I try to limit myself to one blog post per month. This is why I am excited it is March! I am trying to focus my writing hours on my dissertation, but in the afternoons I always hit a wall. During my productive hours, I was working on Chapter 4 and I got the distinct idea for a blog post involving "the chase" so I typed CHASE into clipart and found the following pictures. The character on the far left is happily chasing a butterfly. This is how I feel about my current project.
My boss sent me the link of a YouTube video that apparently went viral, turning a Lady GaGa song into a song about research. The sickening thing is that the professor I teach for posted "It is great to see the students show this kind of creativity, and I am sure that their Professor is proud." I don't think any research advisor would say that about their students if they had spent 80+ hours making such a video. The costumes and redoing all the words to the songs, the choreography and video editing would have taken forever. Anyway, my advisor called me into her office to discuss it and asked me if I feel that way. Like I'm stuck on a bad project. Well, I don't feel that way. I feel like I believe in my project otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my life studying it. I started to think maybe she feels that way about me. Like I am a bad project of hers that she can't quit or get rid of.
The second (middle) figure is an animal chasing its tail. I do feel like this most days. I feel like I am going around and around instead of forward. But I guess that's why they call it RE-search.
The last (right) figure was originally a boy chasing a girl, but for as long as I can remember I've been the other way around. I've been trying to keep up with boys my whole life. I chased them on the playground, at recess, in coursework, math competitions, on my bicycle. It's totally a reoccurring theme in my life. I realized the other day that I have a pattern of trying to do or re-do the same things over and over again, thinking "I'll show them, I'll do it better THIS time." But in that moment, I wondered why I do that. If somebody tells you that you aren't good at something, or aren't fit to do a certain job, why keep trying to do it?
I am so ready for spring. We had the coldest weekend of the year here in Southern California last weekend. I've been superbundled up. My knees have been acting up and I blame the cold weather. Looking forward to the San Dimas Stage Race. Hope we have great weather.
Had a similar realization in ballet class right before I sprained my calf. I love a teacher who challenges me. I love to rise to the challenge. But the fact of the matter is that the force of gravity is articulated better here: http://www.hep.uiuc.edu/home/g-gollin/dance/dance_physics.html#8 but in summary it becomes 30-60% more physically challenging to do the same task for a 10% increase in size. This is why dancers are always trying to get smaller. My teacher recommended drinking water infused with K+, Na+ and Mg2+ after my little food poisoning incident. Nonetheless, escaping gravity was not on the agenda for me that day. And I could have prevented it too, it crossed my mind to sit out. But what thought went through my mind? "I'll do it better on this side" meaning that we'd already done it on the right and I wanted to do it on the left. I told myself "better to be symmetrical." So much for listening to my body rather than that little nitpicking voice in my head. Instead of challenging my body, I should have listened to it saying "I'm tired." That's how injuries happen.
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