April 2022 Thoughts

 4/2 - "Is all the shrieking normal toddler stuff bc it's...a lot" Yep. Tasks like opening the sliding glass door, which he absolutely can do, now requires a shriek and parental assistance. I just wear headphones when I can't take it anymore. I can still see/hear him. It just takes the edge off. I try not to react and also encourage him to speak or try to tell me what's wrong.

4/3 - Did our longest bike ride with LO. It was 11.5 miles and his first group ride. He did great and it was so fun showing off my 2 year old to all my friends that I haven't seen due to moving out of that neighborhood and then pandemic. I think some of them didn't even know we have a kid now. LO pooped on the way out but we had time to change diaper and eat at the halfwaypoint. Then he fell asleep for the last few miles. It was so nice to do a group ride again. Now I feel more confident taking kiddo, so looking forward to the next one. We sat on the steering committee for the organization that hosted this ride, which was like paying it forward. This feels like cashing in our chips a bit because instead of marshaling and leading the ride, we got to participate and it was so fun and relaxing. The weather is awesome right now. Morning clouds, afternoon sun, mild and cool.

I share about 5-10 photos weekly on Facebook and maybe 2-3 on Instagram. I think it's unrealistic to think my kid won't have a social media account of his own in the future, but maybe not on those platforms. I don't have a crystal ball. But I do have family and friends throughout the world and I don't mind sharing what we're up to. I want to remember it, too. I have several YouTube channels and a TikTok. They're not ABOUT my kid, but there are videos of my kid on there.

I don't think anyone else posts photos of my kid on their social media, that would be weird. I don't post photos of other people's kids on my platforms. I live in LA and there are actors and models everywhere. You do have to ask people permission to take or post their pictures because they may be under contract. Also, due to all the beautiful people out here chasing fame, you can guarantee that wherever you go, someone IS taking pictures and you (and your kid) will probably be in them.

4/4 - Milestone Monday: I can discern when my child is babbling phrases. Not that anyone else could tell what he means but with context and a trained ear, I can understand generally. Even my parents heard it over Zoom last night, so I know it's not just wishful thinking on my part.

In response to "why are masks still a thing at csun? lol" I think it's because you can choose not to go dining out, or choose not to see a movie, or choose not to participate in other indoor activities, but attending class where the university is pushing for in-person classes to resume, they want to accommodate vulnerable people for whom it would be otherwise unsafe to attend in-person.

My 2 year old wears a mask to daycare, he can't get the vaccine yet. So remember there are still children of students, faculty and staff at-risk. Masks are still required at jails, hospitals, nursing homes, homeless shelters, public transit and even the post office.

The university has purchased large numbers of surgical masks. If you find yourself on campus without a mask, stop by a department office and pick one up.

4/6 - Wondering Wednesday - When will mombrain stop? I left our back door wide open today. It is 94 degrees Fahrenheit. We're in a heat wave. The indoor thermostat was set to 66 degrees. This was an unprecedented fail.

4/7 - Talk it Out Thursday - If men wore bras there would be no removable cups. It is such a pain in the butt to match up and stuff my bras every time I do laundry but my nips are just so visible unless I have the pads in there. I can't help but think men wouldn't stand for this.

4/8 - My husband when taking a sick day when LO is too sick to go to daycare: lays in bed and rests and lets LO turn the house upside-down like a category 4 hurricane.

Me when taking a sick day when LO is too sick to go to daycare: oh great, a day to catch up on all the housework that I have been wanting to do. Washes 3 loads of laundry, vacuums entire house, cleans all 3 bathrooms and does meal prep for next week. Not to mention still needing to do work for actual job. Staff meeting via zoom is done while wrangling LO.

LOL my husband was suggesting I start a business to refurbish older model strollers. Got anything in your garage that doesn't really work like it should? We found a great deal on a jogging stroller that just needed TLC. It made me so happy to bring it back to factory specs.

4/10 - Self Care Sunday - We picked up our meal prep order and pre ordered the Easter meal and dessert so there will be no stress of cooking for the holiday. I got a 30 minute chair massage yesterday. I'm gonna try and take a nap now. I'm so bad at napping but I am really tired.

4/13 - My kid is sleeping in and I don't know what to do with myself. I keep asking, "What tasks can you do now that you can't do when kiddo is around?" I came up with cutting ribbon, lighting a candle, melting the frayed edges of the ribbon, writing kiddo's name on the ribbon with permanent marker, then hand-sewing ribbons onto his summer daycare wardrobe. I had started doing one item per day back in November but now I have to catch up on his shorts and 3T short-sleeved shirts. Sigh. Wish I felt like sleeping in. Drank coffee and had a nice conversation with DH without interruption. Amazing!

4/18 - Just a little sad. I ordered 6 things in a bundle from Poshmark. They were like fun things just for me and I was hoping to wear one on Easter. The order date was 4/4. Somehow the items are lost. I don't know if they will ever arrive. There is no tracking available. I don't know if it will be my loss or the seller's. But it's not even about the money.

I'm sad because I don't often shop for myself and I was trying to be so "good" and "ecofriendly" by buying used instead of new. I was trying to reward myself for all the hard work of taking care of LO when he was sick this month and making all the magic happen for his birthday and Easter. Two of the items were graphic tees that said "Magical Mama" in kind of rainbow pastel colors.

I know it's totally a first world problem but it sucks when I wake up and don't even want to get dressed. I hate lingering in the closet feeling depressed. And I hate shopping. Every day I'm checking the mailbox and the front stoop and my email and the website. And I'm disappointed. I've had good luck with Poshmark in the past, so I'm not trying to bad-mouth them. After contacting customer service, they blamed the postal service.

