walk |
F | 6 | 10/4 | 2.5 | 0:35:51 | 14.2 | run / walk |
S | 6 | 10/6 | 2.63 | 0:38:58 | 14.8 | run only |
T | 7 | 10/8 | 2.7 | 0:39:39 | 14.5 | run only |
F | 7 | 10/10 | 3.37 | 0:45:52 | 13.5 | run / intervals |
S | 7 | 10/13 | 7 | 1:47:55 | 15.4 | run / walk |
T | 8 | 10/15 | 3.75 | 0:51:35 | 13.8 | run only |
F | 8 | 10/18 | active recovery | walk only | ||
S | 8 | 10/20 | 6.2 | 1:21:52 | 13.2 | run only |