Summer bucket list

It's that time of year when the countdown to Back-to-School begins. We have just three weeks until Albert goes back to school (Kindergarten!). So I made a list of things that we might do. Some of these are things I had planned in advance, some of these we may not get to at this time but we'll come back to it later when we have more money and time.

beach
Zoo
Discovery Cube
San Fran
Central Library
Water slides
Playdates
Getty museum
Botanical garden
Dodger game
Drive-in movie
San Diego
Santa Barbara 

Shampoo rugs
Declutter tv stand in Queen suite
Declutter closet in Queen suite

Declutter close in King suite  
Declutter kitchen corner cabinet

Buy new fitted sheets for King and Queen

Make a visual race calendar for the family

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A post shared by Kayla Kaiser (@hamerk02)

Awesome Sauce

It's hard to put into words the magical mama's visit I had with my sister and aunt recently. It was just so wonderful that it's hard to describe. It was the first significant get-together that we've had since the pandemic, and it was like an ointment or salve to heal my loneliness and isolation that had overshadowed most of my son's life.

We didn't have an agenda for the parks, but we did way more than either of us thought we might. Baby Evelyn's favorite ride was definitely the Little Mermaid, and we rode it twice without having to get off. It was amazing how the little ones were able to sneak in their naps between strolling and babywearing. We explored some things that were familiar to me and did some new things that I'd never done before, and everything was frosted with nostalgia.

We got Genie+ for our second park day and used it for Haunted Mansion and Small World, and it might seem insignificant, but it helped us skip many lines, especially in the afternoon. The parade was so great we both wept for its beauty. I don't want to minimize the whole experience by listing how much everything costs, but I am curious because I want to budget for the rest of the month and next month, and the month after that, haha. Summer is here, and I am trying to plan what we will do to stay busy, keep learning, and incorporate arts and crafts into our daily routines.

• 5/12 - airport pick-up, lunch, last lab ($5 for parking, $103 groceries)
• 5/13 - waffles, campus walk ($13 stroller hooks, $13 Mickey's ears)
• 5/14 - french toast, train, bus, hotel, downtown Disney ($12 pretzels, $27 sweets, $4 fruit)
• 5/15 - DCA, Disneyland, magic key terrace ($24 milk stand, $72 dinner, $65 Genie+)
• 5/16 - Disneyland, Tom Sawyer Island, train, van ($328 hotel, $6 milk, $12 fruit, $38 grey stuff)
• 5/17 - end of year celebration, groceries, meal prep ($24 toys, $32 toys, $151 groceries)
• 5/18 - tie-dye, dance medicine ($95 groceries, $72 gas)
• 5/19 - beach day, tie-dye ($6 parking, $98 for flowers)
• 5/20 - tie-dye breakfast, painting day, IKEA, thrift store ($72 clothes, $42 food)
• 5/21 - yoga in the park, pickup Fitlicious, painting day ($20 yoga, $135 food)
• 5/22 - packing, garden play, downtown Disney day 2 ($24 McDonald's, $22 corndogs, $15 parking, $13 sweets, $19 sweet potato fries & milk)
• 5/23 - airport dropoff ($69 gas, $3 parking)

I really do think we balanced low or no-cost stuff with pricey experiences. We also balanced gogo days with nogo days. For example, we kept everything simple the first two days (Friday and Saturday) and stayed home. It was our Mother's Day to spend with our kiddos at home. Then the next three days (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday), we got caught up in go-go-go and nearly outdid ourselves. After returning home, we had a couple of chill days (Wednesday and Thursday), where we stayed home and did some cooking, cleaning, and domestic stuff.

The tie-dye was fun, relaxing, and also exhausting but memorable. We were chatting and tying in my garden, which I loved because I love spending time out there. I put in some flowers just to make the space colorful and inviting. It was like a Mother's Day gift to myself to make that space exactly what I wanted it to be for us to enjoy it. Everyone agreed the beach day was a fantastic idea (Friday). Good thing my ladies are all big fans of sunscreen, and I don't think anyone got burned the whole trip! We had a brunch on Saturday to send our aunt off with a full belly.

We really enjoyed all the flowers, trees, bushes, grass, and everything around us as inspiration for the painting with a twist at home. Over the weekend, my husband was helpful in watching the kiddo so that we could do a girls' trip to IKEA and a thrift store (Saturday and Sunday) and finish up our wishing well princess paintings. It was very fun to do yoga in the park, although my sister did the entire flow with a baby napping strapped to her body. We didn't make it out to any Fit4Mom workouts, but that's how it goes sometimes. I'll get back to it tomorrow...FriYay!

Finally, we packed on Monday and did another Disney trip to pick up some souvenirs. It was fun to try to fit in everything we didn't get to do, like corndogs, churros, Mickey cupcakes, popcorn, dole whips, and beignets. We didn't get to everything, but what we tasted was 100% worth the extra trip. We enjoyed different areas of downtown Disney, the Disneyland Hotel, the Grand Californian, and the Pixar Pier Hotel. Again, we did some things I had only heard about but didn't know how to do, so it's always good to do reconnaissance. 

I'm already looking forward to our Nebraska trip to visit with Albert's cousins and grandparents, which will be coming up here in about a month.

