Buy Nothing + Sip and Swap

Today we purged some items from our house and we had a party for all of my son's stuffed animals. Honestly I have no idea how these two things are related. Maybe just that kids grow up. 

It was the biggest compliment to me that my husband said the two greatest purchases we ever made on a scale of $5,000 is number one the down payment on our minivan which we absolutely love. And number two our Lovesac couch. What's funny is he doesn't even sit on that couch but he knows how much I love it. And this kind of brings tears to my eyes a little bit. Isn't that amazing when your family members find joy in seeing your joy? 

Today is the first day of June, the first day of "streaking with the cool kids." I had to drag my butt off the couch and walk this one mile. It helps to have a destination. A neighbor was giving away Keurig pods, which we use daily. And it's so funny because I never thought that I would turn into a Keurig person, but if I'm not mistaken we got this current model off of Buy Nothing.

Now on to the topic of a party for my son's stuffed animals, there's another thing I thought I would never do in my life. What's ironic is I was looking for an excuse to have a party or at least celebrate the end of the school year. It feels really major that my son has done a full year of transitional kindergarten. My goodness! At the beginning of the school year we had so many worries. Will he be able to communicate? Will he have a toilet accident? Will he eat at the cafeteria? Is he getting bullied too much?

All those worries and fears turned out to be no big deal. Yes, I am exhausted from the daily grind of getting to school at a certain time. When my son was in daycare, you could drop off anytime between 7:30 and 9:30. That's a 2-hour window, which seems huge now. When he transitioned to elementary school, the gates open at 7:40 and you have to be there by 8:00 or they lock the gate. Throw in the fact that we basically walk to school, bike to school, or take the stroller every day, which adds an additional layer of chaos that must be accounted for. But it was actually really great walking to school every day, it helped me keep my mileage up when I was training for the marathon. It's really good for streaking, almost no day is a zero-mileage day. 

But it just so happened that I was at Costco this week to buy hot dogs for my son's end-of-the-year celebration, and I just could not pass up a little charcuterie plate, a cheese tray, and an olive plate. Albert insisted that we invite our neighbors to his stuffed animal party. I didn't think anybody would come, but three families ended up coming. The Sarah's came over, and the Skolnik's. The kids played with their scooters, the wiggle cars, the water table. I got a chance to sweep out the garage and declutter some areas that were really bothering me. 

I want to try to carry this momentum forward throughout the next week. Look at what I have that I'm not using right now. Just ask myself, how many times have you used that in the last year? And if it's just taking up space in your house, see if anybody else wants it! It wasn't too difficult throwing all those books in the trash, honestly, we never really enjoyed them. It was a little bit hard giving some good literature to the Salvation Army. But again, these are books that we've collected over literally decades. And we haven't even gotten them out of the closet since we moved in. 

Yes, those books were part of why I fell in love with my husband, but not why I've stayed in love with him. Am I exhausted right now? Hell yeah! But I cannot say that I regret training for a marathon. A kind of helps you make your little excuses vanish like - poof - gone. There are a lot of things that seem easy compared to marathon training. It's possible we got rid of 60 grocery bags full of books this weekend. I don't know how many pounds we carried down the stairs, and out to the car, not to mention the books from John Anthony's storage unit we did last weekend. My husband was lying on the ground, saying he was sore all over. 

My crazy pack rat brain is like, now what are we going to put on those shelves now that they're empty. But maybe it's okay to just chill, breathe, and leave the shelves empty for a minute. I was watching some old videos from two or three years ago, and our house was so much emptier. And when we moved into these condos, we told ourselves, we're not going to fill this thing. We won't be those parents who hoard and hang on to every little thing. We are going to let go of toys. We're not going to let every bedroom fill up with crap. Honestly, that takes a lot of dedication and consistency. It's not necessarily about recovering the money you spent on those things. Negative space and being able to clean your space is also of some value. And I think for us, not that we're planning on moving soon, but when we do think about having to move, those books are like the number one thing hanging over our heads like a guillotine. We're like, ugh, moving those books would be so hard though. So it feels good that we just got rid of them.

What's great about Buy Nothing is the value associated with making connections to other folks in the community. We met some nice people at the Buy Nothing free sale. I love giving stuff to my Fit4Mom community at the sip & swap. I love seeing Albert's hand-me-downs on another little kiddo. Kids that I've known since they were born. And these moms have known Albert since he was born. It's the community we've always wanted. It's a shame that the pandemic drove a wedge into our connections, but somehow it feels like we're finally starting to overcome that separation. And now we're able to let go of the stuff that we acquired during the pandemic when it didn't feel safe to go to museums. We don't need to make our house like a museum.

Bye-bye books

Third Time Covid

Life hands me lemons and sometimes I pout about it. 

My son came home from school with an upset tummy. He felt warm. It was only the second day of school. After he got home, he spiked a high fever which I didn't measure because he fell asleep on me while we were sitting on the couch. He woke up 2-3 hours later and I gave him chewable Tylenol because he was willing to eat graham crackers. He went straight to bed and slept the whole night through. The next morning, Wednesday, I brought him with me to a workout but he stayed in the wagon in the shade. Thursday, my husband and I felt a sore throat. It got worse quickly. My husband got a fever and came home halfway through the day. His fever spiked up to 104.5. My fever reached 101. We both tested positive for COVID-19 that afternoon but my "T" line was very faint while my husband's was super dark.

Unfortunately that meant my son stayed home Wed, Thu and Fri. His school policy was that the child had to be symptom free and have two negative COVID tests in a row separated by 24h, or else he would have to wear a mask for 10 days. The policy at CSUN is the same. My husband would have had to wear a mask until Aug 25th when he started to show symptoms on the 15th. So we took basically two weeks to quarantine. Thankfully, I had just done a big Costco run and our fridge was fully stocked. And I did send my son back to school for his second week of classes (Aug 19-23), since he did test negative on Saturday and Sunday.

And further, I was so put out. I had been telling myself all summer that things would be okay. I would send Albert to school on Monday, August 12th and I would have two weeks: M-F Aug 12-16 AND M-F Aug 19-23 to prep my classes in a quiet peaceful house. But no, instead I was taking care of two sick people and I didn't get any quiet alone time. Now the semester has started, it's the end of week 2, and I'm still scrambling to get organized and finding my way back to the preparation that I wished I had been able to do. I feel terrible about being disorganized. I'm terrified of losing some important piece of paper.

I guess it's a blessing in disguise because now I don't need to be immunized by a COVID-19 booster shot. Also, it was easy to recognize the virus by my symptoms since I had it twice before. And based on the recommendation from another mama, we used our telemedicine benefits and got a prescription for Paxlovid. We took it very strictly at 7pm and 7am for 5 days starting on Thursday night. It tasted terrible! Supposedly, it shortens your symptoms because it blocks replication of the virus. I'm not sure if it actually helped but at least it gave us the feeling that we were doing something proactive.

2.88	R 8/15
no miles	F 8/16
1.16	Sat 8/17
4.56	Sun 8/18
2	M 8/19
4	T 8/20
3	W 8/21
4.8	R 8/22
2	F 8/23
4.78	Sat 8/24
no miles	Sun 8/25

I guess we were feeling well enough to get a long walk in on Sunday 8/18. I was well enough Thursday morning 8/15 to do my "two mile Tuesday" run. The week of 8/19-8/23 we got at least 2 miles each day because it's 1 mile to my son's school from our house. The other days that we got more miles is because I went to my department meeting on Wednesday. And the other days Tues and Thurs, I wanted to do a longer loop and time it to see how long it took to go from Albert's school to my office, which is something I have to do every day now.

But I was definitely upset about losing that time. I also had to cancel an appointment with my chiropractor who was doing some important adjustments to my neck, which still need to happen sometime. It sucked having to push that off to another week. And then, to really suck more free time, there was the Labor Day long weekend. LAUSD has Friday 8/30 off and also Monday 9/2 so I didn't get my Monday work day at my desk here. I was home with my family, which was great. I'm not complaning about getting to spend time with my loved ones. BUT there were things that needed to get done that didn't and still haven't gotten done. 

