electrolytes abound

It seems like there are ads for electrolytes everywhere you look, and the more you look, the more ads find their way to your eyeballs. The interest and availability of electrolyte packets has exploded into a $40B industry. The market is projected to double by 2034. However, there are risks associated with overconsumption. A balanced diet often provides enough electrolytes. Looking at my most successful diet of all time (the IVF diet by Zita West), I was regularly getting 1000mg Na from the food, and on some days as much as 3500mg Na. The contributors to high sodium were soy sauce, capers, olives, canned green beans, and shrimp or fish fillets.

Supplements I have or still take (or haven't tried yet)

The items in bold are the things I used during the marathon.

SaltStick Chewables: 100mg Na, 30mg K, 6mg Mg, 10mg Ca, 1g carb

LMNT: 1000mg Na, 200mg K, 60mg Mg, 0g carb

Prime: 600mg Na, 400mg K, 75mg Mg, 10mg Ca, 2g carb

Electrolit: 330mg Na, 370mg K, 20mg Mg, 40mg Ca, 10g carb

Venture Pal: 500mg Na, 280mg K, 20mg Mg, 104mg Ca, 8g carb

Tailwind: 620 mg Na, 180mg K, 24mg Mg, 54mg Ca, 50g carb

Liquid I.V.: 510mg Na, 390mg K, 12g carb

Skratch: 400mg Na, 49mg K, 48mg Mg, 54mg Ca, 19g carb

Gatorade Zero: 380mg Na, 110mg K, 2g carb

Gatorade: 270mg Na, 80mg K, 35g carb

Powerade Zero: 240mg Na, 80mg K, 0g carb

Powerade: 250mg Na, 60mg K, 35g carb

Nuun: 300mg Na, 150mg K, 13mg Mg, 13mg Ca, 4g carb

Solgar liquid: 300mg Mg, 600mg Ca, 2g carb

NOW Ca&Mg softgels:  333mg Mg, 667mg Ca, 25mg Zn, per 2 softgels

365 Ca&Mg capsules: 500mg Mg, 1000mg Ca per 3 capsules

NOW Ca&Mg tablets: 500mg Mg, 1000mg Ca per 2 tablets

TUMS: 1000mg calcium carbonate

Coconut water: 50mg Na, 646mg K, 24mg Mg, 53mg Ca, 15g carb

"Astronaut Juice": 145mg Na, 12.5g carb per 8 oz serving

Coca-Cola: 40mg Na, 42g carb

Pickle Juice shot: 470mg Na, 20mg K, 2mg Zn, 0g carb

Nerds gummy clusters: 15mg sodium, 71g carb

Gu: 55mg Na, 30mg K, 20mg Ca, 23g carb

Clif bloks (3): 50mg Na, 18mg K, 24g carb

Biscoff (4 cookies): 115mg Na, 23g carb

Stroopwafel: 75mg Na, 18g carb

Clif bar: 230mg Na, 225mg K, 40mg Ca, 42g carb

McDonald's salt packet: 280mg Na

Heinz mustard packet: 65mg Na

For me, learning about electrolytes has been a trial-and-error process. When you train with a friend or a group, someone will see you suffering and lean over to whisper about their favorite bonk-breaker. I was told about Gu from a running friend when the mileage climbed above 9 miles for a long run. We would stop to take a gel at mile 7. I remember refilling a water bottle during a 60-mile bike ride in 2010, and someone quietly slipping a Nuun tablet into my bottle. At the time, I was primarily concerned with drinking water, and I thought it was enough to quench my thirst. 

Marty's Tom's Farms ride

When I was hiking in the Verdugos, I got food poisoning in 2012 from my own self. I had probably put a Nuun tablet into a hydration bladder and then let it fester. The next time I tried to use it, it was full of pests, which infested my GI tract. I vowed then and there to NEVER contaminate my hydration bladder again. I've heard people put flat Coca-Cola into their water bottles, so I've added Coke for comparison. But I'm too scared of not being able to fully wash it out to put anything other than water in my hydration vest/belt bottles. I remember examining Nuun's ingredients, and in terms of macronutrients and micronutrients, it was similar to the growth medium used to culture fungi.

The kicker for me came when I cramped during the 2024 Santa Monica Classic. I called my sister to complain, and she asked me what type of electrolytes I was taking. When I told her none, she said it was incredible that I lived in such a hot climate and that nobody had taught me about the importance of replenishing electrolytes. To be honest, every time I think about this race, it still burns me that I skipped the 10k and only finished a 5k. The course was shortened due to the heat.

I've been wanting to write a blog about salt for a long time, but it seems like I'm always staying so busy. I had to take a break from grading student work because hackers disrupted our access to the LMS, Canvas. It's been unavailable for just over 24 hours, which is pretty much the timeline I predicted. But it still sucks that I lost about 8 hours of productivity. Although it did give me the opportunity to write and read a little about salt.

What I can say is that during the 2025 LA Marathon, I took two SaltStick chews every 30 minutes and ended up feeling gross at mile 17. I adjusted that to one SaltStick chew every 30 minutes in 2026, and it was perfect. I felt amazing up until mile 25.

MyFitnessPal all time data

LA Road Runners Chat #9 Dietition Serena Marie - Part 2 (10-30-2025)

https://youtu.be/f5gXdJ4i4yQ?si=KmMON9FYyumPI4ux 

LA Road Runners Thursday Night Coach's Zoom

You can calculate your sweat rate, and a dietitian who spoke to my running club explained that you should track all of this, including the weather. To convert sweat rate to sodium loss, multiply your sweat volume (in liters) by your sweat sodium concentration (typically 200–2,300 mg/L, with an average of ~950 mg/L). A typical, moderate sweat rate is 1.2 L/h, which, at an average concentration, results in ~1,000 mg (1 gram) of sodium lost per hour. I've never done it, but maybe I can make this a summer project.

Sodium to Salt Conversion: 1 gram of sodium equals ~2.5 grams of salt (NaCl).
Range: Most people lose 200–2,300 mg of sodium per liter of sweat.
Factors: Sweat concentration is mostly genetic, but sweat volume depends on intensity, temperature, and acclimation. You can use this worksheet to calculate your sweat rate, then use that to determine how much sodium you need. I don't feel like I'm a heavy sweater, but at the Naughty Girl Fitness workout, I was dripping sweat, so maybe I just don't notice it when I'm running.
https://koreystringer-institute.media.uconn.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/3814/2024/08/Sweat-Rate-Calculator.pdf 

I am mindful that we need more magnesium as we age. I wonder how much magnesium from supplements is bioavailable. I still take a lot of supplements, pushing calcium and magnesium as I have since pregnancy and postpartum. But because of the cost, I sometimes wonder if I should stop. Also, I wonder if I'm putting myself at increased risk of kidney stones by overdoing it on electrolytes. In all, the body is pretty great at maintaining homeostasis. But I have heard of people overdosing on TUMS and ending up with stones.

I have heard of people taking salt packets from McDonald's, as well as mustard packets. Some people love Nerds gummy clusters. I guess I spent a lot on food/fuel when I was first getting started running, but now that I'm more settled on what I like (what works for me), I don't spend as much. I included fuel and all the food from the race weekend in this calculation. Someone in my running group suggested signing up for ALL the races. Like YOLO. They justified it by saying, "What is your health worth?" And that got me thinking about how much I spent on running in the past few years.

For sure, running has been crucial to my mental health, now and at various previous times in my life. The American Heart Association recommends a sodium intake of less than 1,500 milligrams per day. The form matters. Salt tabs called "buffered" seem to contain sodium citrate, not just sodium chloride. The buffer helps balance lactic acid and possibly other amino acids produced in anaerobic pathways. In fact, some athletes take sodium or potassium bicarbonate prior to intense efforts, such as sprinting.

A future post could explore branched-chain amino acids (BCAAs), another fitness craze, as well as ketones such as beta-hydroxybutyrate. I feel like I'm not interested in doing fasted exercise. I'm trying to fuel while training to avoid dipping into ketosis. What I can say is that I took BCAA Complex in my smoothies this past training cycle. Not by choice. My son wanted to put them in there because he loved making a rainbow smoothie with many different ingredients. But I did feel a difference in my energy throughout the day. It felt similar to taking a high dose of B vitamins. He also put in Nature's Superfruits powder (which does have insane amounts of B-vitamins).

