Babywearing Update: year 2

To update how much I ended up LOVING and using my babywearing stuff...

I used my Lillebaby complete airflow 6-in-1 a lot at home and on the go. I think I actually used the Ergo original carrier more because it was in the car and I wore Albert while we did our grocery shopping for a long time.

I started to notice that Albert was getting too tall to be worn safely so I bought some toddler-sized carriers.

The first one I picked up is a Lenny Lamb Diamond Weave toddler carrier (preschool) with an attached hood. The things I like about it are that the waist panel is very soft so it's good for wearing while sitting down.

The second one I found was a Toddler Tula Pirate Cove. I had heard lots of good things about Baby Tula as a brand. They are gender and size inclusive. I bought it from a person who lived near Disneyland and wore their toddlers often at the park.

The third one I scored was a Lillebaby CarryOn. It was in the original box and looked like it had never been worn. I understand that there are some kids that don't like to be worn, but my kid is 100% on board with it. I think it helps that we're still breastfeeding and it gives him easy access. It's also probably because he has been worn so much that he's very used to it.

The Lillebaby is in the car and it's good for workouts. It comes with a lumbar support. I have debated buying the tummy pad (to replace the lumbar support when doing a back carry). What I learned by attending a BabywearingLA meetup is that the shoulder straps should be tightened at the place close to kiddo when in back carry. Then if you're feeding in front carry, let those out. I would have never learned this on my own. But it does make a huge difference in comfort.

Moving on to a different style of carrier and that's the ring sling. The first one I got was cheap and I didn't really understand how it worked. By that time, it was pandemic lockdown and there was nobody to help me. I just gave it a try and it has been very well used. I like that it's easy to wash and dry because when my kid was young, he spit up A LOT. I felt like the number of times I washed my SSC was a bit hard on them because my original Ergo busted a seam in the shoulder.

The times I've found the ring sling to be most useful is sitting down. This was after a family dinner in a very crowded restraunt and I wore my kid instead of putting him in a high chair. This helped keep the aisles clear and allowed the servers to access our table more easily. I keep this smaller grey bamboo-linen sling in the car and I have used it MANY times when out and about. It's really compact and can fit easily in a diaper bag or stroller.

This is my monster ring sling that I bought to celebrate 1 year of breastfeeding. It's a Wildbird double linen pattern in Aurora. It's also extra long. The rings are black. I have used it nearly EVERY SINGLE DAY because the pandemic work-from-home period went on so long. I would spend HOURS in front of the computer with my kiddo snuggled up in this sling. It's so warm yet breathable. I think I would maybe have bought it used if I had been thinking, but also I wanted the extra length and it's hard to tell from used listings if it's the regular or extra long.

Yeah, I just convinced myself to buy a silk ring sling for 2 years of breastfeeding. It's safe to be used in the water and it will be fun to go swimming in the pool and ocean with this over the summer. Albert is also getting really into snuggling in the shower and it would be nice to wear him in there.

The last one I'll mention is the Deuter hiking backpack. The things I like about it are that it has extra storage capacity to bring along diapers and snacks. It has a sun shade that doesn't work 100% great at shielding the kiddo from the sun, but it's better than nothing.

SLINGS

Hip Baby Wrap Bamboo Linen Ring Sling (78") $50 but I got it for $40

Wildbird Double Linen Ring Sling (90") full price $95

Vienna Springs Dupioni Silk (standard = 74") $135 but I got it for $63

SSC

Infantino Flip 4-in-1 $30 but I got it as a gift

Ergobaby Bundle of Joy with infant insert $135 but I got it as a gift

Lillebaby Airflow 6-in-1 Carrier $120 but I got it for $37

Toddler SSC

Lenny Lamb Diamond Weave $200 but I got it for $50

Tula Baby Pirate Cove $170 but I got it for $85

Lillebaby CarryOn $150 but I got it for $75

HIKING

Deuter Kid Comfort 2 $300 but I got it for $30

Kelty Kids $295 but I got it for $48

All in all, we've saved over 1000 on babywearing stuff by buying used and receiving gifts.

MISC

Didymos size 5 $109 but I got it as a gift

This I actually used as a blanket on the way to daycare. I would love to learn more about how to use this. I see other women doing back carry very simply but I have not been able to get it to work.

I will say just one other thing in closing, I did indulge my curiosity and buy coordinating suck pads for the SSCs. They are nice because they actually cover the strap adjustment so that if Albert falls asleep he's not laying his little face on a piece of plastic. It's also nice that all of them included ribbons for him to chew on. When he's cutting teeth, he definitely chomps on the knotted ribbon. He also plays with it when he gets bored. I like that they are washable, detachable and fun colors and patterns. Highly recommend!

Read my original babywearing post here:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/postpartum-part-9-babywearing.html

Returning to Work

 By golly, I'm finally returning to work after having a baby. It's been 2 years. I started my maternity leave officially on Valentine's day of 2020 and our campus reopened on Valentine's day 2022. I got the coveted spot at the campus daycare and today was Albert's first day.

I've been on an incredible spending spree to get myself all the pumping supplies I would give my best friend if I had an unlimited budget AND the hindsight for what I would have wanted as a new mom.

Let's begin with the huge tub of random stuff my friend gave me. This pump was in there along with a myriad of ziploc bags. I was totally overwhelmed by it all. There are a few things that are supposed to be bought new for each new baby and those parts are shown below.

