I am a creator

I have been the creator of memories, travel extravaganzas, and home vibes. I took a style quiz and it categorized me as Cottagecore. I hadn't even known what that was until now, but now that I am aware of it, I can lean in.

We did a lot of rearranging of our upstairs. The King Suite has become the repository of old books, it has a cute seating area and a stretching and meditation area. Behind the curtains, in the bay window, there is a bunch of piles of stuff that I could organize better. It's all our grab-and-go Disneyland packing and travel items. Mixed in with some random blankets and home goods that I don't know what to do with. I did sell some things on the consignment sale, but I could be more aggressive in promoting and letting go of leftover things on Buy Nothing. Or organize the closet better to accommodate that stuff in our King Suite walk-in closet.

The Queen suite is now a bunkhouse. It has toys and books like a child's playroom. It has the LoveSac CitySac which is kind of too big for the space, but we aren't ready to get rid of it just yet. It has a fake tree that doesn't even look remotely real, but it was free, and good ones are like $80. I love the bunk beds. I love the two bedside storage units I got on the last consignment sale. They hold my phone, water, and tissues. I'm starting to leave kiddo alone in the Queen bed and sleeping alone on the bunk bed. It's nice to have the option on these hot summer nights.

I had the bathroom set up like a Disney hotel for my sister's visit in May, but we made all the big changes after she left. We had a mini-Minnie fridge and Mickey single-cup coffee maker in there. I got a new shelf to use more vertical space and bring a spa-quality. I love it. Also, I found a pretty sweet TV stand on the curb, which adds a spot for the TV and some storage for clothes and art supplies. I have the easel in the closet at the moment. But we had such a good time painting, I know I'll be getting that stuff out again at some point. I just got a few new canvases, well they have paintings on them now, but I plan to Gesso and repurpose them.

I finally put up some things in the downstairs bathroom that I've been wanting to do since we moved in here over 6 years ago. My lipstick rack! And a prayer mat that is very decorative with flowers, etc. Leaning into the cottage-core, I know that botanical prints are my style, and maximalist decorating is okay with me. I used some sticky-back Velcro to mount the carpet to the wall. It was a quick fix inspired by all the child-proofing we did. It's fun to see some or all of the childproofing stuff coming down now that the kiddo is nearly 3.5 years old.

Making memories with travel and travel fantasy has been the vibe of July. Since our magic key is blocked out for the summer, I planned some ways to travel to Disneyland virtually, inspired by so many folks who did so during the pandemic closures. I made a cookbook of my favorite foods. I made a playlist of music that you would hear at the park. I bought some aromatherapy oils that are Disney-themed. Bought a Mickey balloon at Dollar Tree. I dress us in our parkwear even when we aren't going out. These are some of the ways we have created staycations that are fun, family-oriented, and not free. Definitely not free. But at least we don't have to endure this brutal 100-degree heat.

It has taken me a long time to source the raw materials for the Disneyland recipes. Which kind of makes me appreciate and yearn for the parks even more. The recipes are quite involved with lots of exotic ingredients and take lots of time and energy to make. When you think of it that way, the park prices don't seem so steep. I thought I would want to cook a lot when we got back from Nebraska, but it's been so hot, I don't want to turn on the oven.

Here is our Nebraska Trip Packing list:

Carryon

1) Umbrella stroller

2) Tula & ring sling

3) Albert's headphones

4) Kelly backpack

5) crackers

6) oreos

7) m&ms

8) cherrios

9) flour sack towel 

10) diapers

11) wipes

12) clothes for Albert

13) toys (separate list below)

14) power bank + cable

15) CARES harness

16) small Mickey backpack

17) Cotopaxi backpack

Mom & Dad

1) underwear (8)

2) socks (7)

3) walking shoes (wear it)

4) flip flops

5) yoga pants (1)

6) shorts (5)

7) sweat pants / jeans (1)

8) tops (7) 

9) sports bras (2)

10) toiletry bag w/ nail clippers, shampoo / conditioner, body wash, hire gel, toothpaste / toothbrush

11) headphones 

12) swimsuits

13) hats

14) Tylenol/vitamins 

15) long-sleeved shirt (1)

16) cable for versa 3

17) Goodr sunglasses

18) garment bag for washing

19) large wetbag for laundry

20) small wetbag for swimming

Albie

1) short outfits (7) 

2) long pants (2)

3) pjs (7)

4) socks (7)

5) shoes (wear it)

6) hat

7) swimsuit

8) swim diapers (4)

9) mud boots

10) cousin crew shirt

Wish I had brought

1) Q-tips

Honestly, we had enough of everything. We did laundry 3 times, about every 4th day. We brought a ton of stuff to occupy the kiddo on the plane but ended up using it on the trip so it was worth bringing but could've been in a checked bag.

Alphabet Water Coloring Cards
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BR37XL5R 

Vehicle Foam Magnets for Toddlers

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FYC12GX 

Disney Pixar Cars/Planes Ultimate Sticker Activity Pad
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMMNSL8 

MagnetiBook Racers Vehicle Game
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BB7PXQT 

Splash Of Color- Magnetic Sorting Set

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007DYUAKQ 

PlayTape Road Tape for Toy Cars
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GZ8UE2K

Amazon Basics Reusable Silicone Round Baking Cups, Muffin Liners, Pack of 12, Multicolor
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KWTGAVQ

POP! Tinsel Pom Bright Assorted 100ct 

https://www.joann.com/pop-tinsel-pom-bright-assorted-100ct/18263004.html

Disney/Pixar Cars 3 My Busy Book -10 Figurines and a Playmat
https://a.co/d/3ZyZcXt