Looking at the literature, it seems that a lot has been discovered about metabolism since I left grad school. I remember discovering that ketones and branched-chain amino acids are produced by plants under low-oxygen stress. I'm not saying I'm responsible for these discoveries, but I remember finding these findings and reporting them, and the people in the plant hypoxia world saying it just wasn't possible. Records are being broken every day by athletes who are figuring out better fueling strategies, and I'm sure some of that has to do with electrolytes, too.

I haven't been taking my collagen powder, creatine powder, or my MCT powder supplements in my coffee. For some time now, I've been drinking it black. But I do take a creatine capsule at bedtime with all my other supplements. Not that you should take my advice. We're all out here doing the best we can. My race results: https://www.athlinks.com/athletes/85696593/results I'm not trying to win my age group. I am trying to run sustainably so I can continue doing this. It helps balance my mood, and I feel like it's helping me ease the menopause transition.

One strange thing I did notice was: I kind of feel like my belly fat is decreasing now that the marathon is over. It's been two full months now. I feel like longer walks, lower stress, and more cross-training are actually making a big difference. I started running to get rid of the belly fat and lose weight. But running long distances hasn't really lowered the number on the scale much. I'm trying to revisit the idea of cortisol. Doing workouts that raise cortisol will increase belly fat. Doing workouts that lower stress may actually have a larger impact in the direction I would like to go. 

I've been enjoying the off-season, following the Fit4Mom 5k plan A, which is really chill. I've been doing Royal Core 4.0 from RunFitMama and some workouts here and there from Naughty Girl Fitness. I am thinking that the long walks and some weight lifting are revving up my metabolic engine. I think I might need to keep lifting heavy shit. I'm in pain every day anyway, from my joints aching. Why not add some muscle soreness? Dietarily, I've tried to reduce my intake of fried foods and increase my intake of dietary fiber from fruits and vegetables.

My previous posts about salt:

• CalorieCount https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2011/01/carbs-calcium-cortisol-oh-my.html 
• Salt Bath https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2011/05/bathing-beauty.html
• Race Day https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2025/04/race-report-rose-bowl-half.html
• https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2025/03/la-marathon-race-report.html
• Immune System https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2011/10/airborne.html
• Fertility https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2019/03/fertility-part-3.html
• Supplements https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2020/07/turning-40.html
• https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2025/07/supplement.html
• https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2022/12/november-2022-thoughts.html 
• During Training https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2024/12/women-are-not-small-men.html
• https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2025/01/powerful-hermana.html
• Century Rides https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2014/07/independence-day-ride-report.html
• https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2014/10/ride-report-r2r-california-challenge.html
• https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2013/12/christmas-ride-report.html
• Kaiser Wellness Posts https://kaiserwellnesscenter.blogspot.com/2013/05/coconut-water.html
• https://kaiserwellnesscenter.blogspot.com/2019/06/fda-should-finalize-sodium-targets.html
• Astronaut Juice https://kaiserwellnesscenter.tumblr.com/post/50695781267/astronaut-juice

Other References:

The use of buffered salts as anticoagulants for the maintenance of true cell volume and for the determination of plasma proteins. Chorine, V. Revue d'Immunologie (1940), 6, 193-208.

Magnesium: Exploring Gender Differences in Its Health Impact and Dietary Intake
By: Mazza, Elisa ; Maurotti, Samantha ; Ferro, Yvelise ; Castagna, Alberto ; Pujia, Carmelo; Sciacqua, Angela ; Pujia, Arturo; Montalcini, Tiziana. Nutrients (2025), 17(13), 2226.

Magnesium in Obesity, Metabolic Syndrome, and Type 2 Diabetes. Gabriele Piuri, Monica Zocchi, Matteo Della Porta, Gian Vincenzo Zuccotti, Luciano Pinotti, Valentina Ficara, Michele Manoni, Jeanette A. Maier and Roberta Cazzola. Nutrients (2021), 13, 320.

Perspective: Ketone Supplementation in Sports—Does It Work? Pedro L Valenzuela, Adrián Castillo-García, Javier S Morales, Alejandro Lucia. Adv. Nutr. (2020) Oct 22;12(2):305–315.

Effects of a commercially available branched-chain amino acid-alanine-carbohydrate-based sports supplement on perceived exertion and performance in high intensity endurance cycling tests
Marco Gervasi, Davide Sisti, Stefano Amatori, Sabrina Donati Zeppa, Giosuè Annibalini, Giovanni Piccoli, Luciana Vallorani, Piero Benelli, Marco B L Rocchi, Elena Barbieri, Anna R Calavalle, Deborah Agostini, Carmela Fimognari, Vilberto Stocchi, Piero Sestili. J Int Soc Sports Nutr. (2020) Jan 20;17:6.

We do not accept skinny bitch season

Do we think skinny is the goal? Who thinks that? Who is pushing that agenda? 
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/06/style/pilates-politics-trump.html

Thank you Ilona Maher for pushing back on the skinny agenda.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMDomCegq_L/?igsh=NW1hM3VvczVoandh

If you don't believe that fitness is political, check out the points articulated here.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DGuCtoVRJr0/?igsh=YTVkMGQ5a2kwM3Jh

Woman from the protest is calling out right-wing movements and the rise of skinny bitch season.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIkVWhKN0yl/?igsh=MWJsZG04cHUzdmZnOA==

Ilona Maher, accepting the ESPY award, said, "Take up space. Pitch it faster. Run harder. Put another plate on the bar. And NEVER tone it down."

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMMiRffuSWn/?igsh=cW96eGxmb3oyNWxq

Between full-time parenting, PMS, and perimenopause, it is so rare that my thoughts align with the ability to document. I hope you can find a moment of solitude and peace, and hope amid this day, which seems full of bad news. Trying to keep the perspective and put another plate on the bar. Stronger. Ready to put myself out there. Stand between ICE and a friend if need be. It's all so ridiculous since we're all on stolen land. All this fighting over billions of dollars. It's very male. Very ego. I am sure it can get worse, losing Colbert and NPR / PBS. 

My friend Amber Ruffin posted this about why we can't give up.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMNv1oWPULP/?igsh=MXB3ajA2cnFvdm4wZg==

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A post shared by Kayla Kaiser (@hamerk02)

poverty or wealthy mindset?

The wealthy are minimalist. You can always buy another thing if you want it. Poverty is keeping everything you were ever given because you don't know if you could afford to replace it in the future.

The wealthy are eating higher-quality food because they can afford it. Poverty is eating a greater quantity of lower-quality food because your next meal isn't guaranteed.

MAHA won't work if we eliminate SNAP, WIC, and programs that offer housing security. It will drop those on the bubble between housed and unhoused, fed and unfed, educated and uneducated.

Who benefits from less access to education, safe housing, and healthy food? Certainly not our armed forces. Who will have the skills to keep our country safe from cyber terrorists if nobody learns how to code?

Playing on ignorance. Preying on people's fears. Stoking the fires of hatred, racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. It's the whole playbook. Keeping people in line. Locking people up. Silencing the opposition. Defunding initiatives that level the playing field. It's oppression 101.

Hoarding is a poverty mindset. Keeping literally everything. Extreme cheapskates. Finding joy in getting an extreme deal. Going to great lengths to do so. Willing to suffer in an extreme way to save a few pennies. You're not seeing the big picture. You'll never win in the long game. There is no clear path to transcend poverty and achieve the upper middle class. That is a myth.

Because your parents only taught you how to suffer and survive in a poverty mindset. You don't know how to function as a healthy, successful adult. You don't keep healthy, mature boundaries. It's okay, but you're passing that along to your child unless you can find a way to break the cycle.

As satisfying as it is to see all the No Kings protest signs... It would be even more satisfying to see Trump behind bars. And every day that the conservatives are in power gives me a feeling of dread because it's bad and getting worse.