One month ago

One month ago, I noticed LO seems to have liked to be worn a lot more when he was smaller. Now he's in and out of a carrier in like 20 minutes. But hey, 20 minutes is better than zero. 

One month ago, I wrote that my son nursed 5-6x in daytime and 2-4x overnight. He nurses to sleep, but he generally pops off after 30 minutes. He eats on one side per feed. This is relatively new behavior. My LO used to sleep through the night so I would MOTN pump. Now LO is so active during the day, he has trouble calming down to eat. This is why I think he is needing to eat more at night. He sometimes only feeds for 5-7 minutes during the daytime and keeps popping on and off to look around.

One month ago, I tie-dyed some 12m and 18m onesies. It was heart-wrenching to speed through the process of tieing and dyeing while DH tried to put the screaming baby to bed. I untied them and rinsed them in the sink while DH was at work and LO was crying in his swing. I sorted them into bins according to size. My baby was already too big for his 9m clothes. I measured him today. He is 28.5 inches long. He weighs 16 lbs 9 oz. His head is 44 cm around. So for his age, he is in the 99th percentile for length and the 53rd percentile for weight. 

One month ago, I realized the pack 'n' play with the "napper" level, bassinet and quick-release changing table had a weight limit of 15 lbs. I started to look for other changing tables and some have a weight limit of only 20 pounds! I put a changing pad on top of my dresser in the dining room. My husband has an aversion to changing baby on a dining table or other food-related surface. It's working very well.

One month ago, I wrote that prior to becoming a mom, I didn't comprehend the bond that forms between mothers and babies. I have a deep well of patience and energy for this LO. I feel insane when he is crying and when I can't see or hear him. Even though he is outside my body now, I still feel we're connected through breastfeeding. Sometimes I feel he's like a parasite, but in the best way. More like symbiosis. I call him my little barnacle. I didn't expect to enjoy pregnancy so much. I had terrible PMS and painful periods in adolescence and adulthood, but while on hormones for my egg retrieval and pregnant, I felt more womanly and feminine than ever. I felt all "Sugar and spice. And everything nice," when I had been pretty bitchy before. I didn't expect to appreciate my breasts this much. Now I feel they have fulfilled their true purpose and I am grateful to have carried them all these years.

One month ago, I was exhausted. I was unsuccessful at getting LO to nap in PNP instead of on my lap. I made pear, plum and butternut squash purees for LO. I washed the toys we bought from the consignment sale. I tried to find Zoom-friendly tops that fit over my milk-filled breasts, and found 6 that kinda worked.

One month ago, baby started waking up every 1.5-2 hours all night long. I guess it was leap 5.

One month ago, I ran a load of laundry with no detergent. Had too much inner debate about whether to wash a couple of my shirts. Let it smell like me so baby can nap with it... or wash all? Felt moisture on my arm. Wondered if it was my own sweat, spit-up, or did baby just pee on me? And do I want to know the answer? Had my first day teaching online yesterday with DH watching LO upstairs during. Baby made it 65 minutes without crying. Those last 10 minutes of class were the hardest. Hopefully it will get better.

Nursery

Quilt gallery

The theme of our nursery isn't something I intentionally chose. What happened was that my MIL gave us a few quilts that were sewn for our nephews (her grandchildren). I washed them before Albert was born but then just set them aside for awhile. It didn't seem right to let him play on something that was almost 20 years old. 

I also have a quilt that is 40 years old that my mom sewed for me before I was born. And I have a quilt that I made for my baby. There is also quilted pillows and a cushion for the window seat that I quilted out of old jeans about 3 years ago. There is a graduation quilt that people signed when I finished my undergrad in 2002, so 18 years ago.

The furniture that ended up being SUPER useful was the changing table and the glider. Albert isn't really at the point where he sleeps well in his crib, but I am confident we'll get there eventually. The gliding footrest is EVERYTHING. We didn't use the bassinet for long, instead we put Albert into a cosleeper. The most clutch feature of the cosleeper was the vibrating clip-on heart. We also use a separate white noise machine. We do have a baby-cam setup, but since he co-sleeps we don't realy use it unless he goes to bed and we stay up late, or vice versa, he sleeps in and we get up early.

Baby blankets

Sometimes you get gifts, especially if you are a first-time parent, and you don't know what they are or what purpose they might serve. Sometimes if a product is new, the packaging will give you ideas about how to use the item. But if it is a used or hand-me-down item it may not be in its original packaging. It can make you feel like you don't know what you're doing, like you aren't ready for your baby. I didn't know the difference between receiving, muslin and swaddle blankets. 

I did a little research about swaddling before my baby was born and ended up making two swaddle blankets out of an old flat bed sheet that measure 48 x 48 in. Typical dimensions for a swaddle blanket are 47 x 47 in. My baby didn't like being swaddled, so I didn't get a lot of use out of these. A swaddle blanket can be stretchy. I have one that I like made of muslin cotton that is thin and breathable, as well as stretchy.

A recieving blanket measures 30 x 30 in. It is smaller because it is used to swaddle a newborn baby. I definitely ended up with one of these from the hospital because I didn't have the proper baby clothes to bring baby home from the hospital. I had just a onesie with no pants or socks and it was cold and windy. Oops!

