poverty or wealthy mindset?

The wealthy are minimalist. You can always buy another thing if you want it. Poverty is keeping everything you were ever given because you don't know if you could afford to replace it in the future.

The wealthy are eating higher-quality food because they can afford it. Poverty is eating a greater quantity of lower-quality food because your next meal isn't guaranteed.

MAHA won't work if we eliminate SNAP, WIC, and programs that offer housing security. It will drop those on the bubble between housed and unhoused, fed and unfed, educated and uneducated.

Who benefits from less access to education, safe housing, and healthy food? Certainly not our armed forces. Who will have the skills to keep our country safe from cyber terrorists if nobody learns how to code?

Playing on ignorance. Preying on people's fears. Stoking the fires of hatred, racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. It's the whole playbook. Keeping people in line. Locking people up. Silencing the opposition. Defunding initiatives that level the playing field. It's oppression 101.

Hoarding is a poverty mindset. Keeping literally everything. Extreme cheapskates. Finding joy in getting an extreme deal. Going to great lengths to do so. Willing to suffer in an extreme way to save a few pennies. You're not seeing the big picture. You'll never win in the long game. There is no clear path to transcend poverty and achieve the upper middle class. That is a myth.

Because your parents only taught you how to suffer and survive in a poverty mindset. You don't know how to function as a healthy, successful adult. You don't keep healthy, mature boundaries. It's okay, but you're passing that along to your child unless you can find a way to break the cycle.

As satisfying as it is to see all the No Kings protest signs... It would be even more satisfying to see Trump behind bars. And every day that the conservatives are in power gives me a feeling of dread because it's bad and getting worse.

Even though my pay is going to be cut soon, I'm trying to live my wealthy life by purging junk from our house. We have removed most of the books from our library. We got rid of the items in our kitchen that we no longer use. I want to do the garage and bedroom closets next.

running nightmare

I had my first (but probably not last) running nightmare last night. I was doing a half marathon with my friend who I used to run with in college. She was always stronger and faster than me. We got 4 miles into the race and for some reason I was running with all this baggage. Like a vest, a belt, a wagon filled with backpacks and stuff. So we had to stop because they forgot to sing the national anthem before we started. We all filled an auditorium and had to sit there for like 45 minutes while all our muscles were getting cold and we had to wait for the choir to arrive. I was complaining to my friend all these minutes.

So the choir finally gets up on stage and the announcer calls my friend to the stage to lead the song. I felt so bad for complaining because I didn't know it was going to be my friend up on stage. So then when it was over, I stayed around until everyone left because I was for some reason cleaning up the auditorium and waiting for my friend to say goodbye to all the singers. Then we finally got going and my friend says, hurry up we gotta get back out there before it starts raining. So we ran another mile and at a water stop my wagon fell apart. We were in another state from where I live, and apparently, I was not familiar with the course. My friend lives in Wisconsin.

So I tried to put the wagon back together but I didn't have the instructions. We saw a packing and shipping place where we could put the whole thing in a box and ship it back to my house, but the cost of doing that was more than the cost of the wagon. My friend goes, hurry up it's about to start raining. So I grabbed my raincoat, left my wagon at the shipping place and started running again. I asked my friend how we were going to meet up with her husband and kids after the race and she was like, I have no idea. I asked her, don't you use Strava beacon or have some way to track each other, she's like no.

We keep running and it starts raining so we put on our raincoats and then she goes, yeah it's about to get super hilly. And at that point I guess I had enough so I woke myself up. It was one of those dreams where it feels so real, when you wake up, you're not sure if you were really in Wisconsin. So far, we have decided NOT to do the Disneyland 5k in 2025 and I have registered for the LA Marathon. I think this is my brain's way of processing a worst-case scenario.

runcation

I see a runcation in our future. This is where your vacation is planned around a run. To extend the distance covered in my workouts, I mapped out possible courses.

CSUN runDisney training 5k - https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1lRAyXTnYRC1nJS-4xYMXE9b5cCxG9rE&usp=sharing

Topanga runDisney Training 5k - https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1VXMuw9fTsV56tawq7dtORRGs1_0Dgtg&usp=sharing

Mason runDisney 5k training - https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1KzsxlSCtFftcqmGQaE1Q59eLsIy3sa0&usp=sharing

Chatsworth runDisney 5k training - https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1qIv3rFuuqsAgwZriCePSGntBLbVy1xo&usp=sharing

Porter Ranch 10k runDisney training - https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1rBG6BKEq64goG8jPOXmxxn6BTHBEj7Y&usp=sharing

I learned that what looks good on Google Maps maybe not practical, for example some streets have no sidewalks and some unincorporated areas don't have curb cuts for your stroller.

I want to go to REI to get some Clif Shot Bloks or maybe just order them from Amazon.

I learned that the Versa 4 doesn't create a map, nor does it connect to GPS, when you set it to "walk" unless you very quickly hit the "^" on workout and change the settings. So when I did the practice of the Mason route, it didn't use GPS to track distance so I'm guessing the distances on the route sheet are all wrong.

So I think the distances I tracked on the Cue Sheet for the Mason 5k are not correct because I haven't calibrated my Fitbit by walking or running on a track. I'm having trouble finding a track (whether indoor or outdoor) to use.

Cue Sheets https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ob-scNq3CWe8fmXwi2f_BMB09rMG-5fJsrNtOQ3bYSQ/edit?usp=sharing 

I feel the winter solstice coming. The days are oh so short.

We are planning to ride the Holiday Lights Ride with Walk Bike Glendale tomorrow. It's Mikey's birthday. 

September 2022 Thoughts

9/1 - I'm back at work after having the summer off. My LO is in daycare. I kept him home Monday and Wednesday because I only teach Tues/Thurs/Fri. He has a kind of runny nose and slight cough but it doesn't seem like it's contagious. My husband is supposed to stay home with LO on Tues/Thurs/Fri but he was unwilling to do so on Tuesday. Today DH is out sick at home and LO is in daycare. So far I feel fine. I think maybe I'm just too stressed out to get sick right now. I had a bad migraine over the weekend, which I think was from stress.

It's a lot to get kiddo back in daycare. I had to remember so many things. The forms, the emergency kit, the shoes, the medications, the photos, etc. DH was just not involved in getting anything ready for our return to daycare. I can manage all of this. But I also want to get a massage. I have been internalizing this stress and I can feel it in my back. Also, I haven't been working out as much so I feel my posture going downhill.

We kept the kid out of swim lessons on Tuesday just in case of loose stool, which the daycare said he had on Tuesday. It's hard because when the kid is home with me he wants to lay around and breastfeed all day, which may have generated the loose stool. The day after he went to daycare, on Wednesday, his poops were solid. Today, he is meeting with a child psychologist as part of addressing his speech delay. It will be our second visit. I'm praying that this additional intervention can help us get kiddo caught up with his peers. He's about a year behind.