Accessory Kit

Legendary Milk Duckbill Valve Set of 6

It's overwhelming because it's fucking overwhelming. Because there are valves and flanges and bottles and caps and tube and backflow protectors and it's all new and then there's a crying newborn and you have all your hormones going crazy.

So after 2 years, I finally got that Spectra out and tried using it. I also tried this wonderful hack that some people just rave about, using a nursing clip down bra as a pumping bra and it was no match for my hooters with these flanges that were digging into my skin. Very uncomfortable. Which led to a few more purchases.

Compatible with Pump In Style

Luckily, I found this on my local Facebook marketplace so I didn't have to buy it new. I didn't really think it through though because with the Spectra, the flanges didn't really fit through the holes provided in this pumping bra. Luckily, I had wanted to try Pumpin Pals flanges anyway and they were softer and wouldn't dig into my skin as much. Comfort = everything!

The basic package of flanges in Target is 24mm but the flanges that I have for my Medela -- that I actually like -- are 21mm. So I am hoping this set in size small will work for me. XS (15-18mm), Small, 18-23mm, Medium (24-27mm), Large (27-30mm) and XL (30-40mm). Only XS and S are in the silicone (flexible) material and the larger sizes are made of hard plastic.

And that brings me back to the pumping bag. I had been seeing bags from Sarah Wells that were really cute and functional for carrying pumping supplies back and forth and around wherever you need to go. I thought it would be a really nice treat to have a pretty bag for this new pump. After testing out the lactation space at my work, I realized that a coordinating Pumparoo bag is actually a must. It has a detachable waterproof mat that you can put down on a surface and a wetbag to transport your used pumping supplies. I am currently using a clear plastic ziploc bag with my Medela Pump In Style, which works okay, but this one is much prettier and matches the bag I got for my pump.

Here's the pumping bag, worn as a backpack with some of the stuff in it. It has a side pocket that you can use for a water bottle, cause you know breastfeeding mamas are thirsty as hell. So once you've pumped out the breastmilk, how do you safely store it and transport it back home to your little nugget? Enter Ceres Chill.

The chiller comes with an adapter and a lid and an inner chamber. It does not come with the three lids pictured here or the flanges or the bottle-top. What you can do is fill the outer chamber with icewater and pump your breastmilk directly into the inner chamber. Then you pop the inner chamber into the outer chamber using the adapter and bam you can keep your milk cold for 15 hours if you put 6 oz water and 7 oz ice in the outer chamber. You can combine milk over a 24 hour period into the inner chamber. You can scald the milk if you have high lipase (like me) in the inner chamber. Heat the milk 3-5 minutes (if you have a second outer chamber filled with boiling water) until it reaches 180º F then plunge the inner chamber back into the cold chiller. So I guess I'll be buying a second (or third) outer chamber and also a hot pot to boil water in my office, as well as a thermometer.

They even make a "Happily Ever After" set that has sippy cup tops for the inner chambers and a flip-top with infuser and straw for the outer chamber (chiller). It comes with a cute linen bag with the goddess logo. I remember when my son turned 1 and I bought a Wildbird double linen sling hoping it would facilitate our breastfeeding journey until age 2 and it definitely did. I can't tell you how many sling naps that kid has done while I've been working from home.

Here's what we were doing when Albert was a week old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/03/postpartum-part-1.html

This post was written when baby was 1 month old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/04/300-easter-in-time-of-covid-19-with-1.html

This pumping blog I wrote when my baby was 2 months old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/postpartum-part-6.html

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/my-boobs-can-tell-time.html 

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/05/postpartum-part-4.html

Here were my thoughts when Albert was 4 months old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/07/breastfeeding-truths.html

This breastfeeding blog I wrote when Albert was 8 months old:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/11/what-i-didnt-know-about-breastfeeding.html 

Here's a cost comparison of how much $ we saved by breastfeeding and what things we bought that we actually used versus what we listed on our registry that we didn't actually need:

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/04/postpartum-part-3.html 

http://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2021/06/home-economics.html

January 2022 thoughts

1/3 - Milestone Monday - LO is obsessed with numbers and letters. And written words. He loves pointing at them and having me read them outloud. He finds numbers everywhere from the park, to the parking garage, and in my cookbooks. I never realized he was paying attention to those symbols but he is really eager. I am happy but also shocked.

1/4 - Tantrum Tuesday - Ended the evening yesterday with, "I am not your servant!" Directed at DH. It's hard getting back to work after 2 weeks at home. I get it. But he was asking me to bring him everything and leaving messes for me to clean up. I'm adjusting too! And after dealing with LO 24/7 (he's been out of daycare since Dec 8th) I need help and a break. I am hiding in the bedroom now, forcing DH to handle dinner and I just heard LO fall out of his high chair and he's wailing. I'm exhausted.

1/5 - Our little outing today was a mixed bag. I was going to be on time but I went to the wrong park. I got a call from daycare that got me flustered. We arrived at the correct park, LO went to play and I started doing my workout with another mom. LO pooped so we had to stop and change a diaper. Back to workout. Then LO wanted attention and snuggles and to nurse. OK, that was the end of the workout. I guess by typing it all out, it wasn't that bad. Kiddo was smiling and playing kinda independently for a good long while.

