nebraska adventure 2024

Yes, I'm back from my time in Nebraska herding goats. Lots of things happened. Richard Simmons died. Joe Biden withdrew from the presidential election. Donald Trump survived an assassination attempt. My husband got into a big fight with his brother-in-law and mother. Kamala Harris was endorsed by Joe Biden as the presidential nominee for the Democratic party. I guess I'm leading off with politics because it's so controversial to mention it elsewhere (in real life). And this is my private space where I can say that I'm hopeful for change in America. I hope women go to the polls and vote for Kamala. It's going to be an interesting Fall semester.

One good side-effect of the Nebraska trip is that now I'm back in California, and I'm willing to get rid of a bunch of stuff cluttering our house. I'm implementing strategies for organizing the stuff we're keeping, and I'm ready to part ways with stuff that we don't use. But along with that, I'm also buying new stuff that I think we need. I often get to this part of summer where I realize what projects I won't be able to finish. It's about acceptance. There are only two weeks until Albert starts school!

As for the trip debrief: it is always joyful to see my parents on my birthday. I appreciate now more than ever how much work is involved in raising a child. I also appreciate what a gift it is to spend time with someone. Being present together, allowing others to know you intimately, like all parts of your day and night, all the moods good and bad. It can be challenging though, to have that much contact and to give up control over things like the thermostat, light levels, what you will eat and when and how much. But here is a brief rundown of what we did and how I felt about it at the time.

July 5 - major travel day. arrived at Burbank airport before sunrise and arrived in Burchard near sunset (with a two-hour time difference and at a different latitude)

July 6 - recovery day and my actual 44th birthday.

July 7 - cousin Camp craft #1 (4th of July) suncatchers and the kinesthetic activity was a parachute.

July 8 - waterpark! This was so fun.

July 9 - playdate at Black ranch house. I had a tough night. Lot of coughing and grandma turned the AC off.

July 10 - Cousin Camp field trip to Arbor Day Farm. Monster truck pajamas might just be part of Albert's skin now. Super fun, super hot, super buggy. Got lots of mosquito bites here.

July 11 - Sitting on the floor. Doing my stretches and self care. Not really upset. Feeling like time is passing like molasses. It is slow, thick, and sticky. I'm not really missing home (California) yet. And this environment is not really the Nebraska where I grew up. Not the place, but the people for sure.

July 12 - cousin Camp craft #2 (Christmas) salt dough ornaments and fake snow. Grandma and Grandpa were not impressed with the polymer. They were super worried about how it would effect their septic tank. And it made a huge mess. We also built Elsa's castle out of Magnatiles and put flameless candles inside.

July 13 - AM Cousin Camp (Easter) Craft #3 Bunny Garland with spray painting and wax resist. Activity: Easter egg hunt. PM Cousin Camp (May Day) Craft #4 Tissue Paper Flowers and insects. Glue is fun. Kinesthetic Activity: Ribbon dancing.

July 14 - AM Cousin Camp (Halloween) Craft #5: Yarn Pumpkins, glue was less fun today. Kinesthetic Activity: Costume parade. PM Cousin Camp (St Patricks Day) Craft #6: Coffee Filter Shamrocks Kinesthetic Activity: Scavenger hunt for hidden "pots of gold."

July 15 - We didn't do a track, we did a trail...it was good. Albert mostly stayed in the stroller today. I think he is kind of worn out from Cousin Camp. They're so territorial about stuff. They are constantly whining. Yesterday was very busy. And stressful. We went to the waterpark again. The weather forecast was 107 deg F.

July 16 - It was great to have a nice long chat with DH. I can't let myself think about it too much because then I will start getting homesick. Cousin Camp Craft #6 (Labor Day) was footprint vehicles. The boys had a great time painting their feet and mine. Today Albert and Theodore were stringing beads with emojis on them and then turning their bead strings into a story. It was absolutely so cute. Cousin Camp Craft #7 (New Year's Eve) the craft was rock painting. We painted the rocks with symbols to represent all the other holidays of the year, to represent a year in review. Mentally, I'm hanging on by a thread. In the evening, we went over to pet the goats on the ranch.

July 17 - We finished up some of the earlier crafts, such as the salt dough ornaments. They needed paint. 

July 18 - We just woke up and immediately Albert made his grandpa start reading books.  It was family picture day, which actually went very well. We got some cute mother/child shots, a nice group photo and some really cute pics of the grandkids all together. For Cousin Camp craft #8 (Valentine's Day) we used marbles to paint hearts. I had some foam letters which I stuck on there to make them conversation hearts.We went to the County Fair parade, bounce houses, and the chicken dinner. It was very chaotic.

July 19 - I felt like the end was in sight. The childhood trauma was bubbling up. I had to parent myself this week. I love my family and I don't think we will be able to do this again. I want my kid to know and love his aunts, cousins and grandparents so badly. But I am realizing that I also need to protect my child like I wished any adult would have protected me. I need to set more boundaries. I feel that I need to write out how I am feeling so that I can remember next year. It feels so yucky to go "no contact" full stop. But also I don't want my child to hear my mom just abusing everyone around her and nobody stepping up to say "that's not okay." Cousin Camp Craft #9 - Pinata suncatchers. We put on the Coco soundtrack while we did this craft, which was fun and got me some Disney feels. We went to the waterpark in the afternoon and it was another great choice.