I know, I'm sitting here writing this even though I could be working. But I wanted to capture these feelings and experiences before I forget.

2022 COVID 1st time https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2022/08/july-2022-thoughts.html

2023 COVID 2nd time https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2023/09/covid-blues.html

covid blues

So I got the fall 2023 edition of COVID on my very first day of work

8/23 - W - mtgs

8/24 - R - babysitting

8/25 - F - tired

8/26 - Sat - day 0 - sore throat

8/27 - Sun - day 1 - sore throat + tired - tested negative

8/28 - M - day 2 - sore throat + headache

8/29 - T - day 3 - tested positive - extreme sore throat

8/30 - W - day 4 - extreme headache

8/31 - R - day 5 - leg pain

9/1 - F - day 6 - leg cramps

9/2 - Sat - day 7 - back, leg, foot pain

9/3 - Sun - day 8 - leg pain

9/4 - M - day 9 - fine

9/5 - T - day 10 - fine

9/6 - W - day 11 - fine

The worst part of this is trying not to spread it to others in my household. It's a blessing to have cool weather so we can be together outside. We've been going on long slow walks, which has been helping with my leg pain. We're talking about going to the outdoor pool, the farmers market. Maybe we'll find a drive-in movie.

It's been interesting having Albert back in daycare. I got the house to myself for the two days when my symptoms were the worst. This was so helpful. Mike did everything around the house plus covered two of my classes at work. So thankful for a partner I can trust in those moments.

Awesome Sauce

It's hard to put into words the magical mama's visit I had with my sister and aunt recently. It was just so wonderful that it's hard to describe. It was the first significant get-together that we've had since the pandemic, and it was like an ointment or salve to heal my loneliness and isolation that had overshadowed most of my son's life.

We didn't have an agenda for the parks, but we did way more than either of us thought we might. Baby Evelyn's favorite ride was definitely the Little Mermaid, and we rode it twice without having to get off. It was amazing how the little ones were able to sneak in their naps between strolling and babywearing. We explored some things that were familiar to me and did some new things that I'd never done before, and everything was frosted with nostalgia.

We got Genie+ for our second park day and used it for Haunted Mansion and Small World, and it might seem insignificant, but it helped us skip many lines, especially in the afternoon. The parade was so great we both wept for its beauty. I don't want to minimize the whole experience by listing how much everything costs, but I am curious because I want to budget for the rest of the month and next month, and the month after that, haha. Summer is here, and I am trying to plan what we will do to stay busy, keep learning, and incorporate arts and crafts into our daily routines.

• 5/12 - airport pick-up, lunch, last lab ($5 for parking, $103 groceries)
• 5/13 - waffles, campus walk ($13 stroller hooks, $13 Mickey's ears)
• 5/14 - french toast, train, bus, hotel, downtown Disney ($12 pretzels, $27 sweets, $4 fruit)
• 5/15 - DCA, Disneyland, magic key terrace ($24 milk stand, $72 dinner, $65 Genie+)
• 5/16 - Disneyland, Tom Sawyer Island, train, van ($328 hotel, $6 milk, $12 fruit, $38 grey stuff)
• 5/17 - end of year celebration, groceries, meal prep ($24 toys, $32 toys, $151 groceries)
• 5/18 - tie-dye, dance medicine ($95 groceries, $72 gas)
• 5/19 - beach day, tie-dye ($6 parking, $98 for flowers)
• 5/20 - tie-dye breakfast, painting day, IKEA, thrift store ($72 clothes, $42 food)
• 5/21 - yoga in the park, pickup Fitlicious, painting day ($20 yoga, $135 food)
• 5/22 - packing, garden play, downtown Disney day 2 ($24 McDonald's, $22 corndogs, $15 parking, $13 sweets, $19 sweet potato fries & milk)
• 5/23 - airport dropoff ($69 gas, $3 parking)

I really do think we balanced low or no-cost stuff with pricey experiences. We also balanced gogo days with nogo days. For example, we kept everything simple the first two days (Friday and Saturday) and stayed home. It was our Mother's Day to spend with our kiddos at home. Then the next three days (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday), we got caught up in go-go-go and nearly outdid ourselves. After returning home, we had a couple of chill days (Wednesday and Thursday), where we stayed home and did some cooking, cleaning, and domestic stuff.

The tie-dye was fun, relaxing, and also exhausting but memorable. We were chatting and tying in my garden, which I loved because I love spending time out there. I put in some flowers just to make the space colorful and inviting. It was like a Mother's Day gift to myself to make that space exactly what I wanted it to be for us to enjoy it. Everyone agreed the beach day was a fantastic idea (Friday). Good thing my ladies are all big fans of sunscreen, and I don't think anyone got burned the whole trip! We had a brunch on Saturday to send our aunt off with a full belly.

We really enjoyed all the flowers, trees, bushes, grass, and everything around us as inspiration for the painting with a twist at home. Over the weekend, my husband was helpful in watching the kiddo so that we could do a girls' trip to IKEA and a thrift store (Saturday and Sunday) and finish up our wishing well princess paintings. It was very fun to do yoga in the park, although my sister did the entire flow with a baby napping strapped to her body. We didn't make it out to any Fit4Mom workouts, but that's how it goes sometimes. I'll get back to it tomorrow...FriYay!

Finally, we packed on Monday and did another Disney trip to pick up some souvenirs. It was fun to try to fit in everything we didn't get to do, like corndogs, churros, Mickey cupcakes, popcorn, dole whips, and beignets. We didn't get to everything, but what we tasted was 100% worth the extra trip. We enjoyed different areas of downtown Disney, the Disneyland Hotel, the Grand Californian, and the Pixar Pier Hotel. Again, we did some things I had only heard about but didn't know how to do, so it's always good to do reconnaissance. 

I'm already looking forward to our Nebraska trip to visit with Albert's cousins and grandparents, which will be coming up here in about a month.

Mar Apr 2023 thoughts

3/1 - Visited with Diana Chulak, Program Manager of the Family Focus Resource & Empowerment Center here on CSUN campus. She gave me a binder to organize all of the IEP documentation.

3/10 - Soooooo nervous. My kiddo's Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting starts in 30 minutes. On zoom of course. I don't know why I'm nervous. There's nothing I can do now except participate and follow through and remember DO NOT AGREE to anything right away. I got permission to record the meeting (audio only) so that I can just be in the moment and listen to it again later. He is aging out of early intervention (EI) and aging into whatever services are offered by the public school system. We're gonna find out what they offer at this meeting.

On the plus side, kiddo is aging out of Parent & Me 2 swim lessons and aging into Guppies, Tadpoles or Starfish. Either way, a parent does not have to be in the water.

Update: The IEP meeting was fine. They are offering 1-on-1 speech therapy once per week for 1 hour. They believe he can speak in 3-4 word sentences by July. I'm not skeptical but yet I am. He has not made progress in 7 months of similar therapy. But they said 3 years brings a language explosion. So I am hopeful? I'm so hopeful that he will be able to catch up, but I'm also mindful that he may not. We started EI on the advice of his daycare teacher. Since our Marchling is an only child, we don't really have a frame of reference. He is not delayed in comprehension, just speech, so it's easy for us to forget that he is so different from his peers.

Update update: We had an assessment for EI on April 3rd. He may or may not continue to qualify for their services. They may offer a diagnosis whereas the IEP did not. The person who did the assessment said that there is a new program for ages 3-5 offered through Regional Center and Albert would be a good candidate, she will recommend that. She didn't speak to any specific diagnosis, and it didn't seem that she thought he had any of the major issues (intellectual disability, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, autism).

Update update update: What if we want more therapy and our insurance covers it... does the IEP allow us to get extra sessions covered by insurance? Or what would be the documentation needed by the insurance company?

What we did for this was take the IEP to the year 3 pediatrician appointment (March 28th) and asked her for a referral. This worked but we're still waiting for the referral to arrive in the mail.