On a related note: I got crafty on Easter and made some fairy jars. LO loved pouring glitter, rocks, silk flowers, etc. I ordered new shorts and sports bras for summer. I got tickets to the IMOMSOHARD comedy show. I got a 5% pay raise at work and I'm eligible for another 5%! I signed up to SELL at the next consignment sale so maybe my cashflow will all balance out.

Update: Poshmark customer service has cancelled the order, refunded my money and the package is still lost. So I guess it's resolved. I think I'm gonna order from the company directly (new Latched Mama). I realized that I really did want those items because of how sad I was when they didn't arrive.

I didn't appreciate before having kids how it requires an entire week of planning sometimes to fit something into your family's schedule. It does feel really devastating when all that careful managing of time doesn't give the results we hope for. And I can totally relate because I've had 1 haircut since getting pregnant with my March 2020 baby. I just can't do a salon right now.

I think I'm gonna add an annual pass to Disneyland too. I know LO probably won't remember it, but it's getting harder and harder to just stay home and not drive each other crazy. Poshmark issued a refund and if the stuff arrives I still get to keep it, so fingers crossed.

4/19 - I feel nobody in my family supports extended breastfeeding but it feels like the right thing for me and for LO and so we continue. It makes other people uncomfortable because it's uncommon. But I think it is natural and eco-friendly and economical and I could write a long list of reasons but ultimately because I feel it is working then I will keep on doing it.

4/20 - Going to a comedy show this Friday night and the venue unexpectedly changed COVID restrictions. "As of April 16 there will no longer be any COVID vaccination requirements" and masks are recommended but not required. They said our purses and bags need to be made of clear plastic, wtf? Is it an outdoor music festival? And COVID cases are rising again here in LA. I'm just so fed up with the shifting rules. IMomSoHard here we come.

4/20 - Wondering Wednesday - I have been buying stuff for myself lately and my mom is so unsupportive. She asked me "how many clothes do you need?" And I don't think I shop obsessively. I just know that when I go to put on clothes, I'm having trouble wanting to. I go into a depression spiral about my mombod and how I never get time to shower or poop or get a haircut. P.S. my mom is an actual hoarder. So I do want to avoid falling into that trap. But I get rid of stuff that I don't wear.

I have one pair of joggers. One postpartum lightweight pant. If they're both dirty, then I can't get dressed. I got two summer PJs right after kiddo was born but if they're both dirty, I have no options for nighttime. I tried sleeping naked and it was a no go. I save money where I can. So it's okay to have a few new things. Especially when I tried to go a budget route and that ended up getting lost.

4/25 - He points to what he wants in the fridge. He holds his hand out to try to stop traffic. His favorite vehicle at the touch-a-truck event was a pickup truck with a surfboard on it like beach lifeguards from Baywatch. Look out David Hasselhoff! Edit to add, diaper changes are getting easier and he will point to his diaper when it is soiled. He knows so many body parts.

He likes granola bars. The nut ones without chocolate.

4/26 - Finalized my portfolio for a 5% raise. For anyone in academia it was like a tenure packet but I'm not tenure-track. It was bittersweet to think about what I've done from 2013 until now. Some of it I did while I was childless and didn't want a kid. Some of it I did while going through IVF. Some of it was while pregnant. And some was while pandemic parenting working from home. Geez.

Edit to add: I think I've come full circle. Except I would rather be jobless and I only want my kid.

March 2022 thoughts

3/5 - Put kiddo in the silk ring sling for the first time today. Did a haircut and a shower. It was even better than I had hoped. I can't wait to use it this summer in the pool, in the ocean and more often in the shower. Got it used on Poshmark for $60.

3/7 - Even though I take an absurd amount of photos and video of LO, I feel like it's not enough! We had to give our daycare photos of anyone who is authorized to pick up LO and I realized I have so few pics of grandma and auntie. I was watching videos of kiddo and wishing I had more than like 1 every other month. Why do I wait until he is doing something super cute? I just need more!

3/9 - bae has a cough. mama is tired.

"allergies" and Zyrtek. Is he gonna cough for the rest of his life? WTF. He's been coughing since week 1 of December 2021. Like ~15 weeks.

3/11 - I tried to do too much today. Almost started crying on a work Zoom call because I nearly had a panic attack. Trying to balance caring for a sick kid, doing a good job at work, being a good friend / sister / daughter / wife. I wish I could take a Tylenol PM and sleep for 14 hours but I'm still breastfeeding.

3/12 - Man-colds are the bad joke of the universe. LO has been sick all week. I caught it and have been one day behind LO. Now DH has it and he's confined to the bed, taking NyQuil. I feel it's so unfair. I have had to function through it all. 

Kiddo was so whiny last night, I strapped him to my back and walked around our condo complex and found every single unit number from 1 up to 129. It was actually a really fun game and saved my sanity.

3/13 - Self-Care Sunday. Woke up at 5:30am. Put DH in charge of LO. Slept 3 hours. Still feel like crap but it was much needed.

I'm working through LO's naps this weekend instead of resting because even though I'm sick too, I know I'll be keeping LO home from daycare during the week and I need this time to make progress on work stuff. But it sucks. My head hurts. I'm coughing. Kiddo is also teething. He's been biting, scratching, whining, refusing to eat... it's been so rough. It's his birthday tomorrow and I think we're just gonna treat it like a normal day and pray that kiddo is better by next weekend when we will have a party with friends and family.

3/15 - I have never wanted to do a primal scream until now. My sister miscarried at 9w 6d. No heartbeat. I'm so freaking sad for her. Aaaaah!

And I can't do a primal scream IRL because I am sick. I am a teacher. I took all my sick leave as maternity w/ my Marchling. If I scream IRL, I will lose my voice and then I won't be able to talk.

She had her D&C today. I wish I could be there but I live 2000 miles away. My other sister is due 3/19 (any day now). I wish I could be there for her too. So much joy and sadness. Aaaaah!