July 20 - This track has been saving my life. Cousin Camp Craft #10 (Fall) we made yarn pumpkins and corn cob windcatchers with pony beads. The craft was supposed to be fall leaf painting with bubbles but somehow we didn't get to it.

July 21 - Last day with all 3 cousins together. Albert rolled himself over on the couch and fell asleep without me right before 8pm. Also he transferred to the bed without contact from me so he must be EXHAUSTED!

July 22 - neighborhood walk with Steph and the double stroller we found on a curb alert. We tried all the configurations of the stroller with the two cousins. And got to walk through "big house land" which is always nice.

July 23 - downtown Omaha adventures with Aunt Steph.

July 24 - another great neighborhood walk and a visit to Hot Shops. And a long travel day to get home.

Final thoughts: There's going to be coffee in hell, but it will always be too hot to drink. There's more I could say about this trip but I don't have the time. I gotta release this into the universe.

Packing list 

Carryon

Baby trend stroller

🎧 Albert's headphones

cheez-it crackers

oreos

m&ms

cherrios

🧻 flour sack towel 

🩲 clothes for Albert

✈️ CARES harness

🫧 bubble fidget toy

Fruit pouches 

Checked bag

🩲 underwear (8)

🧦 socks (7)

walking shoes (wear it)

🩴 flip flops

👖 yoga pants (1)

🩳 shorts (5)

📷 sweat pants / jeans (1)

🎽 tops (7) 

👙 lounge bras (2)

🧴 toiletry bag

🎧 headphones 

🏖️ swimsuits

🤠 hats

💊 Nsaids/vitamins 

👕 long-sleeved shirt (1)

⚡cable for versa 3

😎 Goodr sunglasses

👝 garment bag for washing

🧺 large wetbag for laundry

💰 small wetbag 🌞 Think sunscreen bag

👟 Running shoes

🧦 running socks

✨ Running skirt

⏳ Running belt

👙 Sports bras

🧂 Electrolyte tabs

🪄 Anti-chafe

👛 Park bag/purse

⚡Phone charger 

🤹‍♀️ LM rompers (2)

🕯️Fake candles

Albie

🩳short outfits (7) 

👖 long pants (2)

🌛 pjs (7)

🧦socks (7)

shoes (wear it)

👲 hat

🩲 swimsuit

👢 mud boots

🩴sandals 

Packing List:

🎀 Evelyn’s bows

❄️ Instant snow

💎 Beads

🛹 Skateboard/helmet

👕 Cousin Crew shirt

🩲 Swimsuit

🐣 Easter eggs

🧲 Magnatiles

🏖️ Beach rocks

💯 Stickers

🍜 Buckwheat Noodles

As usual, I brought way too many clothes for Albert; he lived in three pairs of PJs. As usual, I crammed too many busy activities into my carryon, we didn't use ANY of them. I didn't need to bring any snacks, it was a totally fun activity walking around the airport terminals looking for and buying food. It was wild flying home without a stroller. I had four checked bags on the way there and just three on the way home. There's no way I would have been able to get to and from the plane by myself without another adult helping me roll the checked bags / stroller. I should have brought the scooter instead of the skateboard. I think I lost the necklace with his name on it. The fake candles were great as nightlights.

growing pains

 

This kid is such a string bean. I'm struggling to keep him in clothes that aren't ripped or stained. He has two pairs of regular shoes in size 12. We found a couple of pairs in size 13 at the consignment store called Children's Orchard and they are his emergency shoes that live in his backpack. He has one pair of Speedo shoes that are size 12/13 that he uses at his swim lessons and hopefully they will continue to fit. I was shopping for some kind of sandals for the summer. It would be great if he had a pair of shoes that he could more easily take on and off by himself.

I took my sewing machine in for repairs because the timing was off and I couldn't use it. I have a stack of pants with holes in the knees that I would like to repair but who has the time? The number of pants that are in his school wardrobe are rapidly dwindling but luckily it's spring and I'm starting to see that we need to transition to shorts soon anyway.

He's coming home with more "ouch" reports. One was a shovel that hit him in the eye. Just yesterday a kid bit him on the finger. I titled this post growing pains because he's either undergoing some serious brain development, muscle building or just getting taller again. He's so hungry all the time and sleeping deeper and longer than usual.

Every time he outgrows something that I really loved, I am sad. The pants he wore on Easter were Shaun White and a really nice color. At the start of the day, no holes. At the end of the day, huge rip in one knee. I can patch them up and keep them in the rotation or just accept that he probably will be too tall to wear them again next winter and the patches I might or might not sew on there more than likely will be worn by the next kiddo.

