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| Aug 2020 |
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| Aug 2020 (Fall 2020) |
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| Dec 2021 (Spring 2022) |
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| April 2022 (Spring 2022) |
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| May 2022 |
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| Aug 2020 |
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| Aug 2020 (Fall 2020) |
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| Dec 2021 (Spring 2022) |
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| April 2022 (Spring 2022) |
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| May 2022 |
Halloween is a great time to expose our fears. I have so much fear. I worry that I'll never get these days, weeks, months and years back. I worry that by putting my child in daycare, I'm just bowing to the almighty dollar and the patriarchal society that demands women return to work if they are serious about their job. I worry any time my child is out of my sight. I worry that I am breastfeeding too long, but if we wean, will I have breastfed too short? I worry that I'm spoiling my child by taking him to all the things like Disneyland and Legoland and Ikea and overstimulating him, but I'm also worried that if we only stay at home that he will be under-stimulated and never learn words. I worry that by giving him everything, I'm creating what will become a discontent adult. I worry that I'm not modeling enough of a great loving relationship with my husband. I worry about getting my kid vaccinated, I don't let him rest enough, I don't feed him enough, he's growing too slow, he's growing too fast, he's getting sick too much, he's constantly sick, he's addicted to Tylenol, he's not sick enough, his immune system isn't developing. The myriad fears associated with parenting are so vast.
Our son's therapist last night said, "I'm glad you don't decorate with a bunch of spooky stuff for Halloween." I guess I have enough fear inside my head that I don't need it to be outward. I did want to do some holiday stuff like carve a pumpkin, pick apples in an orchard, make pumpkin juice, roast pumpkin seeds. But I didn't have a desire for spider webs, ghosts, scarecrows, haunted houses and stuff like that.
8/16 - Haha I swore that I would get my mom chop when COVID was over. I guess it's over cause I got a haircut to the collarbone. But I think we are still masking at work and daycare for the fall semester so I am definitely joking. Albert isn't vaccinated yet. I was all excited to do it, we had an appointment with the pediatrician, we were on time and masked. After waiting 30 minutes, we were dismissed because the doses had not arrived. They said "don't call us, we'll call you." So we're back to waiting. But I just couldn't wait any longer to cut my hair. It was ridiculously heavy. Kiddo got his 2nd professional haircut. #2 everywhere and he looks bald. I'll send him with his dad next time.
8/19 = Okay had our daycare orientation today via zoom. They want us to send 3 masks per day. Every day. So I'm on Amazon putting masks in our cart and DH asks me why I'm scrolling looking at masks for 20 minutes. I'm sorry, are these masks going to appear out of nowhere? No hun, all the things in our life are carefully researched, purchased, procured and delivered by me. DH has a sick day from work today so he is seeing the SAHM life up close. I'm sad to go back to work. I worry that I will be miserable. I am afraid of my separation anxiety and hormone changes from weaning. Let me fixate on buying 240 masks for a minute (or 20) if I want to.
I guess it was a busy month because that's all she wrote! I am so happy with my summer wardrobe, I'm actually sorry to have to go back to wearing my work clothes. And our cargo bike got stolen out of our garage. But we got another one.
We went down to Anaheim the day before our reservations at the park. We stayed at our "old faithful" La Quinta Inn & Suites. The room was $107 which is much cheaper than other hotels in the area. The joke was on us a bit when we realized the beds and the couch were very uncomfortable, the breakfast area was super crowded and the air conditioner was dripping a huge puddle of water all night. But we didn't let that stop us from having a great time.
7/4 - We're leaving in two days for a two week trip. Staying with my parents. I'm 90% done packing. Pretty sure I broke my pinky toe five days ago and I'm not sure what footwear to pack for myself since all footwear and walking hurts! Yo it is gonna be tough chasing the Marchling when I can't run. But I am looking forward to kiddo seeing his cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. We live 1500 miles away and visit once per year.
~~ Meanwhile in Nebraska, we survived COVID ~~
7/20 - I can microblog. I would never have time to write a monthly recap in one sitting. Nor would I be clear headed enough to compose such a thing. But a quick update here and there is some thing I can do. Then I string together all the short posts and BAM -- I can remember the highs and lows of my month.
Anyhow, I wanted to share some wonderful complaints that my mom had from our 2 week stay at her house. She asked if Marchling has a tantrum every diaper and clothing change. And the answer is yes. She says none of her kids did that. I highly doubt that but okay whatever. She also complained about the cartoons. The sound annoyed her. Which is kinda funny. I had it mostly on my phone with the volume way down. I wonder if she was just judging the amount of screen time. Yes, we didn't get a lot of screen time as kids. But smartphones didn't exist in the 1980s so yeah. We didn't know what we were missing. And the last zinger she managed to get in there was that kiddo didn't bond with her, which was the whole reason she insisted we stay at her house. I offered to get a hotel but she threatened to not see us if we did that. She demanded that we stay with her. Okay. She spent about 15 minutes doing play doh with him. He cried 3x in that span of time because 1) she made him wait. 2) she told him he was doing it wrong. 3) he made a mess. It was such a struggle. My kid doesn't eat off plates because he loves to dump the whole plate. My mom kept putting his food on a plate and he kept dumping it. Then she would get frustrated and he was scared of her. It was so triggering for me because I spent my entire childhood walking on eggshells and trying to be a "good daughter" and maybe I need therapy now...
7/21 - Kiddo starts speech therapy tomorrow. Filled out all the forms and it was a lot. I am hopeful that his words will come. I am grateful that we get professional help.
I'm back at the helm of the ship after staying with my parents for 2 weeks without a car. It's challenging to get our social calendar populated again after getting out of our groove. I feel like a cruise director. We have exactly 31 days left to fill. I had paused our memberships and now I have to restart everything. Swim lessons, gymnastics, and mommy & me fitness, art and sensory playgroup! I had added everything gradually and it was just starting to not feel overwhelming. Then halt! And restart. But anything is better than the two of us sitting at home watching TV all day and annoying each other.
THINGS TO TRY: Avoid giving choices. Avoid questions that can be answered by no. Use routines. Talk and work fast so child will be doing what is wanted before she or he has time to think and rebel. Anticipate difficult times or situations and avoid if possible; do not expect your child to wait for things or to share easily.
TLDR: Distract them or change the scene.