future plans

Well, here I am. I'm bringing this 5 AM Club meeting to session. On our agenda today...Getting over the fall and doing our first dark run since the accident. I am going to watch my footing today and pay attention. I'm gonna lift my feet up.

This heat wave is almost over; today, tomorrow, and the next day will be cooler than the last. It might rain this weekend. It might not. That remains to be seen. I'm feeling okay, but I'm still sick. I feel a little shin splint starting up on my left leg. I entered a Walktober challenge, so it always pushes me to do more miles than is comfortable, which is never a good idea. But I'm hard-headed and I don't I like to lose. I'm not thinking at all. It doesn't matter if I win the step challenge if I end up injured. But maybe I can push our other competitors, challenge them. We'll see. I'm also clocking certain workouts on Strava to qualify for a Brooks sweepstakes. To get a bib for the Walt Disney World marathon in early January would be insane.

I don't know; I'm really toying with what to do in 2027-2028. I'm so down on this training cycle, I actually said it out loud. I told a friend, "I don't think I'll keep doing the marathon; I might not even continue running. Maybe this is just too high impact for me." Once you say it out loud and start telling people about it, that's the first step in actually doing it.

I wish I could say I feel a touch of fall in the air. But it still feels unbearable, hot, and gross. Even though this week, I had some extra time I kind of did a bunch of things for the house and for family, which ate up all that time. But I also went to the chiropractor. He checked out my hand and said it's not broken. It's jammed, and it might take six weeks to heal. And now I know. And I can just be at peace with that; it's actually a lot better. The swelling on the back of my hand has gone down. I still can't bend my pinky or ring finger very well. But overall, it's a lot better. It's only been a week and 2 days.

I'm really, really, really enjoying my run club gals' company. I feel so lucky to have met these amazing moms. And I will be sad when the session is over. Ms. Jenna said that she doesn't want to do another session right away because of the holidays. It is kind of hard, though, when I feel like we have some momentum, to just put the brakes on. But hey, it's not my show. And I'm getting ready to promote my faculty development workshops, which are coming up in a few days; the first one is in two weeks. So there's that.

But as I was saying, I'm already kind of thinking about 2028. I don't know, is that healthy, or is that crazy? One thing that definitely is happening in 2028 is a family reunion in Colorado. I love it, and I'm so excited about it. 2028, we have the Olympics coming to Los Angeles. So that's gonna bring excitement, and whatnot. I'm fantasizing about getting a Disneyland Magic Key again. Hanging up my running shoes. Trading them back in for a Magic Key. That's crazy, right?

What else would I like to see for 2028? Oh, wait. It's our wedding anniversary, a big one. We got married in 2008, it would be 20 years. 20 years. Maybe we can take an awesome trip or something. We can take a big trip. Celebrate our anniversary. I don't know what it should be. Also, it would be 15 years of sobriety. It's amazing, it's amazing. We live a new life now. We're happy and healthy. I'm happily married. We love each other. We love each other's company.

Yeah, it'll be interesting to see how the Mission Inn has changed. Gonna be there in about a week. It's changed ownership. The Mission Inn Run is now the Mission Inn Foundation Run. Don't know if they're giving legacy swag because so many things have changed in the last year. They changed the route. They say it's the 49th annual, the 50th year.

I don't know. It wasn't exactly the 8-week training cycle I had planned. I had one sickness. Then planar fasciitis. A virus and a bad fall. It's a lot. It's enough to derail a training cycle. But when I go out and run 4 or 5 miles, I feel good. I feel good about it. Afterward, I'm still taking what I would consider to be huge amounts of anti-inflammatories. And I don't like to rely on that. I don't take it before the run. I take it after the run and before bed. And it's just what I have to do now, I guess, my new normal.

I did a consultation with a genetic testing firm, they have this technology called AlterMe, and they look at some of your genetic markers, and tell you what you're predisposed to. They told me I am predisposed to holding onto weight. It would be hard for me to lose weight. They told me that I am predisposed to inflammation and stress, and high cortisol. They also told me I have great digestion for protein, carbs, and fats. I know my body can assimilate nutrients; that's for sure. They told me that I should be doing maybe more like 75% strength workouts, and only 25% cardio. That's not what I'm doing now. They said I really need to focus on recovery, intentional recovery, different ways to bring the cortisol down. Like meditation, breathing, stretching, all that stuff.

