Wednesday, January 24, 2024

mom rage

I don't know if it's PMS, weaning, perimenopause or mom rage. I just can't seem to calm down. It happens any time I am transitioning to being with my kid 24/7 to going back to work. I don't have the joy of being with my kid. I have to do work, which sucks. And then when my kid gets home, he's grumpy and desparately seeking my attention, which I can't give because I have to cram in all the housework that didn't get done while I was working.

Last month, I had about 8 days of misery before my period arrived, it was bloating and irritability. I am already there and my tracker says period expected in 7 days. I feel like a crazy person. I'm so angry. I'm snapping at family members, raising my voice and inside my body feels like toxic sludge. 

It doesn't help that my Versa 4 started acting up. I really like having a watch and a fitness tracker. I had to retire the Versa 3 and I thought the Versa 4 would solve all my problems but it's having the same issue as the previous one. I'm hoping I can get a refund, but it seems unlikely as it's more than 45 days past the order date. I did use it to track my runDisney training (at least some of it) and the race, but for the price I paid, I would have thought it would have lasted longer.

I can't put my finger on why this little thing causes me so much mom rage. I think it's the timing with PMS and going back to work and this labor strike and trying to start the Fit4Mom RunClub. Maybe I just have too much energy and I should go for a run or walk.

It's confusing because I'm not sure if I am supposed to be on campus right now. I don't typically do office hours the first week of the semester, but now I'm afraid that if I don't do them, our pay will be docked. I have so many little stupid tasks to do to get my classes ready. But it's so hard to calm down and start working on it. 

My husband accused me of leaving the kitchen sink a mess, which I did, but which he does regularly. He doesn't even rinse his dishes, he doesn't even walk them over to the sink. I did a calculation about my "green juice" that I've been making. I estimate that it costs $2 per serving, which is definitely cheaper than if I bought it pre-made. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B092D2DFV5/


Sept 2023

Disneyland at home (late August 2023)
https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2023/08/late-summer-or-early-autumn.html

Kitchenaid attachments (early August (2023)
https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2023/08/hungry-heart.html

Cookbook project (July 2023)
https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2023/07/i-am-creator.html

We now have three small humidifiers that are aromatherapy diffusers. I ordered Pick 4 Fragrance Oils Jul 20, Aug 14, and Nov 5, 2023. The first time I ordered just 4. The second time I ordered 8. The third time I ordered 4 but I gifted them to my sister for her birthday.

  • Californian: fir needle, lavender; vetiver, patchouli, redwood, sandalwood, spicy leather, warm cedar
  • Tiki Terrace: sparkling lemon, toasted coconut, orchid petals, white cedar, vanilla musk
  • Pirate Life: damp ocean air, fresh rain, and salty-sea breezes
  • Flying Over Orange Groves: juicy tangerine citrus bursts, fresh floral

  • Banshee Flight: fresh ocean breeze, apple, melon, orange, bergamot, lavender, bois de rose, woody violet, musk
  • Hocus Pocus: white peppercorn, rich spices, cinnamon stick, ground clove, sugary vanilla, warm musk and birch twigs
  • Wilderness Campground: rich amber, touches of musk and sandalwood, lively top notes of jasmine, lavender and orange
  • Floridian: green clover and aloe, fresh Jasmine, Lily of the Valley, Ylang

  • Haunted: cedar wood, classic vanilla
  • Little Old Christmas Shop: crisp pine needles, sweet fir balsam, citrus, warm cedar
  • Pumpkin King: creamy pumpkin puree, butter, cinnamon, vanilla cream
  • Contemporary: green clover and aloe, watery green floral
The only one I really couldn't stand was Hocus Pocus because it reminded me of the cleaner that Metro Los Angeles uses in the elevators that people pee in on the subway. Little Old Christmas Shop is pretty mild, I would have loved if it were a stronger pine scent.


Aug 2023

Wilderness Campground and Californian are kind of similar and very strong. I alternate them in my husband's room because they have a kind of masculine and cologne vibe. But the ones that he actually likes are Contemporary and Floridian.

Pumpkin King was great but also very strong. It was hard to get out. Once you introduce it to a diffuser, it is hard to switch to a different aroma. I washed and washed the diffuser, but it still gave pumpkin smell when I turned it on.

I just placed another order for 8 more oils. Since they are running a Valentine's day special right now, it was 25% off. These are great for one or two or three days, but soon I go "nose blind" and can't really smell it anymore. Therefore it's good to rotate. Also I bought a cute rack for them.
  • Polynesian, sun-lit palms, calypso citrus, wild hibiscus, teakwood, island fruit, warm musk and white sands
  • Pineapple Whip, fresh pineapple, soft-serve ice cream
  • Ice Cream on Main Street, warm waffle cone
  • Bakery on Main Street, sweet confection of butter frosting, yellow cake
  • Orleans Resort, jasmine, violet, gardenia, lemon zests, dry down of vanilla
  • Sea Salt + H2O, sea salt, water lotus, wild rose, sea moss, warm musk, teakwood
  • Walter's Office; rich, warm and spicy aroma with touches of honey, rose, violet
  • French Riviera marine, jasmine, white amber, cashmere musk, weathered driftwood
Wishlist:
  • Pixie Dust, sweet berries, plums, pears, strawberries, citrus, sweet sugar crystals
  • Churro, delicious fried pastry, cinnamon, sugar
  • Mouse Waffles, warm batter, sweet maple syrup
  • Confectionery, sugary cotton candy, raspberry

Disneyland Cookbook project (Summer 2023) 
.pdf with Hyperlinks and Photos
Google Doc without photos and without annotations

I also bought a cookbook of official Disneyland recipes from Amazon.

So far, I haven't cooked anything out of it, but I enjoyed reading the history of different venues and menus that have come and gone in the park.

In conclusion, I feel my mom rage has passed now. Thank goodness. Although I did sit here and type this for 2 hours. I think the worst part about working part-time is exactly what Michelle Obama said about it. You suck at your job and you suck as a mom. You can never be fully present at either. You feel conflicted at all times by different things pulling you in different directions and it leads to madness.
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