People gave us a bunch of rectangular blankets of thicker flanel recieving blankets. Dimensions of 28 x 34 in.

Uses:

Covering the changing table

Layer between your body and baby while babywearing

We got a bunch of thick polyester fleece blankets, square in size. Some had an animal attached. At 4 months my baby actually likes these, one in particular with an elephant head. He cuddles it (with his mouth) while he's in his swing. At first I was resentful at these gifts because babies are not supposed to have toys or blankets in their sleeping area until they are 2 or 3 years old. But when awake, the younger baby can still appreciate such warm and fuzzy blankets.

Postpartum Part 10: beauty

I thought I totally had my beauty routine down, but as we age, we need to modify. The pregnancy hormones caused me to want to use different products, mostly more moisturizing and heavy. Now that I'm no longer pregnant, I have to find what works now because my face is wrecked. I was craving Pods cold cream. Mother's day weekend let me actually try a modern Ponds blend at my MIL's house. I didn't love it to be honest. I guess I need to try the original formulation.

What I have been doing, at the suggestion of a pal, is to use Xom3 You Can Dew It oil underneath my moisturizer. It seems that postpartum skin issues are common, although something I didn't really think or hear about until I experienced it.

Pregnancy Part 22

Today we have our growth scan (ultrasound) with our regular OB. I am feeling pretty good about it. Hoping my weight and blood pressure are cooperative and that my urine contains no protein or other stuff that's not supposed to be there. Hoping baby measures "normal" and is in the right position for delivery.

We've been doing pretty good with following the babycentre diet since the holidays are over and we're mostly home all day every day. We have tried a few of the third trimester recipes that have been a big success in terms of tasting good and freezing/reheating well.

Diet

Week 30 - Dec 30-Jan 5 - 54% (three fast food)
Week 31 - Jan 6-12 - 60% (three fast food)
Week 32 - Jan 13-19 - 54% (six fast food)

Symptoms

Week 30 - Dec 30-Jan 5 - ?? didn't record any!
Week 31 - Jan 6-12 - aversions (to bad smells and unfamiliar people), increased thirst, shortness of breath, heartburn, acne, headaches
Week 32 - Jan 13-19 - headache, heartburn, back pain, rib pain, fatigue

I got to return to Fit4Baby class on weeks 31 and 32. While it was harder to do some things like lunges and just balancing on one leg, it felt REALLY good to get into a cardio training zone and dig in to the deep breathing.

I am trying to keep busy with craft projects, in case Albert decides to stay (or overstay) his time in the womb. On the other hand, there's a chance he could come early, so dear husband is kind of nudging me to get these art projects wrapped up.

1) quilt

2) woven scarf

3) tie-dyed onesies

4) painted birth mantras

It's always a task to get all the necessary materials assembled, but I found some old gift cards and have spent the time at JoAnn's and Michael's to get the remaining stuff that I would need. Maybe finishing these projects is like finishing a good book or TV series, I don't want it to be over!

The hospital bag is in the car. The car seat is locked and loaded. The nursery is complete. We visited two consignment stores to find the remaining furniture. We got a rocker from Goodwill for $15. We got a changing table (with pad) from Children's Orchard in Santa Clarita for $36. We got a breastfeeding pillow from Wear it once, Wear it twice in Burbank for $17. For under $70... I feel so much relief!

It was pretty hilarious we decided to slightly disassemble the rocker so that it would be easier to carry and fit through the doorway. Just 4 bolts and 8 washers, but with my big belly and using the adjustable wrench and a ratcheting socket wrench and dear husband and the complicated rocking design, it took a minute and a few drops of sweat, four hands and a bit of giggles to get it put back together. Luckily it did not require a blood sacrifice (as we had with our new Kenmore dryer that we bought at a Sears store closing sale and installed ourselves).

For the MLK 3-day weekend, we started watching some standup comedy on Netflix about becoming parents. We watched Lobby Baby with Seth Meyers and then The New One with Mike Birbiglia. We went to bed at a decent hour. When I woke up on Saturday, I thought having a nice hot chocolate would be good before breakfast... boy was I wrong. I had a severe reaction to it where I started accusing Mike of not helping me enough and feeling all alone and just sobbing. From there he decided to take control of the weekend. We did the consignment shopping on Saturday afternoon. We moved the furniture in on Sunday morning then went for a walk in the Arboretum in the afternoon. Monday morning he helped me cut some quilt pieces, then we went out to the beach and did another long walk, ate a picnic lunch and did some grocery shopping at Winco to restock our pantry. It was a perfect weekend, with the exception of my little meltdown.

So I guess you could say everything is coming together! It is all the more real because a friend delivered her baby 4 weeks early yesterday, so I think it helped dear husband get clear in his mind that it's a possibility and it's best to be as prepared as we can be prior to the baby's arrival. Even though a friend said "you'll never be ready," at least I feel like the major infrastructure is in place and from here on out, we can just fill in the gaps as we go.

Fertility Part 12

Today, Wednesday, we are again in Week 1 of The IVF Diet. I weighed in at 196.5 lbs today. Not as much weight loss as I wanted, but at least I have not gained it all back.