And one thing that I realized about myself is that I really do thrive in group fitness. In group fitness situations, I love a Zumba class. I love a community. I love the community aspect of exercise. It's not just the workout, and I think that's why I don't love just going to the gym and doing a circuit, because I really like seeing people other people and doing stuff with other people. And I get more energy; I thrive. The social aspect matters to me because I am an extrovert, and I love being around friends. I never really thought about that before; I guess that's why I love races and training with a running group. And that's why I love Fit4Mom classes; that's why I love a good fitness class at the YMCA, and I kind of don't like swimming because it's very solitary; you're not really having any social aspect to it, just you underwater with your thoughts. So I thought that was kind of interesting.

Well. Here we are. Another beautiful morning. Darker, darker, darker every day. You can definitely feel the darkness earlier. Darker in the morning, darker in the evening. Definitely. It will be a new moon on Saturday 10/10; I could see the stars so well last night or 2 days ago. Now I just barely see a little baby crescent moon on the horizon, like a Cheshire cat smile. I'll trot it out a little bit, see how I feel. I still have about 35 minutes to do some kind of not-speed work. Let's not call it that. Just trot it out. All right, then cheerio, friends.

P.S. Unless I am much mistaken, I skipped my period this month.

self-love

What is the greatest love of all? Learning to love yourself. Whitney Houston became a mom in 1993, but recorded this song in 1984.

Katy Perry became a mom in 2020, but recorded this song in 2010 when I was doing my internship in Germany. I remember hearing it on the radio and feeling so homesick for SoCal.

Miley Cyrus recorded Party in the USA in 2009. I loved hearing this song when I was in Germany. It made me homesick for Los Angeles and I wanted to hop a flight back right away. I didn't appreciate Miley as an artist too much at the time, but now she's one of my favorite icons. Being proud of the USA doesn't ring as true for me anymore, hopefully this country will check itself before it wrecks itself.

I listen to my Disney Hits playlist and one of the songs that hypes me up the most is this one by Hannah Montana. Miley says she's not ready for motherhood, but there's still time, she's only 31. Her memoir Miles to Go was published in 2009. I really enjoyed the memoir of Jessica Simpson called Open Book. She talks about going to the Disney auditions and how messed up the whole process was.

Niki Minaj became a mother in 2020, but recorded Super Bass in 2010. Honestly, I was having a tough week and I put on this song and immediately felt better. The years I spent working on my PhD were some of the darkest times in my life but I have such a strong connection to the music from that era. 

Meghan Trainor (has two children born 2021, 2023 both via C-section). She wrote "Dear Future Mama" published in 2023 after PTSD from her first delivery. The song came out in 2023 and the video stars the ultimate momager Mrs. Kris Jenner herself. I'm wondering why Kris hasn't run for president yet. WE NEED MORE WOMEN IN POWER. And moms especially because they understand the sacrifices made to create life.

Meghan wrote "Made You Look" after her therapist asked her to stare at herself in the mirror for 5 minutes. She's always touched on themes of body positivity, but this song is truly all about it. I remember seeing this on Disney's Magical Holiday Celebration in 2022. While all the other artists were singing Christmas songs, she went ahead and dropped this song while wearing hot pink. It felt out of place for the program, but I loved it. This would have been filmed while she was pregnant with her second baby.

Britney Spears (has two children born in 2005, 2006) recorded Gimme More in 2007 and Work Bitch in 2013. Sometimes I wonder if this sexualized version of Britney was her idea or some idiot man's idea. 2007 was the year she shaved all her hair off, which I also did in 2010. I didn't do it because she did it, but it's kind of cool that I also got to experience hair-less-ness. I did it for basically for the same mental health reasons, and also I didn't need the hair at the time. I was running half marathons every weekend for fun and it was just easier not to have to wash and style my hair.

It's so hard to believe that Gimme More was recorded one year after she had two children. She would have been 24-26 years old then. She recorded Work Bitch when she was 32, the same age I was when I finished my PhD, got sober, and started working at CSUN. The Woman in Me is her memoir published on October 24, 2023. I still haven't read it yet, but I want to.