3/23 - Oh boy. Trying to process. Birthday. Anniversary. Spring. Easter. Spring Break. Busy. Vacation. Behind at work. What are my priorities?

My To Do list for break included some sewing projects. Stuff that I can't do when LO is here because needles are dangerous and I don't want to sew through my finger.

Break is slipping away. I did an 8-week fitness challenge and it felt so hard to keep up with. I was just happy when it was over.

I think my kid has cavities in his molars. I feel horrible about it. I was so smug that he likes brushing his teeth. But I didn't really make it a priority. He was pointing to his mouth and saying ow ow. Like ouch. I thought he just had seeds from Blackberries stuck or something so I kept giving him water to rinse and swish it out. We were outdoors so I said "look up at the sky with your mouth open" and I could see them. I normally let him brush his own teeth and I haven't stuck my hand in his mouth because he used to bite my fingers when I was checking to see if his last molar had erupted. But I feel like I should've taken him to the dentist every 6 months as recommended. Hindsight I guess. Or maybe I'm overreacting. I'll get a professional opinion soon.

Pediatrician appointment on Tuesday of next week. I delegated it to my husband. He has been having to do a lot more since my teaching schedule is 5 days per week this semester. DH took LO to the initial appointment with the new speech therapist and they had to wrap up early because of a poopy diaper.

I know we're behind on milestones. Stuff like weaning, sleeping in his own bed, potty training, talking, first trip to the dentist. Gosh. I am not feeling like a total failure, just like so tired. The thought of having to get serious about setting boundaries and changing up our routine seems daunting. Like when we started to add solids (purees) on top of breastfeeding. Like just one more thing on top of the heap of things that were already making me feel overwhelmed. Like the straw that broke the camel's back. I guess that's how I feel about this dentist/toothbrush/cavity situation.

4/3 - Milestone Monday: New word = cupcake.

4/4 - Today I thought: it might be a good day to wear lipstick. I haven't worn lipstick for years so I don't know what that means. I also considered coloring my hair, which I haven't done for more than a decade, so I don't know what that's about.

Also, if you're not interested in coming to work in a wearable blanket, I don't wanna know you. We've had the longest, coldest, wettest, windiest winter here in Southern California. And understand, I grew up in blizzard country (Nebraska) but I moved here to get away from the cold. I didn't have a lot of long-sleeved shirts, sweaters or coats. I didn't own the appropriate outerwear. This winter I've had to purchase a bunch of it, it's been expensive, but now I have the warm snuggly stuff. And I am enjoying it. Maybe you wouldn't wear the giant snuggly shapeless garment, or maybe you would wear it around the house but not to work, but I am not afraid to sport it and I love it.

4/25 - Swim Lesson Update: kiddo was promoted to GUPPIES on his skills not his age. So proud!

Jan Feb 2023 Thoughts

Jan 2 - Seems like DH is happy to return to work tomorrow. I, on the other hand, have a couple more weeks of winter break. So I scheduled a lot of "mommy & me" type stuff and two Disneyland days. LO is home with me until school resumes on Jan 23.

Kiddo is showing a strong preference for mommy at diaper change and nap time. I am finally feeling like the house is back in shape after we involuntarily got our fences redone. So much carnage to my garden! We traveled Dec 12-18 and Dec 23-27 so we left the fridge totally empty for most of December. Our fridge is now fully restocked and Christmas is put away and we're caught up on laundry.

Unfortunately we stayed at a cheap hotel for Thanksgiving and brought back fleas. It's been such a stress constantly washing sheets, blankets and couch covers and vacuuming and spraying. I regret being a cheapskate!!! It would have cost us $200 to switch hotels but it will cost $2200 to have pest control come over here and spray. So we're trying to treat it ourselves. And by "we" I mean ME because DH isn't really doing anything to help.

It's like when he's on vacation DH just stops doing chores. When I'm on break from school, he relies on me to do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning and childcare. While he naps all day and complains about how tired he is and eats junk food even though he is diabetic. And then he complains when I "drag" him along to playdates and outdoor workouts.

I'm also over DH's lazy parenting style. He lets LO watch cartoons all day. Then he wonders why LO has turned into a whiny monster. I prefer to schedule playdates, go to a park, museum, shopping... anything to keep us busy. I let LO watch 1 hour of TV while he is waking up (6-7am) and 1 hour while I cook dinner (4-5pm). But DH just doesn't take a hands-on approach with LO.

I'm on the floor playing cars or outside chasing LO around. I definitely think the whining is 10x worse if LO isn't worn out. I plan busy boxes with sensory stuff or cooking together or go for a walk, there are literally endless things to do together. It does take time to plan and set up and then it takes initiative to get kiddo going on a new task. It seems like DH just doesn't do that, doesn't want to, doesn't think about it, or doesn't know how.

TLDR I love my husband and I love how he supports me in a lot of ways but I feel like we have very different ideas about how to parent.

Feb 27 - I feel like my life consists of chores. We will "graduate" from early intervention on Marchling's bday and I'm kinda glad. We have had a parade of therapists through our house 2x per week for 7 months now and the # of words kiddo says hasn't changed much. Granted he does say mama, dada and wawa but that's all the progress we've seen. I'm tired of cleaning our house for other people's benefit.

We had an assessment last Friday for transition to public school IEP. Now we wait until March 10th to hear the results and recommendations. I know each of us has our challenges with our kiddos and I love ours dearly. Looking forward to whatever is next in our speech therapy journey.

Feb 28 - "The Perfect Mother" by Aimee Molloy was selected by my mom fitness group as a book club read. It's about a bumper group. I am listening to it for free from hoopla in audiobook format.

I bought three plane tickets to visit my parents this summer: one for me, one for Marchling and one for my husband. My mom is being very negative about it. She wants us to stay with her but she's a hoarder. I asked her to clean out a bedroom but she refused. I booked an Airbnb less than 1 mile away and she's complaining that it's too expensive. Welp. My mom says it would have been easier if DH didn't come but I told her that I want him there. It's been since 2018 that he came "home" to Nebraska with me. My mom only wants to see her grandson and she wants him all to herself. Yet, she promised to come visit us every 6 months and has only been here for the birth, 6 months and 1 year birthday.

Last summer when we went to visit Nebraska, just me and Marchling, we got COVID and had to quarantine the whole visit. I'm already regretting summer 2023 and we haven't even got there yet.

New Semester, New Wardrobe

I had started making purchases for this semester before it started, so here's a list of what I bought in order of how much I love it and how much it has helped me.

Kelly Bag with matching Pumparoo $39 = new $160. This is a game-changer. I would say if you're thinking about getting a pumping bag but you don't know how long you'll be pumping, this one is awesome even for just going to work. The pump compartment is a cooler so I can put my lunch in there and not have to take a separate bag. Then when I get to work, I flatten that compartment and put all my work stuff in there and it all fits. Then at the end of the day, I put all my dirty dishes in the main compartment and it all fits. Amazing! If I were to change the design at all, I would love to have a chest clip and some reflective details, but I'll work on adding that stuff myself.

Simple Joys by Carter's Baby Everyday Diaper Backpack, I got this off Buy Nothing for Free = $50 new. This is my new fav diaper bag. I love how it clips on to the stroller. I love the wipes pocket on the side. It's a great park bag.

Signature by Levi Strauss & Co. Gold Label Women's Size Totally Shaping Pull-On Skinny Jeans
Levi's $111 for 4 pairs (size 20) definitely follow the size chart, do not go by what size Amazon recommends for you! I had to send the first pair back for a refund. So far I haven't put them in the dryer but husband did and it didn't seem to ruin it. The waistband wasn't exactly right, but it got into place once I put them on. I can't speak to durability at this point since it's only week 2 but I can say that I don't dread getting dressed in the morning. I throw on one of these and go.

Latched Mama Snuggle Up Nursing Sweatshirt 2x/3x $58. I am using this WAY more than I thought I would. I absolutely love it and so does Albert. I can put him in there either forward or rear facing. It's been colder than usual with some days in the 30s and I can wear him to school so he stays nice and warm and cozy and I don't have to worry about him freezing in the stroller.