3/21 - 2 year pediatrician visit today was a mixed bag. Kiddo wearing a mask is just not happening. LO doesn't wear hats or hoods so I don't know how a mask is going to work. LO is growing well and walking strong. Dr. said we are doing a good job as parents.

My middle sister had a miscarriage last week at 10 weeks, which was really super sad. My youngest sister is 41 weeks tomorrow. The timing of these events with LO's 2nd bday is filling me with too many feels.

My husband's uncle died on Friday and we just found out today because they didn't want to ruin LO's bday party with bad news. LO's party was on Saturday. MIL was at the party but FIL was a no-show and now we know why.

I'm not whining. I'm on Spring Break which is absolutely fabulous. Celebrating 14 years of marriage next week. This is one of my favorite times of the year: spring!

I have been researching taking LO to Disneyland and had considered going this week or next. But now I understand you need a ticket AND a reservation and the next available isn't until May. So now planning for Summer. 

But also I want to go "home" for a few weeks in summer to spend time with sisters / cousins / grandparents. Guess it's not too early to get those plans going.

My kid has insisted on wearing ONE pair of shoes 24/7 since Jan 30th. That's fifty days and fifty nights. And today I realized that my two year old has athlete's foot. 

We change his socks at least 2x per day but now I guess we'll be using a cream to treat the fungus and throw away his favorite shoes. The pediatrician said athlete's foot isn't bad, it's toenail fungus that is really hard to treat.

Edit to add: he doesn't have toenail fungus thank goodness

3/19 - Sleep Saturday. Our pediatrician said that night sleep should be uninterrupted. If night nursing 3x per night is happening, then LO should be weaned in order to sleep through the night. He should be consuming 6 oz cows milk during the day, or equivalent dairy intake. 

She didn't say that I should stop breastfeeding but that sleep is important and we should be doing everything we can to help him sleep continuously through the night. I don't know what we should be doing other than what we are already doing. 

I was just saying to DH this weekend that I would be extremely motivated to wean and get LO into his own bed and room if we were TTC but I'm 41 and we're not trying for another and I haven't got my period yet and it's kinda nice not to buy tampons. 

I guess I figure LO will eventually want his own bed and own room and we can absolutely do that when he asks for it. Right now kiddo and I cosleep in a queen bed and DH has his own king bed. DH snores super loud.

3/18 - Feeding Friday. LO's bday party menu was all his favorite things. I've never seen him so happy to sit at a table and eat. Mac & cheese, watermelon, grapes, strawberries, applesauce pouch and goldfish crackers. And mini oreo cookies. There were 6 kids and they all ate at an oversized adult table. My heart melted. I love seeing my kid eat. He's in the 4th percentile for weight, so I just can't help but feed him anything he will actually eat.

I babysat for another kid. Same age as my kid. It was interesting to see how different they were. My kid loves to feed himself. He's really good with a spoon and fork but is picky about what he will eat. This other kid had a bigger appetite and ate a broader range of foods but didn't want anything to do with touching the utensils. He wanted to be spoon-fed. Just interesting to see a different kid.

Our kid loves picking fruit from the garden. I should get some stuff in the ground now. Or make a playdate to do berry you-pick.

3/23 - I feel so late to the party. Tried to look into swimming lessons today for LO and every class is full! The words SOLD OUT are just ringing in my mind and I am having major FOMO.

I think swim lesson enrollment is rolling month-to-month. But just like Disneyland... I have to plan Now for May. I just didn't know.

3/24 - Spring break is giving me life. I have been taking my LO to Fit4Mom workouts and seeing him imitating lunges, high knees, jumping jacks and push-ups is so cute. I am sleeping better after these workouts. 

My sister is in labor now, her water broke overnight. I'm beyond excited for LO to gain a new cousin and for my sister to become a mom.

3/27 - I got so upset with my husband today. Last night I called him ungrateful. Today, he got whiny after being at the zoo for 1.5 hours. I told him that he is responsible for planning all weekends in April. Mommy will be visiting local spas. Alone.

I don't think he gets how much work it is being the default parent. I have given him a glimpse of it two weeks ago when LO was sick and DH had to stay home from work Tues/Thurs. DH was so worn out from those days! I feel like he doesn't have enough energy to chase after a toddler.

Right now DH and LO are taking a nap. They have been asleep for nearly 3 hours (from 2-5 pm). What he seems to forget is that LO only sleeps 12 hours in a 24 hour period. LO slept 1 hour in the car on the way to the zoo. This to me means LO will only sleep 8 hours overnight. Which means he will have a wake window from 5pm to 9pm and then wake up at 5am. Who does overnights? Mom.

3/28 - Trying not to get too caught up in social media. Sharenting isn't my gig and I don't aim to be an influencer. I share because I live 2000 miles away from my parents and sisters. And because I love when social media surprises me with happy memories from the past.

TLDR: We had a super fun weekend and I didn't take any pictures.

3/30 - I've been at work for 5 hours now. Working continuously. I feel I've barely made a dent. I was so caught up in planning for and executing LO's birthday party, taking care of him when he was sick, that I am just a whirlwind here at work with no clear TO DO list or priorities. I love my little guy and think about him all the time. I feel parenthood occupies 95% of my brain function.

Nice Backpack

I've recently received compliments on my cute backpack. Little did they know that inside my bag is a breast pump and everything I need to remove milk from my body without my baby latching on.