Easter went really well. Albert really enjoyed finding the hidden eggs, opening them to find the candy inside, then putting the candy back inside, then hiding the eggs again, and repeat, repeat, repeat. I had a separate set of eggs with $0.25 in each egg. I had 7 x 12 of them. Basically two rolls of quarters ($10 each) so that's 80 eggs with quarters in them. Then there were 2 with plastic tiny cupcakes inside and 2 with the quarter roll wrappings (trash). This was enough entertainment to get us through dinner without him bothering me at all. It was nice that my SIL recognized that this was the first holiday meal that Albert wasn't sitting on my lap or napping during, that he was entertained enough to leave me alone and let me eat. So that was definitely a genius idea.

I feel like I need to complete this inventory to make sure we have enough in the next size up. 4T isn't going to fit much longer! It was funny that I had a shirt for Pi day and a shirt for his birthday but I didn't have any specific outfit for Easter. Mother's day and father's day are covered. I sent him to school today in a football shirt, which I had planned on him wearing for Superbowl Sunday, but we didn't go to any football parties this year. And it only just now really fits him. It was too big during "football season" aka fall of 2023.

Clothing Item Type	3T	4T	5T
pants / jeans	12	12	5
pants / sweats	5	x	x
outerwear	19	12	2
long-sleeve T	19	8	8
shorts	9	10	5
t-shirts	37	34	18
tank tops	2	4	0
PJs	3	15

late summer or early autumn

This past month, since we've returned from our big summer vacation, I've been shoring up our home. The homeyness of our home, the hygge, if you will. I love writing about all the stuff I bought because it makes me feel less weird for wanting that stuff. It helps me explain to myself why I bought it.

Well firstly, I'm keeping my son home from daycare. So that is saving us $1300 per month for June, July, and August. Last summer, I enrolled kiddo in art classes and swim lessons and gymnastics. This year it just made more sense to Not run around town all day and save money on gas.

I guess I could categorize my spending thusly:

Disneyland at home. Cold brew pot. Karo syrup. Creme de menthe syrup. Shave ice attachment. Aroma oils. Humidifier diffuser.

Upgrades to cottagecore. Blackout curtains. Narrow shelf. Mermaid nightlight. Flower stems.

Zhuzh the office. Keurig pods. Fancy clock. New labcoat. Teacher planner.

Fairy garden project. Tealight candles. Tiny gnomes. Preserved moss.

Halloween costumes. Racing PJs. Steering wheel. Pitcrew tshirts.

Gifts for myself. Wagon handle. Breastfeeding jewelry. Clothes and apron. Watch band. Sunglasses.

https://www.dictionary.com/e/how-to-speak-queer-eye/

Well, when I write it all like this, it doesn't seem so crazy. Yes some of it was a bit frivolous, but if you can't spend your money in a bit of a frivolous way then you are just "buying vitamins," or something else that is boring and doesn't really make you enjoy spending money.

In general, it looks like May was an unusually expensive month but June and July were less than average. We had a hiccup this month (August) when our Air Conditioner froze up. Luckily I had a stockpile of popsicles and a shaved ice attachment to distract us from the heat. We had a fun but expensive and unplanned 3-night getaway to Santa Clarita. We ended up having a great time just riding the bus and visiting local garden centers and swimming in the hotel pool.

I bought a Sous Vide setup because I wanted to try it and because there is a pre-made lunch that we like that is Sous Vide chicken and I wanted to see how difficult it would be to recreate at home. If I learned anything from my Disneyland cookbook, it's that some things are best left to the professionals. Gonna give it a try today.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/13aUa6scSGGL80OBDqfk8ybWuD-rrqBYb/view?usp=drivesdk 

I titled this post early autumn because Halloween stuff is everywhere in the stores and because Back to School gives me fall vibes and because I am ready for summer to end.

I am a creator

I have been the creator of memories, travel extravaganzas, and home vibes. I took a style quiz and it categorized me as Cottagecore. I hadn't even known what that was until now, but now that I am aware of it, I can lean in.

We did a lot of rearranging of our upstairs. The King Suite has become the repository of old books, it has a cute seating area and a stretching and meditation area. Behind the curtains, in the bay window, there is a bunch of piles of stuff that I could organize better. It's all our grab-and-go Disneyland packing and travel items. Mixed in with some random blankets and home goods that I don't know what to do with. I did sell some things on the consignment sale, but I could be more aggressive in promoting and letting go of leftover things on Buy Nothing. Or organize the closet better to accommodate that stuff in our King Suite walk-in closet.

The Queen suite is now a bunkhouse. It has toys and books like a child's playroom. It has the LoveSac CitySac which is kind of too big for the space, but we aren't ready to get rid of it just yet. It has a fake tree that doesn't even look remotely real, but it was free, and good ones are like $80. I love the bunk beds. I love the two bedside storage units I got on the last consignment sale. They hold my phone, water, and tissues. I'm starting to leave kiddo alone in the Queen bed and sleeping alone on the bunk bed. It's nice to have the option on these hot summer nights.

I had the bathroom set up like a Disney hotel for my sister's visit in May, but we made all the big changes after she left. We had a mini-Minnie fridge and Mickey single-cup coffee maker in there. I got a new shelf to use more vertical space and bring a spa-quality. I love it. Also, I found a pretty sweet TV stand on the curb, which adds a spot for the TV and some storage for clothes and art supplies. I have the easel in the closet at the moment. But we had such a good time painting, I know I'll be getting that stuff out again at some point. I just got a few new canvases, well they have paintings on them now, but I plan to Gesso and repurpose them.