Honestly, everything on this list was a hit except the sticker pad. I know we will use the stickers at some point so it's not a big deal. One funny thing that happened is that I had a battery pack in my carry-on and also the magnetic book. The airport scanners read it as an undeclared tablet and gave us a hard time about it. So just be aware of that, if you're flying with the magnetic book and a power bank, best to take them out and explain what they are to TSA. Another thing that I forgot is that if you have programs downloaded to your tablet on Apps like Amazon Prime Video, Disney+, Paramount+, or Netflix, they will say expired or something when you are in airplane mode. Then when we were able to connect to the wifi, it worked again. Honestly, what is the point of traveling with a tablet if it doesn't play the downloaded content on the flight? We did use it in the airport during our 2-hour layover so it did have some use, but not as much as I thought. More useful was the phone connected to Southwest free onboard wifi and watching a free movie. We watched "The Croods: A New Age." I was surprised to hear the flight crew announce that all passengers using mobile entertainment MUST wear headphones. We had some but I just don't recall a specific announcement before. We brought a monkey leash, harness, and stuffie, but it wasn't as useful as in prior years. He threw a tantrum in the carrier and on the leash. Actually, the umbrella stroller was a godsend and totally saved our asses. We lost our 2nd cupholder by gate-checking it, but it was super helpful and worth it.

Universal Stroller Sun Cover UV Protection Baby Stroller Sun Shade Buggy Pram Sun Rain Shade Blackout Blind Canopy blue https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09VXJJC65 

This cover has been amazing and has taken the umbrella stroller from a novelty to an actually useful and functional piece of equipment. The stroller we have now is this one. I think I bought it for $15 or something like that. It's been great. We even got kiddo to take a nap in it. The only thing it's missing is a snack tray but that would take away from its collapsability. We used to have two cupholders, then only 1, and now none.

Summer 3Dlite Convenience Stroller, Black – Lightweight Stroller with Aluminum Frame, Large Seat Area, Mesh Siding, 4 Position Recline, Extra Large Storage Basket – Infant Stroller for Travel https://a.co/d/01npwmd

We ended up needing an extra suitcase on the way back because we bought some Hot Wheels tracks and my parents gave me some Little Golden Books from my childhood. It was a long trip. It was a great trip. It was painful revisiting childhood trauma and even worse bringing my husband and son into it. It was refreshing to have my adult self and my husband's adult self validating that it was traumatic and there's a reason I now live 2000 miles away. Although it was sad to see how close my parents are with their other grandchildren, I see that it might not be healthy for me to live closer. My mom and I get along so well over the phone, but in person, we're like gas and a lighted match. Not sure who is who in that analogy, but let's just call it volatile and unstable.

Got my new teaching schedule and feeling a bit of back-to-school manic energy. Bought a new lab coat. Letting my hair grow out. Took kiddo to our pool in his puddle jumper and he had a blast. He picked out this set of bath toys at World of Disney in May and then had a meltdown that the wheels didn't spin. Fast forward two months and he is loving them as pool toys.

https://www.shopdisney.com/cars-bath-set-461075339233.html

Wow, this is turning out to be a long post. I'm not even able to convey all the stuff I bought for myself during my birthday month. Let’s just say that I celebrated myself by getting some new Latched Mama rompers, t-shirts, PJs, and jewelry. I have a couple of items I haven't worn yet. One I did wear and kiddo told me I looked pretty which was definitely one of those Grinch moments where my heart swelled to 10x its usual size. This was on my way to the book club. I'm enjoying getting back into reading and logged a few books for the library reading challenge. I'm doing a big deep cleaning here at home, partly because we need it, and partly because I agreed to host the next book club. I got a few pairs of Goodr sunglasses, which I love. I know I said I would put a pause on buying breastfeeding clothing but I just can't. I'm still doing it so often, it seems right to keep going.

How does it feel to be 43 years old? I'll leave you with a few realizations I had while doing yoga this past weekend at Malibu Wines... Thank you for making me a woman. Thank you for allowing me to carry and breastfeed a child. Thank you for making me a teacher. I love my students. I love being a woman. Honestly. I have never felt such a deep and profound gratitude for my body and for my womanhood. And for my hormones. And for not giving up my profession. I do love having summers off to spend in creativity and in love with my son. World Breastfeeding Week is just around the corner: Tue, Aug 1– Mon, Aug 7. The theme is "Enabling Breastfeeding: Making a Difference for Working Parents.”

Nursery

Quilt gallery

The theme of our nursery isn't something I intentionally chose. What happened was that my MIL gave us a few quilts that were sewn for our nephews (her grandchildren). I washed them before Albert was born but then just set them aside for awhile. It didn't seem right to let him play on something that was almost 20 years old. 

I also have a quilt that is 40 years old that my mom sewed for me before I was born. And I have a quilt that I made for my baby. There is also quilted pillows and a cushion for the window seat that I quilted out of old jeans about 3 years ago. There is a graduation quilt that people signed when I finished my undergrad in 2002, so 18 years ago.

The furniture that ended up being SUPER useful was the changing table and the glider. Albert isn't really at the point where he sleeps well in his crib, but I am confident we'll get there eventually. The gliding footrest is EVERYTHING. We didn't use the bassinet for long, instead we put Albert into a cosleeper. The most clutch feature of the cosleeper was the vibrating clip-on heart. We also use a separate white noise machine. We do have a baby-cam setup, but since he co-sleeps we don't realy use it unless he goes to bed and we stay up late, or vice versa, he sleeps in and we get up early.

Postpartum Part 9: babywearing

Baby carriers. Which one is best?