I never regret anything I buy from Latched Mama. I'm already using the vest daily and I love it. I did get some holiday-specific stuff which I packed away until next year. I do feel like a crazy person for it, but also I get so many compliments on the snuggle-up.

I can't believe I almost forgot to write about these new shoes. I love them so much. I realized after a bit of shopping that it's better to know the number of this year's (latest) model and then shop specifically for last year's. That's how I found the Ghost 14 for the cheapest. The other two are "this year" models, but I couldn't find the previous year models in my size. They were sold out.

One of my colleagues asked me, "where are your crazy pants?" I guess I was becoming notorious for the LuLaRoe pants with wild prints. I don't mind, of course.

My workout pants that I love are
CRZ YOGA Women's Naked Feeling High Waisted Yoga Pants with Pockets Workout Leggings Camo - 25 Inches Camo Multi 16 25'' X-Large

They also make shorts
CRZ YOGA Women's Naked Feeling Long Biker Shorts - 10'' High Waist Workout Yoga Gym Running Spandex Shorts Side Pockets Stone-Washed Indigo X-Large

I have both 10" inseam and 8" inseam. I kind of like the shorter ones because they let my knees cool down. But both are great! People in my life keep complaining about their yoga pants and I can't say enough good things about these. I've had the pants for 2 years and I wash and dry them with all my other laundry (no special treatment) and they are so durable.

November 2022 thoughts

11/2 - Wondering Wednesday - What to do while kiddo is sleeping in? When to send them back to daycare after a few sick days? How long will they continue to fit in the stroller? Mombrain is working overtime this morning!

I did a COVID test yesterday. It was negative, so at least we know it's not that. He has one molar left (top right) that has yet to erupt but he hasn't been asking for Tylenol so I didn't think it was that. He asked me to read him a book about being sad. It was powerful because he doesn't talk yet and maybe that was his way to communicate. His dad took the day off to stay with him because daycare drop-off was such a struggle that I gave up. I dropped LO at DH's office after trying and failing to convince LO to put on his mask FOR AN HOUR. DH has never done drop-off, not even once. So if he takes kiddo back over there, this will be a first.

I found the weight limits on our BOB Revolution CE 2011. There's a default position up to 40 lbs. Position 2 is for Child 41 to 70 pounds. So we have a ways to go. Our kid is light (28 lbs) but tall so his head hits the awning. I guess that's why I thought he might be getting too big. I have a folding wagon with a removable canopy, which allows for much taller kiddos. A snack tray in the wagon would be nice. I also would love if it had the push bar handle instead of a pull handle.

11/7 - November is moving faster than October. October moved faster than September. I barely remember August at this point. I'm so grateful.

We finally have a return to menstruation. It's been 32 months of breastfeeding, which has saved our family $424 in feminine hygiene products. So we celebrated by getting Sprinkles strawberry cupcakes which were delicious and look like boobs.

Also I am celebrating that I AM NOT CRAZY. I was having hormonal rebalancing that made me sad and IT WAS REAL and it will get better.

https://swnsdigital.com/us/2019/11/new-research-reveals-how-much-the-average-woman-spends-per-month-on-menstrual-products/

I bought ~$100 of stuff at the SCV KIDS Online in Valencia in September. I bought ~$100 of stuff at LA KIDS Online in Burbank in October. One of the things I bought was a lot of fake succulents. I stuck them into my vertical garden because my real succulents weren't looking too hot. I think it looks absolutely great. I'm happy we are going to see Thomas the train this weekend to celebrate Veteran's day and spend the day with Albert's grandparents. We are also planning to sell some stuff at LA KIDS San Fernando Valley in Woodland Hills in December. If I can secure a consignor number tomorrow at 10am. Not that I'm trying to make a ton of money, but it would be nice to clean out the garage of stuff that we aren't really using. Some things are just a "miss" in terms of what Albert likes.

11/15 - Oh the money I've spent on vitamins! I seriously wish it would be covered by insurance or just shipped to you (government issued). Right now I'm taking postnatal, vit D, vit B12, Calcium-Magnesium, and lecithin. It's $1.20 per day. It adds up. From kiddo's DOB until now, that would add up to $1,171.20. I had it in my imagination that we could take a nice vacation for the price of these vitamins, and yes, it's true. That's not including the prenatal vitamin, vit B6 and digestive aids I was taking during pregnancy. Like, it feels sad to spend our hard-earned money on this. Like, earning money at all feels sad. I feel sad every time I leave my kiddo behind while I go to work. I feel sad that a mother's work isn't really recognized in our society. I feel sad that there aren't a lot of postnatal visits for the birthing parent. I feel like pelvic floor PT and talk-therapy should be compulsory. And complimentary. I probably feel sad because I'm going through weaning blues. There are symptoms associated with weaning like dizziness that nobody warns you about. I got a whole book on weaning and it's not even mentioned. I feel sad that my non-teaching days are treated like "days off" but they're not really days off, I still have a ton of student work to grade. I'll be over here crying in my tea buried under a mountain of ungraded papers.

TLDR: My kiddo is home sick today.

11/17 - Another day, another daycare battle. I do my best to comply with the mask policy, but now there are signs posted saying the kid cannot enter the classroom OR THE HALLWAY unless they are wearing a mask. Masks are optional in the atrium where sign-in happens. I am so sick of battling my kid to put his mask on.

We had just gotten into a good groove where I take him into the classroom, he washes his hands, we say goodbye and he puts his mask on WILLINGLY. Prior to last week, we would have a battle in the hallway because he couldn't go into his classroom without a mask. Now he can't go into the hallway so we have to battle in the atrium. I ended up carrying him out to the car to "start over" and I had him put his mask on outside before we went into the atrium because it was just so embarrassing to have a screaming kid in the big open indoor area.

I think one of the most unsettling things about the pandemic was the changes in policy. Like when we get used to one thing, then the policy changes, we just have to adjust and it sucks. And it seems arbitrary, we don't always get to know the "why." The kids don't wear masks while sleeping or eating, which they do right there in the classroom. Honestly I don't even know what this battle is about. I just know that if I'm not willing to do it, we'll get kicked out of this daycare and it is well-priced and conveniently located.

I hate that I'm the one consistently doing dropoff and I'm the one fighting this battle and it feels personal that they changed their policy, like it's just to keep us from struggling in the narrow hallway, which was awkward. I find it so challenging to negotiate with Marchling. There's no incentive that I can think of, he's not persuaded by stuffies wearing masks, friends and family members wearing masks, he's not interested in food or toy rewards. All he wants is cuddles and that's not helpful when I'm trying to drop off and get out of there. Lingering definitely made the problem worse.

I honestly don't know how the other parents bargain with their 2-year and 3-year olds. How do they ALL behave so well and we're the only ones who can't seem to get with the program? Sigh... parent-teacher conference is Dec 2nd (two weeks from now) so maybe that will shed some light on these issues we're having. I'm exhausted.

I tried discussing masking in the car. I think I need to start talking about it more and just start him wearing it sooner. What ultimately worked was to reward him with a surprise car.

Mike does pick up and he says half the kids are running around indoors without masks in the afternoon. I just hate that drop off is already so traumatic. Like, who cries at pick up? nobody. Who cries at drop off? many of them. Then to make the mask a thing that happens when we say goodbye to mommy... I just hate it.

Yeah, I had hoped it would prevent the spread of colds, but kiddo has been sick twice this semester so it's not like it's completely preventing the spread of diseases. It almost seems like a test that I'm failing, but that's probably just my insecurity as a FTM. We don't do punishment like time outs and such. My kiddo is generally happy and agreeable and so sweet. This mask thing is like WHY is this the hill we need to die on?

11/21 - Kiddo loves sour cream dip. I asked him last night what he wanted for dinner and he said "dip" and did a hand gesture like dipping a chip. It was so cute. At daycare dropoff this morning, it sounded like he said "love you" and did an open arms gesture. Kind of like blowing a big kiss. We're still speech delayed and the only word we hear regularly is "car" so it's always a milestone when we hear other sounds.