We're in a heat wave now, so it's cabin fever for everyone. The temp is supposed to be 112 deg F or something like that. It's hard to have a (possibly) sick kid and (possibly) sick husband and we can't leave the house. And we don't know if anyone has the same thing. I know the kids can't go outside at daycare if the outdoor temp is above 92 deg F so I do have some sympathy for the daycare teachers with 12 screaming two-year olds in a smallish room. I hope their sanity is holding up.

9/4 - John Lasseter movie marathon. Ice Age, Frozen, Zootopia, Princess and the Frog, Tangled... I think we will do Ratatouille and Brave next. New CARS movie comes out Sept 8th on Disney+ day. LO is a big fan of the Cars movies but not Planes.

Its in the triple digits here so we can't go out. DH is sick so we are quarantining just as a precaution. We are going to Disneyland next week to use the last day of our SoCal resident 3-day summer pass. That's why I am stuck on Disney and Pixar. LO is enjoying watching with me. It's fun to see what parts he laughs at.

I was raised on Disney movies but haven't seen all the ones that were released when I was in college and early career without kids. So from 1998 until now I guess. It's fun catching up. Any suggestions for what to watch tomorrow?

9/5 - I am so sick of my husband being sick. When will he ever be well again? I feel like we keep ending up at urgent care over and over. Why can't he take better care of himself? When he's sick then I have to take care of everything around the house. With school starting and LO going back to daycare, I'm taking out the long shirts and pants that are size 3T. I am sewing LO's name into his clothes. I asked DH to give me a break by taking kiddo into the shower and instead DH let LO play trains for an hour. That's fine. It's too hot to go outside anyway. But I have been solely responsible for getting the kid back to school and I want my partner to do his share of parenting duties.

I stayed home with kiddo last week on the days I could. DH had a fever on Friday but he doesn't now. He says his head still hurts but it's like come on dude. LO is actually running a slight fever. You're not. I asked you to bathe him. Instead DH took a nice long shower by himself and kiddo sat on my lap. DH is constantly taking the easy road and I am tired of carrying on with the hard work.

I am worried that LO has HFM or something like that. I thought it was his 2 year molars but now he has what looks like a cold sore above his upper lip. I don't see any blisters on his hands and feet and he had a upper respiratory thing the week before school started with a runny nose and now he has a kind of wet cough. Like I said, we'll probably be visiting urgent care this week. I hate how DH makes me out to be the bad guy when I ask for help. I am just about out of ideas and patience.

A bit of light googling tells me use a humidifier, push fluids and rest. But I feel like this is week 3 of trying that. DH has been sick for like a month. Okay maybe 2 weeks. He has Type 2 diabetes now and I just read that he should check his blood sugar every 4 hours if he is sick because illness and infection aggravates the diabetes. I am really at my wits end. The man loves junk food. I can't be his mother. He has to care enough to monitor himself and eat healthy.

Sorry for the rant. I am just suffering over here mentally and I worry that what DH had (fever, vomiting, headache) is coming my way (and LO's too), but when I get it, I won't be able to lay around doing nothing for 4 days. I have a job and a tiny human that do not accept my resignation.

9/9 - I thought this group would appreciate... I was hoping that kiddo would never have to wear a mask. I thought, surely by the time he is two years old we will have solved the pandemic and he will never need to be bothered. Fast-forward to now. I have an appointment next Wednesday for LO to get vaccinated. His first dose. Last time we had an appointment they asked us to leave because the doses never arrived so I'm praying that everything goes well this time. Also, kiddo has to be wearing a mask to enter his classroom every day for daycare. Today was a 10 minute struggle and finally his teacher came out and helped. Kiddo just wouldn't put it on for me. I just wanted to say if your kid doesn't have to wear a mask every day, consider yourself lucky. I know our school plans to continue masking until the end of the fall semester at least (Dec 2022). I just never planned on mask-training my kid. He got this ugly cold-sore type thing on his face, which we all think was due to him chewing the mask and it rubbing on his skin. It went away over the Labor day long weekend. Ugh. TGIF

9/15 - Yesterday was V-Day for my Marchling. Yes it was fitting that it was on his half-birthday. He was exactly 2.5 years old. He got the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine first dose. We will go back in 4 weeks for the second dose. I almost cried when I saw his name on the white COVID-19 vaccine card. We waited so long for this day. He did have a massive poo in the evening about 10 hours after getting the shot, but I'm not sure if it is directly related. No fever. I just love seeing how he faces scary experiences like this so bravely. I'm proud of my little buddy.

9/18 - Ran MUD GIRL. It was fun. It was stressful. It was a group effort. My hands hurt afterwards. Kind of like how you feel after packing up all your stuff and moving into a new house after 4 days of hauling boxes. If I were to do it again, I would wear capri-length leggings (not shorts). I would still wear a hat or visor. I wore contacts and sun glasses, which I would do again. I would definitely wear all the sunscreen. I would arrive early, in which case you could run the course twice. I have no idea how trail runners prevent rock from getting into their shoes, maybe tall socks? That hurt. I also would have worn gloves. My hands got a little (lot) scratched up.

9/19 - Forgot to order Fitlicious. Ended up going back to Mashup Mom. It was delicious and a good change of pace. However, it was a lot of work (>10 hours) cooking everything. It took up all my time on my days off (Monday, Wednesday).

I got a free bookshelf from Buy Nothing and attended Fit4Mom at the Vineyards.

9/21 - Kiddo is tripping ALL over his feet these days. Knees are all bruises and scabs. Face is all black and blue. Our daycare said he looks like a Cobra Kai. 🐍 He already has huge feet and is outgrowing his 3T pajamas. He is so hungry and sleeping a lot so I am guessing he's in a growth spurt. But I'm not ready for my baby to get any bigger 😭. I have a huge pile of long pants and long sleeves in 3T to sew nametags in 🧺✂️ 🪡 🧵. I am ready for fall. The cooler weather is giving me life.

I moved a bookshelf from the garage to the upstairs and populated it with books. I attended Fit4Mom at Mason Park and I was the only one there. I had a good chat with the instructor, Jessica and we talked about the podcast https://www.maintenancephase.com/ 

9/24 - Went to the Fall Family Event at Warner Center Park but didn't do the workout. My back was really hurting. Not sure exactly how I injured it. The pain got worse on Sunday. It hurt to sit, lay, stand, walk, everything.

9/26 - Bubs is really into mannequins. He likes to go through family roles like mama, dada, baby, grandma, grandpa, etc. He gets concerned when mannequins don't have heads, feet, arms or hands.