Soft Structured Carriers

The first carrier I chose based on which one fit both my husband and I. It is the Lillebaby 6-Position Complete Airflow. Removable lumbar support and padded straps make it comfier-than-most, suitable for long walks and day-long outings. Made of polyester performance mesh. Handles riders from 7 to 45 pounds, no infant insert required, with 6 different carrying positions on the front, back, and hip (including a front-outward carry).

I saw that it was on sale for $41.04 (regular price $124.99) so I took two buses to a Target near UCLA that said it was in stock, but when I got there it was not. So I took a bus and the light rail to a Target in Hollywood and found it. Then I took a light rail and two buses to get back home. I told myself that I would be telling Albert that story when he was big enough to be using that carrier.



A friend gave us an Infantino Flip 4-in-1 convertible carrier. I love it. It's set up in the forward-facing configuration. When Albert gets fussy, I put him in there and wander around the kitchen, garden and garage. He can see what's going on and he doesn't have to be just looking at my chest or shoulder. He can also see himself in the mirror. The only thing I don't like about it is that it kind of rubs the back of my arms. I tend to wear sleeveless shirts these days and I can only wear that carrier for so long before I am in pain.

We were also gifted an Ergobaby Original Bundle of Joy baby carrier. I haven't tried it yet. Allows 3 baby carrying positions: front-inward, hip and back. My aunt suggested wearing him on my back while cooking, but I just don't know how I would check to make sure he's ok, or even how I would get him back there. I do wish the babywearing group was still meeting. I would bring all of these carriers there and get schooled on how to use them. You may think having three soft structured carriers is overkill, but what I've heard is that it's good to have one adjusted for mom and one adjusted for dad and then don't readjust.

Wrap Style Carriers

We registered for a Moby wrap and one of our colleagues bought it for us. The reason we added it to the registry is that we attended a babywearing meetup at a park in Santa Clarita and after trying it on (with help) we realized how comfortable and useful it would be, as well as not difficult to tie. When we tried it on in the store (following the pictures on the box) without a weighted babydoll, it seemed too weird and difficult to tie. Now, I can get it on pretty quickly and leave it on all day even if the baby isn't in there.

   

The Moby is a stretchy wrap. There are also non-stretchy wraps. One that was gifted to us is the brand Didymos. Now they come in many shapes and sizes, and I'm not sure what size I have. I've been following the #MayTheFourthTrimester challenge on So-Cal Babywearers facebook page to learn many different ways of tying the non-stretchy wrap. So far what I really like about it is how secure it feels. As Albert is getting bigger (and heavier) I feel the non-stretchy wrap gives him a more snug fit, whereas the Moby settles over a 45-minute period and the baby ends up dropping lower and lower. He usually takes a nap after a while, but not always.

 

Just measuring the Didymos that I have, it's about 14 feet long and 22 inches wide. It seems like A LOT of fabric but it is extremely versatile and I'm really starting to appreciate it for its simplicity, breathability and beauty. Gardening while baby wearing is a great way to calm Albert down. He's been fussy lately and keeping him interested has been a real task. We have also done lots of dancing while he's in this wrap. Every Friday night, there's online line dancing on YouTube and every Thursday morning, Fit4Mom has a babywearing dance class on Zoom. We even did one session with GroovaRoo on Facebook live.

Mei Tai Carrier

A Mei Tai carrier is soft bodied with four long straps for tying. The one I have is homemade. I love it for how simple it is. Easy to pack and easy to wash. We call his arm hanging out the "temperature probe." It's quick to put on and take off.

  

We've taken this one for a longer walk. It's also convenient to put in the stroller in case baby starts fussing and won't be quiet in his stroller. I also have used it during my babywearing dance class. I sometimes put Albert in there when we're eating.

One thing I have yet to master is having Albert breastfeed while in a carrier. I also haven't mastered the side-laying breastfeeding. I am so grateful when we just do regular breastfeeding, I haven't felt the need to multitask besides scrolling on my phone or eating a snack.

What I would recommend is to check secondhand shops for used carriers. There's no way that you need to buy something new like I did. I was obsessed with having something and if I would have waited just a bit longer, I would have had enough carriers given to me that I wouldn't have had to buy one. But also, it's great to have a variety of styles. And the wraps are easy to throw in the washing machine, so I do appreciate having two especially since Albert seems to spit up a half ounce every hour.

Pregnancy Part 30

This week we have our biophysical profile (BPP) ultrasound. I guess they will be looking at the baby's size and movements. I wonder if they will be able to see where the umbilical cord is and how the placenta looks. The technician will be checking Albert's muscle tone and if there is an adequate amount of amniotic fluid there for him. Also, how his heart rate changes over time.

I feel pretty miserable these days. Like not depression, just physical pain. It's hard to get in and out of chairs and beds. Pretty much all positions are uncomfortable. My wrists hurt. When Albert is active, it causes me to exclaim because he has run out of room. The heartburn is pretty much around the clock. I say that we collaborate on pooping because it feels like he has to help massage the turds out and make room to let them pass. His foot keeps sticking out under my right rib. When I push it back in, he kicks me. Ouch!

During breakfast, I had a bit of a crying session, then I got up and danced a bit to LCD Soundsystem. We reminisced about what was going on in our lives in 2010. It was really great to see how far we've come since those dark days.

When we went to our appointment for the BPP, the whole building had no power so we were told that we would be getting a call from the office to reschedule.  I sat in stunned silence for about 5 minutes before deciding that it probably wasn't a good idea to wait around in an area with poor air circulation with other potentially sick people. We have a NST on Thursday anyway, so I hope they get the power issue sorted out by then.