September 2022 Thoughts

9/1 - I'm back at work after having the summer off. My LO is in daycare. I kept him home Monday and Wednesday because I only teach Tues/Thurs/Fri. He has a kind of runny nose and slight cough but it doesn't seem like it's contagious. My husband is supposed to stay home with LO on Tues/Thurs/Fri but he was unwilling to do so on Tuesday. Today DH is out sick at home and LO is in daycare. So far I feel fine. I think maybe I'm just too stressed out to get sick right now. I had a bad migraine over the weekend, which I think was from stress.

It's a lot to get kiddo back in daycare. I had to remember so many things. The forms, the emergency kit, the shoes, the medications, the photos, etc. DH was just not involved in getting anything ready for our return to daycare. I can manage all of this. But I also want to get a massage. I have been internalizing this stress and I can feel it in my back. Also, I haven't been working out as much so I feel my posture going downhill.

We kept the kid out of swim lessons on Tuesday just in case of loose stool, which the daycare said he had on Tuesday. It's hard because when the kid is home with me he wants to lay around and breastfeed all day, which may have generated the loose stool. The day after he went to daycare, on Wednesday, his poops were solid. Today, he is meeting with a child psychologist as part of addressing his speech delay. It will be our second visit. I'm praying that this additional intervention can help us get kiddo caught up with his peers. He's about a year behind.

We're in a heat wave now, so it's cabin fever for everyone. The temp is supposed to be 112 deg F or something like that. It's hard to have a (possibly) sick kid and (possibly) sick husband and we can't leave the house. And we don't know if anyone has the same thing. I know the kids can't go outside at daycare if the outdoor temp is above 92 deg F so I do have some sympathy for the daycare teachers with 12 screaming two-year olds in a smallish room. I hope their sanity is holding up.

9/4 - John Lasseter movie marathon. Ice Age, Frozen, Zootopia, Princess and the Frog, Tangled... I think we will do Ratatouille and Brave next. New CARS movie comes out Sept 8th on Disney+ day. LO is a big fan of the Cars movies but not Planes.

Its in the triple digits here so we can't go out. DH is sick so we are quarantining just as a precaution. We are going to Disneyland next week to use the last day of our SoCal resident 3-day summer pass. That's why I am stuck on Disney and Pixar. LO is enjoying watching with me. It's fun to see what parts he laughs at.

I was raised on Disney movies but haven't seen all the ones that were released when I was in college and early career without kids. So from 1998 until now I guess. It's fun catching up. Any suggestions for what to watch tomorrow?

9/5 - I am so sick of my husband being sick. When will he ever be well again? I feel like we keep ending up at urgent care over and over. Why can't he take better care of himself? When he's sick then I have to take care of everything around the house. With school starting and LO going back to daycare, I'm taking out the long shirts and pants that are size 3T. I am sewing LO's name into his clothes. I asked DH to give me a break by taking kiddo into the shower and instead DH let LO play trains for an hour. That's fine. It's too hot to go outside anyway. But I have been solely responsible for getting the kid back to school and I want my partner to do his share of parenting duties.

I stayed home with kiddo last week on the days I could. DH had a fever on Friday but he doesn't now. He says his head still hurts but it's like come on dude. LO is actually running a slight fever. You're not. I asked you to bathe him. Instead DH took a nice long shower by himself and kiddo sat on my lap. DH is constantly taking the easy road and I am tired of carrying on with the hard work.

I am worried that LO has HFM or something like that. I thought it was his 2 year molars but now he has what looks like a cold sore above his upper lip. I don't see any blisters on his hands and feet and he had a upper respiratory thing the week before school started with a runny nose and now he has a kind of wet cough. Like I said, we'll probably be visiting urgent care this week. I hate how DH makes me out to be the bad guy when I ask for help. I am just about out of ideas and patience.

A bit of light googling tells me use a humidifier, push fluids and rest. But I feel like this is week 3 of trying that. DH has been sick for like a month. Okay maybe 2 weeks. He has Type 2 diabetes now and I just read that he should check his blood sugar every 4 hours if he is sick because illness and infection aggravates the diabetes. I am really at my wits end. The man loves junk food. I can't be his mother. He has to care enough to monitor himself and eat healthy.

Sorry for the rant. I am just suffering over here mentally and I worry that what DH had (fever, vomiting, headache) is coming my way (and LO's too), but when I get it, I won't be able to lay around doing nothing for 4 days. I have a job and a tiny human that do not accept my resignation.

9/9 - I thought this group would appreciate... I was hoping that kiddo would never have to wear a mask. I thought, surely by the time he is two years old we will have solved the pandemic and he will never need to be bothered. Fast-forward to now. I have an appointment next Wednesday for LO to get vaccinated. His first dose. Last time we had an appointment they asked us to leave because the doses never arrived so I'm praying that everything goes well this time. Also, kiddo has to be wearing a mask to enter his classroom every day for daycare. Today was a 10 minute struggle and finally his teacher came out and helped. Kiddo just wouldn't put it on for me. I just wanted to say if your kid doesn't have to wear a mask every day, consider yourself lucky. I know our school plans to continue masking until the end of the fall semester at least (Dec 2022). I just never planned on mask-training my kid. He got this ugly cold-sore type thing on his face, which we all think was due to him chewing the mask and it rubbing on his skin. It went away over the Labor day long weekend. Ugh. TGIF

9/15 - Yesterday was V-Day for my Marchling. Yes it was fitting that it was on his half-birthday. He was exactly 2.5 years old. He got the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine first dose. We will go back in 4 weeks for the second dose. I almost cried when I saw his name on the white COVID-19 vaccine card. We waited so long for this day. He did have a massive poo in the evening about 10 hours after getting the shot, but I'm not sure if it is directly related. No fever. I just love seeing how he faces scary experiences like this so bravely. I'm proud of my little buddy.

9/18 - Ran MUD GIRL. It was fun. It was stressful. It was a group effort. My hands hurt afterwards. Kind of like how you feel after packing up all your stuff and moving into a new house after 4 days of hauling boxes. If I were to do it again, I would wear capri-length leggings (not shorts). I would still wear a hat or visor. I wore contacts and sun glasses, which I would do again. I would definitely wear all the sunscreen. I would arrive early, in which case you could run the course twice. I have no idea how trail runners prevent rock from getting into their shoes, maybe tall socks? That hurt. I also would have worn gloves. My hands got a little (lot) scratched up.

9/19 - Forgot to order Fitlicious. Ended up going back to Mashup Mom. It was delicious and a good change of pace. However, it was a lot of work (>10 hours) cooking everything. It took up all my time on my days off (Monday, Wednesday).

I got a free bookshelf from Buy Nothing and attended Fit4Mom at the Vineyards.

9/21 - Kiddo is tripping ALL over his feet these days. Knees are all bruises and scabs. Face is all black and blue. Our daycare said he looks like a Cobra Kai. 🐍 He already has huge feet and is outgrowing his 3T pajamas. He is so hungry and sleeping a lot so I am guessing he's in a growth spurt. But I'm not ready for my baby to get any bigger 😭. I have a huge pile of long pants and long sleeves in 3T to sew nametags in 🧺✂️ 🪡 🧵. I am ready for fall. The cooler weather is giving me life.

I moved a bookshelf from the garage to the upstairs and populated it with books. I attended Fit4Mom at Mason Park and I was the only one there. I had a good chat with the instructor, Jessica and we talked about the podcast https://www.maintenancephase.com/ 

9/24 - Went to the Fall Family Event at Warner Center Park but didn't do the workout. My back was really hurting. Not sure exactly how I injured it. The pain got worse on Sunday. It hurt to sit, lay, stand, walk, everything.

9/26 - Bubs is really into mannequins. He likes to go through family roles like mama, dada, baby, grandma, grandpa, etc. He gets concerned when mannequins don't have heads, feet, arms or hands.