He likes comparing body parts too. Mommy's feet, daddy's feet, Albert's feet. He tickles our feet. He is a giggle monster. He doesn't like it when his pants are too short. He is growing so fast.

People keep asking how much he weighs now and I have no idea.

I canceled our Disneyland reservation because my back was still hurting AND we are in another excessive heat warning (triple digits) and it was just too hot to enjoy the visit. I bought some fall flowers to cheer myself up. I figure if I would have spent $35 to park at Disneyland, I can spend $22 on flowers for my own yard. I got Marigolds (yellow and orange), Mums (yellow and orange), Zinnia (orange) and Celosia (yellow) to give that thanksgiving vibe.

9/29 - Every time all my online purchases arrive, I think, okay now I have everything. I'm not going to buy anything else. But of course something comes up and I make another purchase.

Our cargo bike got stolen out of our garage last month. We bought another bike almost right away, but I also had to replace my helmet AND the shade canopy AND the bell AND the flag AND the little snack bag AND the phone holder. And I'm still discovering things that were in the cargo bike when it was stolen that I'm having to replace. Like the tool bag of all my favorite tools and my favorite portable air pump. I'm trying to be cool and positive about it. But it's been a lot of work getting all that stuff replaced.

Also on the day I bought the replacement bike, I took it out for a test ride. I got a flat tire due to a thorn. So I had to replace the tire and then take it to a bike shop to get the brakes adjusted. They also took a look at one of the disc brakes and bent it back into place. I bought some lube so I can just get all the spinning parts lubed up and then I think we'll be good to go. But I'm sure I'll think of something else it needs. I was able to find pads for the 3-point harness at the most recent consignment sale.

If you are cargo-bike curious or just into women cycling with their family, the movie MOTHERLOAD is really cute. I also read an article about a mom on a cargo bike who competed in the Disaster Relief Trials, and I do believe that a bicycle will be a great resource in the event of mayhem or natural disaster. I'm not a full-time doomsday prepper, but I am prepping adjacent.

October 5th is California Clean Air Day. October 9th is CicLAvia, a day where the city of Los Angeles closes some streets so that pedestrians and cyclists can have a stress-free day to play in the road. These are my deadlines for having the new bike ready for LO and myself.

I bought a set of tiles, which pair with my phone and Alexa and can help me find stuff if it is lost. For example keys. But I also wonder what would have happened if I had one of those in my bike or bike bag. Could I have found my lost/stolen bike? Also, if I had registered my bicycle with the campus PD, would that have made any difference?

Also I almost lost my keys this morning. Also I lost my wallet one time during the summer. Mombrain is so challenging. Also the tiles cost $99 for a set of 4 and I'm already wondering if I should have 8 or if I should just stop losing my shit. My back is 95% good, but it is not 100% better.

my mind is a sieve

 My mind is a sieve now, but with really extra large holes so that nothing is retained, everything just slips right on through. Which is a good thing sometimes, I don't get too stressed out over things because I can't dwell on thoughts like I used to. But it's also a bad thing when I need to remember something.

July 2021 thoughts

July 2: Took LO to IKEA. Best Friday night. Made it farther than last visit. LO sat in the high chair and ate a bunch of things from the cafeteria. We got some bins and trays to organize our junk drawer and the cabinet below it because LO is obsessed with it and its full of potentially dangerous stuff and as of now, LO puts things in the drawer but soon I imagine he will take things out too.

July 4: For about 6 months after LO was born, I needed at least 3 servings of chocolate per day. I am not usually a dessert person and never considered myself a chocoholic.

We're leaving tomorrow for our cross country flights. I am a nervous Nelly! We are packed as much as I can think of what we will need. We're staying 10 days before we come back home.

Part of me is worried about DH. Even though I know he's a grown man. I've been WFH for a year and a half. I would say I've been a SAHM but I also taught university courses at 70% of full time. We, like many people, have been cooking at home and watching streaming services at home and doing projects at home...safer at home. I guess I'm having re-entry stress.

DH goes back to work "full time" starting Tuesday. He's been "on call" since the start of lockdown a.k.a LO's birthday. I just know things will be different when I get back from this trip. LO might be starting day care when school resumes... depending on COVID and availability. 

I don't know what I'm actually worried about. Maybe just fear of change, in general.

We are traveling to my parents' house on Monday. 2 planes. A 3 hr layover. Over 7 hours traveling. I am tentatively packed and trying to hope for the best. DH is not coming. Just me & LO.

July 16: First time being treated for mastitis. Diagnosed by teledoc. Really wish I could go to a La Leche League meeting and talk to other breastfeeding women. COVID is still ruining stuff. 😷😒

How I got mastitis: Combination of LO chewing and some dermatitis and some traveling and maybe fewer showers and also forgetting to take lecithin and wearing a sports bra for 3 days in a row at my parents' house where there was no working shower or laundry. I am definitely regretting my life choices. And LO has a cough and seems pretty miserable today. Boo hoo.

Trip recap: On the way there, the flights were timed with naps so he slept on the flights. 1st flight was 1h 45min. 2nd flight was 1h 20min and he was awake but chill for the last half hour, but very chill. On the way back our 1st flight was 3h. He was awake the first half and slept the second half. The 2nd flight was only 40min. He was very snuggly and watched Netflix with his headphones the entire time. I know we'll never do a "lap child" flight ever again. It was a good experience. 

I also had an anxiety moment, stuck on the runway in Vegas and there was no AC on the plane. Don't know how long, maybe 10 minutes while they were refueling, but it felt like forever. It got hot fast and I felt so icky in the mask and with a hot baby on my lap.

Most people didn't want to sit in our row but the folks who did all had kids at home and were super nice. Parent solidarity was a fun new feeling. This was a big trip out into the world. I am still processing all of it.

My mom complained about me putting the kid down for naps and having bedtime before dark. She constantly says that HER children (me) didn't nap and I'm like wondering if it is just that she never put us down! I would advocate that moms shod do whatever they need to do to stay healthy. I skipped out on self-care during my 10 day visit with family and suffered for a week afterwards. In hindsight, I wish I had put my needs a little higher.

July 17: We are officially in the climbing phase. Set up a baby gym in the living room. Stairs, ramp, tunnel, etc. 

I'm still suffering from mastitis. LO is developing a cough. He doesn't want solids, just nursing, which is probably best to help clear up this situation in my breast. It was nice to see family but it sucks that we are sick from the trip.

LO is finally getting the hang of waving bye-bye and it is the cutest thing ever. We hardly ever said hello or goodbye to anyone prior to this trip. He is also much better at nodding yes or no when we offer him things. He puts out a little hand and makes a sound when he wants something. Kind of like "Meh."