On a happy note, we went for a 45 minute walk in the park I love by our hospital. Did some birdwatching and enjoyed the hints of spring in wildflower-covered hills and fresh air. Went home and husband caught an afternoon nap while I did a bit more work on baby's quilt. Then dear husband finally agreed to go with me to a restorative yoga class and he admitted that it was nice! I feel so grateful for this day, even though it didn't go as planned.

Over the weekend, we washed the washable parts of the breastpump and the bottles that we have. It was overwhelming getting used to the idea that this new equipment will soon be a large part of daily life, but my sore breasts are a constant reminder that avoidance is a bad idea. Better to just face it and get ready. We had another visit from mother-in-law on Sunday and it was nice to chat and have lunch with them. We broke the news that my mom will be here in less than a week and MIL seemed relieved. I was worried that she would feel like we're pushing her out, but she was happy to "come visit later" and not be the primary person to help me while in labor.

We also booked our hotel for the summer trip to Nebraska. We found a "king suite" at a La Quinta that has an outdoor pool. I think it will be an ideal base of operations for us to host guests and relax. It felt strange to be planning for something that is only 3 months away because in my mind it's like the timeline of my whole life is on hold until the baby is born. Dear husband keeps reminding me that one way or another, this baby will be born soon, there's no way around it. Our regular OB is out of town this week, so Thursday's appointment is with a different doc. Hoping it goes smoothly!

I really thought I couldn't track one more thing. I never expected to be this number-obsessed during pregnancy. I count and track so many damn things. How many hours of sleep, steps in a day, days per week of exercise, calories per day eaten & burned, grams of protein, mg of calcium, is baby kicking, when did I eat last, when will I eat next, what to buy at the store, how much salt have I eaten, how many glasses of water have I drank, when is next doctor appt, when is next birth class, what is my blood pressure, what is baby's heart rate, what is my fundal height, am I gaining weight at the appropriate rate... I was looking forward to stopping all this tracking nonsense when baby is born, but maybe it will continue to escalate. There are apps and devices for tracking baby's breastfeeding and sleeping habits. And also, it will be important to have good nutrition to sustain my milk supply. My expectation was a blissful pregnancy. my reality has been a blur of numbers. and a constant fear of "doing it wrong." But I must admit, having a blood pressure cuff at home has put my mind at ease.

At 38 weeks + 5 days (based on LMP) I feel like cooking in the kitchen just isn't going to happen. I'm so tired. I have a few things I would like to make, but when I weigh the pros and cons of it, it's really hard to motivate myself to do it. It's tiring being on my feet and with this pain in my wrists, it's hard to chop veggies and to lift heavy bowls and pots and pans. I feel like I'm kind of giving up on my diet plan, and I also feel like that's kind of OK at this point. I've been following it for 27 weeks now (6.2 months) and I would say it "worked." My Fitbit says I've gained 27.3 pounds. The suggestion for healthy women is to gain 25 to 35 pounds during pregnancy, while women who start off as obese should aim for 15 to 25 pounds. So overall I feel pretty good about this. It's not like I'm about to start gorging myself on anything I want, I'm still logging macros in MyFitnessPal, but as it's getting harder to eat due to constant heartburn, I'm kind of going back to my first trimester habits of just doing what I can even if it doesn't perfectly follow the diet plan.

Week 12 - 49%
Week 13 - 26% (one fast food)

Second Trimester
Week 14 - 28% (four fast food)
Week 15 - 28% (four fast food)

Week 16 - 26% (three fast food)

Week 17 - 31% (three fast food)
Week 18 - 37% (three fast food)

Week 19 - 31% (seven fast food)
Week 20 - 43% (four fast food)
Week 21 - 37% (five fast food)
Week 22 - 46% (five fast food)

Week 23 - 34% (seven fast food)

Week 24 - 40% (five fast food)
Week 25 - 34% (two fast food)
Week 26 - 29% (six fast food)

Third Trimester

Week 27 - 26% (seven fast food)
Week 28 - 51% (four fast food)
Week 29 - 37% (four fast food)

Week 30 - 54% (three fast food)
Week 31 - 60% (three fast food)
Week 32 - 54% (six fast food)

Week 33 - 50% (five fast food)
Week 34 - 43% (five fast food)
Week 35 - 63% (three fast food)
Week 36 - 43% (six fast food)
Week 37 - 69% (four fast food)
Week 38 - 51% (three fast food)

Pregnancy Part 25

I had my 34 week OB appointment this week. Everything went well. My blood pressure was 130/80. Albert's heart rate was 150 beats per minute. Went to the Fit4Baby HIIT week 4 out of 6 workout, I am sore but it made me much more relaxed and happy.

I've been trying to do more meditation lately. Nothing serious like hypnobabies, which I keep hearing about, but I am definitely taking advantage of the classes offered at CSUN as well as the guided meditations on the Hello Belly app. I did pay $20 for that app, but the guided meditations on there are pretty good. There are lots of different ones.

This week is a busy week. Tuesday I went to the ballet while Mike had the car. It was very frosty here in So Cal with an overnight low of 31 degrees. I got to walk about two and a half miles that night, to and from the show, or about 6000 steps. Albert slept through pretty much the entire show, but seemed to wake up a bit when we got home and I put my feet up in the recliner.

We have a breastfeeding class at the hospital. We're also possibly going swimming. I went to work on Monday, but then Tuesday I spent all day at home cooking and doing laundry. I also unwrapped all the free bottles we got and read about how to clean them. Wednesday morning I spent at the doctor and then in the afternoon I pretty much just napped.