I had a great time with my sister when she visited during the second half of May. I had hoped to do a lot more hiking with her, but we only had one epic day on Santa Cruz Island.

Then my dad came into town and we did a lot of sightseeing. Here is a list of what we did: 

Saturday, May 25th Old house / Glendale / Neon Museum ($10) / Brand Library & Park Sunday, May 26th

Pierce College Flea Market ($4) / Encino Farmer's Market / Convoy Movie Monday, May 27th

La Brea Tar Pits (FREE) / LACMA (FREE) / The Counter / Canters Deli / Original Farmer's Market / The Grove / Mullholland Water Movie Tuesday, May 28th

10 am acupuncture / Skateland ($8, skates included) / BM e-bikes / CSUN campus tour / Japanese Garden ($5) / Water Reclamation Plant / India's frontier trains movie Wednesday, May 29th

Griffith Observatory ($7 for planetarium show) / Autry Museum (FREE) / LA Zoo ($11 with 50% zoo reciprocity discount) / Griffith Park via LADOT DASH bus ($1) / picnic Thursday, May 30th

Metrolink ($32) / Mission San Juan Capistrano ($10)/ Trevor's at the Tracks / OCTA bus (FREE) / Pedego e-bikes ($25 per hour) / Dana Point to San Clemente bike ride Friday, May 31st

Metro Expo Line ($7) / Rose Garden (FREE) / CA Science Center (FREE + $3 to see space shuttle) / Santa Monica Pier / Bubba Gump Saturday, June 1st

Salute to Recreation, Northridge Park / Metro Red Line ($7) Broad museum, MOCA, Disney Concert Hall, Music Center, Grand Park, Grand Central Market, Last Bookstore, LA Cafe, LACBC HQ, Angel's Flight ($1), Riordan Central Library (FREE) Sunday, June 2nd

Citrus Sunday @ Dearborn Park (~1320 pounds of citrus collected)

The Discover & Go passes from the LA County Public Library saved us $42 at the La Bra Tar Pits and $24 at the Autry. I recommend checking that out if you are expecting out-of-town guests and want to do some sightseeing on a budget. Even though the e-bikes were expensive to rent, that was one of my favorite things we did. I also loved the gardens (Japanese and Rose).

It was hard to keep to the diet while playing tour guide, but it was equally awesome to spend time with family. Keeping busy and doing lots of light walking kept my mind from stressing out.

We've ordered the next round of medications: estradiol, delestrogen, methylprednisolone, endometrin, and progesterone. I'm doing my best to stop from googling all those names to read up on the side effects. I'm just waiting for my period to start. This cycle has been long: today is day 33 and it has not started yet.

I have been going to acupuncture. I finally found a practitioner who took my insurance with no issues. I've had 3 visits now. The first visit, he told me that his goal was to increase circulation. I had a wonderful explosive diarrhea when I got home, so I'm guessing that worked. The second visit, he told me his goal was to make me feel safe. He said, "unless the mother feels safe, there can be no baby." The third visit, I found myself meditating on that feeling of safety and love. I was chanting a mantra of: I am ready and I am willing. Also: I am safe and I am loved.

At the Last Bookstore, I found a book called Sacred Woman which has some ideas for altars. I was thinking of putting together an altar anyhow and I have some time now to do some sculpting and painting so I will incorporate her suggestions for altars in those craft projects. I don't know if I can follow the author, Queen Afua, in all of her herbal recommendations and suggestions towards veganism, but I can definitely consider some of her yoga poses and dance moves for tapping into the divine feminine energy.

Fertility Part 7

We've been following "The IVF Diet" by Zita West for the past 4 days. Today is day 5 of the "plan to support IFV treatment and help couples conceive." I heard about the book online. It has all the measurements in grams and the oven temperatures in Celsius because the Zita West clinics are located in the UK, but luckily unit conversions don't bother me. The thing about the diet that is intimidating is the sheer number of ingredients, and to me, exotic ingredients.

We made a master list of all the ingredients from days 1-7. We summed up the quantities of each item that would be needed. We went through the pantry to see what we already had, and then we made a grocery list using a commercially-available template. The original template didn't have many of the items on it, but it was useful for grouping items into the big categories: produce, dairy, baking, meat, etc. There are still a few items I have no idea what they are: inositol, lucuma powder, baobab powder. There were also a few things we couldn't find: juniper berry, spirulina, oatcakes, okra, peaches, arrowroot flour, vegetable starter (for pickling). But we made a good effort.


I hope you don't count all these items to check me on this, but I count 114 separate things, and that's not including the stuff we already had at home. We went over to Whole Foods to buy organic produce and filled up two shopping carts with $350 worth of groceries for 1 week! Dear husband refused to pay $35 for like 4 oz of spirulina granules. If you know an affordable source, please let me know by posting a comment. Mid-week on Wednesday we had to go to Von's to get some other items, which cost another $80.