Even though my pay is going to be cut soon, I'm trying to live my wealthy life by purging junk from our house. We have removed most of the books from our library. We got rid of the items in our kitchen that we no longer use. I want to do the garage and bedroom closets next.

Women are not small men

The general guideline is 150 minutes of activity per week. This advice is about 20 years old.

What's important are the ratios of estrogen and progesterone, ratios change as you enter menopause.

Menopause causes a demise in sensitivity of receptors, change in gut microbiome, bone and muscle loss.

How can we do super high intensity work to cause epigenetic changes in the muscles as we become more insulin resistant?

Lifting heavy has a CNS effect. It stimulates muscle protein synthesis. Strength and power. Faster nerve signaling, stronger muscle contraction, in the absence of estrogen.

Raising cortisol is a danger zone. We already have elevated baseline cortisol. Resistance training with 10-12 exercises can just raise cortisol. 

Muscle fatigue is caused by the load? or the volume? Women tend to under-load. If you want to gain lean mass, you can just do a volume to fatigue. But if you want to prevent falls, you need the heavier load to engage proprioception. Do 5-7 reps of heavier load rather than 10-12 reps of lighter load. You can do 5 sets of 5 with good mechanics. 

Periodization is important for the rest of your life. It doesn't stop at one competitive event. You want cycles of building up and off-season. First 3 months is base building. Then add load.

Sprint-interval training. Not HIIT. Working at 95-110% of VO2max. You can only hold it for <30 seconds. Not more than 1 minute. HIIT is 1-2 minute intervals. In sprint-interval training, you're having longer 2-3 minute recovery periods. It yields more metabolic and CNS adaptations, which are more beneficial to perimenopausal women. More impactful than hormone therapy.

Metabolism, cardiovascular risks, bone density. Improves muscle uptake of glucose. Controls blood pressure. 

Protein is super-important! For even sedentary, obese or normal-weight women. 1 gram per pound which is compared to 0.6 grams per pound. Higher protein intake allows reorganization of body composition. If you add strength training, you can do it even faster. Recomposition.

Anabolic resistance happens in perimenopause. Taking in protein every 3-4 hours is important for recomp and protein synthesis. Without taking in protein, you can't recomp your body.

Men age linearly while women have a big change point in the mid-forties. We have some anovulatory cycles. We have estrogen without progesterone. We see significant changes including loss of lean mass, increase in adiposity. We don't have signals to keep lean mass. We are confused and therefore pack on body fat to prepare for hibernation. We lose strength and power.

We have to look at gut diversity. Because our hormones are digested in the gut. 

The tendency is that when women start storing fat, they just eat less. Downregulating thyroid, increasing bone catabolism, increasing muscle catabolism. You should not do fasted exercise. You should not be skipping recovery meals. Manipulating body comp is done by fueling training and eating less at night when you're not training.

If you fuel properly, you will have more energy, which will feed forward more quickly, and you will see results. Fasted training can work for men but not women, especially when we're going through menopause. Even for women who are in their reproductive years, fasted training is not good for us. We have a system for using free fatty acids in our mitochondria. We already have estrogen shuttling carbohydrates away from muscles, just by being born female. 

The recommendations are 100-150 calories, 15-20g protein preworkout before strength training drops cortisol and allows the body to have access to blood glucose. Pre-workout 15-20g protein with 30g of carbs before cardio training. Which allows us to train harder and recover.

Fasted women end up with more hormone dysfunction. Kisspeptin neurons. Men have more fatty acids available if they train fasted, but this does not work for women. Kisspeptin neurons regulate metabolism (fasting leads to low energy availability). The other Kisspeptin neurons regulate appetite and nutrient density. Keto and/or fasting can be counterproductive.

ROAR was first published in 2016 and updated in 2023. Oral contraceptives and hormone replacement. Different times in the cycle have either great or poor resilience to infection. Track your cycle and heart rate variability. Biohacking can lead to better understanding. Natural vs. synthetic hormones and how they are digested in the gut.

Bleed patterns will change when you approach menopause. If there's ovarian failure, you will have an extended follicular phase. You may get heavier or shorter periods, which is indicative of approaching menopause. When you have perimenopause symptoms, you need to get into sprint-intervals. If you're training 3x per week, do 2x per week sprint-intervals. Even if you're endurance training, do some sprint-intervals for metabolic control.

Even doing a sprint-interval once every 10 days, it's better than not doing any at all. You can go to the gym and do it in a group situation. You might find it hard to get the motivation to sprint. Doing two in one session is better than not doing it at all. Within reality, go for the 80/20 rule. Try to do it all the time and then it's okay to give yourself permission to skip 20% of the workouts.

Two weeks of focused training, then one week of recovery. Do what you love. Undulating periodization. "Focusing" could be heavier load on squats. Focus could be something else in the next 3-week block. As we get into perimenopause, we need more recovery. 

Estrogen without progesterone is responsible for how strong myocin bonds to actin. So we don't have as strong of a muscle contraction when progesterone is present. Acetylcholine (muscle depolarizing) is also effected by estrogen. No estrogen, less acetylcholine, less strong muscle contraction. Estrogen helps with strength and power. But progesterone limits strength and power. Progesterone is catabolic. It uses the resources to build endometrial lining. Estrogen is anabolic.

In the women's health initiative study, late post-menopausal, 8 or 10 years beyond menopause, women were studied that were manifesting major symptoms like bone loss, cardiovascular issues, and muscle loss. Adding synthetic hormones at that point had more risks than benefits. But there are lots of other things that can be done that can mitigate these things, other than taking exogenous hormones, for example in early perimenopause.

What supplements would you suggest? Adaptogens like maca, ashwagandha, reishi. SSRIs even can bring back a woman's sex drive, which is opposite of during the reproductive years if women are taking SSRIs for anxiety. Because menopause effects dopamine and serotonin signaling. 

Diindolylmethane (DIM) is a natural compound found in cruciferous vegetable family, which includes broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and cabbage. DIM can reduce the severity of hormone swings through the menstrual cycle making it more even throughout the month. Magnesium, zinc and omega-3 fatty acids to counter prostaglandins. Shisandra can address high stress and lack of focus. Holy basil and Rhodiola can specifically be helpful for perimenopause.

Insulin resistance makes us need to be more aware of when we take in carbohydrates. They help with gut microbiome and energy. As long as you are using a wide variety of colorful fruits and veg, you're getting quality carbs. Think more about when you take in carbs. 1g/kg per hour for refueling. 3-5g/kg per hour for moderately heavy training loads. 5-8g/kg per hour for the heaviest training loads.

Creatine 1/2 tsp (3-5 grams per day) women have 70-80% as many creatine stores than men. You will have fatigue if you don't get good sleep. Creatine can address low sleep or depression symptoms. Women tend to eat less of foods that contain creatine. Men tend to go through more creatine because they have more fast twitch muscles. Women tend to eat more endurance-related foods. Get more in and have it available. Creatine helps maintain gut integrity also, by maintaining the mucosal lining of the gut. 

Have a 12-h fasted window. Stop eating after dinner. Let your body focus on repair.

"Hit play not pause" group. Have conversations about normal aging. Vocalize to your doctor that you might be going through perimenopause. 

The Dr. Gabrielle Lyon show (podcast)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/can-womens-health-get-better-with-age-stacy-sims-phd/id1622316426?i=1000597402794

Dr. Sims' TED talk

Graphic from

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/350098554_Sprint_interval_training_SIT_reduces_serum_epidermal_growth_factor_EGF_but_not_other_inflammatory_cytokines_in_trained_older_men

runDisney

9/27 - Dear Parent, We are writing to tell you that your child was exposed to COVID-19. Wear a mask until day 10 (10/6/23). Test for COVID-19 on 9/29-10/1.

10/11 - I FULLY FELT LIKE I WAS TAKING CRAZY PILLS. It is unsettling to me as a parent that there is no information posted about the status of the classroom. I am sad because Albert's classroom 130 lost Mrs. Flor around this time of year and she was not replaced for a very long time (months). I am worried about who will be responsible for rm 170. We don't know when things will go back to normal. And we aren't being given much information. I understand that everyone is doing their best with the COVID surge and the return of masking. I am not getting much solid information to make me feel like Albert is in good hands.