@hamerk02 Pumping Essentials @sarahwellsbags @cereschillofficial @ctorganics @gothinkco #pumpingmom #workingmom #breastfeedingmom ♬ original sound - Kayla A. Kaiser

I've recorded a tour of the bag I got complimented on (above). It's a "Marie" bag from Sarah Wells. It's taken me 3 weeks to assemble everything I actually like using and remove everything that I don't like using. The bag I use more frequently (below) was given to me by my good friend. She included a TON of different size flanges, which was so helpful. It seems like only through trial-and-error is it possible to find the most comfortable pumping setup. I am passing on all the ones that didn't work for me. My sister already had a Medela pump and a Spectra pump, but I don't think she has a pumping bag.

@hamerk02 Pumping Pro Tips @medela_official @pumpin.vn @legendairy_milk @ctorganics #motnpump #workingmom #pumpingmom #breastfeedingmom ♬ original sound - Kayla A. Kaiser

I actually scored an "Annie" bag from Sarah Wells on the recent LA Kids Consignment and it had two PumpEase bras in it. I'm so excited to share it with my sister. It should be arriving today.

Sarah Wells is a brand that I found out about on social media. For exclusive pumping moms, it seems like the ONLY brand that is recommended. Of course, yes, you could just use a regular bag but then this one is designed to suit the needs of a pumping mom. I thought it might be damaging for the pump to be transporting it back-and-forth. So much I worried about it, that I never even got the pump out to use it ever until returning to work recently. It was just so intimidating!

I feel like these cushy side pockets will protect the pump so it won't be damaged. I love the sleeves for photos. I love the realness of these pictures too how this mama just took a photo of the bag on her messy desk. Clearly a woman who works!

I love how there are moms out there looking for products that don't exist and then inventing them like Sarah Wells and Lisa Myers, the inventor of Ceres Chill. Anything that eases the stress of returning to work while balancing the desire to continue feeding your child is so valuable.

I love how the bag has different zippered pockets and the whole thing closes. There's a shoulder strap. Of course, for me, I prefer a backpack style. I was super tempted to keep this bag but seriously I bought it for my sister. I would think that after you no longer need a pumping bag, you could take a bag like this to the zoo or a museum. The insulated pockets would work well for bringing your own food. Recently, we went to the Discovery Cube Los Angeles and even though they have a cafe, it's not open. So you do need to bring your own food if you plan to stay longer than 2 hours.

I'm tagging this post sustainability because I want to say how feeding my son pumped breastmilk prevents having to tax the supply chain of dairy cows. It cuts the transportation cost of cow's milk. It's local. It's customized for my son's needs nutritionally. I'm taking a lot of criticism from people around me right now for continuing to feed my kid breastmilk as he approaches his 2nd birthday.

I'm also tagging it sustainability because I snagged two Ceres Chillers used AND I snagged both Sarah Wells bags used. Thereby closing the loop and reusing things that would maybe have ended up in a landfill. Do I love going every 3 hours to pump? No. Do I love coming back to my office and scalding the milk and washing and sterilizing the pump parts? No. Do I love seeing my son not drink the pumped milk I bring home for him? No. But I am committed to continuing to breastfeed until he is 2 years of age. And I'm hoping to make it through the summer (not teaching).

Week 3 of that Pumping Life

 I have learned a few lessons so far...

(1) If you have to poop and you have to pump, poop first. It's very uncomfortable to pump when you need to poop. Locate the nearest restrooms to your lactation space. Not only is it good for handwashing, but it may be vital in an emergency poop situation.

(2) It's nice to pack your pumping bag with something just for you, like a sweet treat. I picked up a mother lode of energy bars at Aldi. Yes, I spent a bunch of cash, but also I have a little reward for myself for keeping up with my pumping schedule.

(3) There's only so much crap you can fit in your pumping bag. It's good to pare down as much as possible. I've weeded out most of what I don't need. But what is also VERY NICE to have is something to drink. I've been obsessed with peach tea. It's lightly sweet, slightly flavored, herbal and warm.

@hamerk02 Scald High Lipase Milk at Work with @cereschillofficial #workingmom #cereschill #mothersinscience ♬ original sound - Kayla A. Kaiser

I tried lots of experiments with my breastmilk, but what seems to help the most is scalding it. I tried scalding in a double boiler at home on my kitchen stove but it was a pain in the butt and didn't work. Researching Ceres Chill, I found that you can use them to scald as well as store and transport and pump your milk. This has been an absolute game-changer.  

@hamerk02 Minimalist pumping setup with @cereschillofficial and @medela_official #medelapump #breastfeedingmom #workingmom #momsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Kayla A. Kaiser

I have amassed a collection of 3 Ceres Chillers. I bought the "Zero dark" black one in the middle first. It came with the holder (handle) which is actually green and sparkly. Then I found the other two on Facebook Marketplace. The limited edition Rose Gold and the Don't Call Me Hon Plum. The newer one is nice because it has a mark on the inside that is a max fill line. The other two don't have that. Also the newer one has a little plug in the connector, I'm guessing this is to break the vacuum in the event that it's sealed too tightly to get it open.

I bought an electric kettle which has made scalding a breeze. And the leftover water I use to make tea which I put in my thinksport insulated bottle so I have something warm and comforting do drink while doing my pumping. I'm very lucky to work in a science building with easy access to ice and thermometers. I fill my outer chamber with ice and a splash of water on my way to the lactation space. I've learned to add the water first then the ice, otherwise the ice can form a chunk that prevents me from putting the inner chamber in correctly.

Here you can see an early iteration. I'm using the pumparoo bag to create a clean surface in the lactation space. The pumpin pals super shields small set came with Adapters for Spectra bottles. It also came with collar ring adapters for the silicone flanges (not pictured here). It turns out I don't like any of the pumpin pals flanges. No hate, they just don't feel comfortable to me.

Here is a later iteration I used with the spectra pump. What I've added is a bottle thread changer so that the adapters for spectra bottles can pump directly into the Ceres Chill. You can see that the medium super shields do not need the collar ring adapter. That is only necessary for the silicone flanges in size XS and S. This is great since my baby doesn't drink out of bottles.