I finally put up some things in the downstairs bathroom that I've been wanting to do since we moved in here over 6 years ago. My lipstick rack! And a prayer mat that is very decorative with flowers, etc. Leaning into the cottage-core, I know that botanical prints are my style, and maximalist decorating is okay with me. I used some sticky-back Velcro to mount the carpet to the wall. It was a quick fix inspired by all the child-proofing we did. It's fun to see some or all of the childproofing stuff coming down now that the kiddo is nearly 3.5 years old.

Making memories with travel and travel fantasy has been the vibe of July. Since our magic key is blocked out for the summer, I planned some ways to travel to Disneyland virtually, inspired by so many folks who did so during the pandemic closures. I made a cookbook of my favorite foods. I made a playlist of music that you would hear at the park. I bought some aromatherapy oils that are Disney-themed. Bought a Mickey balloon at Dollar Tree. I dress us in our parkwear even when we aren't going out. These are some of the ways we have created staycations that are fun, family-oriented, and not free. Definitely not free. But at least we don't have to endure this brutal 100-degree heat.

It has taken me a long time to source the raw materials for the Disneyland recipes. Which kind of makes me appreciate and yearn for the parks even more. The recipes are quite involved with lots of exotic ingredients and take lots of time and energy to make. When you think of it that way, the park prices don't seem so steep. I thought I would want to cook a lot when we got back from Nebraska, but it's been so hot, I don't want to turn on the oven.

Here is our Nebraska Trip Packing list:

Carryon

1) Umbrella stroller

2) Tula & ring sling

3) Albert's headphones

4) Kelly backpack

5) crackers

6) oreos

7) m&ms

8) cherrios

9) flour sack towel 

10) diapers

11) wipes

12) clothes for Albert

13) toys (separate list below)

14) power bank + cable

15) CARES harness

16) small Mickey backpack

17) Cotopaxi backpack

Mom & Dad

1) underwear (8)

2) socks (7)

3) walking shoes (wear it)

4) flip flops

5) yoga pants (1)

6) shorts (5)

7) sweat pants / jeans (1)

8) tops (7) 

9) sports bras (2)

10) toiletry bag w/ nail clippers, shampoo / conditioner, body wash, hire gel, toothpaste / toothbrush

11) headphones 

12) swimsuits

13) hats

14) Tylenol/vitamins 

15) long-sleeved shirt (1)

16) cable for versa 3

17) Goodr sunglasses

18) garment bag for washing

19) large wetbag for laundry

20) small wetbag for swimming

Albie

1) short outfits (7) 

2) long pants (2)

3) pjs (7)

4) socks (7)

5) shoes (wear it)

6) hat

7) swimsuit

8) swim diapers (4)

9) mud boots

10) cousin crew shirt

Wish I had brought

1) Q-tips

Honestly, we had enough of everything. We did laundry 3 times, about every 4th day. We brought a ton of stuff to occupy the kiddo on the plane but ended up using it on the trip so it was worth bringing but could've been in a checked bag.

Alphabet Water Coloring Cards
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BR37XL5R 

Vehicle Foam Magnets for Toddlers

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FYC12GX 

Disney Pixar Cars/Planes Ultimate Sticker Activity Pad
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMMNSL8 

MagnetiBook Racers Vehicle Game
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BB7PXQT 

Splash Of Color- Magnetic Sorting Set

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007DYUAKQ 

PlayTape Road Tape for Toy Cars
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GZ8UE2K

Amazon Basics Reusable Silicone Round Baking Cups, Muffin Liners, Pack of 12, Multicolor
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KWTGAVQ

POP! Tinsel Pom Bright Assorted 100ct 

https://www.joann.com/pop-tinsel-pom-bright-assorted-100ct/18263004.html

Disney/Pixar Cars 3 My Busy Book -10 Figurines and a Playmat
https://a.co/d/3ZyZcXt

Honestly, everything on this list was a hit except the sticker pad. I know we will use the stickers at some point so it's not a big deal. One funny thing that happened is that I had a battery pack in my carry-on and also the magnetic book. The airport scanners read it as an undeclared tablet and gave us a hard time about it. So just be aware of that, if you're flying with the magnetic book and a power bank, best to take them out and explain what they are to TSA. Another thing that I forgot is that if you have programs downloaded to your tablet on Apps like Amazon Prime Video, Disney+, Paramount+, or Netflix, they will say expired or something when you are in airplane mode. Then when we were able to connect to the wifi, it worked again. Honestly, what is the point of traveling with a tablet if it doesn't play the downloaded content on the flight? We did use it in the airport during our 2-hour layover so it did have some use, but not as much as I thought. More useful was the phone connected to Southwest free onboard wifi and watching a free movie. We watched "The Croods: A New Age." I was surprised to hear the flight crew announce that all passengers using mobile entertainment MUST wear headphones. We had some but I just don't recall a specific announcement before. We brought a monkey leash, harness, and stuffie, but it wasn't as useful as in prior years. He threw a tantrum in the carrier and on the leash. Actually, the umbrella stroller was a godsend and totally saved our asses. We lost our 2nd cupholder by gate-checking it, but it was super helpful and worth it.