On the home front, DH is attending a funeral cross-country this weekend. Last minute planning. I declined to go along. So I'm just praying DH has a safe and normal trip (no canceled flight) and that he doesn't get sick. He has procrastinated getting his flu shot and COVID booster. I'm just like ugh. C'mon man. Do your own adulting. And when you do get sick, who's gonna help me care for LO? Just think about the consequences of your decisions. What if you die of COVID? Because that happens to some people. When can we stop framing COVID as a life/death scenario? Still don't know the cause of death of his friend. It's sad. I didn't attend my grandfather's funeral last month because it was too stressful to do a quick trip. I can't believe DH wanted me and LO to go along with him to the service of someone I've never met. Decisions are so hard to make right now.

1/7 - DH is away for the weekend and I'm home with LO for just 2 more weeks before I go back to teaching. My university is being pretty quiet on the topic of returning to in-person instruction, which is what is planned. I will teach a large (~80 person) lecture. The desks are NOT 6ft apart. I will double mask or get N95's. Who is paying for these glorious masks? Why are they $2-3 apiece? Do I need a new one each day or can they be reused? Will I need a microphone? Do I fill out the health questionnaire every day? Is contact tracing even possible when there is community spread? We get a daily email saying which buildings COVID-positive have used. Will it just say every building every day? Is that even useful info? Wishing now more than ever for the option to keep WFH. Don't know how we'll manage student absences and make-up work. Is it going to be just madness? How can I record each class meeting? I haven't been in a lecture hall since I was in my 2nd trimester with my marchling.

Edit to add: Breaking news is that our university is going to revert to virtual instruction for the first 3 weeks of the Spring semester. We have no details about how this will work and how laboratories and exams will be impacted. This was shared with me by my chair at 10am. So I guess there's that. Also it is sad that we have to buy our own PPE. Our university issued 10 cloth masks back at the start of the pandemic, but I have heard no news about whether they will provide KN95s. I looked on my university's info pages and they haven't been updated since March 2020! There was a forum for professors to swap tips and tricks but I don't think anyone is updating it for how to return to campus.

Oh hell no. I can't with this virus. Is it dangerous or not? With the wide range of mitigation strategies, it's hard to take it seriously. I just went back to my workout group in person this week after taking December off cause LO was sick and we are masking for outdoor, socially distant fitness. It's hard to workout in a mask but I feel better at least trying.

1/9 - Self-Care Sunday - DH is out of town and I've been alone with LO. We're doing all my favorite things. I love it. I realized that when DH is here, I can get so resentful when I feel DH is not doing enough to help me. Now that he's gone, I'm experiencing a level of joy that I haven't felt in a long time. So I guess I'm going to have to try to recreate this feeling when DH returns. Like I was the one creating all the misery. And I realized it. And I'm having so much fun going on dates with LO. And not worrying about keeping costs down. And not counting calories. And not worrying what other people think. Yes my kid might throw a tantrum in public and I can only do so much to keep it from happening, but I'm not going to stay home just because I don't want my kid to have a public meltdown. They end pretty quickly (the tantrums) when kiddo realizes that his crying isn't going to change my mind. We went to a fitness class, played at the park, ate at McDonald's, went to a recovery 12-step meeting in a park, walked and ate at IKEA. It was so fun. Today we're at the zoo.

December was miserable because LO was sick and it was raining so we couldn't go out. But now it's good weather and I'm taking advantage. Lots of steps.

Also I reconfigured my closet. Removed all things I don't wear and got about 30 new tops that I love. Now I can't wait to get dressed for work. One person sold me 100 pieces for $200 so I regifted everything that didn't fit me, which has been really fun.

1/13 - Got a 45 min massage after a workout while kiddo was spending the morning at daycare. Two thoughts: there is nothing wrong with kiddo going to daycare. There is no shame in needing help. You're not a bad mom for sending your child to someone else for a couple of hours.

Prior to that moment, I felt so empty and alone and useless. Hate that I have to work. Just not enjoying getting back into the routine. But maybe once we get going, I won't even notice. The friction of starting a new groove is so painful.

Second, it is ok to do what you need to do. Fill your cup. Paint. Talk with friends and family. Get a cute haircut. Laugh. Dance. I don't remember what it's like not to agonize over everything, every decision, due to this pandemic. But it felt good to have this thought. Maybe I should meditate more often.

I've only had one haircut in 2 years and I'm just not a fan of long hair (on myself). I'm going to spend time with a friend on Monday and try to get a spa appointment for Tuesday. Yes, COVID cases are so common right now, but this is my last week before school resumes, so it's my chance and I am going to take it. As my sister told me, it's like QE... yaaaas qween!

1/16 - Self Care Sunday - I. AM. BUYING. EVERYTHING. I got new shoes for fitness and I'm so happy about it. A new running belt. And registered for a 5k race that I've always wanted to do. A new headband. A new MAMA hat. A new running skirt. A new tank top that says MOM PWR.

I still have body oil leftover from when I was pregnant and trying to avoid stretch marks. I did a leg & foot self massage last night after LO went to sleep. Woke up this morning feeling so awesome. Getting a massage on Tuesday, at a place which has a Women's Spa • Dry & Steam Sauna • Jacuzzi (Cold & Hot) • Clay Room • Ice Room • Salt Room  • Relaxation Room. If you book a massage, you can use all the facilities. I know... Covid. But I need a break.