10/12 - Rm 170 parent meeting. Learned the new teacher (Jody) would become the supervising teacher. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong and I asked the substitute Teacher Ana what was going on. She said that there was a parent meeting yesterday and I freaked out because I thought I missed it. After talking to DH, it turns out I didn't miss it, the notice was only sent out to some parents and not others. At this point, I felt better because we didn't have to have Albert wear a mask anymore and things appeared to be settling down. Teacher Abrams was returning and helping the children transition without Teacher Vanessa.

10/23 - Rant incoming: Sick and tired. The kid was sent home from daycare last Wednesday for loose stool. I had him all day Mon. Half Tues. Half Fri. DH had half Tues, half Weds, all Thurs, and half Fri. LO was basically home all week. No vomit. Low fever. Sneeze and nasal drip. 2.5h contact naps every day. Hoped he would go back today but low fever so kept him home for the second Monday in a row. Dunno how parents of 3.5-year-olds did any WFH during the pandemic. I thought my Mondays were for me. To do whatever, work, play, rest. It's the only day I don't teach. DH has the nerve to tell me he has banked 798 hours of sick leave. Why are we splitting this? I need my grading days!

10/26 - Rm 170 parent meeting. Thought everything was settling down. The following day we learned that there was a lice outbreak and the other teacher quit. 

11/2 - Last week I was feeling so crazy (Oct 23-27). I think it was a combination of hormones (PMS) and hormones (weaning). I tried using the Calm app and I couldn't even focus enough to do a 10 minute meditation. I kept opening up all my work and not being able to make much progress. This week has been much better. My period started on Monday (10/30) and that helped. I also was able to have Mike watch Albert since he was out sick for half of October, which allowed me to get back to catching up on grading. I won't say I'm fully caught up now.

We're trying a financial strategy I like to call "fun month, boring month" where we do a big trip or splurge in July (Nebraska), then stay home for most of August. Then have an expensive month in September (our AC broke and we stayed in a hotel), then stay home mostly in October, then travel in November (going to San Diego and Riverside) and stay home in December, then travel in January (for the runDisney Disneyland 5k). I used to have a lot of blogs that were race reports and I'm kind of reminiscing about some of those favorite races we used to do.

Jan (too cold?)

Feb https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2009/02/riverside-raincross-5k-runwalk-was.html

March https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2013/03/race-report-glendale-downtown-dash-5k.html

April Run through Redlands https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2011/04/making-progress.html

May https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2015/05/oc-half-marathon-race-report.html

June 5k https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2013/06/corona-del-mar-scenic-5k-race-report.html 

July (too hot)

Aug (too hot)

Sept (too hot)

Oct https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2010/10/citrus-heritage-run-race-report.html

Nov https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2013/11/mission-inn-run-race-report.html 

Dec https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2011/12/holiday-half-2011.html

Albert's first 5k - Color Run Los Angeles - June 11, 2022

Then I guess the Disneyland 5k we are already signed up for can be January 2024 and the new Disneyland 5k just announced for September 2024 can be September. I don't think they do the Downtown Dash anymore, but that's the month of the LA marathon so maybe we should consider that. I'm not saying that I want to run a race every month out of the year but it's fun to see which ones we used to do annually and make a calendar of when they are. I don't know if we can afford to do all the Disneyland races, because they're so expensive.

https://www.athlinks.com/athletes/85696593/results 

I said that I wanted to run between a 12 and 14-minute mile which I am admitting now was very optimistic. That was based on last year when I did the Fit4Mom Body Well program and I was doing 14 minutes and 18 seconds in January 2023 (start of the program) and 13 minutes and 15 seconds in March 2023 (end of program). My weight was 221 lbs at the start of it and 214 lbs at the end. I just weighed myself yesterday or the day before and it was 225 lbs. So I guess if I keep training and maybe drop some pounds it will be possible.

Fitbit now brought to you by Google

I was so depressed because my back started hurting after going to the LA Zoo on Oct 21st. Then we did the CSUN Bike Fest on Oct 22nd and I rode the heavy cargo bike. Then my knees really started hurting after going to Fit4Mom on Oct 23rd. I was all psyched up for my training with running and I had done a few interval workouts. But I sat down to use the toilet that night and I felt like my quad was ripping at the kneecap. Well I knew I had overdone it. So I tried to tone it down and take ibuprofen and no runs that week. Then I did the stroller treating with running but no squatting on Oct 28th. I made sure to apply ice packs to both knees right after that workout. I tried a bit of light jogging this week (10/31 and 11/2) and so far no pain.

I'm not going to assume running is going to solve all my problems but what I have learned is that Albert loves his scooter and he can scoot and keep up with me while I'm doing my run/walk thing. I've used my Fitbit Versa 3 on interval training mode to do the Galloway method. I run for only 10 seconds and walk for 30 seconds. It's supposed to be good for getting me to 15:30 -17:00 min/mi. Or basically just to get started. For a 14:30 -15:45 min/mi I should be running 15 seconds, walking 30 seconds. Or for a 12:15 -14:15 min/mi (which is what I said I would be doing), I would need to run 30 seconds and walk 30 seconds. The Run/Walk method is supposed to be easier on the joints and good for a "returning athlete." 

Also the weather is turning very fall. We had some crazy Santa Ana winds over the weekend that blew down everyone's Halloween decorations. Which only made everything look more spooky. This blog post is getting long and rambly but I wanted to say that listening to the Rise and Run podcast is a ray of sunshine in my week now and it is making me remember how much I did love running when I lived in Riverside and how it was just a thing I did for enjoyment and companionship. I'm not a treadmill kind of gal, I really enjoy the experience of going somewhere.

Finally, I got a new pair of running shoes and of course I can notice the difference. The Rise and Run podcast did an episode about shoes and another about running on a budget and it made me think about ordering last season's shoes before they are totally out of stock, because they're much less than new. I got these from the Brooks website for $89. Ghost 15 is $140 and Ghost Max is $150. I wish there was some kind of subscribe and save to get running shoes automatically shipped to you when they hit 400 miles. I used my Fitbit to estimate the number of steps since I've bought new shoes and then divided it by 3 because I bought 3 pairs last time. They're not at 400 miles according to that calculation, but they just don't feel as supportive as I would like.

September 2021 Thoughts

Sept 5: My mom came for LO's birth, 6m, 12m. I thought she was planning to come every 6m but now that 18m is here, she's backing out. My MIL is undergoing chemo so we probably won't see her until Xmas. I feel sad.

I might cheer myself up by buying $60 worth of crap for Halloween. It's sitting in my Amazon cart. But I know it won't make me feel better. More holidays during COVID. 

LO has a runny nose from our spontaneous trip to IKEA and now of course I'm thinking the worst and feeling disappointed in myself for taking an unnecessary trip.

Stocked up on 3T pjs and size 7 tennis shoes because LO is growing so fast. Of course he can wear 2T separates but the footed onesies are getting hard to zip. His upper back is sticking out. 

He skipped from size 5 shoes right on past 6 in two months time. Thank goodness for Children's Orchard. We got 6 pairs of shoes and 6 pjs for $60. Used but still lots of life.

Sept 6: We hung a bucket swing in the garage. I am so happy because if I have like 30 minutes free during the day (WFH w/ LO) we can swing for a bit without having to go all the way to a park. We live in a townhouse with a detached garage.

September 9: Week 2 of the semester is over. Just 14 more... LO is teething, biting, sniffling, coughing, throwing food and tantrums, climbing on everything. But I am somehow calm and taking it in stride. There are some moments of super cuteness like his scrunched face smile and waving hi and bye to literally everyone. I love this nugget. And I wish he would eat more.

Sept 11: We have a 1 nap per day kiddo who loves sleeping in the carseat. Cue me eating meals parked curbside under the shade with the car running listening to a podcast or working on my phone just so LO can get a 45 minute nap.

Also, for soothing, my kid has taken to want electronic music on repeat. Like one song over and over for 15 minutes. We have [this](https://www.target.com/p/swaddleme-slumber-buddies-elephant-soother/-/A-18819169) one and LO will turn it to the song he likes, the volume he likes, the light setting he likes and then wind down and go to sleep. I feel silly because I sing to him and enjoy singing, but he really seems to relax to the electronic songs more.