Universal Stroller Sun Cover UV Protection Baby Stroller Sun Shade Buggy Pram Sun Rain Shade Blackout Blind Canopy blue https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09VXJJC65 

This cover has been amazing and has taken the umbrella stroller from a novelty to an actually useful and functional piece of equipment. The stroller we have now is this one. I think I bought it for $15 or something like that. It's been great. We even got kiddo to take a nap in it. The only thing it's missing is a snack tray but that would take away from its collapsability. We used to have two cupholders, then only 1, and now none.

Summer 3Dlite Convenience Stroller, Black – Lightweight Stroller with Aluminum Frame, Large Seat Area, Mesh Siding, 4 Position Recline, Extra Large Storage Basket – Infant Stroller for Travel https://a.co/d/01npwmd

We ended up needing an extra suitcase on the way back because we bought some Hot Wheels tracks and my parents gave me some Little Golden Books from my childhood. It was a long trip. It was a great trip. It was painful revisiting childhood trauma and even worse bringing my husband and son into it. It was refreshing to have my adult self and my husband's adult self validating that it was traumatic and there's a reason I now live 2000 miles away. Although it was sad to see how close my parents are with their other grandchildren, I see that it might not be healthy for me to live closer. My mom and I get along so well over the phone, but in person, we're like gas and a lighted match. Not sure who is who in that analogy, but let's just call it volatile and unstable.

Got my new teaching schedule and feeling a bit of back-to-school manic energy. Bought a new lab coat. Letting my hair grow out. Took kiddo to our pool in his puddle jumper and he had a blast. He picked out this set of bath toys at World of Disney in May and then had a meltdown that the wheels didn't spin. Fast forward two months and he is loving them as pool toys.

https://www.shopdisney.com/cars-bath-set-461075339233.html

Wow, this is turning out to be a long post. I'm not even able to convey all the stuff I bought for myself during my birthday month. Let’s just say that I celebrated myself by getting some new Latched Mama rompers, t-shirts, PJs, and jewelry. I have a couple of items I haven't worn yet. One I did wear and kiddo told me I looked pretty which was definitely one of those Grinch moments where my heart swelled to 10x its usual size. This was on my way to the book club. I'm enjoying getting back into reading and logged a few books for the library reading challenge. I'm doing a big deep cleaning here at home, partly because we need it, and partly because I agreed to host the next book club. I got a few pairs of Goodr sunglasses, which I love. I know I said I would put a pause on buying breastfeeding clothing but I just can't. I'm still doing it so often, it seems right to keep going.

How does it feel to be 43 years old? I'll leave you with a few realizations I had while doing yoga this past weekend at Malibu Wines... Thank you for making me a woman. Thank you for allowing me to carry and breastfeed a child. Thank you for making me a teacher. I love my students. I love being a woman. Honestly. I have never felt such a deep and profound gratitude for my body and for my womanhood. And for my hormones. And for not giving up my profession. I do love having summers off to spend in creativity and in love with my son. World Breastfeeding Week is just around the corner: Tue, Aug 1– Mon, Aug 7. The theme is "Enabling Breastfeeding: Making a Difference for Working Parents.”

summertime

The longest days of the year are here. We are weeks away from the solstice and I feel my energy peaking. Tomorrow is the full strawberry moon. 

I have enjoyed filling my time with visiting friends and family. Even though I said I would never volunteer at another consignment sale, I am working tomorrow at Burbank and then skating at Moonlight Rollerway.

Kiddo is becoming a more independent sleeper. It's noticeable. Sometimes he nurses like crazy, sometimes he's just too busy. We put up bunk beds in the house and they're fun but now we have an excess of furniture and we need to downsize again.

I actually got out my sewing machine today. 

Awesome Sauce

It's hard to put into words the magical mama's visit I had with my sister and aunt recently. It was just so wonderful that it's hard to describe. It was the first significant get-together that we've had since the pandemic, and it was like an ointment or salve to heal my loneliness and isolation that had overshadowed most of my son's life.

We didn't have an agenda for the parks, but we did way more than either of us thought we might. Baby Evelyn's favorite ride was definitely the Little Mermaid, and we rode it twice without having to get off. It was amazing how the little ones were able to sneak in their naps between strolling and babywearing. We explored some things that were familiar to me and did some new things that I'd never done before, and everything was frosted with nostalgia.

We got Genie+ for our second park day and used it for Haunted Mansion and Small World, and it might seem insignificant, but it helped us skip many lines, especially in the afternoon. The parade was so great we both wept for its beauty. I don't want to minimize the whole experience by listing how much everything costs, but I am curious because I want to budget for the rest of the month and next month, and the month after that, haha. Summer is here, and I am trying to plan what we will do to stay busy, keep learning, and incorporate arts and crafts into our daily routines.

