Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Otto Titsling

This is a blog I've been wanting to write for a long time.  Finally, the semester is over and I have time for some frivolity!  Although I would argue that a discussion of "tit slings" is not to be taken lightly.  And since this blog is about cycling, fitness, and a working woman's academic lifestyle, it goes without saying that tits are part of the equation!  If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know I am in love with acronyms.  One of my favorites is TITS: Time In The Saddle, which is a method of training for long-distance bicycle rides whereby the rider simply focuses on riding regularly and getting on the bike for a certain duration.  We talk about it all the time, especially this weekend while attending the Stage 7 finish of the Amgen Tour of California.

It was great to get out and ride, I was wearing the blue bra pictured in (a), a size small from Old Navy. It looks like they don't even make this style any more.  It's got a great cutout in the back.  I know my tits aren't small but I like the way the size small really hugs everything and reduces bouncing.  This is a phenomenon called Compression.  Another bra that I have had for a while is (b) from Nike.  The best thing about it is the cups on the inside. There is a little shelf in a semicircle to reduce lateral motion. This is a phenomenon called Encapsulation.  I specifically sought out this bra when I was finishing my dissertation and doing lots of solo 3-8 mile runs.  I read that for larger chested women, it is increasingly important to use a bra that employs encapsulation over compression.  I've been happy with this bra for a few years now and it might be time to find a replacement since the darn thing creaks every time I put it on.  For yoga, I feel a softer approach is needed.  I love (c) from Old Navy.  It's soft and adds absolutely no shape and hardly any compression.  I tried wearing this bra to Zumba one time: big mistake!  It's not for jumping around, that's for sure.  It appears this style is still available, called "Women's Adjustable-Strap Sports Bra." I'm sure the adjustable straps contribute to it's comfort level, allowing petite women like myself to account for varying torso length.  Finally, I have loved the Adidas bra (d) for it's use of reflective material.  I don't understand why more sports bras don't incorporate reflectors.  There's nothing more awesome than running at dawn or dusk in the summer in only shorts (or a running skirt) and a sports bra.  You see men all the time running shirt-less, so why should they have all the fun (and comfort)?  I tried putting iron-on reflectors on a Champion sports bra but they aren't stretchy and it kind of messed up the fit of the bra, making it hard to take off and put on.  So I can see why people don't put reflectors on the straps, but the placement of a decal in the very center of the front and back makes good sense.  I would like to see more of that.

This set of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders, I will call the "Nudes."  Every woman needs a good set of no-show undergarments for those slightly sheer outfits.  The racer back pictured in (e) is part of the Body by Victoria line.  It is a demi bra with front closure and very good for when you want to show off a little shoulder without showing your bra strap. The bra in (f) is a Victoria's Secret Biofit padded with no wire.  It's ultra comfortable.  I would say that I wear this one the most, but it makes me look the oldest because it is not a push-up.  Last but not least, the full coverage orange number in (g) is also part of the Body by Victoria line.  It has neither padding nor shaping cups, but it does provide underwire support.  I wear this one most in the summer because it is the most breathable and I put it in with the nudes because sometimes in the summer I get really tan and a darker color is a more realistic nude when my skin darkens.  The funny thing is that all three bras are in different sizes so I guess that just goes to show that you need to try on every bra before buying because with each different style, you may have different sizing needs depending on the cut and padding.

These girly bras are somewhat different but somewhat the same.  The pink and purple combo pictured in (h) were purchased in Florence, Italy for something like 2 Euros.  They give a retro shape, kind of like a bullet bra and when I wear them, I say I've got my Italian boobs on.  It's an in your face kind of look, unapologetic and upfront.  Many times, I wear these under a tank top that has a built-in shelf bra to mute the bullet effect.  The tank top also adds a second layer of support.  The second set (i) are Very Sexy Balconet bras from VS.  I recently found out (accidentally) that they are convertible to a racer back style since the shoulder straps detach at the back for repositioning, but I've never worn them that way.  Come on, the amazingly vibrant colors scream: Let the straps show!  I don't know if these bras really make me look very sexy, but they certainly let your boobs be noticed. I think of them like a drag queen thinks of her padding, they give a nice silhouette, but they're not for everyday wear.  These two styles are perfect for breasts that shrink or swell over the course of a month.  The bullet bras are good for the minimum, while the balconet bras are good for the maximum.  I used to think it was cheesy that all women's shoes had pink and/or purple detailing, but I guess I let it go at some point.  Who doesn't love HOT PINK?

The next set of brassieres are all fun for different reasons.  I love wild prints and colors just as much as the next gal, so these are not the bras you want when your top is sheer.  The bra in (j) I got in Las Vegas during a friend's stagette weekend.  I love it because it reminds me of sisterhood and wild nights.  It's called the Miraculous Plunge and the shop girl who sold me on it told me it was like getting plastic surgery for way cheaper and noninvasively.  I like the x-front that allows my chest to breathe between the breasts.  Also with a touch of animal print (k) is the one I call my tennis boob bra.  It's a Victoria's Secret balconet with ample padding.  It makes me feel 10 years younger.  I wouldn't play tennis in it; but it makes my boobs look as perky as two tennis balls.  And it's a shocking color.  The sweet aqua bra in (l) is the one I call La Jolla because I bought it down there.  I LOVE this bra, everything about it.  I love the color and the softness.  When the shop girl sold me on it, she told me it was the Cadillac of bras and she wasn't joking.  It's called the Victoria's Secret Plunge.  It's never let me down yet.  The bra in (m) is also great and the newest addition to my collection, I call it Glendale Galleria.  It's Fabulous by Victoria's Secret.  A lined demi bra, it isn't excessively padded and it has somehow a conservative and professional shape.  Great to wear to the office!

These last few breast-bands have stories of romance.  Stop here if you don't want to hear something sweet and mushy.  I like bras and matching panties.  I am not a fan of wearing little lacy things every day, but set (n) I call Carmel because my dear husband took me there for my birthday the year before we were married.  I love the color of this bra, kind of like the Pacific Ocean.  This bra is part of the Dream Angels (VS) collection.  When I wear it, I picture myself like Daniela Peštová or Tyra Banks. Set (o) I call Cambria because that's where my husband proposed to me.  Now, I'm not saying that a sexy bra and matching panties will land you a husband, but when you feel sexy, you ARE sexy.  This black lace number is part of VS Very Sexy collection.  Carmel and Cambria are surprisingly supportive with no padding.  I wouldn't go running in them, but if I have been running regularly, I look better in them! The last bra I want to show is the one I modified with reflective tape (p).  You can see the front view (left) has a thin strip of tape across the top and over the shoulder straps, connecting to a thicker strip of tape in the center of the back (right).  From the back view, you can also see the Encapsulation pockets for reducing lateral motion.  From what I've read this morning, the ideal sports bra has not been invented yet so maybe there's still room in the marketplace for innovation and invention.  I heard awhile back about a bra that would harness the kinetic energy generated by breasts in motion, but it turns out you can't wash it.  I'm still waiting patiently for this to emerge into the public marketplace.

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