July 20: I've completed 4 days of cephalexin for mastitis. LO has a raspy cough. I am trying to stay away from obsessive googling. I suck at resting but I am giving it my best effort. LO is normal in terms of his capacity for play and intake of solids and wet diapers, no fever, so we haven't taken him to the pediatrician. My husband was ON CALL for all of the pandemic until now. So it's harder to keep LO busy all day here at home. I don't want to take him out because of spreading germs. I hate that COVID cases are spiking again. I hate that LO isn't immunized. I hate that there's only one month left of summer break.

Our landlord called a week ago to let us know that they are considering selling our condo. We rent. So we have been scrambling to get pre-approval for a loan. All I can do now is pray that they will sell it to us for a price we can afford. If not, we might be able to keep renting here, rent elsewhere or buy elsewhere. The thought of moving doesn't terrify me. Maybe COVID has acclimated me to an uncertain future.

July 23: I feel like it's time to unfollow and unsubscribe from all the baby-related accounts. They do have some toddler-relevant info sometimes but I don't want to be reminded of pregnancy and the 4th trimester when I'm chasing around a busy 16 month old. 

On a positive note, I feel like LO's cough is getting better. Maybe his teething pain is letting up. No fever so I'm gonna guess it wasn't COVID. My mastitis is feeling better but I do think I'm experiencing some vasospasm due to "nipple trauma." I can't make this up. Thankfully one breast is still normal so I tell myself that eventually the wonky one will go back to that.

Our HOA finally opened the swimming pool for the summer. They had said it was closed due to COVID. We have a floatie and I'm so excited to get LO back in the water. He kicked around in a floatie a bunch last summer but we stopped going to the pool once Fall classes started. Our pool isn't heated. 

This week I kept LO indoors becuse his cough makes it pretty obvious he is sick. But it's been rough feeling imprisoned in our home. My fitness instructor said the cough can linger for weeks after they aren't contagious anymore. She encouraged me to come back to in-person classes. But with COVID cases on the rise among unvaccinated people, I didn't want to be responsible for passing along whatever this is to any other moms or babies in our group. We picked it up traveling cross-country with 2 planes.

July 24: Got a play kitchen. So far, so fun!

July 26: Broke out the Duplos.

July 28: I feel like becoming a mom has helped me be comfortable with vulnerability. I feel like I can live more emotionally exposed and not worry about what people will think.

I wish I had more agency. I wish I could be more authentic. I wish I could be louder and more goofy and more open to making new friends.

COVID sucks. Cancer sucks. Mastitis sucks. I won't see MIL until Christmas 2021 because she's having chemo for pancreatic cancer. She refused to see us after a debacle last Thanksgiving (Nov 2020) and I hate that we are politically polar opposites. My mom had been coming out to see LO every 6 months. Her next visit would have been Sept 2021 but with this spike in COVID cases, and how I just visited her, I don't think she'll be out for LO's 1.5 year bday. I feel lonely because LO has been sick since we got back from our trip, I don't know if it is COVID, so we've been quarantining for 2 weeks. I am trying to stay cool and avoid Dr. Google. DH is back to being on campus 40 hr/wk and I am doing the SAHM thing. Every day is full. I feel like I'm solving puzzles trying to fit in meals, naps, fitness, learning activities and meeting everyone's needs.

How do you travel?

Prebaby: Car-free. Trains + bicycle. Can't tell you how many hotels we checked into with our luggage on our bikes. Packed light. Most days outdoors.

Postbaby: Minivan. Pack all the things. Day trips to the beach. Weekends "away" at hotels within 1-2 hour drive of home. Day hikes with baby in carrier. Bike rides with baby on bike. Lots of stroller walks. It's not as eco-friendly but I'm not super comfortable taking transit with baby. Too much risk of getting stranded somewhere. I will say that the hotel experience is significantly diminished in the COVID era. No pool, no breakfast, no fitness room, no dining. It's not worth it IMHO.

July 29: Watching a show about peanut butter. Thought about how peanuts are a crop. Thought spiral about sustainability and climate change. This [NYT](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/18/style/modern-love-fathers-day-where-are-all-the-wild-things.html) article really hit me in the gut.

Packing List

Carryon

1) Umbrella stroller 

2) Yoga mat strap 

3) Pink backpack (diaper bag)

4) crackers 

5) cherrios 

6) infinity scarf (didn't use)

7) diapers 

8) wipes 

9) changing pad 

10) extra clothes for Albert 

11) Phone charger 

12) toys 

13) ergo carrier 

14) birth certificate 

15) masks (2)

16) proof of vaccines 

Mom

1) underwear 

2) socks 

3) walking shoes

4) flip flops 

5) yoga pants 

6) sweat pants 

7) tank tops

8) bras 

9) toiletry bag 

10) headphones (didn't use)

11) fitness equipment 

12) swimsuit (didn't use)

13) hat 

14) Tylenol/vitamins 

15) long-shirt (didn't use)

Albie

1) short outfits (3) 

2) long pants (2) 

3) short onesies (3) 

4) footie pjs (2) 

5) socks (4) 

6) sandals 

7) reusable pouches 

8) ring sling 

9) swimsuit / water shoes / swim diaper 

Wish I had brought

1) nail clippers / file for mom and Albert

2) mom's socks

3) garment bag for dirty laundry

4) more different bras and mesh bag for washing bra

5) shampoo / conditioner

This was for a 10-day trip to see and stay with family. We took a plane so your list might be different if you're driving. Snacks I brought included goldfish and veggie straws. The best toy was a dimple-like silicone [thingy like this](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0953P4TPV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_1K5SA2NZGNYP7H4KK7M1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1).

We were 3 hours early. It was a bit unnecessary but made checking bags, printing boarding passes, and getting through security very stress-free. LO was in a carrier. I brought an umbrella stroller with a shoulder strap. Gate checked stroller, which was super-easy. Backpack-style diaper bag. 

Let LO walk for ~1 hour prior to flight. ~30 min of strolling. Slept on flight. Repeat for layover.

Edit to add: kiddo was a lap child. DH not with us. My sister loaned us a carseat at our destination.

Back to School COVID edition

In a normal back-to-school frenzy, I would be stressing about my teaching assignment and preparing documents like syllabi. I also have a tendency to stress about all the things I put on my summer to-do list that I didn't finish.

This year I have a baby AND there's a raging epidemic in our country. How that changes things is that my department has posted the teaching schedule about a month earlier than usual. This is great because I can start working on my Canvas sites weeks before classes start rather than days. This is particularly great with my baby because I have to work in small (~15 minute) chunks rather than in marathon sessions like I used to.