Last weekend was a busy weekend also. It seemed like we didn't do any of our normal "reset" tasks, such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. I sat down Tuesday and made a list of all thing things I wanted to cook, but I only got 3 out of 7 done. Not sure when I'll get to the remainder. I didn't bring anything to eat for lunch today, but I've been doing pretty good on following my meal planner this week.

I'm still using the Ovia app to track symptoms. I used to religiously read the daily updates of information in my first and second trimesters, but now I check in maybe weekly. There's so much going on inside my body, and visible from the outside too, that I don't feel it's as necessary to read about it.

I ended up re-starting taking Vitamin B6 for nausea. I bought a new bottle between Week 33 and 34. In reading the comments on my Reddit bumper group, many of us are experiencing a resurgence of morning sickness. If Vit B6 worked before, maybe it will work again. I think it is working, but I'm not going to stop taking it and find out.

Another thing I'm trying to do to manage nausea and heartburn is to eat every 2 hours instead of every 4 hours. I've been feeling the best when I have a shake or something nutritious that I can just sip on throughout the day. I'm planning to start eating dates next week, supposedly they help with softening of the cervix and increase the odds that you will go into labor spontaneously.

Diet

Week 33 - Jan 20-26 - 50% (five fast food)
Week 34 - Jan 27-Feb 2 - 43% (five fast food)
Week 35 - Feb 3-9 - 63% (three fast food)

Symptoms

Week 33 - Jan 20-26 - BH contractions, neckache, backache, heartburn, bloating and flatulence
Week 34 - Jan 27-Feb 2 - morning sickness/nausea, headache, neckache, backache, heartburn, leg cramps
Week 35 - Feb 3-9 - appetite decrease, BH contractions, nipple soreness, tender breasts, abdominal itchiness, leg cramps, swelling

It seems like we got our hospital bag pretty much completely packed. It's in the car, too. I think this baby will arrive on time or late. Dear husband is convinced he will come early. I guess it's better to be ready, but he's got me stressing pretty hard on getting everything ready at home (diapers, bottles, freezer meals). I have 25 meals in the freezer and 4 more in the fridge that should be moved into the freezer. 

Ugh, I really don't want to start working, but these documents aren't going to correct themselves. 

Pregnancy Part 19

This month I had a few major things happen at the OB: blood pressure still normal (118/80) and weight gain on track, glucose tolerance test (passed!), screened for anemia (not a problem), got TDAP shot, fetal heart rate check (150 bpm), and the doctor measured my bump with a tape measure (fundal height). We turned in our hospital pre-admission paperwork. We wrote out our birth plan and advance directives.

View this post on Instagram

Weeks 25, 27, 29 #babybump #pregnancy #curvesandswerves #maternity #fitatforty #fit4baby #expecting #notshy #proudmomma

A post shared by Kayla Kaiser (@hamerk02) on Dec 28, 2019 at 11:04am PST

We spent all day Saturday (12/14) doing hella cooking. I am really enjoying eating healthy that week, which means low sodium. It's still difficult to get the correct balance between protein, carbs and fat, but when I follow the meal plan more closely, I have no trouble meeting the daily recommended amounts of micronutrients (calcium, vitamin A, vitamin C, and iron). I never did upgrade to premium MFP, which I had considered doing because you can set the RDA for macro and micronutrients. For example, the RDA for calcium and iron is higher for pregnant and lactating women.

Diet / Meal Planner

Week 27 - Dec 9-15 - 26% (seven fast food)
Week 28 - Dec 16-22 - 51% (four fast food)
Week 29 - Dec 23-29 - 37% (four fast food)

Symptoms

Week 27 - Dec 9-15 - heartburn
Week 28 - Dec 16-22 - fatigue/exhaustion, heartburn, BH contractions, bloating, diarrhea, bleeding gums
Week 29 - Dec 23-29 - headache, neckache, backache, rib pain, heartburn, vivid dreams

I have been enjoying a couple of audiobooks, streaming through hoopla, an app where you can borrow library holdings digitally for 3 weeks. 

"Expecting Better" by Emily Oster

"The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" by La Leche League International

We found out our food processor was broken on Thanksgiving, so we're in the market for a new one.  If you read the second review it explains exactly what happened. Sadly, you can't buy a new "work bowl" separately so the whole thing is just garbage now.

For the medical part, the pregnancy is going along smoothly, but having arrived in the third trimester I am feeling my anxiety and stress creep back in to my brain. It's maybe the increased progesterone.

Polese, Barbara & Gridelet, Virginie & Araklioti, Eleni & Martens, Henri & d'Hauterive, Sophie & Geenen, Vincent. (2014). The Endocrine Milieu and CD4 T-Lymphocyte Polarization during Pregnancy. Frontiers in endocrinology. 5. 106. 10.3389/fendo.2014.00106. 

Pregnancy Part 18

It's funny how time slows down when you're in the middle of a big transition. What I mean by that is that when you're going through IVF and FET, you count time in weeks+days. Then in pregnancy, you count by weeks or months. Then when you have an infant or toddler, you report their age in months. I was noticing this last night at my new FIT4BABY group in the West San Fernando Valley (Woodland Hills).

I started getting itchy legs at 9 weeks pregnant and it continued throughout the 2nd trimester. I switched up my skincare routine at 16 weeks pregnant and haven't looked back. I've written vaguely about this product before, but the Mentha Vitamin Body Lotion is awesome. My former skincare routine has changed during pregnancy.