• 5/12 - airport pick-up, lunch, last lab ($5 for parking, $103 groceries)
• 5/13 - waffles, campus walk ($13 stroller hooks, $13 Mickey's ears)
• 5/14 - french toast, train, bus, hotel, downtown Disney ($12 pretzels, $27 sweets, $4 fruit)
• 5/15 - DCA, Disneyland, magic key terrace ($24 milk stand, $72 dinner, $65 Genie+)
• 5/16 - Disneyland, Tom Sawyer Island, train, van ($328 hotel, $6 milk, $12 fruit, $38 grey stuff)
• 5/17 - end of year celebration, groceries, meal prep ($24 toys, $32 toys, $151 groceries)
• 5/18 - tie-dye, dance medicine ($95 groceries, $72 gas)
• 5/19 - beach day, tie-dye ($6 parking, $98 for flowers)
• 5/20 - tie-dye breakfast, painting day, IKEA, thrift store ($72 clothes, $42 food)
• 5/21 - yoga in the park, pickup Fitlicious, painting day ($20 yoga, $135 food)
• 5/22 - packing, garden play, downtown Disney day 2 ($24 McDonald's, $22 corndogs, $15 parking, $13 sweets, $19 sweet potato fries & milk)
• 5/23 - airport dropoff ($69 gas, $3 parking)

I really do think we balanced low or no-cost stuff with pricey experiences. We also balanced gogo days with nogo days. For example, we kept everything simple the first two days (Friday and Saturday) and stayed home. It was our Mother's Day to spend with our kiddos at home. Then the next three days (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday), we got caught up in go-go-go and nearly outdid ourselves. After returning home, we had a couple of chill days (Wednesday and Thursday), where we stayed home and did some cooking, cleaning, and domestic stuff.

The tie-dye was fun, relaxing, and also exhausting but memorable. We were chatting and tying in my garden, which I loved because I love spending time out there. I put in some flowers just to make the space colorful and inviting. It was like a Mother's Day gift to myself to make that space exactly what I wanted it to be for us to enjoy it. Everyone agreed the beach day was a fantastic idea (Friday). Good thing my ladies are all big fans of sunscreen, and I don't think anyone got burned the whole trip! We had a brunch on Saturday to send our aunt off with a full belly.

We really enjoyed all the flowers, trees, bushes, grass, and everything around us as inspiration for the painting with a twist at home. Over the weekend, my husband was helpful in watching the kiddo so that we could do a girls' trip to IKEA and a thrift store (Saturday and Sunday) and finish up our wishing well princess paintings. It was very fun to do yoga in the park, although my sister did the entire flow with a baby napping strapped to her body. We didn't make it out to any Fit4Mom workouts, but that's how it goes sometimes. I'll get back to it tomorrow...FriYay!

Finally, we packed on Monday and did another Disney trip to pick up some souvenirs. It was fun to try to fit in everything we didn't get to do, like corndogs, churros, Mickey cupcakes, popcorn, dole whips, and beignets. We didn't get to everything, but what we tasted was 100% worth the extra trip. We enjoyed different areas of downtown Disney, the Disneyland Hotel, the Grand Californian, and the Pixar Pier Hotel. Again, we did some things I had only heard about but didn't know how to do, so it's always good to do reconnaissance. 

I'm already looking forward to our Nebraska trip to visit with Albert's cousins and grandparents, which will be coming up here in about a month.

December 2020 thoughts

I gave LO a pacifier the other day and he played with it happily for about 20 minutes, which is longer than some toys. He put all parts of it in his mouth and chewed. His coordination is so good now, he can manipulate it even though it had no "handle."

I had a dream that I got fired and it made me so happy. Even though we're virtual, in my dream all the students showed up in person. It has been SO HARD. I feel so stressed. DH takes LO out during my class so I don't hear the crying. But otherwise baby is here. If I try to work, LO has taken to screaming at me. If I don't hold him for naps, he only sleeps for 10 minutes.

I used to be on campus 40+ hours per week at 93% of full-time. We always planned for me to keep working until my student loans are repaid, but that's 5 years from now. We had planned to put LO in daycare 3 days per week, which would have cost 1/3 of my salary. Because of COVID we are keeping LO at home instead.

DH is supposed to be "on call" but he still goes to campus 5 days a week and sits in his office blogging, day trading, and doing non-profit work. When he's here, I get upset because he's always falling asleep and not watching or playing with LO. So we end up bickering.

I don't know if what we're doing is best for each of us or not. It's just what is. I don't know what we'll do next semester. It all depends on what classes I'm offered. We're for sure virtual again. Daycare is available. We're just choosing to go without. I hate the circumstances but I love my baby.

We love rain 🌧 https://youtu.be/ajABt8KCho8

I'm still stressed from Monday when I looked at the nutrition facts on the baby's rice cereal. I started feeding rice after my pediatrician shamed me for exclusively breastfeeding for the first 4 months. She said the baby looked pale and I should start giving baby cereal with iron. Yea so I looked at the box and it said serving size 4 tablespoons. The entire box is only 16 servings. One box has been lasting me over a month. Strike 1. Then I looked at the iron. A full serving provides baby 60% of the RDA for iron. Strike 2.