Due to COVID, my students will only meet me via Zoom. I will have to go to campus for my lab, which meets from 5:30-8:20pm on Tuesday and Thursday. I will be teaching CHEM 100 lectures (introductory chemistry) from home on Monday and Wednesday from 4:30-5:45pm. I will be teaching SCIENCE 100 lectures (Freshman Seminar) from home on Tuesday and Thursday from 2:00-3:15pm.

I have been using Zoom all spring and summer with my family and mom fitness group. I feel confident that I will be able to run the class. Here are some recommendations that were compiled by exit interviews with ~350 students.

1. Discuss class norms on day one

2. Email students regularly

3. Send motivational messages via Canvas Insights

4. Use images or videos on slides instead of text

5. Give a 5-10 minute break in a 75 minute class

6. Make Zoom link easy to find on Canvas homepage

7. Have Canvas page populate gradually. Seeing the whole semesters content is too overwhelming 

8. Use the whiteboard feature to show problem solving

9. Use polling for student engagement but do not use too many different softwares

10. Consider Zoom breakout rooms and Google docs for groupwork

11. Record and post class meetings

12. Be flexible with exam times

13. Consider "Remind" app for students to communicate with each other outside of class

14. Build in social-emotional support. Let them talk off-topic in breakout room for a few minutes before diving into material. Tell jokes and give motivational pep talks. 

Yes, I could have cut and pasted these, but I wanted to type them out and paraphrase in hopes that the message would penetrate my brain more deeply and permanently.

Clifton Strengths

I took the CliftonStrengths assessment and out of 34 possible strengths, I got a coaching session based on my top 5.

Achiever

Activator

Significance

Strategic

Woo

Achiever is under the broad category of Executing. People exceptionally talented in the Achiever theme work hard and possess a great deal of stamina. They take immense satisfaction in being busy and productive. I like making lists and getting things done. I can persevere in tasks even if they require a great deal of focus and time.

I have 3 strengths in the influencing theme: Activator, Significance, and Woo. Activators make things happen by turning thoughts into action. In a group, I tend to "zone out" when people are talking about ideas but then "lean in" when they get to the action part. I contribute ideas for what to do when a group has identified a cause or issue that they want to pursue.

The Significance strength is found in people who want to make a big impact. They are independent and prioritize projects based on how much influence they will have on their organization or people around them. I use my status to help bring attention to issues effecting my community. My title and previous awards can bring more resources to my organization.

People exceptionally talented in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with someone. Woo is also an acronym for "winning over others." Wooers tend to have lots of contacts who they know at a superficial level. I realized later in life that I can hold back in social situations because I am too concerned about whether people will like me.

Strategic falls under the theme of strategic thinking. People exceptionally talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues. This is a skill I acquired later in life by taking adventures in Los Angeles without a car. Learning to be flexible in travel plans has taught me to be flexible in other areas of my life.

One concern I had is that these strengths are what I cultivated in my professional life and helped advance my career. I don't know whether they will help me be a better parent. Maybe becoming a mom will shift my strengths from these top 5 to a new set. My friend encouraged me to take the assessment again thinking only about momming. I just don't feel like I have my mom identity just yet. She said it's early days yet, like halfway through freshman year. There's still time to find myself in this new role.

upcoming surgery

I went to a Zoom book club this week. I feel my adult academic brain is like lost in the fog of hormones. I could bearly follow the discussion. Half the time I couldn't remember the prompt long enough to think of a response, and the times when I could think of a response, I couldn't remember it long enough to share it when another person finished speaking. I'm not mad about it. It's just strange and new to me. 

I can't keep track of little details anymore. Like baking meatballs that have to be turned halfway through cooking, I couldn't remember which pan (left or right) was on the top or bottom oven rack. I used to be so meticulous! I am a bit worried about starting to work again. I have less than 2 months left.

Anyone else become more neurotic about keeping a tidy house? I used to be very lackadaisical about housekeeping but ever since my son was born I can't stand having dirty dishes in the sink, used socks on the floor, cluttered countertops and unfolded blankets on the couch. I think it's because everything with the baby feels very out of my control. He feeds and sleeps on HIS schedule. So keeping the house tidy is something I can control. 

This wouldn't be a worry except I am staying up later at night to tidy up while my husband goes to bed early with the baby. I'm home alone just me and baby all day while my husband is at work, so it's harder to tidy up during daylight hours. But now I am losing sleep and getting tired during the day. Yesterday I stole a little afternoon nap and I usually hate sleeping during the day. Then I was up doing laundry during my MOTN pump.

We started logging sleep in the Huckleberry app. I'm curious to know if it's more regular than I can perceive.

Finally, and most importantly, Albert's surgery is scheduled for next week. It's a laparoscopic hernia repair. He's also having a COVID test. The following week, he will get his 4-month vaccinations, so July will be very busy medically speaking. Also, I'm turning 40. NBD.

aspirational

So much of mommy social media is aspirational. It's unattainable yet attractive. Nobody wants their Instagram showcasing photos of dim lighting, dust and clutter. But that's where this pandemic has me sitting right now.

Aspirational products in the mommy sphere I would include a Snoo. It is priced in the $1,100-$1,400 range. It is intended for newborns and infants up to 25 lbs and/or 6 months of age. Even the Halo bassinet is $275. We got a used one for $28 that we only used for a month before switching to a $77 cosleeper with a vibration attachment.

Another one I would say is the DockATot. Priced between $175-$315, it is essentially a fancy pillow with a removable cover. I thought I needed it for a minute, but I'm ultimately glad I bought another product instead.

Another category of aspirational baby products is prams. One, for example, costs $529-$699. The BOB jogging stroller costs $399-$699. I'm not saying a jogging stroller isn't useful. I just feel like maybe it's priced high because not everyone can afford it and that is on purpose. It's a product that communicates to other moms that you have the financial means to purchase such a high-priced item.

Baby Brezza Formula Pro Advanced, priced at $249, is like a one touch espresso machine for making up baby bottles. Now we're guilty on this one! We have the Baby Brezza Bottle Warmer ($70) and Baby Brezza Sterilizer ($100) when you could just boil some water in a pot for free. I do use these two appliances EVERY DAY, but I think each person would have to decide for themselves whether they want such luxury.

We are transferring our son to his crib, he is 3.5 months old and just under 15 pounds.

I have been thinking about the phrase "aspirational" lately. In marketing, it applies to like high-end items that not everyone can afford. There are lots of things like that for babies. But I also see a lot of aspirational Instagram accounts full of moms and kids where everything is clean and everyone is happy and gorgeous.