He likes comparing body parts too. Mommy's feet, daddy's feet, Albert's feet. He tickles our feet. He is a giggle monster. He doesn't like it when his pants are too short. He is growing so fast.

People keep asking how much he weighs now and I have no idea.

I canceled our Disneyland reservation because my back was still hurting AND we are in another excessive heat warning (triple digits) and it was just too hot to enjoy the visit. I bought some fall flowers to cheer myself up. I figure if I would have spent $35 to park at Disneyland, I can spend $22 on flowers for my own yard. I got Marigolds (yellow and orange), Mums (yellow and orange), Zinnia (orange) and Celosia (yellow) to give that thanksgiving vibe.

9/29 - Every time all my online purchases arrive, I think, okay now I have everything. I'm not going to buy anything else. But of course something comes up and I make another purchase.

Our cargo bike got stolen out of our garage last month. We bought another bike almost right away, but I also had to replace my helmet AND the shade canopy AND the bell AND the flag AND the little snack bag AND the phone holder. And I'm still discovering things that were in the cargo bike when it was stolen that I'm having to replace. Like the tool bag of all my favorite tools and my favorite portable air pump. I'm trying to be cool and positive about it. But it's been a lot of work getting all that stuff replaced.

Also on the day I bought the replacement bike, I took it out for a test ride. I got a flat tire due to a thorn. So I had to replace the tire and then take it to a bike shop to get the brakes adjusted. They also took a look at one of the disc brakes and bent it back into place. I bought some lube so I can just get all the spinning parts lubed up and then I think we'll be good to go. But I'm sure I'll think of something else it needs. I was able to find pads for the 3-point harness at the most recent consignment sale.

If you are cargo-bike curious or just into women cycling with their family, the movie MOTHERLOAD is really cute. I also read an article about a mom on a cargo bike who competed in the Disaster Relief Trials, and I do believe that a bicycle will be a great resource in the event of mayhem or natural disaster. I'm not a full-time doomsday prepper, but I am prepping adjacent.

October 5th is California Clean Air Day. October 9th is CicLAvia, a day where the city of Los Angeles closes some streets so that pedestrians and cyclists can have a stress-free day to play in the road. These are my deadlines for having the new bike ready for LO and myself.

I bought a set of tiles, which pair with my phone and Alexa and can help me find stuff if it is lost. For example keys. But I also wonder what would have happened if I had one of those in my bike or bike bag. Could I have found my lost/stolen bike? Also, if I had registered my bicycle with the campus PD, would that have made any difference?

Also I almost lost my keys this morning. Also I lost my wallet one time during the summer. Mombrain is so challenging. Also the tiles cost $99 for a set of 4 and I'm already wondering if I should have 8 or if I should just stop losing my shit. My back is 95% good, but it is not 100% better.

August 2022 Thoughts

 8/16 - Haha I swore that I would get my mom chop when COVID was over. I guess it's over cause I got a haircut to the collarbone. But I think we are still masking at work and daycare for the fall semester so I am definitely joking. Albert isn't vaccinated yet. I was all excited to do it, we had an appointment with the pediatrician, we were on time and masked. After waiting 30 minutes, we were dismissed because the doses had not arrived. They said "don't call us, we'll call you." So we're back to waiting. But I just couldn't wait any longer to cut my hair. It was ridiculously heavy. Kiddo got his 2nd professional haircut. #2 everywhere and he looks bald. I'll send him with his dad next time.

8/19 = Okay had our daycare orientation today via zoom. They want us to send 3 masks per day. Every day. So I'm on Amazon putting masks in our cart and DH asks me why I'm scrolling looking at masks for 20 minutes. I'm sorry, are these masks going to appear out of nowhere? No hun, all the things in our life are carefully researched, purchased, procured and delivered by me. DH has a sick day from work today so he is seeing the SAHM life up close. I'm sad to go back to work. I worry that I will be miserable. I am afraid of my separation anxiety and hormone changes from weaning. Let me fixate on buying 240 masks for a minute (or 20) if I want to.

I guess it was a busy month because that's all she wrote! I am so happy with my summer wardrobe, I'm actually sorry to have to go back to wearing my work clothes. And our cargo bike got stolen out of our garage. But we got another one.

July 2022 Thoughts

7/4 - We're leaving in two days for a two week trip. Staying with my parents. I'm 90% done packing. Pretty sure I broke my pinky toe five days ago and I'm not sure what footwear to pack for myself since all footwear and walking hurts! Yo it is gonna be tough chasing the Marchling when I can't run. But I am looking forward to kiddo seeing his cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. We live 1500 miles away and visit once per year.

~~ Meanwhile in Nebraska, we survived COVID ~~

7/20 - I can microblog. I would never have time to write a monthly recap in one sitting. Nor would I be clear headed enough to compose such a thing. But a quick update here and there is some thing I can do. Then I string together all the short posts and BAM -- I can remember the highs and lows of my month.

Anyhow, I wanted to share some wonderful complaints that my mom had from our 2 week stay at her house. She asked if Marchling has a tantrum every diaper and clothing change. And the answer is yes. She says none of her kids did that. I highly doubt that but okay whatever. She also complained about the cartoons. The sound annoyed her. Which is kinda funny. I had it mostly on my phone with the volume way down. I wonder if she was just judging the amount of screen time. Yes, we didn't get a lot of screen time as kids. But smartphones didn't exist in the 1980s so yeah. We didn't know what we were missing. And the last zinger she managed to get in there was that kiddo didn't bond with her, which was the whole reason she insisted we stay at her house. I offered to get a hotel but she threatened to not see us if we did that. She demanded that we stay with her. Okay. She spent about 15 minutes doing play doh with him. He cried 3x in that span of time because 1) she made him wait. 2) she told him he was doing it wrong. 3) he made a mess. It was such a struggle. My kid doesn't eat off plates because he loves to dump the whole plate. My mom kept putting his food on a plate and he kept dumping it. Then she would get frustrated and he was scared of her. It was so triggering for me because I spent my entire childhood walking on eggshells and trying to be a "good daughter" and maybe I need therapy now...

7/21 - Kiddo starts speech therapy tomorrow. Filled out all the forms and it was a lot. I am hopeful that his words will come. I am grateful that we get professional help.

I'm back at the helm of the ship after staying with my parents for 2 weeks without a car. It's challenging to get our social calendar populated again after getting out of our groove. I feel like a cruise director. We have exactly 31 days left to fill. I had paused our memberships and now I have to restart everything. Swim lessons, gymnastics, and mommy & me fitness, art and sensory playgroup! I had added everything gradually and it was just starting to not feel overwhelming. Then halt! And restart. But anything is better than the two of us sitting at home watching TV all day and annoying each other.

THINGS TO TRY: Avoid giving choices. Avoid questions that can be answered by no. Use routines. Talk and work fast so child will be doing what is wanted before she or he has time to think and rebel. Anticipate difficult times or situations and avoid if possible; do not expect your child to wait for things or to share easily.

TLDR: Distract them or change the scene.

7/22 - Tw: COVID . We spent 2 weeks with my parents and got COVID on day 4. So the rest of the trip we had to quarantine. It was awful. I've been home for 40 hours and I'm still processing it.

My parents didn't take us to get tested. We had no thermometer. Luckily I had brought enough Tylenol for kiddo and myself. I can't believe COVID stole our vacation, but I can because COVID is a bitch like that. I kind of wish we had been tested because maybe we could have got antivirals. My mom didn't want me getting tested for COVID because she thought it would just be a statistic or a badge of accomplishment, "I got covid."

I know it was COVID because I took a rapid test yesterday after a night sleeping in my own bed. The rapid test was positive. The uncertainty of not knowing for sure if it was COVID and not knowing how high our fevers got at my parents' house was terrible. But we survived it. I pray that my husband doesn't get it. I mentioned to him that he should stay away from us and he said, "oh Yeah I forgot you were sick," and that hurt. I took care of us even though we were really sick and away from the comforts of our own home. He didn't even remember!

