Today I drove to the beach. Only to walk in its presence. I have always wanted to live by the beach, so it seems silly to avoid it when I am living so close.
Being on internship, then returning home, I am learning more about myself and what it means to be me. I carry the values of my upbringing in Nebraska: independence, agriculture, and patience in hard-work. I also represent the qualities established by my training as a scientist: communication, documentation, sharing and exchange of thoughts, iteration of experiments, demonstrating solutions to problems, planning and comparing trends. I am also a young woman with qualities such as: caring, providing encouragement, and possessing the drive to nurture things around me. As far as being an American goes, I think there are lots of different people in the US. We are generally friendly, optimistic, energetic, self-confident, and open to cultural-borrowing, so it is not a surprise that I found myself conveying these traits.
I weighed myself today. 65 kilos. Oh, I mean 141 lbs. According to NationMaster.com, 30.6% of Americans are obese, compared to 14.8% in the Czech Republic, 12.9% in Germany, and 8.5% in Italy. For comparison, 14.1% is the average for all countries. I entered my weight into the www.halls.md/ Better Ideal Body Weight Calculator, and it says I should lose 4 more pounds to fit within medically recommended limits and 20 more pounds to fit the average weight that other people of my Age, Height, Weight and Gender would describe as their ideal weight. This is to say that the latter is unrealistic and based on society's pressures. My friend from China says that the ideal weight for Chinese women is under 100 lbs (45 kilos), for which I would have to lose 40 more pounds. She said that people her age are so weak, but this is considered a desirable trait in women of their culture.
I am grateful to live in a country where I have the opportunity to pursue a career in science, although for various reasons, the path follows a leaky pipeline model. Women who are on track to becoming scientists drop off at every stage of the game, for whatever reason, from elementary school, through doctorate, postdoc, and career steps. In my personal opinion, women in this country may be awarded fancy fellowships (such as my own IGERT funding), but they still face sexual harassment in professional situations. This much is clear to me through my own personal experience and anecdotes from my colleagues. If that doesn't stop a woman, she may feel the pressure to prolong child-rearing, so as to convey the message that she will be a permanent worker and not desert her work in favor of family and child-rearing. If she does bear children, she is not guaranteed paid maternity leave, nor does there seem to be viable child-care options for returning to work. Finally, if that doesn't frighten her off, she is forced to exist in an environment where men believe that there is a gender disparity in science because there are more men at the very upper end of the IQ scale than there are women. Men think women don't enjoy "exploring" as much as men do. This is simply bullshit and in my case, this is what angers me most and actually motivates me to "hang in there" as long as possible before I leak out of the pipeline.
This situation is in sharp contrast for me, coming back from Germany, who is one of the most liberal as far as accepting women's competency as scientists. As early as 1650, there were a larger percentage of women astronomers in Germany than we have in the upper ranks of academia here in the US. They also seem to have a streamlined childcare system (no doubt a remnant of communism) where it is considered totally normal for a woman my age to be allowed a year to raise an infant and return to work without penalty. As for me, I have babies on the brain... I have no idea how I will personally manage the proverbial balance between work and family. I guess time will tell...
I have to give Ronly a moment here... since the first time we started running together, my life has changed and I count myself lucky to have had contact with such an amazing and generous woman. Last night we bid our dear IGERT coordinator adieu and she is on to better things, which she fully deserves. We'll miss her.