Lately I've been putting healthy eating (meal planning, shopping, cooking, washing up) and working out (getting organized, wearing the right gear, showering before/after) in the aspirational bucket. I want an Instagram worthy meal. "Eat the rainbow" and all that. I want to glitter and glisten with glamorous sweat. But some days all I do is tend to the baby. Either he's needy or I'm exhausted or both. Sometimes the fitness and clean eating are just aspirational.

I have nowhere near lost "the baby weight." I struggled to lose about 30 lbs before I was pregnant. Then gained it back during pregnancy. Lost a bunch quick after delivery. Gained some back now while breastfeeding. I feel flabby but where am I really going now because pandemic. At least there's less to do now where looks matter.

My MIL and SIL said something kind of weird on Mother's Day, which was supposed to be our big "sip and see" party. They said, "you can look frumpy for a year. But after that..." yeah well I'm just taking this full year then to focus on repairing my body and enjoying spending time with my baby. I give myself permission to take my time and not get too caught up in aspirations.

Baby clothes

How many is too many? How much is enough? Part of the confusion stems from the inconsistency of naming.

	The onesie is a staple. People say you can't have too many onesies but I disagree. I feel we did have too many in the 0-3m and 3m size. They're so cute, everyone wants to buy them for you, but we didn't end up using all of them because we had too many.
	Maybe I would have been crazier about the bodysuit if my son had been born at the beginning of winter, but I didn't ever use these. For sure I would rank the importance of this garment higher than a long-sleeved shirt. The snaps at the bottom are essential to prevent it from riding up.
	For us the footed PJ is the MOST ESSENTIAL. The current guidelines for infant sleep are that there should be no blankets, so to keep the baby warm, you need a one-piece thing like this. The variety comes into play with the thickness of the fabric. They can zip up or zip down (where the zipper head resides near the child's neck or foot. They also come in a all-snap variety. I think it's personal preference, I like the snaps but my husband likes the zippers. You can also get ones that have like built-in mittens for the hands.
	For the 0-3 months, we used the Kimono Top, Footed Pants & Hat Set to increase the versatility of the large number of onesies. In fact, more kimono tops would have been good. With our son's hernia, we don't put him in pants often. The waistband puts pressure on the bulging area and he screams bloody murder when it causes him pain.
	A romper is fun and sleeveless. We have one with a hood that is really useful for protecting the baby's head from getting sunburned when I am wearing him in a carrier and out for walks. We say it's like he's a bro and showing off his muscled arms.
	Another quirk of our baby is that he was born needing access to his hands. Therefore swaddles were pointless. Swaddle blankets can be used for other things but the new trend in velcro swaddles, halo sleep sacks and love to dream zipper swaddles just would not have worked for us. Luckily, I had only one in each size.

Here's a breakdown of how many of each thing we had. I say had because the smaller sizes have already been sent along to my younger sister. The truth about sizing is that you know it's time to size up when you see the back bulge coming out of the neck of the onesie. Also, if it is challenging to snap. For us, we cloth diaper. The drawback to cloth diapering is that they can be bulky, so we have sized up to 6 month clothing for daytime when baby is in cloth, but we can still use the 3-6 month size at night when he is wearing disposable diapers.

I took a catalog of how many of each type of item in each size range we had (in blue) so that I could say what I would recommend and then compared that with three sources (in red) that make recommendations. Some categories we had more than 10, but it made the graph look funny so if we had more than 10, like we did for onesies, I just didn't show it. One unexpected thing that I love is putting socks on my baby. His daytime uniform is a short-sleeved onesie and socks. Maybe if my baby had been born in winter, he would have needed more footie PJs and jackets/coats.

I'm trying to send these items to my sister because I started worrying about having enough clothes around Jan 14 (week 32) and I didn't have my baby shower until a month later, and I think that was too late for me to feel prepared.

To jump or not to jump?

By some definitions, my baby is an infant at 2 months old. We got him an Evenflo exersaucer and a Pop! jumper as well as a batmobile walker. He is crazy active and we're doing tummy time until he gets a bit stronger.

Found the Evenflo Exersaucer on the left abandoned at the curb, so I washed it with dishsoap and water and changed the batteries and it's good as new. Had to order 2 new feet for the arch and a new spring for one of the legs, but I feel good upcycling something that would have ended up in the landfill. The Pop! summer jumper was $60 and I hope we can take it to MIL's house and maybe to the beach. Yes I know these are not recommended until baby is older, but I wanted to spend that COVID stimulus money on something special.

I also bought some PJs from the Gap for me. Maternity Nursing Sleep Cami and Maternity Sleep Shorts. It seems like they are taking for.ev.er to arrive though. They haven't even shipped yet and I ordered on 5th of May. Got ~50% off by using two promo codes. Free shipping and free returns. I hope everything fits, I am not a fan of online shopping for stuff I would usually try on. Hoping the tops are a bit supportive, breathable, yet not so tight that they lead to clogged ducts. I realize this is a big ask. 

I got the following email from Gap yesterday, "we are experiencing delays in processing and shipping your order. We're unable to ship your order within the time frame promised." I am sad because Gap lets you order top and bottom separately, which is nice if you are a pear shape. So I went ahead and bought the following from Kohl's.

Women's Croft & Barrow Lush Luxe Tank & Shorts Pajama Set

These I like the most. The shorts are long enough.

Women's Simply Vera Vera Wang Sleep Tank and Boxer Shorts Pajama Set

These I only like the top. The bottoms are more like underwear than shorts.

Women's Apt. 9 Solid Cami & Shorts Pajama Set

These I hate. The fabric feels cheap and the shorts are also like underwear.

I was hoping to get something comfortable to wear around the house all day all summer long. I hate online shopping, for this reason. Do I return or exchange the stuff I don't like? What would happen to the clothes that get returned? Will they be burned or resold?

Postpartum Part 11: symptoms

My sister says I kept an annoyingly scientific record of my pregnancy symptoms and I said, "it's for you!" I kept wondering if all those things were normal and how long they would last. So I am continuing to track symptoms postpartum as I recover however quickly or slowly.

rhinitis - gone

bleeding gums - gone

flatulence - worse

carpel tunnel - worse

linea nigra - same

stretch marks - not an issue

nipple soreness - not an issue... but breastfeeding is a challenge! It's not 100% painless.

hair falling out - not an issue (yet)

mastitis - constant struggle

discharge - much less

feet hurting - same as 3rd trimester

symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD) - never had it. But I did have postpartum back pain that was REALLY bad in weeks 3 and 4.

https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-women-needs-to-know-about-post-pregnancy-3520998

According to a chiropractor, the back pain was caused by three reasons (1) diastasis recti (2) a sacrum that may be out of place and (3) the Cesarean section. The whole core is destabilized. Throw in there a high level of relaxin that will persist as long as we are breastfeeding, that is the reason for some of the inflammation.