I was this close to getting kiddo vaccinated before we left but I didn't want him dealing with symptoms from the vaccine while we were traveling and I didn't want him to miss his second dose if for any reason our trip was extended. I will still get him vaccinated before school starts in the fall.

I read that if you have been immunized AND infected, you have the highest protection. Also the recent variant isn't blocked by the vaccine but the vaccine protects against other variants so it's still important to get vaccinated. I apologize if the terminology I'm using isn't perfect. I'm not a disease expert. Just a mom trying to make good decisions for the health of my family.

Thanks for reading. Sorry I just needed to write about it. Because it happened and it mattered and we paid $1225 for the 2 plane tickets because fuel is really expensive right now and kiddo is no longer a lap child. And hubs didn't get to go with us because there's a helium shortage due to the Ukraine-Russia conflict now on it's 150th day.

And while I was gone, my husband was attacked by his mom and sister for his political views. Like they saw an opportunity to get him 4-on-1 without me there and started ranting about the stolen election. And the Jan 6th hearings are still dragging on. It's just such a weird time to be living in. I don't know how I'll describe it to kiddo when he gets older and asks why we didn't see his grandparents more often.

TLDR: covid ruined our vacation

7/25 - I'm back at the helm of "scheduling all the things." I made a to do list that started with the item "make a to do list," then crossed it off LOL.

But seriously it is really hard getting everything restarted after 2 weeks of vacation. Kiddo is taking a nap alone today which is a rare event. We had paused our memberships and playdates and now I'm populating the calendar again. It is good but also stressful. I had added stuff one by one over the course of 6 weeks. That was easier than jumping back in to everything in the span of 1 week.

There's a lot to remember just to get to swim lessons successfully. Then add in snacks, meals, clothes, diapers, sunscreen, toys... dang no wonder it seems my brain is always saturated. I tried Whole Foods grocery pickup from my Alexa shopping list. It's always rough the first time right? I accidentally ordered double oatmeal and double coconut oil. Not sure if curbside is a time-saver. Maybe I'll try Amazon Fresh or Wal-Mart next time.

Any eMeals fans here? Found out hubs has diabetes so I'm also on a learning curve there. Phew. Trying the 1/2 veggies, 1/4 protein, 1/4 starch plate method as an entry-level intervention.

June 2022 Thoughts

6/4 - Regarding stepstools... We have a Bright Starts one but it has been discontinued so I can't find a link to it. My only complaints are that it is too low for kiddo to wash his hands in the bathroom sink AND when I used it, it collapsed so I'm sure the weight limit is more appropriate for a toddler. 

We also have a taller IKEA bekvam but it is unfinished wood so I don't use it in the bathroom or kitchen. I bought it for reaching books in our library because I'm not very tall.

6/5 - Kiddo is so aware now. Tried to do a 7pm bedtime and he said "it's not night" and "it's not dark." So I put back up the blackout curtains that I had taken down and problem solved! I was enjoying a thin curtain that let in diffuse natural light. I prefer to wake with the sunrise rather than the alarm clock. But if it is disruptive to bedtime now that the days are getting longer, I'm willing to give them up. 

I'm living the SAHM life now for the entire summer. Trying to maintain roughly the daycare schedule so it won't be a hard transition back in late August. We have lots of stuff we could go out and do, but we have been sick for a bit so staying at home until we all feel better.

Got kiddo assessed for speech therapy. California offers it free under age 3. Supposed to hear back within 4 weeks. Felt really grateful that I am a scientist and I record audio and video "interviews" of kiddo with filenames that correspond to the date of the recording. Had to send those to the caseworkers, who said they were very helpful. Feels sad to admit we are delayed, but they also said he's not *too* far behind. So I'm hoping he can catch up before he rejoins daycare.

The Speech Therapy was on the recommendation of his daycare. He is behind his classmates. I know it sounds crazy but he doesn't talk often. That moment had me in awe. Seems he can be persuasive if he really wants to. But generally he communicates in grunts, screams and gestures.

6/8 - I have been sick and my employer refused to administer a COVID test. The campus health center said they needed me to do a telehealth screening first. It's like COVID is over but it isn't. They used to have a free kiosk open 11am-7pm, 7 days per week. Now it's only open 2 days per week and you must have a notification about an exposure from someone else who tested positive. They won't test vaccinated people who are sick. I am so angry. I ordered the free tests through the postal service but they haven't arrived yet. The campus referred me to off campus free testing locations but I just didn't have the bandwidth to figure them out. 

6/13 - Milestone Monday. We did our first 5k. Kiddo is doing gymnastics and swim classes. I looked for library story time but alas due to COVID, there are still none in person. I'm so proud of how much he is growing in terms of his interpersonal skills. Sharing, taking turns, participating in group activities... so much growth. Also he got his first haircut in a salon and he looks like a jarhead.

6/14 - know it's a small thing but I'm mildly annoyed that McDonald's Play Spaces are still closed due to COVID. It's a little thing I was looking forward to because I remember trips to McDonald's being a big deal when I was a kid. I know the virus is still out there. I know my kid isn't vaccinated. But there are so many things we can do now. It's the incongruity and shifting rules of it all that are so unsettling. I am speaking as a mom of a kid who didn't nap today and is a very picky eater and he already yanked out a chunk of my hair and I'm just at my wits' end. And Happy Meals are one thing he does eat and I would like to spend an hour here playing in the air conditioning while we wait for his gymnastics class. It's in the 90s F here and playing outside is just not gonna happen without water. Also we lost the key to our community pool.

6/19 - Self-Care Sunday - Deleted or unfollowed baby, breastfeeding groups, postpartum bounce back fitness, and companies pushing products I don't want or need. One maternal mental health podcast I listened to mentioned limiting scrolling to 2 x 20 minute sessions per day and I was definitely doing way more. Similarly when I get a chance I'm gonna hit that unsubscribe button on a bunch of emails in my inbox.

6/22 - WTF Wednesday. When DH says things like: do you want to go to bed or do you want to keep cleaning? Dude I want to go to bed. I am exhausted. But if I don't constantly tidy up, we will be buried under a mountain of garbage and toys. How about helping?

Also, it was randomly picture day at LO's gym class. We came straight from the beach and I was looking rough. A two-day old French braid and some serious sunblock face. Can't wait to see those pics. Why couldn't they let us know in advance?

6/27 - Milestone Monday - Kiddo is all about doing dramatic falls. Like walking halfway across the balance beam and then falling dramatically on purpose. Today he was pretending that he hit his head when he clearly did not.

Found out yesterday that DH is diabetic. I know nothing about how to deal with this. I do feel grateful to know the cause of DH's low energy. I am hopeful that this revelation will have positive effects on DH's willingness to participate in diet and exercise that I've been doing to keep up with a busy toddler. I feel now I have so much to learn about this disease.

6/29 - Wondering Wednesday - How often do you do laundry each week and how many people are in your family? We do laundry every other day. We have 2 adults + 1 toddler. With the adults exercising and kiddo loving water play, that seems like the way it goes. DH puts it in the wash when he leaves for work. Our laundry is in the detached garage. Then I put it in the dryer when I wake up, make coffee and breakfast for me and LO.

April 2022 Thoughts

 4/2 - "Is all the shrieking normal toddler stuff bc it's...a lot" Yep. Tasks like opening the sliding glass door, which he absolutely can do, now requires a shriek and parental assistance. I just wear headphones when I can't take it anymore. I can still see/hear him. It just takes the edge off. I try not to react and also encourage him to speak or try to tell me what's wrong.

4/3 - Did our longest bike ride with LO. It was 11.5 miles and his first group ride. He did great and it was so fun showing off my 2 year old to all my friends that I haven't seen due to moving out of that neighborhood and then pandemic. I think some of them didn't even know we have a kid now. LO pooped on the way out but we had time to change diaper and eat at the halfwaypoint. Then he fell asleep for the last few miles. It was so nice to do a group ride again. Now I feel more confident taking kiddo, so looking forward to the next one. We sat on the steering committee for the organization that hosted this ride, which was like paying it forward. This feels like cashing in our chips a bit because instead of marshaling and leading the ride, we got to participate and it was so fun and relaxing. The weather is awesome right now. Morning clouds, afternoon sun, mild and cool.