Sept 12: It's silly but I got coordinating Halloween costumes for the family. I put everything in the Amazon cart and left it there to think about it. DH  ordered everything. Glad he did because a few items are backordered and one came in the wrong size, necessitating a return/exchange.

It's a Harry Potter theme. LO is Gryffendor, I'm Hufflepuff and DH is Ravenclaw. Maybe I should add a Slytherin dog outfit just to have representation for all the houses. Haha. I got a tiny broom for LO and he has had so much fun sweeping with it. I didn't get wands because I felt it might not be age-appropriate for LO just yet.

I file this under self-care because it's something to look forward to and with this Neverending pandemic, that is a powerful thing. I would love to take LO to Universal Studios for a photo shoot. I've never been to the HP castle. I wanted to go when I was pregnant but I was too scared to ride rides and miscarry. But it is $89 per person and LO won't remember or be able to ride rides. WWYD? Anyone with theme park experience?

Edit to add: Maybe we will use a zoom background to take a family photo in front of Hogwarts. It's cheaper and ongoing pandemic, yadda yadda. LO and I have a cold from our visit to IKEA a week ago and it sucks teaching with a sore throat. I hate that I used to have a well-heeled immune system and now I feel susceptible to everything. On the upside, my university is paying for weekly COVID screening.

We found a Harry Potter zip up PJ in LO's size at the local Children's Orchard (secondhand). That was the nucleus. I have a Hufflepuff cardigan and tank top. Bought DH a Ravenclaw tshirt. Bought LO a scarf, temporary tattoo scar, lens less glasses and a broom. And an owl stuffie. Not that we're going anywhere. It's all about the social media post. 🤣 Got a green doggie t-shirt and a Slytherin iron-on patch.

Activities at 18m: Swinging, sweeping, play kitchen, car ramp, car races, duplos, dominos, shape sorter, wooden blocks, puppet show, little people farm, water table, bathtime, rubber ducks, musical instruments (drum, maracas, xylophone, castanets), cash register, scooter, tricycle, stroller walk, exercise ball, foam ball, 4 square ball, stacking cups, blankets (I agree with you the laundry folding is a disaster) or handkerchief / bananas.

I WFH and I'm with LO 24/7. Not bragging. We also watch dog or cat TV with animals. He doesn't love messy, mealtime is messy enough. Chia pudding, cottage cheese, soft fruits, puree in pouch, etc is mushy and sensory stimulation.

I have headphones. Also LO likes some independent play as long as at other times he has my full attention so I try to be mindful of that. I am a "tunnel vision" type person when I'm at the computer so it's actually kind of hard to keep an eye and an ear on LO. We have lots of gates so I can confine him to different areas (garage, garden, kitchen, livingroom, upstairs, bedroom A, bedroom B. I have a lot of work that I can do on my phone in Google Docs so I try to reserve some tasks for Multitasking and some tasks when I really need quiet for when DH can take LO to the park, the mall or just out for a drive. There aren't many of those. I'm getting to be much less of a perfectionist. LO is in most if not all of my videos, chattering away and playing. I also babywear, still breastfeeding, so he gets to nap "on" me and I can catch a few hours of productivity that way if he nurses to sleep.

Sept 17: I had such a rough morning yesterday. It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I called 3 people. The third person picked up. It was my mom. She asked if I started disciplining LO yet. She said at 1 year old, we can do 1 minute "time outs." It caught me off guard, which pulled me out of my panic attack, which I guess was what I was looking for. But now I can't stop thinking that I'm doing it wrong by not implementing punishment. Phew. I'm feeling better today.

Sept 20: We have our 18m pediatrician visit today. I have bittersweet feelings. I thought my mom would be here. She decided not to visit. I thought LO would be in daycare 1 year ago but with this ongoing pandemic, he is still at home with me 24/7. I had a goal of breastfeeding 6 months. We're still going strong. I am praying that LO is on track for all his growth benchmarks. LO is so adorable and snuggly. I didn't know what it would be like to be a mom, but I love it.

I have not had a menstrual cycle yet. I am tracking PMS each month, about 26 days apart but no Aunt Flo.

Sept 25: Husband rant! I am just too tired to write it. Just feeling ranty. Why? I am exhausted enough to take LO out for a walk and chant "my husband is garbage" for 25 minutes. I thought a walk would help me let go of the resentment but it was still there the whole time and still there when I got back. I think it may be time to put LO in day care because mommy needs a break. 

We are in the process of buying our condo (that we currently live in) which sounds easy but actually has involved lots of hoop-jumping. DH is doing most of the phone calls and paperwork but I'm doing all the cooking, cleaning, childcare, shopping, appointments, and tidying. And working from home. 

I guess we decided to delay childcare for many reasons: cost, LO's age, illness. I don't know how many closing costs we have left to pay and what our monthly budget will look like when/if we transition from renting to paying a mortgage. I think we will eventually put LO in day care or preschool but we want to wait until our finances are more established and predictable. Also, COVID fears and unvaccinated LO is still a thing. Now LO is older than 18m, I hoped the on-campus daycare would call us, but so far it's radio silence. I know they are open but we are on the waitlist.

I felt like I could "do it all" but I am having such negative emotions when its SATURDAY and DH is ASLEEP in the same room where LO is whining and I'm trying to work. Come on Dad and give me a break. Or at the very least don't be in the same room NOT DOING anything to help. Ugh.

Oh it was a day long struggle. He said I need to more clearly communicate my needs. He said it is unreasonable for me to ask for him to care for LO every weekend from now until the end of the semester. He said I need to make a list of specific tasks and prioritize them and sit down and communicate that to him. 

I said, what if you make the to do list and prioritize it and communicate that to me. I think he started to see the hidden burden of doing all the programming and being the cruise director. I don't know if we have found a solution to our conflict. But I did stand up for myself. I think sometimes I don't say anything because I don't want to argue. He said I was being immature for letting myself get so upset and boiling over. But every time I ask for more from him, he pushes back. So if I want more, I cannot keep brushing it under the rug. I have to push.

Sept 26: Self Care Sunday! Heading to "Junk in the Trunk" no-sale swap meet. Cleaned all reusable water bottles we weren't using out of the cupboard. More room for coffee cups. Got rid of a bike rack and a pack n play that were taking up space in the garage.

Mashup Mom to the Rescue

I have lots of support in my life right now. These moms are real people but I interact with them virtually. I am so grateful to have this community. Oh and of course my actual mom, who came here to take care of all of us for a few weeks.

The graph above shows my weight. Between 18th of December 2019 and 18th of March 2020, I was still gaining weight because I was pregnant. That huge drop in March is when I had my baby. I was not logging food during the first six months of my son's life because it seemed like too difficult to be waiting for the program when my son needed my full attention. Apparently I did still weigh-in and add those datapoints and it was alarming to see the weight going up and up. 

Thankfully, my mom came out for my son's half-birthday (6 months) around 18th of September 2020. She did a lot of cooking for us and that helped us eat healthier and not get any take-out food. That's when you can see my weight started a downward trend. 

Around that time, I started writing down what to cook. Instead of cooking four huge meals on Sunday, I tried to focus on cooking one thing per day. I tried to find recipes that could be done from start-to-finish in 30 minutes or less of actual chopping and assembly. It was working OK to have meals like the Giant Turkey Meatball that baked for 1 hour because I could feed my son and let him sleep while it was baking.

What food logging does for me is allow me to focus on my macronutrients. I have no idea what was keeping me going for the first six months of my son's life. I know I was craving all sorts of crazy things like biscuits and gravy and trail mix with tons of nuts. I didn't question it, I just made it and ate it. After logging, I realized I had gotten pretty carb heavy (50% or more of my daily calories) and protein light (15% of less of my daily calories). That for me is a recipe for weight gain.

Once I realized how unbalanced my eating habits had become, I tried recipe-swapping with some of the moms in my Bumper group. I got some new appreciation for tofu and veggie burgers and a quick and easy way to add more protein to my days. But I did find it extremely exhausting to plan out the meals, plan out the grocery lists, program the meals into MyFitnessPal, log all the foods and keep up with my actual work and parenting responsibilities. It left me feeling drained and ungrateful, even though some of the foods were delicious.