Sepideh Yaghmaei, owner of CT Organics

First of all, I changed out my deodorant for this:
https://ctorganics.com/collections/deodorize/products/all-natural-deodorants
I placed a big order on July 29th, 2019. By then I would have been 5 weeks past frozen embryo transfer , or 3 weeks after the two week wait. But I've been blogging about CT Organics products since at least 2017. And after searching my Gmail, I found that I was using it as early as 2013. Our Kaiser Wellness Center website shows that we were working on the formulations in 2012.

Diatomaceous Earth Deodorant Ingredients: organic coconut oil, raw beeswax, organic shea butter, diatomaceous earth, arrow root powder, baking soda, activated charcoal, tea tree essential oil, cold pressed lemon peel oil, frankincense essential oil

Secondly, I started using this lotion on my legs and hands:
https://ctorganics.com/collections/hand-body/products/coconut-shea-butter-lotion-nerloi-frankincense
I don't even know when I got this lotion, I know that I didn't really need it until pregnancy. I used it on my stretching skin (belly and back) during the first and second trimester and on my itchy legs and raw, red and itchy, cracked hands. The version I have came in a pot not a tube, so it must have been a sample that Sepi gave us. But you can get your hands on it by ordering through her website or on Amazon.

Coconut Shea Butter Lotion (Tahitian Vanilla Blend) Ingredients: purified water, sweet almond oil, organic coconut oil, organic Shea Butter, raw beeswax, non-GMO sunflower lecithin, , frankincense essential oil, ceteareth 20, Glyceryl oleate citrate, caprylic triglyceride, gluconolactone, xanthan gum, sodium benzoate, vanillin, Tahitian Vanilla Essential Oil (CO2 extract), calcium gluconate

After I confirmed that I was pregnant, I was terrified of doing anything in the first trimester that would jeopardize the fetus. I found a list of banned chemicals on one of my pregnancy apps and wrote them all down on this markerboard.

There are an alarming number of chemicals in skin-care products and it doesn't make sense to me that these things are not good for pregnancy but allowed for non-pregnant people. If these substances are bad for human life, why are they allowed at all?

Xom3 Balm Ingredients:

So I threw out lots of things such as nail polish and put aside all the aluminum-containing deodorants. I got rid of any products with salicylic acid and packed up my chemical sunscreens. I checked all my shampoo, conditioners and moisturizers for the other ingredients listed there under bullet points 4, 6 and 7. I also read that no drinking herbal tea and no using essential oils. Despite this, I did use a bit of my pal Mandy's balms.

Mandy Gough, owner of XoM3

When my hands are cracking, there's nothing like a layering of Mandy's balm, topped with Sepi's Coconut Shea Butter lotion, and if they're still itching a coating of C.O. Bigelow Mentha Vitamin Body Lotion. There's another hand lotion I used that contains Jojoba oil and it is formulated to soothe and deodorize gardener's hands, I'll have to add this later since I can't find it on a Google search.

Finally, I wanted to discuss some commercial products that I can't live without now. The first is from Bath and Body Works called Tahiti Sweetie that is a body lotion with monoi oil. Unfortunately, it has been discontinued. I remember buying like 5 tubes of it when I realized it was going out of production, but I think I'm on my second to last tube now!

 

This is my gentle cleanser for every day.

 

This is what I put on immediately after cleanser.

This is what I put on top of my moisturizer.

Clinique Mineral Sunscreen SPF 50 Active Ingredients: Titanium Dioxide 6.3% , Zinc Oxide 4.0%

Ingredients: Water\Aqua\Eau , Dimethicone , Butyloctyl Salicylate , Polydiethylsiloxane , C12-15 Alkyl Benzoate , Isononyl Isononanoate , Diethylhexyl Succinate , Neopentyl Glycol Diheptanoate , Methyl Trimethicone , Butylene Glycol , Ethylhexyl Methoxycrylene , Lauryl Peg-9 Polydimethylsiloxyethyl Dimethicone , Silica , Dipentaerythrityl Tri-Polyhydroxystearate , Laureth-4 , Cetyl Peg/Ppg-10/1 Dimethicone , Dimethicone/Peg-10/15 Crosspolymer , Dimethicone Silylate , Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein/Pvp Crosspolymer , Triethoxycaprylylsilane , Dimethicone Crosspolymer-3 , Isostearic Acid , Caprylyl Glycol , Polyhydroxystearic Acid , Dipropylene Glycol , Phenoxyethanol , Iron Oxides (Ci 77492) , Iron Oxides (Ci 77491)

I am realizing now that I sound like a total hypocrite, since the ingredients for the products I am discussing here may not be safe for pregnancy. But at some point, I must have decided to abandon the safety of the first trimester and go for whatever could soothe my dry skin and acne.

Just like Bill Cosby says in the 1983 standup routine called "Himself," you've fooled around long enough. I have to start doing something work-related since I've been here for 3 hours and all I've done is write this blog post.

Pregnancy Part 1

Today I am pregnant. This is the mantra that has helped me get from the 6-week ultrasound to the 8-week ultrasound. I know I have been pregnant because I have had "morning sickness" for a couple of weeks now. I fully abandoned my IVF diet cleanse and started carb loading. Recent meals that settled well in my stomach include: mac and cheese and pizza margherita.

July 3rd - 11dp5dt - E2: 1,014 pg/mL - P4: 31.4 ng/mL
July 5th - 13dp5dt - E2: 912 pg/mL - P4: 28.6 ng/mL
July 12th - 20dp5dt - E2: 1,110 pg/mL - P4: 29.4 ng/mL
July 19th - 34dp5dt - E2: 1,364 pg/mL - P4: 35.8 ng/mL
Aug 2nd - 47dp5dt - E2: 1,946 pg/mL - P4: 33.4 ng/mL

The fetal heart rate is 173 beats per minute, which is on track for the age of the embryo. In four days, we will be able to call this a fetus.