Daycare has asked us to send a paper face covering but say that LO will not be required to wear it. No cloth masks allowed.

1/17 - Milestone Monday - LO is obsessed with action songs. He loves "Wheels on the Bus" and does all the actions. He does "Let’s Tap" from CoComelon. Stomping and watching what mommy does. It's pretty freaking adorable.

1/18 - Tantrum Tuesday - LO is getting very particular about shoes. He wants to wear them in the house. Or not. He wants to wear them at the park. Or not. He wants to wear a specific pair. After getting dressed, he may want different shoes than whatever I put on him. I guess it's okay but I kinda miss the days where he would just wear whatever I picked out.

He gets a bit testy about taking off a jacket or vest, even when I feel like it's too warm. He likes to wear the monkey harness even though the head of the monkey blocks his view. If I try to take it off, he screams.

1/25 - Napped for 2h with LO yesterday. Such a luxury.

Today I have a 2h block to get work done (or shower) while DH is at work and LO is at daycare. Glorious!

I love my kiddo but he is doing this new shriek when he's not getting attention. It is (hopefully) just a phase. I am sure he's frustrated that he can't express himself. I'm like, dude use your words. And he's like, I can't talk yet, you know this.

LO woke up absolutely screaming in the middle of the night. Maybe he had a nightmare. He was grabbing his legs and feet. Maybe growing pains? I gave Tylenol and rocked in the rocking chair and eventually he went back down. DH even woke up. Haha.

Normally I handle all night wake-ups alone, but this was a whole-house alarm. Part of me was like yeah, welcome hubby, this kid wakes me up 2-3x per night EVERY NIGHT. I have been insulating DH from night wakeups for so long (18 months) by sleeping with LO in the guest room and letting DH get uninterrupted sleep. He's a light sleeper. And he never got to WFH during the pandemic.

1/30 - Self-Care Sunday - We got 4 new tires (all weather) for our minivan. This reduces my anxiety about driving on the freeway in the rain.

I have cut my hair only once since becoming pregnant with LO, so it's longer than it has been in 20 years. I'm learning about the Curly Girl method. It's expensive to buy all new products, but also if I have long hair, I want to do something with it. Kiddo seems kinda past the point of pulling on it for no reason. So far it is looking better and it's only been a week.

How will your lifestyle change once your Marchling has been fully vaccinated?

Right now we are unable to attend concerts indoors, due to the rules of the venue. I would like to try taking kiddo to orchestra, ballet or opera. I know it sounds ridiculous. But the campus performance space reserves 5 performances per year for children and right now they are restricted to age 5 or older. I saw a ballet with LO when he was in the womb in Feb 2020. So yeah I guess that's what I have to look forward to.

Do not worry about these myths

Things people say you need to worry about that you don't actually need to worry about:

Bassinet / sleeping through the night - myth

Nursery / crib - did not need

Nipple confusion - not a thing

Freezer stash - high lipase

Breast pads - I don't leak

Pee pee tee pee - it happens fast, the golden fountain, as we called it. 

Bibs - the puree phase was the only time we bibbed. Lasted about 2 months. To be fair our baby wasn't very drooly and he hates messes.

Sleep sack / swaddle - still do not understand this. My kid has always needed his autonomy of all limbs.

Walker - hated it

Protect your milk supply / Build up a freezer stash

You can change your baby anywhere (couch, floor, grass), you don't need a dedicated changing table - Myth

stages of babyproofing

5 months, Stage 1: outlets are cool

Cover all outlets

Stage 2: cables are cool

Hide all cables

9 months, Stage 3: baby jail

Confine the baby

15 months, Stage 4: stairs are cool

Block all the stairs

Stage 5: toilets are cool

Lock all toilets

Stage 6: toys are trash

Lock trashcan

Stage 7: pantry is awesome

Lock pantry

We put drawer and cabinet locks in kitchen and bathrooms same time as stage 2. We secured furniture to the wall sometime around stage 4. We also got door locks to deal with a door obsession.

23 months, Stage 8: I know I'm not supposed to play with this, I'll shut it myself.

But also, I'll try to go out the front door if it's not locked.

And, I can play with stuff that's a choking hazard because I don't try to put everything in my mouth.

Corner covers because I'm taller now and running into the corners of desks

December 2021 thoughts

12/3 - Tried oatmeal today, toddler did not enjoy. Hey, they serve it at daycare and it's easy to make so I thought it was worth a shot. He is good with utensils and can self feed stuff like applesauce, cottage cheese, chia pudding.

The other day my husband asked me, "what's wrong with your face? Is that a rash?" Ummm no. It's "I have a busy toddler, I don't get to shower often enough, my hormones have been jacked up since giving birth and I haven't had the time or money to correct my skincare." Am I wrong?

I just dropped another wad of cash on a baby carrier. Anyone else into Toddler carrying? It's like I'm addicted to buying this stuff. I can't stop myself from thinking about it. I used an Ergo and a Lillebaby SSC until my kid didn't fit. His upper half of his torso was above the top of the panel so he was at risk of falling out. I got the baby Ergo for free and the baby Lille on sale for $37. I got a ring sling for $40.