I started drawing bubbles for the number of servings that the recipe generated as leftovers and then checking off the bubbles as I ate them. This way I could think about what to eat without opening the fridge and staring at the contents. I could plan ahead and log all the food I planned to eat throughout the day to balance my macros while my son was taking his morning nap. I could look back at things I had cooked and if there were unchecked bubbles, it meant we threw those away because it went bad before we had a chance to eat it OR we just didn't like it for whatever reason.

About halfway through November, someone recommended Mashup Mom as a place to go for meal plans. This woman is my hero. She posts grocery lists and what to cook each day. A lot of her recipes are keto and gluten free. The groceries cost less than $60 per week at ALDI. My husband was doing all the shopping with the baby during my classes, so that I could have quiet time here. He liked the way she has a lot of detail for each item including the brand name and price. So far the recipes have been easy to make, we both like them and my husband feels like he is learning new things.

We find that if we "team up" on the recipes, we can get everything cooked even quicker. There are some compromises that we make such as the ALDI packaging is sometimes not recyclable. They have convenient "steam in the bag" type stuff, which is a great time-saver, but also generates waste. The produce is shipped from who knows where, so we're not using produce from the Farmer's Market, but unfortunately we just don't have time for that right now.

This month

This month I had an accidental good sleeping baby. My baby napped in his swing for the first time in 4 months. It's been an hour! I don't know what to do with myself. I've already vacuumed the living room and cleaned the kitchen. I'm about to fold some laundry I guess. I did give him a bath and feed him before putting him in the swing, and Huckleberry said it was his nap time, but I put him there expecting to just do a few things and then put him down in the usual way. I'm afraid to leave him unattended in case he wakes up. He's almost too big for the swing now and he keeps trying to sit up in it when it's designed for him to be leaning back. Also, side note, my mom is coming for 2 weeks next Tuesday. I am beyond excited to have some more help. This is partly why I'm trying to clean. I want her to be able to enjoy quality time with LO. She lives 1700 miles away and hasn't been back since he was born. She stayed with us for his first week of life on the outside.

This month I set a timer for something (cooking, laundry) and then got naptrapped while DH was out. You'd think I would learn to set timers on my phone. On the plus side, I made lentils, carrot and green bean baby foods.

This month I had a panic attack when I looked at my baby's head. It looked like he has two coin-sized wounds on it. I racked my brain because I was trying to think where it could have come from. It looked like the skin had been rubbed off or a burn. Then I turned on the light and saw they were brown and not pink. Then I realized it was spilled coffee that had dried. And I could breathe again. Damn I love this baby.

This month I vacuum when I have time/energy/help. Kind of when the stars align. I keep dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I have a baby swing that looks on to the kitchen. I have an exersaucer in the garage by the washer and dryer. I have a rocker in the bedroom / bathroom. Baby watches me do chores. It helps pass the time in the day. What I am struggling with is meal planning and cooking.

This month my mom is visited for 2 weeks. It was so much easier to cook and clean and prepare for and teach my classes with an extra pair of hands. I don't know what I'll do when she leaves. 😭 My husband has been watching the baby during my office hours and classes. They seem to be establishing a good rapport. Dad feeds solids. So far he's tried plums, pears, apples, banana and rice cereal. Next we'll try some vegetables (carrots, green beans, squash) and protein (lentils, chicken, eggs). I was worried that solids would interfere with breastfeeding, but it doesn't seem like it has. Baby will nurse even right after the solid feeding. We had a fun family meal with LO in his Tripp Trapp and playing with his own spoon. We are also giving him a water filled sippy cup to play with.

This month my noise-canceling headphones did not at all take the edge off of a caregiver trying to put my baby down for a nap one floor up. My students were asking in the Zoom chat: is your baby alright?

This month I was so starving. Yet gaining weight. While BF. FML.

This month we tried mashed sweet potato and baby started choking. There were 3 adults there and we quickly got LO unstrapped from the high chair and did the back-whack to clear baby's airway. I wasn't stressed and I wasn't surprised. Just moments before it happened I was saying it was too thick and lumpy. Luckily baby wasn't traumatized because he wanted another bite after drinking some breastmilk. So we thinned and blended the rest before freezing it into cubes.

This month I spoiled my baby. What's beautiful is that my mom is visiting. Before she came out she was all for sleep training. She was like, you can't let them fall asleep on you... they will never learn to self-soothe. Then I had her watch the baby during one of my classes. Huckleberry was predicting a nap. He fussed a lot until the last 15 min of class. I went up to the bedroom to find baby asleep on her chest. My time with this little dude is so precious and my mothering instincts tell me he can self soothe just fine when he wants to. Why spend hours crying and insisting that he sleeps in his crib when he sleeps just fine without crying and I get cuddles? I also feel, like a birth plan, sleep training is a myth. It's some idea propagated to give parents an illusion of control, but it can also make parents feel anxious and like things that happen naturally aren't happening the way it says in the book. I feel my baby will grow up too fast, why rush to force him to be independent? I wish COVID wasn't a thing and I was still going to campus. I have good friends in the child and adolescent development department that could have helped me 'Emily Oster' this. Sometimes it helps to have scientific basis, sometimes I guess it's better to go by the individual child and family situation and do what is right for those circumstances. My baby was born with a hernia that got bad (his scrotum would be filled with his intestines until it was the size of an apple) when he cried. So I kind of have an aversion to him crying, even though his hernia has been repaired.

This month I prematurely cried in the shower thinking about how hard it will be when my mom leaves. 😭 I am extra grateful because lots of us are without family support due to COVID. Luckily my mom has been brave enough to take the risk of air travel. She's been feeding LO solids and supervising lots of reading and playtime. It's very validating to hear her say, "I had forgotten how much work it is keeping LO entertained." I also appreciate her saying, "I was 15 years younger than you when I had my first. Think how much more energy you would have had." I love soaking up the baby snuggles, and it is great to share those with my mom while I can. I sometimes feel like I have to put on a brave face and make parenting look effortless. It was fantastic to have my mom here during our weekly zoom call. She observed how difficult it is to keep the baby entertained and looking cute for a 75 minute video chat. Usually she is on the receiving end and doesn't see what goes into making that call a joyous moment.

This month I distinguish between "full feed" with multiple let downs and "snack" which happens during the day a lot now. If there's ANYTHING interesting going on, it'll be a snack feed where he clearly gets milk but doesn't linger. Maybe 5 min. For a full feed, it will be about 30 min with maybe a nap after.

This month I felt that tiny bit of rage when everyone in the house has pooped and showered and you're naptrapped. No shower. No time to poop. I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm and thought it would be cute to snuggle with my husband. He was like, "WTF and why are you crowding me in this bed?" I guess I should have taken the time to poop and shower. I hated seeing myself on a zoom class last night. My face is all red and splotchy. My hairline has receded. I feel stressed and it shows. Today I cried just snuggling LO. May be hormones. It's the 3rd week of the semester. Dunno how I will make it to week 16. I teach a 3 hour "night lab" 2 nights per week. Our longest meetings have only been 2 hours and I can't stand being away from my baby. I hate this. I also teach 2 x 75 min lectures, 2x per week and those aren't so bad. We're starting experiments in week 5 that may take the whole 3 hours. Keeping LO up late sucks. He's already struggling to sleep, both during the day and at night. It breaks my heart to see him all grouchy from too little sleep and not enough cuddles. DH is doing his best at keeping LO entertained and he's doing great at offering solids. My mom is here for another week to help us through this transition, but it's still hard. I don't miss the "career woman" I was before becoming a mom. Instead I miss the SAHM I was during my maternity leave but I can't afford to not work. In Spring, we might do day care. I might be teaching more classes. DH and I were just saying this morning that COVID continues to make everything more fluid, less certain.