The news that we will be able to stop progesterone in oil (PIO) shots was surprising and very good to hear. The dose of estradiol shots was cut in half, so I will only have to endure 0.1 mL every third day. Continuing progesterone suppositories and estradiol oral tablets is not so bad.

Dear husband admitted that all the pseudoscience stuff we did prior to embryo transfer was part of the complex cocktail of good vibes that helped establish this pregnancy. The Sacred Woman, my prayer altar, the plants in my bedroom, the vegetable garden on our patio, all the dog walks, the acupuncture, the meditations on Ferticalm, our teamwork, the fresh cut flowers in the house, all of it helped me establish a calm and safe feeling, which may have helped the pregnancy establish itself.

I was worried about abandoning my "super healthy" and "garden of eden" diet. Shortly after embryo transfer I started gaining weight. I read that obese women should try to keep a constant weight or even lose weight in the first trimester, so this concerned me. But after tracking a bit longer, it seems like I gained a few pounds (probably in the breast tissue area) and then stabilized. I am still using MyFitnessPal to log food and weight, but I'm going easier on myself about what I am eating since my appetite is very delicate these days. 

I feel "good" between about 10am and 2pm and outside of those hours I feel very much like I have a bad hangover. The symptoms are headache and nausea with a little dizziness. I feel my boobs starting to hurt less, but the skin on my face is looking terrible! I have red blotches and dry patches and big blemishes, I've never had worse skin.

One big milestone that we did, which is partly why I changed the blog post title from "fertility" to "pregnancy" is we went to the Destination Maternity store at the Westfield Topanga Mall. I was like a crazy kid that didn't want to go to sleep, I made my husband walk ALL over the mall with me before going in to that store. When I finally got the courage to go in there, I just walked around gawking at the clothes and undergarments. I started looking at the sizes and they were S, M, L and a few XL. I was like whoa!

Luckily, dear husband started chatting up the saleslady. She took a look at my body and got out her measuring tape and got me fitted with a 38DDD nursing bra with underwire. She picked out two pairs of maternity pants in size L: one dark denim jegging and one pair of tight black slacks. They do have "petite" sizes so I don't have a lot of fabric bunching at the ankle. They fit weird, but she said that is how they are supposed to look. I also got a support garment that can support my "bump" after it pops, which has a pocket for an ice pack built into the garment. It is for when I'm teaching lab and running around. I have a feeling I will need some extra support under my lab coat!

I am feeling a bit nervous about my first appointment with my new obstetrician (OB). It will be on Monday. So far, they have given me the wrong fax number and claimed that they don't have my records when my fertility doctor sent them over 9 days ago. But I will continue to keep the faith that we will find support when we seek it. I don't have a list of questions for her, and I guess most of my questions involve costs of things and timing of things and who will deliver the baby and where the baby will be delivered (due to our health insurance) and what tests we can skip because we are IVF patients.

I downloaded three pregnancy apps (1) Ovia (2) Hello Belly and (3) Sprout. I like Ovia because it seems like it tracks symptoms well. I like Hello Belly because it has these checklists week-by-week that help me feel prepared and help me discuss things with my husband so that he can also feel prepared. If I'm not mistaken, Hello Belly prompted me to purchase a $20 lifetime subscription to unlock the content after a free download. The other two were free.

Fertility Part 19

I am writing my first post about pregnancy. We are currently pregnant. It is a scary feeling because I know there are still many things that could derail our train, but at least our locomotive has left the station.

July 3rd - 11dp5dt - hCG: 260 IU/L - E2: 1,014 pg/mL - P4: 31.4 ng/mL
July 5th - 13dp5dt - hCG: 664 IU/L - E2: 912 pg/mL - P4: 28.6 ng/mL

Here is our schedule going forward:
July 12th - week 5 - Labs only
July 19th - week 6 - Labs + ultrasound
Aug 2nd - week 8 - Labs + ultrasound (might be able to lower medications)
Aug 16 - week 10 - Labs + ultrasound (might graduate to regular Ob-Gyn)

I am heading out in a minute to get acupuncture. I skipped restorative yoga on Friday, instead I found a gorgeous shaded walking trail. I feel a bit uncomfortable since I have a lot of tightness in my lower abdomen. I am afraid to overdo other stretching or exercise. I am weighing 192 pounds as of today. I have a fear of gaining too much weight too fast. I had a good birthday weekend.

Fertility Part 17

It is probably pretty obvious why the image I identify with right now is a pincushion. It is a happy image for me because my mother and grandmother had tomato-shaped pincushions and also grew tomatoes in their yard. For me it is the same. The pincushion represents productivity and creativity, practicality and sentimentality, and tomatoes are nutritious and delicious, especially when vine-ripened in the summer sun.

It is not like I love being injected with hormones every day, but I feel like I identify more now with farm animals that are on hormones and steroids to stay healthy and get "market ready." Dear husband noticed that I am starting to build up a bit of bruising on my hind flanks and I am noticing that the injections are hurting more each day. I almost cried during the shots this morning and I had to rush over to a chair afterwards to sit down, have a cry and rest. I let out a little yelp and tried my best not to flinch.

I have mapped out the items we will need from now until the end of the two week wait (TWW or 2WW). The items circled in red are what we need to go and buy from the store right now. The IVF diet really has been a God-send because we do not have that old argument about "what do you want to eat?" It is more like, Oh that is what is on the meal plan today, Ok let's start making it.