Fast forward to now. I got a Wildbird double-linen sling for $95 around LO's 1st birthday. I got a toddler Lenny Lamb SSC for $50 the following month. I got a toddler Tula SSC in October for $85. And now a toddler Lillebaby SSC for $75. I justify it because we still breastfeed. My kid likes being worn. It's a good core workout for me. And I will pass along the baby carriers more willingly when I know I have the Toddler-sized replacements. Maybe I'm just trying to hold on to the snuggles for as long as possible knowing I will never have a 2nd baby.

I would love to continue using the baby sized Ergo but my kid is strangely tall. I'm not tall. I wear him while working out sometimes so I need him to be seated comfortably and deeply. I do this to be strong enough to wear him hiking. I got Deuter and Kelty hiking backpacks. To be fair, I live in Los Angeles and we have several huge consignment sales as well as an active Facebook marketplace so I get lots of things used. Like 20-50% of full price (50-80% off). And I also feel like the pandemic caused me to spend on things instead of experiences. Because for so long, we weren't allowed to go anywhere or see anyone.

I got to go to a babywearing meet-up (the 1st in-person since the start of the pandemic). It was so good to reconnect with the babywearing educator who fit us for our first Lille carrier when I was still pregnant in Jan 2020. The fit-check reassured me that my kid is in need of the Toddler-sized carrier. He wears 3T clothes and size 8 shoes now.

The tip I got was to tighten up the shoulder straps on the top when back-carrying, then let them out if kiddo is eating in front. There's an adjustment on Toddler carriers that doesn't exist on baby ones and it was a mystery to me when I transitioned. Not sure if that is clear. It's on top of the shoulder pad, not in your armpit.

Being a working mom is like trying to run up a hill with a parachute and bungee cords wrapped around you. I keep trying to get up that hill, despite all the forces acting against me. And I have to repeat this insanity day after day, week after week. But with modifications! And optimization!

I was induced on my due date. Ended up with so many interventions and an unplanned C-section. Make sure you have VERY patient support people. My mom was with me and she thought it would be a 4-hour process. My husband as well. After 22-hours I wanted to toss both of those bozos out the window and labor alone. Also my OB was MIA. There were lots of stressful factors. In the end I felt like I gave up. Wish I had hired a doula.

12/7 - Remember when we thought if we got vaccinated we wouldn't have to wear masks? haha. I wish that were true. I wish my LO could be vaccinated against COVID-19. I'm going back to in-person teaching for all my classes next semester which means I'll be lecturing to a group of ~80 people while wearing a mask. And LO will turn 2 and he'll have to start wearing a mask in public. This is the pandemic that keeps giving. I know decades from now, we will look back on this time and it will seem brief, but for right now it is dragging on.

I explain infertility to people like going through puberty again. I can't know exactly what it was like for anyone else, of course. I think I stayed on progesterone for the first 10 weeks after my FET. I still have extra syringes and hormones stashed in my closet that I need to figure out how to safely dispose of.

For me, my son was born March 2020. We retrieved 14 eggs that became 4 embryos that were PGS tested, 1 euploid, 1 FET and that's our kiddo. I think I was so traumatized by infertility that I didn't really prepare for parenthood. I took 10 weeks of birth classes, infant CPR, breastfeeding class and a hospital L&D tour but also I thought there was a possibility that I would not end up with a live baby.

So I wasn't planning to formula feed or breastfeed. Luckily my BFF sent me a box with a ton of bottles, nipples, lids, tubing, valves, pacifiers, etc. I opened it one time before my son was born and had a tiny panic attack then closed it back up. Thankfully my mom stayed with us for 10 days around my son's birthday. She helped us get all set up with a bottle washing station and workflow.

I ended up with an unplanned C-section after laboring for 22 hours by induction at 40 weeks. The trauma of all that was something else and my son didn't latch for 7 weeks. If I has known I would still be breastfeeding at 21 months, I might never have started. The hospital insisted that we have several months supply of formula before they would discharge us. Maybe they were worried about COVID-related shortages or maybe they do that to everyone. I don't know.

If you have additional embryos, which I didn't, you may appreciate the freedom to do your next FET without having to wean. I support your decision to formula-feed and I wish you the best. Some days I wish my body was my own. Even though my kid can eat and drink other stuff, I am still responsible for night wake-ups and several times a day for 30 min daytime feeds. We nurse to sleep and cosleep for naps and bedtime.

12/9 - LO has an ear infection, but we got antibiotics at urgent care. Alternating Tylenol and Motrin to reduce fever and relieve pain. Last day of teaching for the semester. Amen.

12/10 - My mom says I created a monster by letting LO cosleep. I'm kinda anxious because I haven't had a great relationship with my mom. This baby (now toddler) has given us a common interest, so I don't tell her when stuff she says is hurtful.

I don't mind cosleeping. It's a great way to slow down and enjoy chill snuggles. Part of me is wanting to stand up for myself and my parenting choices, but the other part is like, who cares? It's not worth convincing / educating her because it's not like she's gonna have any more kids.

12/12 - Self-Care Sunday - I have one of those garden windows in my kitchen and I rearranged it to accommodate some real candles. It was nice to light them while preparing dinner, since it gets dark so early now. Like a mini-fireplace.

12/13 - Milestone Monday - New word: CoCo. As in CoComelon. New sound: hoot hoot. As in a train whistle. Adorable. 