Lizzo is such an icon I would need an entire post devoted to her. I don't think I heard this song before today. She wrote it in 2015.

Tempo is the Lizzo song I have on my running playlist. Honestly, my playlist is one of the big motivators in my arsenal. The last long run, my headphones died at mile 17, and I couldn't run without my music. I had to walk the last mile.

Love this song because it was the time when people were emerging from the pandemic quarantine. Everyone was so traumatized by the isolation and uncertainty. Lizzo welcomed us back, and this video was filmed at CSUN. I remember getting hyped up watching Watch Out for the Big Grrrls in 2022.

It was so significant to me that I actually acknowledged the following artists in my PhD dissertation. I could not have survived that program without my playlist. I blocked out all the haters and did my experiments in sync.

Beyonce became a mom in 2012 and had a set of twins in 2017. Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé came out in 2019 and Beyonce did a halftime show on Christmas Day in 2024 that was epic. Run the World came out in 2011, which was during some dark times in my life. Rather than doing less after becoming a mom, it is arguable that Beyonce's best work has been done after she had children.

Lady Gaga released The Fame in 2008 and Born This Way in 2011. Her music spoke to me in a way that is not easily communicated. I would listen to the album from start to finish on my little mp3 player. It was a Sansa, and it saved my life. I don't know if I still have it or if it eventually went to e-waste. The Edge was like the climax of my PhD. I felt like I could do anything because I came through the fire. Sometimes I still wish I had the tracklist from that music player.

Rhianna has two children born in 2022 and 2023. The song I remember most is Shut Up And Drive but mostly because of RuPaul's Drag Race. The song was recorded in 2006 and released in 2007. Drag Race All Stars Season 2 Episode 5 aired in 2016, ten years later. Finally, Miss Justin aka Alyssa Edwards was crowned in 2024 the first place winner of Global All Stars, nearly another ten years later. "She's not old, she's established." I've always been obsessed with drag queens because who would willingly want to dress as a woman when you're a white man? Women have some power but we just need to learn how to flex it like men do.

Shakira released She Wolf in 2009 and then went on to have two children in 2013 and 2015. I'm so proud of the women who stepped up to the mic at the 2025 Grammy Awards and let us have it. I don't know but you might still be able to watch it on Paramount+. I really felt like these women have staying power. They have been around for a long time and are finally getting the recognition they deserve AND using their power to speak truth on behalf of more vulnerable people.

What about you? What would be on your playlist entitled: Anthems for the Resistance?

And also: Why don't we celebrate matrescence? I mean yes, we throw a baby shower, but it's somewhat of a celebration for the baby. The gifts are all for the baby. What about the mom? Where are her gifts? We as moms give up so much of ourselves, it's hard to put that in perspective. Where would our society be without moms? There would be a population crash for sure.

I feel like we really need the 4B movement and we need to speak up and act up. I feel like women are taught to sit down, be quiet, follow the rules, and basically give up our power. I think to some extent men hate us because we have the power to create life and they don't. They want to enslave us basically. And we end up hating ourselves because they hate us. That's the patriarchy. 

I've been so stuck at work, I've been thinking about all this and not able to sit down and do one bit of work. I'm sick of feeling like a raw nerve, so vulnerable. But that's the power of women also. We can be strong AND vulnerable. We can share our feelings and not be thought less of. Men keep making these rules and women keep following them. We need to step up and be leaders. The power given to women with Title IX needs to be magnified, strengthened, and flexed now. 

I know women can't do it all, it is very all-consuming to create life and raise children. But also, we need to demand the flexibility we need to parent AND work. We need to allow women to have babies AND feed them AND show up for work. Because if you're not sitting in the boardroom, your concerns and your needs and your perspective and your ideas (which have immense value) won't be taken into consideration. 

Yes I understand some of my anthems might not be your cup of tea. But maybe you want to take a moment to create your own power playlist. Listen to it, do some weightlifting. Then get out there and show up. Show up for the people in your life. Speak your truth. Be brutally honest. Be authentically yourself. We have to keep moving forward, we're not going back.