What I do now is leave my other bra on and just pull the layers of shirt up to put on the pumping bra. It's faster than taking the other bra off. You can see here how the Sarah Wells "Marie" bag is on my left with the pump and photo of my cutie on display. The pumparoo bag is on my right. It's machine washable, but I think I am preferring to transport pump parts in a Medela steam bag. Then the bag is cleaned and sterilized when I get back to my office. 

The pumparoo I usually take home and wash with laundry on the weekend. But I imagine it gets pretty gross, or it would if I used it every day. What I do love about the pumparoo is the outer pocket, which is not waterproof but instead breathable. I put the tubing and backflow protectors in there. What I've learned is that you have to disassemble the 3-parts of the backflow protectors and let them air dry if condensation forms in there. Makes sense but totally an extra step I didn't know about until I noticed the moisture.

My tried and true Medela pump is actually my favorite. I feel like I get more milk. I replaced the medela valves and membranes with duckbills. Here you can see the yellow valves and white disc membranes. They're so tiny and a pain to wash because I'm always paranoid I'm going to lose them. The duckbills fit on there just the same and seem to provide ample suction.

The other thing I realized is my preference are the Medela PersonalFit Flex Breast Shields. They're so much more comfortable (for me) than all the other ones I tried. Good news is that I can use them with the Spectra pump no problem. They fit right into the Adapters for Spectra bottles that came with the pumpin pals supershields.

Another thing I've learned that I like is that when you pump directly into the Ceres Chill, you can't see how much milk you've pumped. That way I'm not judging myself for how much I do or don't get. I like pumping in the dark. I would add a battery-powered light to your pumping bag. The spectra pump has its own light, which is cute and very handy. I also like how the spectra pump has a timer. I try to pump for 15 minutes and then stop, regardless of how many let-downs I have had.

Item	Full Price	What I Paid
Electric water kettle	21	21
Lactation Consult	175	175
Pumparoo bag	30	30
Spectra tubing	8.75	8.75
Silver nursing cups	50	50
Sarah Wells "Marie" Bag	165	120
Pumping Pals Small Flange Set	50	50
Duckbills (set of 2)	12	12
Duckbills (set of 6) & Sticker pack	30	30
Backflow protectors	11	11
Medela Pumping Bra	30	8
Ceres Chill (Zero Dark)	70	70
Ceres Chill (Rose Gold)	70	50
Ceres Chill (Hon Plum)	70	55
Ceres Chill Happily Ever After	19	19
Sarah Wells "Annie" Bag w/ bras	231	20

What I like about my Medela Pump in style (PISA) backpack is the automatic transition from stimulation to expression phase after two minutes. It's a no brainer and has worked well for me so far. Maybe after more trial and error, I will like the Specta more because you can adjust more things. The Medela has a knob adjustment for speed/vacuum control but I think the spectra decoupled those two.

I may have gone a bit crazy and bought some things I didn't like, but in the process I accumulated many things that may be helpful to a mom-to-be (my sister). It takes a lot of energy and experience to gather the necessary items together. It's taken me several weeks of trial and error and just doing it to find my groove and get everything optimized. And now it's time to go pump!

Maybe in the future, I'll do a video of my pumping bags. Yes I have two... Because ya know, weekends, home vs work vs car and backups.

February 2022 thoughts

How will your lifestyle change once your Marchling has been fully vaccinated?

Right now we are unable to attend concerts indoors, due to the rules of the venue. I would like to try taking kiddo to orchestra, ballet or opera. I know it sounds ridiculous. But the campus performance space reserves 5 performances per year for children and right now they are restricted to age 5 or older. I saw a ballet with LO when he was in the womb in Feb 2020. So yeah I guess that's what I have to look forward to.

2/2 - The transition back to campus is underway. I cleaned my office and unboxed a new computer. Forgot a VGA cable so I didn't turn it on yet.

The computer on my desk had stopped communicating with Office 365 so I couldn't open any Word, ppt or xls files. And it was an instrument computer that I commandeered because my other one died mid-semester in Fall 2019 (when we were all pregnant). OMG so long ago, feels like a decade in pandemic years.

It's surreal to be back there after WFH for so long. All printers are out of toner. I had to throw out all food that expired 2020 or 2021. There is no ground coffee and no coffee filters. I put some student work in the "shred" bin which is completely full. I've been afraid to have them come and empty it because I was scared of having a stranger in my office during the pandemic. But I guess I had better put in the work order because I'm about to be seeing ~200 students per week, face-to-face in rooms where 6ft social distancing will be impossible.

We go from virtual to in-person during week 4 of the semester. So that's gonna be rough. Campus daycare offered us a spot, which I had wanted for so long. But now LO is kinda settled off-campus so I don't know what to do. We have to decide by Friday, 2/4.

I don't know whose brilliant idea it was to come back on Valentine's day, like "they're gonna love this." Thanks for listening to my stress ramble.

2/4 - Kiddo hasn't taken his shoes off for 4 days straight. I mean yes to change pants and socks but he wants them right back on. All night. All naps. Wierdo.

My dude is going through a phase with wooden puzzles. He has a linen bag for them and spent 45 minutes filling / dumping the bag over and over. I think he likes disappearing the pieces, hearing them drop in and clink, then scattering them and repeating the process.

2/5 - Lost sleep last night over our decision to pull LO out of his current daycare and switch to an on-campus daycare since DH and I both work on campus. I feel his baby days slipping away (haha maybe they're already gone. maybe they've been gone and I'm just holding on). I held him so tight while he slept. I laid awake and worried about doing 5 full days (40 hour week). Until now, we've only done 3 half days (12 hours).