This month my mom laughed when I showed her my son's baby book. For "world leaders" I put COVID-19. The virus is holding all of us hostage. Academia is a very grumpy place right now. Sending virtual hugs. Watched Disney's COCO tonight 💀 my son cried for a second helping of avocado at dinner 🥑 and we swear he is saying "mama" when he wants me 😭 My mom is here and she INSISTED on feeding LO Cherrios. She broke each "o" into 4 teeny pieces. It works ok. My baby is EBF but has been having purees for 3 weeks now. LO eats 2 cheerios per day in 8 teeny bites. I pretty much hold my breath and watch closely the whole time. 😳 I still take 1000 mg of lecithin per day.

This month we installed a convertable carseat. We have a long baby so the infant carseat was just about too small. My mom left. LO had his 6 month pediatrician appointment. I have all the feels. My baby wants to stand all day. We call it "ironing board" when he goes rigid and whines until he's in a standing position. He just rolled front to back unassisted for the first time yesterday.

This month I still get engorged when my baby is going through a growth spurt. Sometimes he nurses every hour in a 24 hour period for 3 days in a row but then goes back to eating every 2-3 hours.

This month I spent 2.5 hours and $16 to get a replacement tray for a hand-me-down Evenflo compact fold high chair. As DH pointed out, we could have bought a new one for $35 more but I am all about upcycling. Gripe: the Evenflo company didn't make it clear the model number of the chair, lots of models had replacement trays sold out, it isn't clear which models share a tray design and I don't know FOR SURE that what I ordered will fit the chair I have. Also they don't send confirmation email with order tracking info and my order number on the screen was quickly blocked by a pop-up about "refer a friend" Gratitude: I found an Evenflo exersaucer at the curb near my house in early May. I ordered a replacement spring for one of the legs and feet for the toy arch. They did arrive and we installed them and my baby is highly entertained in the exersaucer. I keep it in the garage for baby to watch me while I'm doing laundry. DH uses it to park baby while "tailgating" in our garage while waiting for me to finish a zoom class meeting. I'm a teacher!

This month I cried the entire week after my mom left just trying to keep up the routine we established. 3x per day solids for LO and 3 home-cooked meals for the adults. Not to mention a workout for me and 3-4 naps for baby. I am WFH with 3 college classes so that's 14 hours per week on Zoom plus prep and grading time. My husband tells me not to think of it all in a lump like that. I used to just go with the flow and take it one hour at a time, but since my mom left all I can think about is how much there is to do and how I can't possibly do it all. Tuesday night my husband sautéed some veggies for a quiche which I tried to bake yesterday. It came out underdone since I had forgotten to set a timer and I just pulled it out at a time that was convenient for LO's feeding and nap schedule. Then DH tried to eat a nearly raw pie crust and asked me all these questions like "how much longer should it be cooked" and "at what temperature" and I told him I barely had the mental and emotional bandwidth to throw it in the oven the first time and I certainly wasn't willing to help him troubleshoot it. I said "just throw it away." He was pretty shocked because I normally don't give up like that. To try to help me, he put the dirty laundry in the washer on his way to work. It's shocking how I feel like that's like tipping your waitress $0.01. You know? Like a tiny drop in the ocean of how much more help I need. And he acts so worn out after watching LO for 75 minutes (the duration of one of my Zoom classes). We are going without childcare. Everyone's like oooh, think how much money you're saving. I'm like yeah. That's true. Then this morning my husband says "Friday I'm taking off work to ride the train." We have a nonprofit based on educating people in Los Angeles how to ditch their car and take a bicycle on public transit. We agreed that our advocacy work would be paused during baby and COVID time. I have already asked him to CANCEL this session in the past but I guess his brain just couldn't retain the reasons why because he rescheduled it. And it's going to take HOURS for something OPTIONAL. WHY???? And then he says, "you and LO can come too." Uh no... pandemic much? WTH? Nonessential trip. No thank you. I'LL just be over here at home running the household like a MFing boss. And parenting our spawn. And working my paying part-time job. You go have fun with your little friend dear.

This month at the pediatrician I got samples of vitamin D drops. Add 0.25mL via syringe into the morning iron-fortified rice cereal. Lunch is puree of plum, banana, sweet potato, squash, carrots or apples. Dinner is puree of avocado. Have made but not yet introduced: green beans, lentils. Have not made or introduced: tofu, beef, chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, eggs, nut butter. DH gave baby a spoonful of milk leftover from his sugar cereal (Lucky Charms) and LO got a rash on his cheeks. So we did a few repeat exposures. DH said, "well if he doesn't like carrots, we can sweeten them with honey." I have to educate and keep a closer eye on that man!

This month I started watching "Workin' Moms" on Netflix. It's been a month of me working so I started watching. Definitely relatable, but also kind of made me sad because it centers around a f2f support group, which we don't have due to COVID. At the same time, yesterday we found two little paychecks in the mail for extra work I did last year pre-baby and a teeny glimmer of pride sparked inside me knowing I have rejoined the paid workforce. I know I can spend money even if I am doing the unpaid labor of raising our child, but a $1 with two or three zeros after it on top of my regular pay is kind of sweet. If only it weren't for COVID, I would go get a massage. More in savings I guess.

This month I resented my husband because he has autonomy. He is still working for pay (full-time, salary) and doing non-profit volunteering. Some f2f, some on Zoom. But he leaves the house every day. I ask him not to tell me about the volunteering because I resent that he has the autonomy to do it. While I'm over here paying attention to LO nearly 24/7 with the exception of my work (part-time, paid) that is 11 hours per week. During that time, DH takes LO outside so his crying doesn't interrupt my classes. DH doesn't even watch LO during my office hours. And during my labs, I take a breastfeeding break. So LO is nearby but not in the room. This morning I just asked DH when he would be home but he didn't appreciate my tone of voice. My nipples hurt. I feel drained.

This month, I found out that my baby loves drinking from a cup. We have these. I didn't buy them knowing LO would go straight to drinking from a cup, but he LOVES it. I call it "drowning practice" because it's pretty terrifying to watch, but the baby just laughs and keeps going back for more.

This month, I was teaching my class about infectious diseases and learned that the word "quarantine" comes from the Italian meaning 40 days. During the 12th century Plague, people self-quarantined. Imagine if we had only been impacted for 40 days. We're on day 186 now.

This month, the Wonder Weeks suggested that during a leap, baby might lose their appetite. That wasn't the case for us. We survived leap 5. While pregnant, we planned on sending LO to daycare since my husband works full time and I work part time. Now with classes virtual and my husband working only on call, we're getting by on our own, just the 3 of us. My husband is older than me, he's turning 48 this year, so we are definitely struggling to keep our energy up and joke all the time about how old we'll be when our son hits milestones like graduation, marriage and becoming a parent himself. I guess it gives us some incentive to take better care of ourselves. I like being a mom much more than I thought I would. I wish I had started having children sooner, but if I had, I wouldn't have had paid maternity leave. I wish I could be a SAHM. My maternity leave was so great. Juggling work and childcare is a real challenge. I look forward to being out of debt and post-COVID so we can do more traveling with LO.

This month, I took a weekend shower and immediately after self foot massage on my clean feet while DH rubs my shoulders and neck. It has been remarkably restorative. Sometimes I log in to my workout group, sit on a stack of pillows and breastfeed LO. It's like saying no to a workout and yes to a meditation. Then I join in on just the cool-down stretching, which is sometimes sun salutations, while LO is practicing tummy time. I have also had good success with Cosmic Kids yoga on YouTube being highly entertaining to LO while getting me moving. Even though it's a yoga sequence designed for kiddos, I still find my body is in a better state after doing it than before. We've been meal planning and cooking. While it is a lot of work, I have lost 4 pounds in 4 weeks. And I have a lot to lose. Mind you I gained about 1/2 pound per week since LO's birth until I finally turned it around by eating more protein and home-cooked food.

This month, my weekday showers were three eensy-weensy spiders, one B-I-N-G-O and one Hickory-Dickory Dock. Seriously my husband does not comprehend how tiring it is to not be able to shower without doing a literal song-and-dance. To his credit, he left me with a fridge full of healthy precooked meals, a clean kitchen and he put away the clean laundry. It was a beautiful sight to wake up to this morning.

turning 40

I have devoted this month to my son, who has survived his hernia repair surgery and 4-month vaccinations. I will be keeping a close eye on him and doing all I can to promote rest and healing. I never really looked forward to turning 40, and had no expectations for how it would be, so I am completely content in how it has turned out.