Nephew's High School Graduation

I had a really great time attending my nephew's graduation last week. It was one week ago. Dear husband took the day off work and we went down to Newport Beach. We walked two malls (South Coast Plaza and Fashion Island), had lunch with our nephew (the one not graduating that day) and then attended the ceremony (at UC Irvine) and finally had a wonderful dinner with my in-laws. MIL interpreted the results of husb's bloodwork (lipids, glucose, etc). He is fine!

To pass the day yesterday, I started reading this awesome novel that is an origin story. I have been obsessed with the California Missions for awhile now. I have tried to visit as many missions as I can. The really interesting thing about the first section of the novel is that it puts a lot into historical context as far as geography, history and it is clearly grounded it a great deal of research. I feel particularly connected to the places in the book because I know right where they are, but also the descriptions of how it must have been over 200 years ago are fascinating.

I am doing well and was able to reach my "target" weight prior to the embryo transfer. And now I am just taking it easy and letting all the medicines and foods do the work. Yesterday I was feeling a tinge of nausea. Today I am feeling lightheaded, a little dizzy and also have a heightened sense of smell. Also my areolas seem darker, in addition to my breasts being super swollen and painful. I am doing my best to take 2-minute showers. The idea being that hot water will raise the temperature of the uterus and that is not good for the embryo.

Chia Pudding in the foreground and Tumeric Blast in the blender behind it and to the right

 

It is very tempting to try to read into these symptoms. But I am also enjoying what the IVF diet is prescribing. I am drinking a shake for breakfast every day, eating a salad for lunch every day, and having protein with dinner. It is hard to stick to scientific recommendations and not delve too much into sorcery. I read that you should not let your feet get cold, so during the day I am keeping thick socks on my feet. I read that some herbal tea can be harmful, so I am avoiding that. 

It is very hard to keep from obsessing about what may or may not be happening inside my body, but that was a great revelation that I had this morning right after my shots: MAYBE is also a state of existence. It does not have to be YES or NO. I do not need to rush to take a pregnancy test right now to find out if there is a yes or no for a pregnancy. I can sit in MAYBE for another week (because I have to but also) because I choose to. There is a certain joy in maybe. A glimmer of hope.

Fertility Part 14

It seems I can write about nothing else until we have an answer: Will our one AA embryo attach? We had an appointment yesterday. Here are our clinical lab results so far:

6/14/2019
Progesterone 0.170 ng/mL
Estradiol 247 pg/mL
Lining 10.3 mm

6/17/2019
Progesterone 0.084 ng/mL
Estradiol 426.5 pg/mL
Lining 11.1 mm

Our team says that these numbers are great! The uterine lining looks pretty much like the image from this paper.

I have been taking Estrace (Estradiol) 2mg tablets for 11 days. I have had two injections of Delestrogen (Estradiol Valerate) 20mg/mL x 0.1 mL and two injections of Delestrogen (Estradiol Valerate) 20mg/mL x 0.2 mL. The first few days it seemed like I was having mild headaches, but nothing near migraine. The last few days I have been feeling very moist. Like, I would take a nap and then wake up with my underwear feeling wet. After a bit of research, I have learned that estrogen regulates cervical mucus and the bump in hormones has resulted in an increase in mucus. After I deduced what must be happening, I felt much more relaxed about it.

Last night, I did my first Endometrin 100mg vaginal capsule. It was not bad at all. Pretty much like inserting a tampon. This morning, I added Medrol (Methylprednisolone) 4mg tablets. The dose schedule for the Medrol is a bit complicated, but I think visually the way the tablets are packaged helps. You load up on the first day and then taper after that. Medrol is a steroid that reduces inflammation. It also suppresses the immune system to prevent Natural Killer (NK) cells from attacking the embryo.

This morning we did our first progesterone injection. I warmed up the ampule about 30 minutes prior to using it. I had a heating compress ready. We have these fun pineapple bandaids. Honestly, giving or receiving a shot with a 22-gauge needle is not that fun. But I am definitely trying to make the best of it and just get on with the program. I climbed the stairs in our house ten times to help the 1 mL of Progesterone in Oil get distributed into the muscle.

There are few times in life when having a BIG ASS is a good thing. Maybe if you are trying to win a twerking contest. Also if, like myself, you are a Los Angeles Lane Blocker (city cyclist). Or also, apparently, if you need to get intramuscular injections in the dorsogluteal site. Our coordinator said luckily, we have a lot of real estate to work with. So this is good because from today forward, we will be doing DAILY progesterone injections.

I made a point this morning of programming in all the medications for the next week into my Google Calendar: when we need them my phone will send a notification. Today, I am going for acupuncture and then heading to Westfield Topanga & The Village (a mall) for an optometry appointment. Tomorrow, we have the Neighborhood council meeting. Thursday, I am meeting with my boss and the man who has been observing me in the classroom. Friday, we have an appointment for ultrasound and bloodwork. Saturday is transfer day!

I installed two new apps on my phone: FertiCalm and Headspace. FertiCalm is an app that has information and humor specifically for those undergoing fertility treatment. It also has some guided meditations that I have used. Headspace I do not fully understand yet, but what I think is that it has some other games to keep you calm. I have been using my Sacred Woman altar at home, so I am very grateful that I have a safe, quiet space to exist and convene with my ancestors, mother, sisters and higher power. This morning I burned a little white sage because I felt like I might want to purify myself before starting the progesterone injection.

Of course, still taking prenatal vitamins. I do not know why some people say to take them in the morning, at lunch or before bedtime. Does it really matter? Well, it is time to be heading to the shower and then to acupuncture and then to the mall to see the eye doctor and do some walking. Life is good.