It's so difficult because I've been super-stressed and trying to balance everything for 3 semesters of work-from-home with LO at home. I am at my breaking point and very behind on a project that I agreed to do this academic year. I'm only 25% done and I should be over 50% done. There is a tiny shred of my former self that NEEDS to have 40 hours of freedom to get my work done. But there is a huge part of my new identity as a mom that wants to spend all my time with LO and quit my job. He's so little. He shouldn't be going to "work" 40 hours per week. He needs his mom. Or am I just being dramatic?

I could definitely still keep him with me Mondays and Fridays and Wednesdays and only send him Tuesday/Thursday. Financially, we decided to switch him because comparing our old daycare ($390 / week) to this new one ($299/ week) we will save money comparing full-time at both places. We were easing LO into full time. He was just starting to get comfortable and we were planning to let him nap there starting this week. My heart is breaking and my body is saying this is a bad idea, but my rational mind and my work identity is saying we have to do this. Ugh.

By sharing with friends, I was reminded that it's not all-or-nothing. I am guilty of black-and-white thinking and tunnel vision. It's much better to envision our daycare as an adjustable wrench that can be dialed up or down.

2/7 - Dropped off paperwork for new daycare today so now we wait and continue as before until we hear otherwise. New daycare is going to draw up a contract and then I guess we'll get a start date. Change is hard.

I feel like pre-kiddo my life was "2 Fast 2 Furious" and my favorite quote was by Mario Andretti, "If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." I had a 2-seater car and lived right by a freeway ramp. My commute was 40 miles each way and I would drive 80 mph. I worked from 7am to 10pm. Seriously I was so driven.

I still acknowledge that there are many things that are out of my control, but I feel like the fastest I want to go now is walking. I live 1 mile from work and LO's daycare is on the way. I have directed all my Type A energy into mom stuff and with kiddo potentially starting full-time daycare, it's a big identity shift.

Not to mention going back to work in person. Nobody has seen me except on Zoom (neck and head) for 2 years. So freaky. Mom bod on full display!

2/10 -  I'm obsessed with completing LO's baby book. Got it as a baby shower gift. Why? Kind of a blessing and a curse to feel the pressure to document every. single. milestone. The first year was the most intense. There was a page for every month. Now there's just one per year for birthdays.

We're kinda planning a Mickey Mouse Two-dles theme. Just 3 friends and LO's grandparents. Maybe aunt/uncle/cousins. I guess I should order a cake. It's gonna be outdoors, hopefully we have good weather. I'm kinda planning more gifts for the guests and not buying anything for LO.

I've met more cool moms through Buy Nothing on Facebook. It's fun meeting moms with kids just a bit younger (who we gift to) and just a bit older (who we get gifts from). Highly recommend!

A co-op sounds awesome! I always wonder if COVID has made finding daycare harder or easier. The one my kid attended for the past 3 months was never part-time pre-COVID but they were struggling to fill up so they loosened up their rules. It was the only way we could afford it (3-days/week). We couldn't afford their 5-day + early drop off fee.

I had my last WFH day today and it really feels like the end of an era. I was starting to feel the whole F#$% COVID sentiment leaving my body. Like things are actually returning to normal. I'm sure it's not the end of the pandemic, but we shall see whether a daycare situation pieced together may be more resilient and more functional than a rigid full-time setup?

We had our zoom meeting with LO's new campus daycare. He was on the waitlist since he was an embryo. We don't have a start date or drop-off schedule yet but it's affordable full-time care. And we got a spot! I feel like I won a lottery. I mean we did.

I got all excited that my friend from high school moved to my area. I thought we might be able to do kid swaps, but she lives 1 hour away so now we just do playdates every other week.

I totally get parent's frustration and disappointment with our daycare options. I think more people would be able to have kids if employers provided daycare like they provide health insurance. Or if there were public institutions that would care for littles from the moment our maternity leave ends.

On the flipside, I am torn between my desire to spend all my time with kiddo. That's what my body wants. But financially we need 2 incomes and I have been struggling so hard to WFH with LO here. My mental health is at a breaking point. We hope that we can work enough to keep ourselves engaged in our careers, stay current and make enough money. But also not run ourselves ragged trying to do all. the. things.

It's so hard to be productive with LO around. For example, I wrote a test in 3 hours yesterday while LO was in daycare. When I was trying to do it with kid around it literally took all weekend, like 16 hours because I was exhausted, and getting constantly interrupted.

2/11 - When life gets hard, I make rice Krispy treats. LO has acquired a taste for them. LO normally doesn't go for sweets but DH has a sweet tooth.

LO loves strawberry Jell-O which I started making in December when we were all sick. I am trying to be cool with this junk food.

We filled out an Ages & Stages Questionnaire (ASQ) for our move to the new daycare. Scored low on communication. Scored high in gross and fine motor, problem solving, and personal-social.

I'm always grateful for this group because I feel passively well-informed. I knew by hearing where all your Marchlings are at with language that we are behind, so I'm not surprised. It gives the daycare something that they can focus on helping us with.

So thank you all who share the daily stories and milestones. You helped me go into the meeting with LO's new teachers with a calm and open mind. I know my child's strengths and weaknesses and I don't feel like a failure as a parent. I've been doing the best I can for as long as I could and now I'm so grateful to have more help.

To get kiddo in the carseat when he's having a tantrum or just doesn't wanna, I use all my strength and thankfully our kiddo calms down when we turn the car on. I just remember it's temporary and necessary and do whatever it takes to get him strapped in. DH wanted to turn the carseat around but I'm not sure that would solve the problem.

2/12 - I think the most romantic thing my husband has said to me in awhile: I think LO needs more leisure wear. Haha I was considering getting kiddo some new stuff for his birthday but I love it when it's DH's idea. I hate being the only one managing the kid's inventory. I love it when DH gets involved. I try to keep tight purse strings as much as possible so when my husband gives me the green light to spend, it allows me to feel less guilty about shopping. And there is a consignment sale next weekend.