She let me know that there is scar tissue forming as my body is healing from the surgery. Filaments are forming as the uterus is contracting to its original size, and these filaments can cause pain in the abdomen and even down into the legs. It was hard to get out of my comfy recliner and get in and out of bed. The chiropractor said it will be important to NOT do a sit-up or crunch for at least one year to let the diastasis recti repair.

Now two months postpartum, I have less trouble getting in/out of bed. I can roll from my left to my right side in bed without any pain. I can get in and out of my recliner carrying baby without any pain.

One month after my C-section, I missed: hard laughing, working out, riding a bicycle, leg lifts, squats and lunges. I looked forward to the day when I could lay on my stomach and rest there. 

One month postpartum, laying on my side was nice. Two months postpartum, my breasts are huge and still painful. I could not lay on them, no way. I have bought some new PJs and sleep bras to help alleviate the discomfort of engorgement and the hot flashes I seem to get at night. I sleep really well when my bedroom is like 55 degrees.

One month postpartum, I looked forward to lifting things like laundry baskets, stroller, and carseat with baby in it. I can do most of these now, but the baby is gaining weight so fast I have to keep doing my Fit4Mom workouts to build my upper body to be able to lift baby in carseat. I have done it at least once recently.

My boobs can tell time

Shower thoughts after a night of good sleep seem so profound. I was showering, washing my body, when I thought: wow my boobs can tell time now. 

Want to do more reading about prolactin and circadian clock, MOTN pumping.

https://dornsife.usc.edu/news/stories/3060/breast-milk-helps-babies-tell-circadian-rhythm-from-mom/

https://www.llli.org/breast-milks-circadian-rhythms-2/

The night before Mother's day I had a dream that I went to a roller rink that had two side-by-side indoor wood floor rinks but they were in use. The staff told me I could go outside and enjoy the outdoor rollerpark, which was kind of like the LA County Arboretum. There were popup thrift shops and art participation booths, very much like an open streets (CicLAvia) event. Then Sigourney Weaver showed up to skate and she was heavily pregnant. I thought she was a beautiful symbol of fertility and full of life. And then I woke up to breastfeed my son. I think I'm just dreaming of fun and wonderful things that make me happy, and dreaming of the time before COVID-19, when we didn't think about social distancing and we weren't required to wear masks in public.

It's frustrating to have abdominal cramps and wonder if it's my period coming back, 9 weeks postpartum. Then I read that it's different for every woman whether you are breastfeeding or not. I was rinsing spinach leaves and destemming them for a soup and it occurred to me that every leaf is shaped differently but they are all good and nutritious. So why would all women have the same pregnancy and postpartum symptoms on the same timeframes? 

Postpartum Part 10: beauty

I thought I totally had my beauty routine down, but as we age, we need to modify. The pregnancy hormones caused me to want to use different products, mostly more moisturizing and heavy. Now that I'm no longer pregnant, I have to find what works now because my face is wrecked. I was craving Pods cold cream. Mother's day weekend let me actually try a modern Ponds blend at my MIL's house. I didn't love it to be honest. I guess I need to try the original formulation.

What I have been doing, at the suggestion of a pal, is to use Xom3 You Can Dew It oil underneath my moisturizer. It seems that postpartum skin issues are common, although something I didn't really think or hear about until I experienced it.

Postpartum Part 8: packing

We have taken baby on some good day-trips: Riverside and Ventura. This (Mother's Day) weekend, we will be going down to Newport Beach. Also, we're staying the entire weekend away from our house. I hope it doesn't mess up our breastfeeding rhythm that we've established. Anyhow, I thought I would start making our packing list of what we brought for a day trip and that might help us expand into what we might need for a whole weekend.

Packing list for a day trip

Pump, pump parts
Diaper bag, with 8-10 disposable diapers and wipes
Cooler bag, ice pack
Boppy, my brest friend
Mei Tai carrier, Moby wrap, Didymos wrap
Change of clothes for mom, dad and baby
Burp cloths

Packing list for a weekend trip

Pack n Play, with diapering and bassinet attachments
Sun hats for mom, dad and baby
Nursing bra, breastpads
Storage (freezer) bags for milk
Bottle brush set
Rattle toy(s)
Musical toy

Full list here.

I'm starting to get concerned that Albert is missing his vaccines during this COVID-19 pandemic time. I don't know why I'm so worried about it. Maybe my brain is just overly active and seeking something to worry about. Our next doctor visit is in 1 month and I'm wondering how many shots he will get on that visit.

Postpartum Part 7: pandemic

Watching the boy scouts live camp-in, we heard some advice from NASA astronaut Doug Wheelock. He said that this global pandemic is a unique moment in history and a time to write. They also suggested burying a time capsule. We tried to complete a virtual 5k walk/run/hike but I only got 2 miles walking back and forth in our house. I did set up the tent and make s'mores in the toaster oven.

Wildlife report! Fauna: hare, monkey, elephant, lion, bear, mole. Flora: aloe, dracaena, pothos. Candle = campfire. 🔥 #CampIn #ScoutingAtHome pic.twitter.com/ZCJi5GDzz7

— Dr. Kayla A. Kaiser (@hamerk02) May 3, 2020

We can't get Lysol wipes, antibacterial handsoap, alcohol-based hand sanitizer, Chlorox bleach, Dawn dishsoap or Dial bar soap with antibacterial ingredients. The only time I really thought this would be a problem is when I was recovering from my surgery and I was supposed to wash my incision. Our president told people that injecting bleach could combat coronavirus. These are the times we are living in.

I can say no. I will say no. My hope is that I can enjoy the remainder of my maternity leave in peace, regardless of the fact that the country is reopening. My in-laws seem to think that the coronavirus is a hoax, social distancing is unnecessary, masks are a joke and that the country needs to reopen immediately. Already my son's cousin has met up with friends at the beach and had a keg party at his house, so we know they aren't quarantining anymore. They are big fans of Disneyland and I'm sure they'll be among the first to go there when it reopens.

Dear MIL is pushing for us to spend her birthday weekend in Ventura the first weekend in June and possibly take a boat to hike the Channel Islands. While this sounds great in theory, I don't know if I would be able to enjoy it. The next big thing is dear SIL is turning 50 and I am turning 40 in July. I don't want anything. I had seriously forgotten about it until MIL reminded me this weekend. I just want to snuggle with my baby and that's the greatest gift. MIL wants to throw a party for me and SIL, which would mean a big stressful family gathering. Not interested.

I told dear husband that I will be saying no to any and all travel until school starts up again in August. If someone wants to visit with Albert, they are welcome to come here. Traveling was too stressful. I have stated it twice now, and neither time did he repeat back to me what I had said, so I have a feeling that he didn't hear me. I was hoping he would repeat it back to me, but he said that he didn't want to talk about that subject any further so I left it at that.