The meals have been good -- delicious even! I've been checking, and this diet does meet the same requirements of my previous post. The less than 40% carbs and greater than 25% protein is already calculated into the meal plan. I still check it because it's tough to stay within the 1700 calories per day limit and eat all the foods recommended in the diet.

chicken schnitzel (day 1 dinner)

9-bean soup with turmeric bread (lunch day 2)

chermoula-baked salmon (dinner day 2)

kale hemp pesto (day 3 lunch)

turkey san choy bau (day 3 dinner)

sardines with olive tapenade (day 4 dinner)

Of course, I'm not a professional food blogger, so these pictures are just quick and dirty. I don't think I could publish these recipes, or the complete meal plan, due to copyright restrictions. I think you get the idea. What I can say is that it's giving me some peace of mind and freeing me to stop worrying about coming up with recipes. The detail provided in the book is sufficient for a competent cook to follow.

There are a lot of pieces of equipment required to make the recipes. So far we've used:

• blender (every morning there is a protein shake) you could use a NutriBullet 
• juicer (we used this one day, but you could alternately use a NutriBullet)
• food processor (this is used almost every day to pulverize nuts)
• mandolin (I used this to make zoodles, but you could use a spiralizer)
• grater (there is zest in one of the recipes)
• garlic press
• grill (we have a George Foreman)
• oven
• stovetop
• bread machine (you could bake in the oven, but it's easier to do overnight this way)
• baking pans and cooling racks

The recipes come together pretty quickly (for some), and others can be prepared ahead of time so that it takes just a few minutes at the moment when you actually want to eat it. All the recipes are proportioned for two people, with the assumption that both partners will be doing the diet together. This is a big help for us since my husband doesn't really like to eat leftovers and the variety is good.

This weekend we'll spend time planning for week 2, which is ~80% unique from week 1. Dear husband has been helping out with all the cooking. He is a BIG help. I could never do this alone. Having this "food project" is helping me stay busy during the waiting time for the end-of-semester and another "normal" menstrual cycle to pass.

I had a little moment of guilt thinking about how I "should have" been on this diet before egg retrieval. But luckily dear husband corrected that course of thinking. He said that we could go so far with the "what if's" and it's not very useful. Like what if we had been vigilantly saving for retirement, what if we had a large 401k, what if we would have been 100% responsible with our student loan money (or not even taken out loans)... the list could go on ad infinitum. So we're trying to keep a positive mental attitude and be in the present moment.

I've been getting really into classical music lately. It's relaxing, engaging and nostalgic. I've also been carving out more time to be outdoors. My body is craving sunlight and fresh air more than ever. Last week, I went to the Future Currents: Los Angeles River event at the Soraya Performing Arts Center here on CSUN campus. In the background is a sculptural piece made from Arundo donax, giant cane, which is an invasive plant found in the LA river.

Future Currents: Los Angeles River

Future Currents was a music / dance / art event that had a panel discussion on eco-artists who push conversations about sustainability and ecology using their various art forms. I made a pan flute out of the Arundo donax which I had a great time learning how to play. This week, I went to the Earth Fair with some friends from the chemistry department and saw some of my bicycling friends once we got there. Like I said, it was just great to spend a couple of hours mid-day outdoors, which I don't usually do.

I added pain into the topics for today's blog because my fingers are really hurting from all this cooking. I feel like my hands have been through the meat grinder! But the good news is that I seem to be losing weight. I read that I don't have to get down to "normal" body weight for my body to take the pregnancy better. If I lose even 15 pounds, that would be good. So I guess that's a goal too.

Fertility Part 4

The 35 hours between the "trigger shot" and egg retrieval were awkward to say the least. I felt like I had a bunch of grapes in my pelvis. I had to walk slowly, I avoided bumping up against counter tops, I wore maternity leggings (no waistband). It was difficult to sit comfortably. I was getting some aches and pains in my back and my legs. Dear husband took Monday, March 18th off of work to be available for all my needs so that I wouldn't be tempted to do much. I did hard-boil 24 eggs, but that's about it. He did all the lifting when water needed to be poured out.

The image below shows like some kind of female anatomy. I don't like to use the word "average" so let's say that this image depicts one woman's body. Many times when I went for transvaginal ultrasound, the doctor could see one of my ovaries but not the other. Four times out of five he had to use an ultrasound on the outside of my body. So I don't know how exactly they went in to retrieve my eggs, but he mentioned that they may have to do it from outside my body. I don't know if it's all my belly fat that caused my ovaries to be in a different place, because my hips and waistline surely don't resemble the image below.

The day of the operation, Tuesday, March 19th, I was feeling good and ready to get those eggs out. We woke up at 4am to arrive at the doctor by 6am for a 6:30am check-in time and 7:30am procedure. We met a nice woman in the waiting room that told us her daughter-in-law was having egg retrieval and her son was having his sperm removed surgically. I think that made my husband feel better about being able to release naturally.

Everything about the procedure was easy, I was given several medications to calm me down and knock me out (propofol) when I woke up they brought my husband in. They told us the good news, 14 eggs were retrieved. They wheeled me out in a wheelchair and I went back home to recover in our La-Z-Boy recliner. We binge-watched Limitless on Netflix. We binge-watched Designated Survivor. I took all the 300-30 tylenol-codeine that they gave me on a 4-6 hour interval.

Dear husband got it in his mind that we definitely needed to get rid of our second car. He called up KPCC vehicle donation program and agreed on a pick up date of Thursday, March 21st. The auction company called me on Wednesday, March 20th to schedule a time (morning). They came by on Thursday, March 21st exactly on schedule and loaded 'bandito' up on the truck bed and drove it away. I'm not going to lie, I did cry a bit. Ok I sobbed. Let's blame the hormones.