2/13 - My kid is obsessed with the front door now. He tries to go out multiple times per day. Thank goodness we have a deadbolt but I wish we had one of those screen doors to let the air flow on nice days. How does one childproof them though? So glad to hear your LO is okay. I've been taking LO out there in hopes that he will become familiar enough to find his way home if he ever gets out. Haha can you tell I was a dog-mom for two decades before having an actual human child?

2/17 - New daycare is working out well. It's our 2nd day today. Thanks to all those who encouraged us to make the switch. There was nothing wrong with the other one, but this one is affiliated with our employer and the other one was off-site. It just makes more sense to have kiddo closer if possible. And it's $400 per month cheaper.

We just had a stomach bug rip through our house. Puking Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Diarrhea Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I did so much laundry. By Monday he was eating and drinking lots of water and we sent him back to daycare on Wednesday. They're strict about "no symptoms for 24 hours." I totally get it.

2/27 - Skipped ny workout yesterday to stay home and organize. Shuffling things from home to work and vice versa. Making piles of stuff to give away. Today we will pick up our purchases from an online consignment sale. We gotta make room for the new items.

I had entered my babylist registry in a spreadsheet. It made it easier to share with my younger sister who is having a 2022 Marchling. I calculated the price we paid for things vs if we had bought at full price. We've saved $1500 on babywearing stuff, $1500 on bicycle stuff, $500 on toys and books, $300 on water stuff, $3000 on clothes and shoes, $700 on strollers, etc. All together, we've spent $8000 but we've saved $10,000. I love buying stuff used. Or getting it through Buy Nothing.

I'm not a big spender and I feel like we've bought so many things for LO to get through this pandemic. Since this kid is our "one and done," I want to try everything since I won't get another chance. So as a data nerd, it was fun to look at the numbers and see how much we have saved.

I filed this under self care because seeing how we have managed makes me feel proud of myself. It makes me feel like I am winning at adulting. It liberates me to buy more things that I want, like a silk ring sling to use at the beach this summer. And a "momper" which is a romper for mom.

Babywearing Update: year 2

To update how much I ended up LOVING and using my babywearing stuff...

I used my Lillebaby complete airflow 6-in-1 a lot at home and on the go. I think I actually used the Ergo original carrier more because it was in the car and I wore Albert while we did our grocery shopping for a long time.

I started to notice that Albert was getting too tall to be worn safely so I bought some toddler-sized carriers.

The first one I picked up is a Lenny Lamb Diamond Weave toddler carrier (preschool) with an attached hood. The things I like about it are that the waist panel is very soft so it's good for wearing while sitting down.

The second one I found was a Toddler Tula Pirate Cove. I had heard lots of good things about Baby Tula as a brand. They are gender and size inclusive. I bought it from a person who lived near Disneyland and wore their toddlers often at the park.

The third one I scored was a Lillebaby CarryOn. It was in the original box and looked like it had never been worn. I understand that there are some kids that don't like to be worn, but my kid is 100% on board with it. I think it helps that we're still breastfeeding and it gives him easy access. It's also probably because he has been worn so much that he's very used to it.

The Lillebaby is in the car and it's good for workouts. It comes with a lumbar support. I have debated buying the tummy pad (to replace the lumbar support when doing a back carry). What I learned by attending a BabywearingLA meetup is that the shoulder straps should be tightened at the place close to kiddo when in back carry. Then if you're feeding in front carry, let those out. I would have never learned this on my own. But it does make a huge difference in comfort.

Moving on to a different style of carrier and that's the ring sling. The first one I got was cheap and I didn't really understand how it worked. By that time, it was pandemic lockdown and there was nobody to help me. I just gave it a try and it has been very well used. I like that it's easy to wash and dry because when my kid was young, he spit up A LOT. I felt like the number of times I washed my SSC was a bit hard on them because my original Ergo busted a seam in the shoulder.

The times I've found the ring sling to be most useful is sitting down. This was after a family dinner in a very crowded restraunt and I wore my kid instead of putting him in a high chair. This helped keep the aisles clear and allowed the servers to access our table more easily. I keep this smaller grey bamboo-linen sling in the car and I have used it MANY times when out and about. It's really compact and can fit easily in a diaper bag or stroller.

This is my monster ring sling that I bought to celebrate 1 year of breastfeeding. It's a Wildbird double linen pattern in Aurora. It's also extra long. The rings are black. I have used it nearly EVERY SINGLE DAY because the pandemic work-from-home period went on so long. I would spend HOURS in front of the computer with my kiddo snuggled up in this sling. It's so warm yet breathable. I think I would maybe have bought it used if I had been thinking, but also I wanted the extra length and it's hard to tell from used listings if it's the regular or extra long.

Yeah, I just convinced myself to buy a silk ring sling for 2 years of breastfeeding. It's safe to be used in the water and it will be fun to go swimming in the pool and ocean with this over the summer. Albert is also getting really into snuggling in the shower and it would be nice to wear him in there.

The last one I'll mention is the Deuter hiking backpack. The things I like about it are that it has extra storage capacity to bring along diapers and snacks. It has a sun shade that doesn't work 100% great at shielding the kiddo from the sun, but it's better than nothing.