One week away from the winter solstice and it shows. These days are so short! We decorated our stroller with battery-powered lights (Wheel Brightz) and we had to turn them on around 4:30pm on Saturday. LO is still sick so we're staying home and driving each other crazy.

12/15 - Wondering Wednesday. How to reduce weaponized incompetence in husband? Mine is driving me nuts! LO has been sick for two weeks, daycare won't take him, DH has caught LO's sickness and is acting like he's on death's door. I also have it but I'm doing childcare, meals, housework and my actual paid job.

These are the nights when LO and I are up coughing, we go into the guest bedroom so DH can get a good night's rest. I'm keeping up the medication schedule for LO around the clock. DH plays with LO and says, "my what long nails you have!" But then doesn’t cut them. This is just one example. Other things are snot sucking, diaper changes, meals for LO. Why am I the only parent doing these things?

I wish I had a partner with more energy. We fight constantly about me not sitting down for meals. I'm doing chores! Why does it take me 10 minutes to eat and DH takes 90 minutes? He can't help with things because he's "still eating" or insert other things he does slowly like showering, pooping or reading. Yes, I would like to read for fun. No, I don't have time.

DH doesn't really play with LO. When the 3 of us are home together, DH will be reading on his phone not interacting with LO. So kiddo starts bothering me or doing stuff he's not allowed to do just to get our attention. I can't work like this and I can't hire a babysitter when we're all sick.

I am NOT looking forward to Xmas at MILs because I know I'll be doing all the watching and DH will be relaxing with his family. TLDR: Send advice about training husband.

12/16 - Sometimes I miss the simple joy of tracking LO's sleep, feeds and diapers on Huckleberry. I had a really sweet 6 months with my newborn. It was such a rewarding feeling to get a nap in the sweet spot. I feel like toddlerhood has been kind of a sh*tshow. With daycare colds, one nap days and WFH it's been chaos. I'm looking forward to winter break. A month to rest, reset, play, organize, prioritize, and reconnect.

My spring schedule is tentatively two full (9 hour) days Tues/Thurs 8-5 and two short (2.5 hour) days Mon/Wed evening 5-7:30pm. Anyone want to weigh in on sending LO for 5 half-days or 3 full days? I don't know the price difference. I only know the price goes down when LO turns 2.

12/19 - Self-care Sunday. Meal prepped. 120 g or 170 g chicken per meal. Plus vegetable and a carb. Got more to make (beef and pasta and grilled cheese) but progress is progress.

I have learned over the past few months what encouraged us to eat at home and when we chose to get take-out (even when we had food at home). I haven't quite worked up the motivation to start logging in MyFitnessPal again, but I may.

We got a meal prep service once and it went so well the next week we reused their containers but made the food ourselves. DH suggested alternating like that to get us through to the end of the semester. The meal prep service makes 15 meals for $120. Alternatively you can buy cooked meat or vegetables by the pound, which is cheaper, between $60-80 depending on what you get. But it takes about 2 minutes to buy and less than 30 minutes to pickup.

Before we were doing Mashup Mom which is $65 per week at ALDI. You buy everything, but some items are pre-sliced, pre-washed, etc. It takes about 5 hours to cook everything. Let's say 1 hour for shopping and hauling groceries. But eliminates the time for planning and making a shopping list. And the recipes are different each week. And they are planned so you use everything with no waste.

Then when you want to eat, just turn out the container onto a plate and microwave 2 minutes. I don't put anything in the freezer except burritos. We do breakfast burritos with eggs, cheese and a hash brown patty. We also do meat, beans, cheese and sometimes rice burritos. Sometimes we get the eggs pre-made from our meal prep service. Sometimes we get the rice and meat premade from a grocery store deli.

Mashup mom is designed for you to cook every day but I prefer to do it all on Sunday because dirtying dishes and washing all them and cleaning the kitchen makes me feel ready for the week. It is designed to feed a family of 4. Sometimes we have to throw out what we don’t eat. Since we are a family of 3. Kiddo is a super picky eater so maybe if your LO is more adventurous, you might be able to just offer them what you make for the adults.

Mashup Mom (https://www.mashupmom.com/) is free. Our meal prep service is called Fitlicious (https://fitliciousmealprep.com/) and it's a local business. They focus on food for gym rats, like bodybuilding, so you might be able to find something like that in your area if you start looking at a gym. [ The containers (http://50-Pack Meal Prep Plastic Microwavable Food Containers For Meal Prepping With Lids 28 oz. 1 Compartment Black Rectangular Reusable Storage Lunch Boxes -BPA-Free Food Grade -Freezer & Dishwasher Safe https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079M174TQ/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_g_VSDFXBZ21JHEG5H0EFYD) you could get from Amazon. They stack really small when you aren't using them and become pretty compact in the fridge. I use a kitchen scale to weigh the meat.

Trying to clear clutter since MIL and BIL are coming here mid-week to celebrate DH's birthday. Praying we are all healthy by then.

12/20 - Milestone Monday! New phrase: my doggie.

12/21 - Bought cheese fondue for DH's birthday. He's too sick to eat. Went for a COVID test and now we wait. Birthday party canceled.

Me (falling asleep last night): my new years resolution is to spend less money. No more toys. No more clothes.