End of an era #smartcar Smart was originally an acronym for ‘Swatch Mercedes Art’ #microcar #citylife #LosAngeles aka rollerskate aka bandito #lifegoals #BucketList https://t.co/sdNQiZlWz2

— Dr. Kayla A. Kaiser (@hamerk02) March 21, 2019

Wednesday, March 20th, dear husband went to work and left me home alone. I binge-watched The Order on Netflix. Thursday, March 21st dear husband went to work and left me home alone. I binge-watched The Big Family Cooking Showdown. I understand that he needs his space, but I definitely didn't hesitate to ask him to make me a protein shake for dessert. I was hard to watch him eat cupcakes after dinner, but at least the Whey protein is chocolate flavored.

A friend asked me what it felt like and I think it's like what liposuction must feel like. It was like I had been stabbed in the gut many times. Not a great feeling. The discharge papers suggested that it would feel like bloating or cramping and I disagree. It fully felt like I was healing from being stabbed. My weight didn't fluctuate, so I don't think I'm suffering from OHSS. Luckily, a friend told me "not gonna lie, egg retrieval hurts like a bitch" and she told me that was the worst part. So at least I was fairly warned.

I want to emphasize again that my experience will not be everyone's experience. Every woman reacts differently to these circumstances. Some women have said that Follistim, Menopur or whatever their doctors were giving them turned them into a crazy dragon lady. For me, it mellowed me out. In fact, I wouldn't mind feeling like that all day every day. Also, some people go back to work the day after retrieval and I don't think I could have done that. My job is strenuous on my body, I do a lot of running around, pivoting, lifting, drawing on the board, moving chairs around and I know I could not have done that 24 hours after egg retrieval. No way.

Gel Eye Mask

My symptoms included body aches (neck, lower back, backs of my legs) and headaches. These aren't too surprising to me since I get similar symptoms at different times in my cycle (ovulation and PMS). During the 35 hours between the "trigger shot" and egg retrieval, I used a frozen gel eye mask to get to sleep without taking medication. Sometimes I take Tylenol PM or Aleve and Benadryl when I have a bad headache that is preventing me from sleeping, but I was trying to avoid any additional medication so that it wouldn't interfere with the surgical anesthesia. I would definitely include a gel eye mask in an IVF gift basket if you are considering making one for a friend or family member.

Speaking of a family member... I acknowledge that this process is painful, but if I had to go through it again for one of my sisters -- I totally would. Today is my first day without 300-30 tylenol-codeine and I'm making due with 1000 mg tylenol. I took one dose at 5am when I woke up in pain and I just took a second dose now at 1pm. I'm not pain-free yet and it's hard to not lift and not exercise. But we proceed with a hopeful heart and a positive, grateful state of mind.

Without the Follistim and Menopur, I was a lot more restless and it wasn't as easy for me to fall asleep, so I can say that those medications genuinely did make me more tired. Or if not the medications, then what they were causing my body to do was making me tired. In fact, I wasn't able to work a full day on Thursday or Friday (March 14-15) which would have been DAY 8 and 9.

Wow, I've basically been writing all morning (for 4 hours) so it might be time for lunch and then time to do some actually work to prepare for Monday morning classes. The good news we got on Wednesday, March 20th was: out of the 14 eggs retrieved, 12 were mature enough to ICSI (inject with your Mike's sperm). Out of those 12 eggs, 11 fertilized normally. This is amazing! They are incubating now and growing (hopefully) to a day 5 blastocyst stage. I don't know if that day will fall on Saturday, Sunday or Monday (March 23, 24, 25) but we should get that news soon.

On day 5 or 6 after fertilization, the blastocysts will have some tissue removed for preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) testing. This is recommended due to age risk (maternal age over 36 years). This is not cheap $5000-6000 but it is complex enough to warrant doing. PGS testing involves fluorescence in situhybridization (FISH), array comparative genomic hybridization (aCGH), single-nucleotide polymorphism (SNP) arrays, multiplex quantitative PCR or next generation sequencing (NGS) to determine the chromosomal status of the embryo to facilitate selection of desired embryos for implantation. The results look simple but the testing procedure seems pretty complicated.

https://meetthehopefuls.com/2015/08/20/ivf-2-cycle-update-and-pgs-results/

So we await the news about how many of our embryos have grown to blastocyst stage. Then we'll have a 10-14 day wait until we get the PGS results back. That's OK with me since I kind of want to wait until my mid-May cycle to stimulate for embryo transfer (assuming we get at least 1 normal embryo).

Feeling Flaky

This semester is nearly over. We have just a few precious hours for missing, late and just completed work to be uploaded to our learning management system (LMS) Canvas. It has been a difficult week to say the least.

We were under threat for a mass shooting, and the reaction of our students was such that they called off just one day of finals week. Sometimes a word pops into my head to describe how I'm feeling and then I look up the definition of that word and it is actually perfect.

Our reaction as a campus community to racist graffiti and a subsequent handwritten note has been flaky. I know people are still feeling uncertain about their safety. It has been a challenge to reassure our students and ourselves that the campus can protect us.