SLINGS

Hip Baby Wrap Bamboo Linen Ring Sling (78") $50 but I got it for $40

Wildbird Double Linen Ring Sling (90") full price $95

Vienna Springs Dupioni Silk (standard = 74") $135 but I got it for $63

SSC

Infantino Flip 4-in-1 $30 but I got it as a gift

Ergobaby Bundle of Joy with infant insert $135 but I got it as a gift

Lillebaby Airflow 6-in-1 Carrier $120 but I got it for $37

Toddler SSC

Lenny Lamb Diamond Weave $200 but I got it for $50

Tula Baby Pirate Cove $170 but I got it for $85

Lillebaby CarryOn $150 but I got it for $75

HIKING

Deuter Kid Comfort 2 $300 but I got it for $30

Kelty Kids $295 but I got it for $48

All in all, we've saved over 1000 on babywearing stuff by buying used and receiving gifts.

MISC

Didymos size 5 $109 but I got it as a gift

This I actually used as a blanket on the way to daycare. I would love to learn more about how to use this. I see other women doing back carry very simply but I have not been able to get it to work.

I will say just one other thing in closing, I did indulge my curiosity and buy coordinating suck pads for the SSCs. They are nice because they actually cover the strap adjustment so that if Albert falls asleep he's not laying his little face on a piece of plastic. It's also nice that all of them included ribbons for him to chew on. When he's cutting teeth, he definitely chomps on the knotted ribbon. He also plays with it when he gets bored. I like that they are washable, detachable and fun colors and patterns. Highly recommend!

Read my original babywearing post here:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/postpartum-part-9-babywearing.html

Returning to Work

 By golly, I'm finally returning to work after having a baby. It's been 2 years. I started my maternity leave officially on Valentine's day of 2020 and our campus reopened on Valentine's day 2022. I got the coveted spot at the campus daycare and today was Albert's first day.

I've been on an incredible spending spree to get myself all the pumping supplies I would give my best friend if I had an unlimited budget AND the hindsight for what I would have wanted as a new mom.

Let's begin with the huge tub of random stuff my friend gave me. This pump was in there along with a myriad of ziploc bags. I was totally overwhelmed by it all. There are a few things that are supposed to be bought new for each new baby and those parts are shown below.

Accessory Kit

Legendary Milk Duckbill Valve Set of 6

It's overwhelming because it's fucking overwhelming. Because there are valves and flanges and bottles and caps and tube and backflow protectors and it's all new and then there's a crying newborn and you have all your hormones going crazy.

So after 2 years, I finally got that Spectra out and tried using it. I also tried this wonderful hack that some people just rave about, using a nursing clip down bra as a pumping bra and it was no match for my hooters with these flanges that were digging into my skin. Very uncomfortable. Which led to a few more purchases.

Compatible with Pump In Style

Luckily, I found this on my local Facebook marketplace so I didn't have to buy it new. I didn't really think it through though because with the Spectra, the flanges didn't really fit through the holes provided in this pumping bra. Luckily, I had wanted to try Pumpin Pals flanges anyway and they were softer and wouldn't dig into my skin as much. Comfort = everything!

The basic package of flanges in Target is 24mm but the flanges that I have for my Medela -- that I actually like -- are 21mm. So I am hoping this set in size small will work for me. XS (15-18mm), Small, 18-23mm, Medium (24-27mm), Large (27-30mm) and XL (30-40mm). Only XS and S are in the silicone (flexible) material and the larger sizes are made of hard plastic.

And that brings me back to the pumping bag. I had been seeing bags from Sarah Wells that were really cute and functional for carrying pumping supplies back and forth and around wherever you need to go. I thought it would be a really nice treat to have a pretty bag for this new pump. After testing out the lactation space at my work, I realized that a coordinating Pumparoo bag is actually a must. It has a detachable waterproof mat that you can put down on a surface and a wetbag to transport your used pumping supplies. I am currently using a clear plastic ziploc bag with my Medela Pump In Style, which works okay, but this one is much prettier and matches the bag I got for my pump.

Here's the pumping bag, worn as a backpack with some of the stuff in it. It has a side pocket that you can use for a water bottle, cause you know breastfeeding mamas are thirsty as hell. So once you've pumped out the breastmilk, how do you safely store it and transport it back home to your little nugget? Enter Ceres Chill.

The chiller comes with an adapter and a lid and an inner chamber. It does not come with the three lids pictured here or the flanges or the bottle-top. What you can do is fill the outer chamber with icewater and pump your breastmilk directly into the inner chamber. Then you pop the inner chamber into the outer chamber using the adapter and bam you can keep your milk cold for 15 hours if you put 6 oz water and 7 oz ice in the outer chamber. You can combine milk over a 24 hour period into the inner chamber. You can scald the milk if you have high lipase (like me) in the inner chamber. Heat the milk 3-5 minutes (if you have a second outer chamber filled with boiling water) until it reaches 180º F then plunge the inner chamber back into the cold chiller. So I guess I'll be buying a second (or third) outer chamber and also a hot pot to boil water in my office, as well as a thermometer.

They even make a "Happily Ever After" set that has sippy cup tops for the inner chambers and a flip-top with infuser and straw for the outer chamber (chiller). It comes with a cute linen bag with the goddess logo. I remember when my son turned 1 and I bought a Wildbird double linen sling hoping it would facilitate our breastfeeding journey until age 2 and it definitely did. I can't tell you how many sling naps that kid has done while I've been working from home.

Here's what we were doing when Albert was a week old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/03/postpartum-part-1.html

This post was written when baby was 1 month old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/04/300-easter-in-time-of-covid-19-with-1.html

This pumping blog I wrote when my baby was 2 months old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/postpartum-part-6.html

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/my-boobs-can-tell-time.html 

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/postpartum-part-4.html

Here were my thoughts when Albert was 4 months old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/07/breastfeeding-truths.html

This breastfeeding blog I wrote when Albert was 8 months old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/11/what-i-didnt-know-about-breastfeeding.html 

Here's a cost comparison of how much $ we saved by breastfeeding and what things we bought that we actually used versus what we listed on our registry that we didn't actually need:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/04/postpartum-part-3.html 

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2021/06/home-economics.html