Me (waking up this morning): I deserve a spa day because my bathtub is too small for a proper soak. I better get LO a Hanna Andersson pj in the next size up. I want to go to Disneyland with LO and DH. I want to go to IKEA and buy more stuff to organize the house. 🤣

12/24 - Holy crap. Is it almost Christmas? LO started running a fever on Dec 3rd and he has been sick since then. It's like the entire month of December didn't happen. DH and myself have been sick too. Every time I think we're getting better, we get worse again. DH tested negative for COVID but we have been staying home anyway. SIL and MIL are sick too (independently of us) so our family Christmas get-together has been tentatively rebranded as a new year party. Fingers crossed that we are all well by the middle of next week.

I am legitimately running out of ideas for activities. When I'm feeling well, I pride myself on my programming. I plan lots of things to do to keep the family busy and not bored and bickering. But I'm not feeling very energetic and I am happy our LO seems to be getting his energy back. But he is ahead of DH and myself. We got this from daycare so LO had it first. It's hard seeing the family lacking stuff to do but I just can't right now. And it's raining outside.

12/25 - We walked a couple miles in Anaheim. Passed through Downtown Disney. It was in between rain storms so there were very few people. Went to SIL's and played with wooden blocks for 4 hours. LO took a sling nap and then woke up hangry. We made some noodles to go and let kiddo eat on the way home. All in all, it was 1000x better than I imagined.

Oh that wonderful moment when family members asked if we're going to have another child... we explained why not. Then they asked why we can't just have one "the natural way." Then they asked why we don't want to go through IVF again. It's understandable that they want to ask these questions, but so painful for me to answer. 💔

12/26 - This holiday my SIL said the ring sling was smart, as opposed to Thanksgiving when MIL called my SSC, "that contraption." We will see MIL for a NYE or New Year's Day event, so there's still a possibility of hostility, but yesterday we had a lot of fun with SIL and LO's cousins who are 18 and 20 years old.

Trying to decide what to do today. LO was up at 4am because he fell asleep last night at 6pm. I've already made strawberry Jell-O and chocolate Jell-O pudding, breakfast, and a load of laundry is in the wash. Usually we pickup our meal prep service OR do grocery shopping and a week's worth of cooking. Strange that DH doesn't want to cook today. I guess we are just getting over being sick.

Trying to decide if it's worth it to drive 1h to the beach for a walk, stroll or bike ride. We have a cargo bike that I am in love with. But the weather is cold and it might rain. And we could do a walk, stroll or bike ride in our neighborhood without the 1h drive.

12/27 - Counting. When moving stuff from one area to another he counts in an exaggerated slow sing-song voice. He's not saying actual numbers but the intent is there. Same for doing laps across the house. He lines up. Looks to us. Barks a countdown like 3-2-1-go and then starts running. Then he turns around, does the countdown and runs back. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Just noticed this last night during a zoom call. LO was showing off for his grandparents.

12/31 - Two nightmares last night. 1st was going somewhere with a group and having to keep everyone together. It was five adults but I kept losing everyone. Why was it my responsibility to keep track of these other adults? No idea, but probably I was carrying residual stress from going to the science museum with DH and LO yesterday. 

2nd dream, I was attending a conference. Giving a talk. Wrangling luggage. Had LO with me. Couldn't do everything. Couldn't check in to hotel, couldn't find the room for my talk. Kept dropping stuff. Not enough hands. Stuff was heavy. Didn't have slides prepared. No babysitter. Clock was counting down until my presentation time. Thought I could still make it. Missed my talk. Time ran out. So stressful.

It may not seem baby-related but I think it was. Tomorrow we will see MIL and SIL even though FIL has COVID. I don't understand this. DH says if we get it, we'll be healthy by the time classes start on Jan 24th. I'm so conflicted. I just found out 1 hour ago. Kinda freaking out.

We have been staying home since Dec 8th. To be healthy for Christmas. But FIL was sick on Christmas so we didn't see them. This is a do-over. But I have no actual medical assurance that FIL is healthy. They are vaccinated but not boosted. I don't believe a negative COVID test has been done. He was positive on 12/26 but is "feeling better" now.

Thank goodness we modified our get together to a walk outside. No dining. No indoors.

Mom hack: Johnson's Baby Shampoo is a pretty good face wash.

November 2021 thoughts

 11/1 - Putting LO in daycare tomorrow for the first time. Pray for us.

11/2 - Daycare drop-off on LO's 1st ever time away from parents went well. I left him at 8am and picked him back up at noon. I cried and have a migraine from the stress. The daycare said LO did great. Phew. What a relief.

I hope they don't think we are total weirdos for starting with half days, but I'm just not ready to let LO try to nap somewhere else. I want to do some short days so that LO becomes confident we'll come back to get him. He's good with routines, so I'm gonna try a few weeks of synchronization of his routine at home with the routine at daycare.

11/3 -  I am starting to let go. The last thing I want is to stifle my LO's development by keeping him too close to me. We took our baby set off the Tripp Trapp, which means no straps. We've had several falls with him climbing all over it. But I still haven't put the straps back on because I think he's just exploring it and he'll learn how to get up and down with practice. So if you're ready for all that, go ahead and go booster seat.