I feel my patience is thin and breaking into small pieces. But on the bright side, our department pot-luck is in just 30 minutes. I made mini-quiches that have a flaky crust. I made cupcakes for dear husband's birthday but messed up the icing recipe by adding all the ingredients at once.

Luckily, I was able to salvage the messed up frosting and make a gingerbread bundt cake. But I flaked out on that and forgot to add the molasses, so I hope it tastes OK. I restarted a second batch of icing and that one came out well, but I forgot to bring it today.

I bought all the ingredients for the salad but forgot to pressure-cook the pinto beans. Luckily, I made lentils and rice yesterday so I just used that instead. I also forgot to bring the onion and cheese that I bought over here to school. I just had so much on my mind!

I used to get disappointed about these things and dwell on negatives, but I have been practicing letting go of perfection and focusing instead of making the best of things and adapting and NOT stressing over what could have been but instead celebrating and elevating what IS.

I am so grateful that I made it a point to include redundancy and multiple feedback loops into my course this semester. It made it much less stressful to adapt to shifting circumstances. I am also grateful for technology, having many assignments in the cloud was a godsend.

If there is anyone out there that can suggest a winter training course (bootcamp) for Google Classroom, I would be interested. I appreciate my colleagues that helped support me during this time. The strategies that helped me diffuse negative energy: yoga, coloring mandalas, metta meditation.

On a very bright note, my students delivered their Pecha Kucha presentations in a way that was completely unexpected and a joy to watch. Giving the students the classroom space and technology, while assisting them by putting their content into a timed format, was just the right balance.

It's hard to set goals for next year since I don't have any idea what I'll be teaching. But I know I did some things very well this semester and I am extremely proud of the progress that I made. I know I don't want to travel or be wild over break, I just want to stay home and get centered.

Salty & Sweet Car-Free Travel

We had a fantastic car-free November. Metrolink saved us from sitting in freeway gridlock, and welcomed our bicycles and our dog on board.

Sweet Santa Ana

Our packing list was kept simple: We brought lots of lights for our bicycles, three headlights and three taillights each bicycle.  We had 2 rear panniers each bicycle and 2 front panniers for one bike and 1 dog carrier for the other bike. 
Instead of a purse, I brought my camera bag. I brought two hair bows, which ended up being used as a belt and neckerchief. I had a half-shirt that I wore underneath the dresses. I wore an extra dress and yoga pants on the way down there. I felt like a few things were missing, but we made it despite.

Thanksgiving day, we biked to family's house using the Peters Canyon Trail and the San Diego Creek Trail (10.5 miles mainly on the Mountains to the Sea Trail & Bikeway). It was a bit warm, and the ride felt long, but by the time we arrived we were so relaxed and ready to enjoy catching up with family.

Black Friday we walked to have brunch at the "Yellow Basket" at the corner of Main & Dyer while scoping out the bus and bicycle traffic. We decided to stay inside during the remaining daylight and take OCTA buses to access downtown Santa Ana.

Route 55 took us from Halladay & Dyer to First & Main. The bus fare was $2 per person, if we had planned on being on buses all day, we could have purchased a day pass for $5 per person. We walked West to Broadway and then North to 2nd St and discovered a Promenade (which is where we spotted the map & directory below). We saw Grand Central Art Center, which was not open, but we peeked in the windows. There was a fountain and a few trees were decorated with lights.

There was a cute roundabout at 3rd and Bush street, which isn't even visible on Google Maps Satellite View yet. The upgrade was paid for by Active Transportation (ATP) funds from the State of California.  I definitely felt safe walking there, there were very bright streetlights that had a vintage look and the few cars that were entering/exiting the parking lot were traveling very slowly. There were secure bicycle parking facilities called Bike Huts, which require monthly or yearly membership, probably installed to support residents of the lofts in the downtown area.

We walked East through the alley between 3rd and 4th streets past some gorgeous murals towards the Yost Theater. We encountered another fabulous Promenade called "Fiesta Plaza."

We gave in to temptation to do some shopping and entered R&R Western Wear 'Casa Del Sombrero.' There were the blingingest shirts, belts, boots, and hats that you can imagine! We picked up one belt and 6 colorful bandanas. According to Yelp, R&R has been in Santa Ana for 58+ years! It felt great to support a small business instead of heading towards The District at Tustin Legacy, which we assumed would be packed with people (and speeding cars).  It felt great to do some walking and not have to worry about driving/parking our car, which we couldn't have done anyway since we didn't bring it.

Exiting R&R Western Wear on the North we walked to the corner of 4th and French St to take some pictures with the large decorated Christmas tree at Plaza Calle Quatro. The appearance of some gentrification along 4th Street became evident as we passed Wursthaus and mLovewell and were chased by some people from the Santa Ana Restoration Church asking for cash donations.

We passed The Frida Cinema and ducked into the 4th Street Market to take advantage of the public restrooms and free smells. The market had a cool space on its North side that had what looked like a kid's play area, a DJ and a bunch of picnic tables. I wanted to go in and play with the oversized Jenga blocks and Connect 4, but it was getting late and we had Thanksgiving leftovers to eat back in our hotel room.