So today I tried feeding the baby like 3 times as much as I normally give him. He's a super slow eater. Like breakfast started at 8am and ended at 11am. WTF? This can't be right.

Albert seemed to be spitting up more lately too after a temporary improvement. Dunno what that's about.

We spent Dec 6th childproofing after a nice breakfast, clean kitchen, doing laundry, going to groom the dog, holiday cards are almost done, maybe we'll hang lights upstairs.

We took LO to look at Xmas lights. DH took an "In-N-Out Day" picture of me and LO. All in all, an epic weekend. I realized that my kitchen is actually my refuge and I WANT to spend more time in there. Planning to bake so many holiday treats this year. Ordered supplies on Amazon so today I am on "package watch."

The March 2020 Bumper group has lots of discussion about TTC which I'm like cool cool cool. Some are happy to be already pregnant again. And I'm like having all these thoughts about miscarriages. For them. They're posting pics of lines on sticks and I'm just thinking how that doesn't mean you're going to get a live baby, but I don't say anything.

I had my son via C-section and I'm 40 years old. Even though I would want another, I don't think it will be possible. So it is hard for me to read about other pregnancy posts. I'm like can't we just keep the group focused on the ones we already have? If you start another, can't you share that with the other Bumper group? We have to put CW and TW on posts about breastfeeding and sleep, why can't all TTC posts go somewhere else?

Then comes one thread about TTC using some [banned term] method to get the gender you want and I have no idea what that is, but it made me pretty upset. I wrote a kind of snarky comment about IVF and genetic testing as a way to get the gender you want. The OP said, "if you can't tell, this is meant to be lighthearted and just for fun." Well I guess I still have some lingering resentment that I didn't have that fun TTC experience.

DH tries to help by napping with LO but when DH is awake, he's always dumping LO into a container and walking away.

Dec 10: I'm so tired today. I'm tired of feeding LO. I'm tired of being behind at work. I'm tired of trying to do everything here at home. I asked DH to watch LO last night after bedtime because I forgot to eat and I was so hungry I couldn't sleep. Pretty much right when I got done eating, LO started crying so I didn't get much of a break. I got a little bit upset with DH last night because we sit on our neighborhood sustainability committee. On a zoom call last night, DH was ignoring LO, sushing him, pushing him out of the frame. It made me feel like LO is at the center of my life but only in the margins of my partner's life. That hurt. DH goes to work outside the home for 5 hours, 5 days a week. I have no idea what he does all that time, he can do whatever he wants. Meanwhile, I have left the house without LO once only for about 3 hours since he was born. Yeah yeah yeah. It was my idea to EBF. I get kind of tired of DH pointing out that it was my idea. I didn't know it would be like this. I know it's temporary, but it's so all consuming. I'm almost done with this semester. Taught 3 classes. Got my schedule for next semester, only 2 classes. So that's good b/c less work but bad b/c less pay. About half what I have been making for the past 7 years. Fuck COVID. I used to teach 5 classes but I took my mat leave in the form of a reduced workload for this semester. I hate doing part-time WFH with no childcare. It's putting strain on my relationship with DH.

Dec 11: I had a mental flashback to when we were all pregnant and worrying about nurseries and packing a hospital bag. It seems both like a long time ago AND yesterday.

Dec 15: I saw a work colleague while doing a socially distanced secret santa dropoff. I haven't seen him since I was 7 months pregnant. So weird.

Dec 18: Wow, T. G. I. F. This was the last week of the semester where I went back to work with a new baby. I'm so glad I will never have to relive this experience ever again. I almost cried yesterday when I finished grading student work. My LO is having so much teething pain. He's been difficult to get to nap during the day and he's having a hard time going down at night. He's biting while nursing so there's that.

Dec 21: We went for a walk last night to look at Christmas lights. DH has a three day week. LO is teething. I can feel uppers coming in. The bottom two erupted together. Not sure what's happening in the upper jaw but it must be painful. Been giving Tylenol infrequently as it can help with naps and bedtime but trying to use it as needed and not as a matter of routine. Aldi unsweetened applesauce was a big hit at lunch yesterday.

I was reflecting on this semester and I was like DAMN. GIRL. YOU. DID. THAT. Great job. Those people's experiences are not like ours. We have our own challenges like really doing all the things and doing them well and not asking for extra time or compensation. I feel motherhood has changed me for the better WRT how I treat my students and I guess I have lost some respect for my childless colleagues who complain about how little time they have.

Got some supplies for sewing 2 quilts. Want to stay productive during lockdown. 1st one is going to be made by cutting up receiving blankets. All flannel pastels. 2nd one is fabric from MIL all navy white and gold with a nautical theme.

The crib quilt I sewed for LO is coming in handy finally. Used it to protect the carpet from spit up at MIL's over Thanksgiving. Also wrap LO in it when he's on my lap listening to bedtime stories. We used to nurse to sleep but between his teething pain and my fear of getting my nipple bit off, we're starting to do storytime until he drifts off.