Has anyone coined a term for the work-from-home-no-childcare mom (or parent) yet? I did finally send my LO to daycare, and it has been so hard for me to adjust. The house is so quiet. I have my autonomy back. I have my brain back. I can shower alone. But I feel like half my body is gone. I somehow miss the constant demands for attention. I can't stop talking to myself. I don't know if I should be making an OB appointment to get on some kind of antidepressant or antipsychotic medication. I know it will continue to evolve, and we're just doing half-days at daycare, but right now my heart is full of big feelings.

11/7 - I spent about an hour on the foam roller last night and I woke up this morning with no pain in my back, neck, legs and feet. It was glorious. Spent the better part of the day cleaning out the garage. Hubs always wants to have a quiet relaxing weekend. I always want his help doing things I can't do (or don't want to do) alone. This caused some tension but I'm happy because I got (and did) what I wanted. We had great weather for garage work (cool breeze, overcast). LO had fun running around inside the garage and playing with a bunch of new treasures. I was able to part with some items from the past and I aim to go further with decluttering and letting go.

BR: we let some big toys and a stroller go. I have to say this is why I needed my husband's help. I can get sentimentally attached to objects and hang on to them for way longer than necessary. I'm considering getting rid of my cloth diaper stash. Now that LO is in daycare, I don't see us going back to that.

11/8 - Our dog is 14. LO plays & spills the dog food & water multiple times per day. We've explored rehoming the dog but with no strong leads. Now that LO is at daycare, I'm hoping the dog enjoys having the house to herself for at least half days.

11/10 - The strength of my marriage is not tested when all is well and easy. It is testable when things are not good, when we're tired. Thanks parenthood for providing ample opportunity for testing.

11/11 - Is there any regret for NOT having formal photos of LO? I bought a tiny suit in size 18m but never sat LO down all dressed up for a photo. Daycare arranged picture day last week but it was on a Friday and our kiddo only goes Tues, Wed, Thurs. I didn't do a formal Halloween pic. I'm wondering if I will regret this.

It's still so weird with COVID having doubts about being in public. Do I take LO to the mall to sit on Santa's lap or is that creepy and weird? Do I take photos at the beach on some random day? Do I ditch the suit and just move on?

11/16 - I was talking with a colleague yesterday about being a working mom and I came up with an analogy: trying to come up with ideas from my mombrain is like wringing out a dirty dishrag. Let's say a good idea would be clean soapy (productive) water but all it seems I'm getting out of my brain now are dingy dirty gross (not valuable) ideas. Crap, basically. She was like, "it's unreasonable to expect yourself to work at the level you did before kids." And yes, I understand this. But I told her that I need to step down from all unpaid work. For my sanity and because I am not sharing valuable contributions and that stresses me out.

I also realized that by sending LO to daycare for just 12 hours per week, I feel like I got oxygen back into my lungs. Like it resuscitated me. I came back to life. I was drowning. And I feel born again. We're only in week 3. LO had diarrhea last Thursday (when daycare was closed for Veteran's Day) and vomited Thursday night, then been sniffling and whiny all throughout the long weekend so I didn't get as much work done as I had hoped. But LO is back to daycare today. Even though he still has a runny nose, they said I could leave him since he doesn't have a fever.

My printer inexplicably stopped printing and I am frustrated. WFH sucks because I can't call IT and have someone else deal with it and also I don't need it fixed badly enough to actually deal with it myself.

11/21 - We rehomed our dog this week. She has been gone since Wednesday. She went to a SAHM whose son is now in school and she was looking for a companion. Our 14 year old maltipoo is good with our son but was so spoiled that she was barking at us to take her for walks and we just couldn't deal with being barked at constantly. She also stole food out of LO's hand, causing mealtime meltdowns. Our LO was constantly dumping the dog's food and water on the laminate flooring that cannot get wet so that was a challenge. And LO was constantly going out the dog door and playing in the garden and bringing in dirt and rocks, so we would shut the dog door but then the dog would bark. So yeah I'm filing this under self-care. I have had a dog for the past 20 years so it's an adjustment, but LO is a handful so I'm plenty busy as a non-dog-owner.

11/24 - The walk to daycare this morning was eerily quiet. LO pretty much falls asleep immediately in the car, which is great if you plan for it but kinda sucky if you're driving 5 minutes and your LO wakes up permanently if you attempt a transfer.

My LO is firmly against hats. I'm sad because I love hats and have bought him a bunch of them that he refuses to wear.

11/29 - Milestone Monday = Jumping! He first did it when he was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and they were all jumping. He's been doing it daily since. He does come to my exercise classes with me and has since I was 13 weeks pregnant. So he's seen me jump, squat, lunge and all that. He does baby squats and baby twerks also. I love seeing him have music appreciation.

11/30 - Hate that our daycare only has me listed. I get all notifications and fill out all forms. DH is listed but not authorized to login with his email so he does not receive notifications. I just hate coparenting when the mom is the default for everything. Dad should be equally responsible, notified, informed and authorized.

Also while I'm ranting, we are spending Thanksgiving and Xmas with in-laws. Trying to pin down whether there is a gift exchange. His family is so freaking formal. I just know they will want to have LO open presents and sit down for a meal. Then they get upset that he doesn't understand how to open presents or won't want to play with whatever they buy for him. They have not asked what we want so I hope it's not a plastic annoying monstrosity. Also LO won't make it through a formal dinner. And I will have to chase him around the whole time saying "Don't touch grandma's [insert breakable item on the toddler eye level]." They haven't watched LO even one time since he was born. Ugh.