A few little gifts I bought for myself are linked below. I have no regrets about these purchases!

comfy sweatpants

new slippers

cotton shorts

sleeping bra

Not only are these items COVID-19 quarantine approved, but they complete my postpartum essential wardrobe. Heather gray is my new favorite color. I used to think of it as drab but now it is the best at camouflaging dried spit-up. Thank you, Heather!

Also my baby's pediatrician kind of scolded me yesterday for not taking prenatal vitamins. She said my baby looks too pale. He's exclusively breastfed (EBF). I read somewhere that mom and baby store the iron from prenatal vitamins taken during pregnancy for 4 months postpartum so I was going to re-start the vitamins soon anyway, but it didn't feel good to be told there's something wrong with the way my baby looks. 

I read that babies shouldn't wear sunscreen until they are at least 6 months old, so I've been covering him head-to-toe if we go outside. Of course he's pale, right? I am terrified of him getting a sunburn and becoming super cranky or dehydrated. Do babies tan? 

Rashguard and hat

Aquasocks

Pool float and sunglasses

They told me to stop all supplements when I was discharged from the hospital after my C-section and then at my 6-week follow up OB appointment, my doctor was ambivalent about whether I needed supplements. She was like: it's ok if you want to. But she wasn't like: definitely start taking your vitamins.

Anyhow, last night I took the prenatal multivitamin, vitamin D, calcium/magnesium, DHA/EPA and lecithin. I think I need to buy a daily pill case so I don't forget to take these. I am having the worst memory lately.

Postpartum pandemic shopping to have something to look forward to is a real thing. I also got a silicone mold to start making & freezing baby food.

Breastfeeding truths

I feel like I was so prepared for labor. I took classes. For 10 weeks. I did daily strengthening and stretching to help with birthing. I ate dates and drank raspberry leaf tea. Then I had an emergency C-section after 22 hours of active labor.

I was unprepared for the realities of breastfeeding. The endless hours on the couch. The slouch. The horrible recovery from abdominal surgery. I didn't know what the fourth trimester would be like. I took one 2 hour breastfeeding class. I took one 2 hour orientation and tour of L&D. I just don't think I fully appreciated the length of time it would take to recover from the process of separating my baby's body from my body.

What I mean is: my feet hurt all the time. I feel like my bones are loose. My ribcage is loose. My pelvis is loose. My wrist hurts all the time. I walked 4 miles today. It's the one thing my husband wanted to do for Father's day. I feel like I've been run over by a concrete mixer. 

I have pain around my incision when I do too much lifting. We spent time on Friday tidying up the garage, putting things away and tossing out trash. By the end of it, I was in pain just trying to sweep the floor. I'm 14 weeks postpartum. I don't know what I thought, but it was something along the lines of "as soon as this baby is out (vaginally) I will recover in 2-3 days." 

This is hard for me because I was like a crazy single woman for a long time. I loved going out on long runs with my two dogs. I would ride bicycles all day and all night. I love hard workouts, rollerskating and dancing. I have always been a strong and independent woman, not needing help with anything.

I had no idea that as long as I am breastfeeding, the relaxin levels in my body will stay high, which means no high-impact exercise. When I set my mind to EBF, I didn't realize what that meant. I am not second guessing it, but I wonder if the people who teach those BF classes could give moms-to-be the real truth about that. 

I was not told that pumping can help build your supply if your milk doesn't come in right away or your baby doesn't latch well. I ended up figuring that out myself. I wasn't taught that formula and breastmilk aren't mutually exclusive. I used both for the first 3 weeks. I wasn't told that paced bottle feeding is a great way to monitor and teach your baby to latch. I still worried about nipple confusion when it came to bottles and pacifiers. I felt like a failure at BF when my baby didn't take to it right away.

I was trying to get information out of my mom and she said that she "wasn't a good cow." What the hell does that even mean? My dad's sister was all nirvana about it. Her son "just latched from birth and it was perfect from there."

I remember that when I was pregnant I didn't want to hear any birth horror stories. So I guess I'm just over here shouting into the vacuum. I hate quarantine. I EBF now, on demand all day with one MOTN pump, and my period hasn't come back yet. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and this week will be quiet and restful.

Yea! 14 weeks postpartum + 3 days and I finally feel my breasts are less engorged. I was doing tummy time with my son and not in pain for the first time in months. Been EBF since 7 weeks + 3 days.

I get worried about not making enough milk, but I try to tell myself "the breast is not a storage vessel" and that engorgement is not good. It puts pressure on delicate milk ducts, which can lead to other problems.

I read that supply regulates at 12 weeks pp but maybe I'm late because my milk didn't come in right away. Hoping this means I can drop my MOTN pump. I was afraid to drop it before my supply regulated because I thought it might cause my supply to drop.

Hating that when I worry about BF stuff, my mind wishes I could attend in-person support groups...but I can't due to COVID. My husband is like, "isn't there support online?" I am a member of LLLI Facebook group. Are there any others I am missing? 

Side note: I sobbed during my workout on Monday morning while babywearing. I was just thinking about how much I love my son. On Sunday I fantasized about going no- contact with my mom. Then today I called her like nothing was wrong. So yeah, it's been a hormone rollercoaster lately.

Edit to add: @pump_momma_pump on IG recommends 2 MOTN pumps from birth-2 months, 1 MOTN pump during months 3-4, skipping MOTN pump during months 5-6. So I guess I'll keep doing it until school starts up again. I was painfully engorged this morning after skipping last night's MOTN session.

Lots of times I wear my baby, who helps hold the milk bags in place. Sometimes I wear a nursing bra or two. I definitely don't do any jumping stuff, more dancing. I tried a zumba class, it was a little too intense. This [barre](https://youtu.be/r55Y72xVTuM) workout was good and sufficiently hard. This [HIIT](https://youtu.be/cLJfmPaKb1M) workout was good also. Definitely modify push-ups to wall and jumps to heel-raises. 

I have no idea if returning to exercise so soon was the best thing for my body. I feel my upper abs are OK but below my belly button, I feel like there is still a gap that I can stick my fingers into. I just bookmarked [video A](https://youtu.be/B2fkwJIIuFU) and [video B](https://youtu.be/sNcmGhLI4Hk) today to try to resolve this. My lower belly is hanging over my C-section scar like a big old beer gut and it's unacceptable. I started up with light group fitness via Zoom at 3 weeks postpartum. I did it to deal with the baby blues and to combat the quarantine isolation.

I ended up buying a bunch of loose-fitting tops to wear around the house because I heard that tight bras can interfere with milk production and contribute to clogged ducts. I remember thinking nursing tanks were garbage and yet again I was wrong to think that I wouldn't need it.

How Often does baby eat? 6 feeds per day, 1.5 hours between naps

How Long does baby eat? 15-25 minutes

Does baby eat on both Sides? One side per feed

How Old is baby? 15 weeks + 5 days

I read that there are lots of variables like breast storage capacity, how fast is your letdown, how strongly the baby removes the milk, fat content of your milk, etc. It may not be helpful to compare our numbers this way because every situation is unique. I am not a lactation consultant, so please do not take this as medical advice.

When my baby was 1 month old, I was EP and tracking using the Ovia app, he would eat between 20-30 oz per day. I pump once or twice in a 24 hour period now. Daytime, I can pump 2-3 oz per breast. MOTN (between 1-3am) I can get 5-7 oz per breast. We freeze some of that milk and some we bottle feed to the baby now, right before bed when I'm "touched out."

My son has always had the habit of falling asleep at the breast. I read that I should let him suckle until he lets go of the latch, so that's what I do. I have only been collecting 2 days worth of recent data using the Huckleberry app, otherwise I would have no idea since we feed and nap on demand. I have recently become curious what our patterns are, partly because I will go back to work at the end of August.

Also, my son is having his hernia repair surgery next week and I wanted to be able to answer questions from the health care team with actual data and try to plan how we're going to do the feeding on surgery day since we have to report at 5:30am and baby has to be fasting.