I share about 5-10 photos weekly on Facebook and maybe 2-3 on Instagram. I think it's unrealistic to think my kid won't have a social media account of his own in the future, but maybe not on those platforms. I don't have a crystal ball. But I do have family and friends throughout the world and I don't mind sharing what we're up to. I want to remember it, too. I have several YouTube channels and a TikTok. They're not ABOUT my kid, but there are videos of my kid on there.

I don't think anyone else posts photos of my kid on their social media, that would be weird. I don't post photos of other people's kids on my platforms. I live in LA and there are actors and models everywhere. You do have to ask people permission to take or post their pictures because they may be under contract. Also, due to all the beautiful people out here chasing fame, you can guarantee that wherever you go, someone IS taking pictures and you (and your kid) will probably be in them.

4/4 - Milestone Monday: I can discern when my child is babbling phrases. Not that anyone else could tell what he means but with context and a trained ear, I can understand generally. Even my parents heard it over Zoom last night, so I know it's not just wishful thinking on my part.

In response to "why are masks still a thing at csun? lol" I think it's because you can choose not to go dining out, or choose not to see a movie, or choose not to participate in other indoor activities, but attending class where the university is pushing for in-person classes to resume, they want to accommodate vulnerable people for whom it would be otherwise unsafe to attend in-person.

My 2 year old wears a mask to daycare, he can't get the vaccine yet. So remember there are still children of students, faculty and staff at-risk. Masks are still required at jails, hospitals, nursing homes, homeless shelters, public transit and even the post office.

The university has purchased large numbers of surgical masks. If you find yourself on campus without a mask, stop by a department office and pick one up.

4/6 - Wondering Wednesday - When will mombrain stop? I left our back door wide open today. It is 94 degrees Fahrenheit. We're in a heat wave. The indoor thermostat was set to 66 degrees. This was an unprecedented fail.

4/7 - Talk it Out Thursday - If men wore bras there would be no removable cups. It is such a pain in the butt to match up and stuff my bras every time I do laundry but my nips are just so visible unless I have the pads in there. I can't help but think men wouldn't stand for this.

4/8 - My husband when taking a sick day when LO is too sick to go to daycare: lays in bed and rests and lets LO turn the house upside-down like a category 4 hurricane.

Me when taking a sick day when LO is too sick to go to daycare: oh great, a day to catch up on all the housework that I have been wanting to do. Washes 3 loads of laundry, vacuums entire house, cleans all 3 bathrooms and does meal prep for next week. Not to mention still needing to do work for actual job. Staff meeting via zoom is done while wrangling LO.

LOL my husband was suggesting I start a business to refurbish older model strollers. Got anything in your garage that doesn't really work like it should? We found a great deal on a jogging stroller that just needed TLC. It made me so happy to bring it back to factory specs.

4/10 - Self Care Sunday - We picked up our meal prep order and pre ordered the Easter meal and dessert so there will be no stress of cooking for the holiday. I got a 30 minute chair massage yesterday. I'm gonna try and take a nap now. I'm so bad at napping but I am really tired.

4/13 - My kid is sleeping in and I don't know what to do with myself. I keep asking, "What tasks can you do now that you can't do when kiddo is around?" I came up with cutting ribbon, lighting a candle, melting the frayed edges of the ribbon, writing kiddo's name on the ribbon with permanent marker, then hand-sewing ribbons onto his summer daycare wardrobe. I had started doing one item per day back in November but now I have to catch up on his shorts and 3T short-sleeved shirts. Sigh. Wish I felt like sleeping in. Drank coffee and had a nice conversation with DH without interruption. Amazing!

4/18 - Just a little sad. I ordered 6 things in a bundle from Poshmark. They were like fun things just for me and I was hoping to wear one on Easter. The order date was 4/4. Somehow the items are lost. I don't know if they will ever arrive. There is no tracking available. I don't know if it will be my loss or the seller's. But it's not even about the money.

I'm sad because I don't often shop for myself and I was trying to be so "good" and "ecofriendly" by buying used instead of new. I was trying to reward myself for all the hard work of taking care of LO when he was sick this month and making all the magic happen for his birthday and Easter. Two of the items were graphic tees that said "Magical Mama" in kind of rainbow pastel colors.

I know it's totally a first world problem but it sucks when I wake up and don't even want to get dressed. I hate lingering in the closet feeling depressed. And I hate shopping. Every day I'm checking the mailbox and the front stoop and my email and the website. And I'm disappointed. I've had good luck with Poshmark in the past, so I'm not trying to bad-mouth them. After contacting customer service, they blamed the postal service.

On a related note: I got crafty on Easter and made some fairy jars. LO loved pouring glitter, rocks, silk flowers, etc. I ordered new shorts and sports bras for summer. I got tickets to the IMOMSOHARD comedy show. I got a 5% pay raise at work and I'm eligible for another 5%! I signed up to SELL at the next consignment sale so maybe my cashflow will all balance out.

Update: Poshmark customer service has cancelled the order, refunded my money and the package is still lost. So I guess it's resolved. I think I'm gonna order from the company directly (new Latched Mama). I realized that I really did want those items because of how sad I was when they didn't arrive.

I didn't appreciate before having kids how it requires an entire week of planning sometimes to fit something into your family's schedule. It does feel really devastating when all that careful managing of time doesn't give the results we hope for. And I can totally relate because I've had 1 haircut since getting pregnant with my March 2020 baby. I just can't do a salon right now.

I think I'm gonna add an annual pass to Disneyland too. I know LO probably won't remember it, but it's getting harder and harder to just stay home and not drive each other crazy. Poshmark issued a refund and if the stuff arrives I still get to keep it, so fingers crossed.

4/19 - I feel nobody in my family supports extended breastfeeding but it feels like the right thing for me and for LO and so we continue. It makes other people uncomfortable because it's uncommon. But I think it is natural and eco-friendly and economical and I could write a long list of reasons but ultimately because I feel it is working then I will keep on doing it.

4/20 - Going to a comedy show this Friday night and the venue unexpectedly changed COVID restrictions. "As of April 16 there will no longer be any COVID vaccination requirements" and masks are recommended but not required. They said our purses and bags need to be made of clear plastic, wtf? Is it an outdoor music festival? And COVID cases are rising again here in LA. I'm just so fed up with the shifting rules. IMomSoHard here we come.

4/20 - Wondering Wednesday - I have been buying stuff for myself lately and my mom is so unsupportive. She asked me "how many clothes do you need?" And I don't think I shop obsessively. I just know that when I go to put on clothes, I'm having trouble wanting to. I go into a depression spiral about my mombod and how I never get time to shower or poop or get a haircut. P.S. my mom is an actual hoarder. So I do want to avoid falling into that trap. But I get rid of stuff that I don't wear.

I have one pair of joggers. One postpartum lightweight pant. If they're both dirty, then I can't get dressed. I got two summer PJs right after kiddo was born but if they're both dirty, I have no options for nighttime. I tried sleeping naked and it was a no go. I save money where I can. So it's okay to have a few new things. Especially when I tried to go a budget route and that ended up getting lost.

4/25 - He points to what he wants in the fridge. He holds his hand out to try to stop traffic. His favorite vehicle at the touch-a-truck event was a pickup truck with a surfboard on it like beach lifeguards from Baywatch. Look out David Hasselhoff! Edit to add, diaper changes are getting easier and he will point to his diaper when it is soiled. He knows so many body parts.

He likes granola bars. The nut ones without chocolate.

4/26 - Finalized my portfolio for a 5% raise. For anyone in academia it was like a tenure packet but I'm not tenure-track. It was bittersweet to think about what I've done from 2013 until now. Some of it I did while I was childless and didn't want a kid. Some of it I did while going through IVF. Some of it was while pregnant. And some was while pandemic parenting working from home. Geez.

Edit to add: I think I've come full circle. Except I would rather be jobless and I only want my kid.