There were so many awesome shops, restaurants and cultural venues in Downtown Santa Ana that I could have stayed longer, but we decided to end our walking tour there and took the OCTA 53 bus back to Main & Dyer (the Yellow Hat). I would love to return to Santa Ana on the night of an Art Walk (First Saturday of each month from 6pm-10pm) or the morning of a Farmer's Market (Sundays 10am-2pm on 2nd St Promenade).

This walking adventure was inspired by Jonathan Gold's LA Times supplement on the 101 best restaurants in LA. As I was thumbing through the glossy food photos, a phrase caught my eye, "newish restaurant row in downtown Santa Ana" and it must have stuck in my mind because when we extended our Thanksgiving Trip by an extra day, I knew I wanted to explore the area.

We biked from our house to the Northridge Metrolink station along Reseda Blvd and Parthenia St (2.2 miles). We took Train 116 to LA Union Station at 2:52pm. We took Train 686 to Tustin, arriving after the sunset at 4:49pm. We biked along Edinger Ave to Kensington Park Dr to Valencia Ave to Tustin Ranch Rd to Barranca Pkwy which turns into Dyer Rd (4.2 miles). There were bike lanes most of the way. 

Coming home we took Train 663 from Tustin to LA Union Station at 12:25pm. We took Train 265 to Sylmar/San Fernando arriving at 2:46pm. We biked along Hubbard St to Laurel Canyon Blvd to Rinaldi to White Oak to Devonshire to Reseda (8.3 miles). If there were weekend trains on the Ventura County Line, we could have biked fewer miles. Parthenia and Hubbard are not great for cycling, they could be improved with bike lanes.

Salty Santa Barbara

Contrasting the Santa Ana trip with our other November travel adventure, where we visited my sister at UC Santa Barbara on Veteran's Day, downtown Santa Ana is humble in comparison to downtown Santa Barbara.  In both cases we stayed at La Quinta Inn & Suites, due to their welcoming pet policy.

We took our car with us to Santa Barbara because it's not yet possible to take dogs on Amtrak and Metrolink only goes as far North as Ventura. It would be possible (in theory) to bike from Ventura up to Santa Barbara (32 miles) but since our 10 mile bike ride was more grueling than enjoyable, I don't see us biking our dog and loaded bicycles against the ocean headwind anytime soon.

In Santa Barbara, we walked from our hotel to Cantwell's Market & Deli for provisions. We took a short dog walk along State St from Arrellaga St to Anapamu St. In a future visit, I would definitely explore more of State St on foot or on bikes.  The hotel had free bike rental, which we didn't use. We did a longer walk to the Mission Santa Barbara, about 1 mile from our hotel.  It was a great feeling to climb that hill and look out over the ocean imagining what it was like for early California settlers.

We did an epic walk from my sister's hotel to the UCSB campus.  We headed South on Storke Rd and then East on El Colegio to a bike path along Ocean Rd. We passed Pardall Tunnel on the way to a scenic overlook at Ocean Rd and Del Playa Dr. We ate at Dumpling King, avoiding large chain restaurants nearby. Making our way back to the Courtyard by Marriott on Storke Road it was about a 4 mile round trip walk.

I had never fully appreciated the "party school" reputation of UCSB until that moment. This walk was on Friday night, under cover of darkness. We saw students coming up from the beaches with surfboards and students playing beer pong on the lawns of Camino Pescadero. There were bicycles outfitted with cages navigated by older men for collecting the beer cans and bottles left behind by party-goers. There were many students walking from house to house, and others cruising through the neighborhoods on bicycles. A few young people drove through in cars, but they were severely in the minority. For how can one find the party by following the music when car engines interfere?

Another fabulous walk was had the following morning. We tried to rent free bikes from her hotel, but they had only 2 and couldn't locate them at 6am when we wanted to borrow them. My sister and I walked North on Storke towards The French Press, which unfortunately did not open until 7am on Saturdays. We headed West on Hollister Ave and then South on Santa Felicia Dr.

Just past Best Buy, we smelled something wonderful. We thought it was coming from Costco, but as we got closer to the big-box retailer, the smell went away. We turned Northeast and followed our noses to Anna's Bakery which opens at 6am seven days a week. We got coffee, doughnuts and breakfast burritos, all of which were heavenly and fresh. They had outdoor seating and a steady stream of locals came through for their morning fix.

We passed through Girsh Park on the way back to the hotel. Also noteworthy was "Ice in Paradise" a skating rink. Although it would have been great to explore Santa Barbara by bicycle, we sure did see lots of sights on our walks.

If we went back to Santa Barbara, I would know that there are buses that we could have taken from downtown (State St) to the UCSB campus. If Amtrak allowed dogs, or if we were willing to bike 32 miles and travel only on weekdays, we could have done that trip car-free.

In conclusion

It was great to spend time in cities (Santa Barbara, Santa Ana) that have invested in bike lanes and improvements to make pedestrians feel welcome. These cities are walkable and bikeable, as evidenced by the many cyclists and pedestrians we saw during the day AND at night. It was great to be a tourist in these cities and spend some of my hard-earned money on these unforgettable experiences at small businesses. The sights and smells from the plants and sea air are giving me the energy to keep going and finish this semester strong!