Definitely spent more than I wanted to at the craft store. I will try to save the receipt and return anything I don't use. Found out I will be working at 50% of my normal schedule for spring. Good News: we can keep going without childcare, spend more time with LO, continue BF. Bad News: we are going to keep going without childcare, no rest, no break, less pay.

We had an awkward Zoom party with our coworkers and LO was super fussy throughout. It was a major struggle even though it was well intended. DH and I work in the same department. He was like: notice how nobody else's kids were on the screen? It's because their spouses were minding them. We didn't have that option. 

Dec 28: Just coming here to say that I used our toilet sprayer and shield for the first time today. We cloth diaper part-time. Since we started feeding LO solids, his poops were very plop-able. Today there was a clingy situation and the sprayer worked great. Was it worth $70 to have the sprayer and shield? There are some unanswerable questions in parenthood. I'm no economist, but using it one time only has been pretty unsatisfying. Not that I want to be spraying every day. Once is fine. I have convinced myself that it is our emergency bidet in case the world goes crazy and starts hoarding toilet paper again.

Dare I do the math for the rest of the cloth diaper nonsense I bought? My husband is a big fan of disposable diapers. I prefer cloth because I just hate thinking of those disposable diapers in the landfill. But I don't use most of what I have. Several friends gave me their stashes. Plus I bought some. In the beginning, it was so confusing. Now I keep it simple so I only use flats and covers. I have a ton of pockets and fitteds that I'm not even using. 

I must ask my friends who gave me their pockets and fitteds if they will be wanting them back. I have 28 flats and we wash every other day if we don't use any disposables. I will definitely sell the AIOs I bought. I keep holding everything for now to see if our preferences change as LO continues to grow. I have no idea of when we will potty train, hence how much longer we will need all the diaper stuff.

Same goes for homemade purees. Dare I calculate the cost of homemade versus store-bought? I'm not a complete eco-freak. I just like cooking. I enjoy making the purees. But sometimes I wonder: is it worth the time and effort? Is it even worth the time it took me to think about and write this post? I do try to think of our options as "all of the above" and not be too rigid to use a combination of whatever makes sense. COVID restrictions have been so game-changing in the sense that I'm home all day every day so there's really no excuse to not use the CDs and make homemade food. Unless I just don't have the energy. Which happens sometimes.

One thing is for sure... I love my baby. I totally felt overwhelmed by the transition from bottles/BF to purees. Still haven't made the leap to puffs/solids.

Dec 30: Started packing up the Christmas decorations today. It's the only project that seems to make sense right now. LO was super fussy throughout breakfast but then cracking up laughing while watching me dismantle a wreath made of eucalyptus. Silly goose.

If you can fit one large mat in your vehicle/house, I would recommend against the puzzle mat. I am getting pretty tired of constantly rebuilding it when the pieces separate. I wish I had one continuous mat. The fence we have is two of these. I got the idea to fence LO in with my computer since I WFH and it's been great. Here's what it looks like with two gates and two alphabet puzzles: Toddleroo Superyard x2.

I have a 1 year old

Honestly we had a great birthday for Albert. My mom (his grandmother) was here. We had a zoom party for some family and friends. It was safe and simple. We had three kinds of pie for pi day. 

It was kind of a tough couple of weeks. I gave a test that took lots of hours to grade. I had to write a bunch of letters of recommendation. I got my first COVID vaccine dose. Albert was cutting his molars. Albert got his 1-year vaccines. I think because of all that, it went by really fast and in a blur.

I got a few things done while my mom was here: I swept the garage and transplanted my pepper seedlings to the garden. We got two big rain storms which made all the planters really moist and juicy. 

We did a few crafts too. My mom sewed my patch collection onto a olive green military-style jacket I found at Aldi. She warped my cricket loom with red and yellow yarn. 

38 week check in

I want to do Xmas photos. I want to send Xmas cards. I want to make a wreath out of Eucalyptus branches. I want to vacuum the floors. I want to clean the oven. I want to clean the bathrooms. I want locks on all cabinets and drawers. I want all furniture secured to the walls. I want about 100 hours of childcare so I can get my work done. I want people at work to stop asking me to do extra stuff as if I have more free time than they do. I want to see my sisters and my new nephew Theo. I would love to see friends and their kids and have them meet my kid. I want to bake and decorate a gingerbread house. I want to keep up eating healthy meals and working out with Fit4Mom. I want to get more use out of the jogging stroller. I want to get back into rollerskating. I want to see snow. I want to sew 2 quilts. I want to organize my son's toys. I want to sing Christmas carols with a group. I want to go on a "holiday lights" drive, bike ride or walk. I want to get something for my husband's birthday. I want to be more mindful and do daily meditation. I want to clean out more crap from the closets and garage. I want to repopulate my garden with edible plants. I want to sweep the garage and mop the laminate floors. I want to bathe the dog and trim her nails. I want to get together with my cousin and do a local hike here in the valley. I want to take my son on public transportation, a subway maybe. I want to read a good book. I want to go camping. I want to iron-on the "MOM" patch I got from my secret bumper to my breastfeeding sweatshirt.