I think a big struggle is that some people are quarantining hard and other people are less strict. Those who are quarantining hard are bragging about it because it's difficult and requires mindfulness. Those who are more loosely following the guidelines probably don't talk about it. But people who are fearful are getting very bent out of shape when they see someone not wearing a mask. This is leading to violence, which is understandable since people are ferociously protecting their family members, including children.

I use the affirmation "I am healthy, I am safe" and extend that to include my baby and my family. I was very tearful on Friday, leaving my house and seeing the signs on the freeway saying "Avoid gatherings, stay home, beat COVID-19" but knowing that we were taking yet another unnecessary trip to see family.

Postpartum Part 6: pumping

I wanted to write about "pumps and a bump" which my husband thought was a crazy title, he just didn't understand what it meant to me. Sure, it makes no sense unless you know that I was so jealous of my younger sister who had a tape of MC Hammer. Now you have to understand that this was the mid 90s and we only had like 2 tapes. It was either The Funky Headhunter or NKOTB. This vintage walkman (as featured in the movie Pretty Woman) can be yours today for a mere $150.

Anyway, this post is about breastfeeding and my goals. I wanted to write it 5 weeks ago so that I could report now that my goals have been met, but with a new baby, he gets all the attention and it's not so important to post blogs for 10 people to read. Although, I remember when I was pregnant, I read some blogs that helped me a lot. There were some other ones that I read about pregnancy after IVF that I probably didn't bookmark or link to, but I hope that anyone who reads this will know that we experienced infertility and took steps to get pregnant that are above and beyond just having good old fashioned sex.



We did attend a breastfeeding class and they gave us some handouts that I actually used in the hospital and the days after bringing baby home. The most useful information for anxious new parents was that baby's stomach grows slowly and it's not super important to produce a large volume of milk right away. I was able to make colostrum (a thick honey-like substance) in the hospital, it was fairly easy to learn how to express it by hand and transfer it to baby. He was a champion at nursing from the start, at least he tried.

Baby is more alert on breastmilk. Baby gets hungry sooner after breastmilk. We thought formula allowed us more time between feedings for the same volume. For the first 2 weeks home from the hospital, we were doing every other feeding with formula. Then around 3 weeks, we were doing formula for the first night interval (5 hours) and pumped breastmilk for other feedings. But the last two nights we've skipped formula and baby is still sleeping for a long interval, so I guess we can let go of formula entirely now.

I have pain when pumping but even more pain when breastfeeding. But I don't have pain the whole time, it seems most intense at first then it decreases after letdown. I don't know if pain is everyone's experience, but I also get a strange euphoria which makes me understand why BDSM people get into nipple clamps. The first time I pumped, I seriously got high from it.

The hospital LCs recommended "triple feeding" with putting baby at the breast at the start of each feed. That got me very depressed because my baby wouldn't latch until he was 2 weeks, 3 days postpartum. And he didn't really get a full feed at the breast until he was 3 weeks old. He is good now, for a couple of weeks he could only breastfeed if he was hungry and I was not too full. The past two mornings, he has nursed on rock hard boobs with no issues. He's 7 weeks now.

Part of our motivation for eliminating formula was to use cloth diapers, which we started doing at 3 weeks. We use cloth all-in-ones until those are all dirty. Then we use flour sack towels folded in a newborn kite fold, fastened with a snappi, with PUL covers over the top. We have plenty of those so then we do a load of diapers every other day. People say that the poops from formula are more staining than the poops from breastmilk. The good news is that those stains are easily removed by hanging the cloth out in the sun, I can confirm. I wish I had a before-and-after photo, but I don't, so you'll have to take my word for it. And here's another 90s throwback for you:


via GIPHY

Here are all the tags I wanted to use for this post: breastfeeding, career, education, equity, family, fear, goals, gratitude, green, hormones, learning, interdisciplinary, maternity leave, meditation, money, motivation, nutrition, pain, positive, postpartum, simplicity, spring, sustainability, teamwork, technology, travel, vintage, walking. Since the post was getting too long, I had to split it in half.

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We've heard about power pumping (if you haven't, now you have!) BUT... does it actually WORK? ❓❓❓ Power pumping seeks to mimic a baby's cluster feeding and by theory, should increase your milk if you do it once a day for a week or so. This is DOUBLE PUMPING- pumping both breasts at once. If you've power pumped (more than one singular time) can you share your experience with us? 😘 THANKS! . . . #powerpumping #powerpump #pumping #breastpumping #breastfeeding #exclusivelypumping #exclusivepumping

A post shared by @ pump_momma_pump on Apr 28, 2020 at 1:10pm PDT

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Milk blebs/milk blisters: when skin covers your nipple pore, blocking it from expressing your milk. It could be painful to some while not to others. I've had one and had NO IDEA it was there until I looked at my nipple). I had it for 2 months. Tried everything and also had to take breaks in between because my nipple was raw from me trying to get rid of it 😭. My last resort was exfoliating it with Epsom salt. It did help quite a bit and I used coconut oil to help heal it and it was basically gone the next day. If you've had milk blebs, what did you do to get rid of them? 📷 @breastbottlebeyondph

A post shared by Happy Pumping♡Pumping is BFing (@pumpinggoddesses) on Jun 2, 2019 at 11:04am PDT

Wish I had seen this two months earlier

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Has anyone tried this hack? Did it work well for you?

A post shared by Legendairy Milk (@legendairymilk) on Feb 25, 2020 at 6:26pm PST

I like this story. Anna Momigliano of the Washington Post writes about how people encourage breastfeeding by talking about how it is the "free" option. However, in her (and my) experience, there are costs associated with breastfeeding also. In the time of coronavirus, I was not able to attend support groups at my hospital and birth centers like Bini Birth or La Leche League meetings. Luckily, there are some instagram accounts to follow that are encouraging and motivating.

Postpartum Part 5: links

Here are some of the webpages I had open on the browser of my smartphone. I want to close them now, but they were good for a time and I might want to come back to them later or recommend to someone else.

https://thesehungrykids.com/labor-like-a-pro-how-to-rock-your-labor/

Your support person should be chanting the following words:

• You are amazing.
• You are doing great.
• This is normal.
• You are doing exactly what you need to be doing.
• You are strong.
• Each contraction is one step closer to meeting the baby.
• Rest your body between contractions.
• Here’s a sip of water.
• You were made for this.
• You are incredible.
• You are safe.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/water-breaking/art-20044142

When I talk about my baby's birthday, I struggle to find the words. I want to be accurate, he was ripped out through my abdomen using a scalpel. I have a hard time saying labor and delivery. I can't say a doctor delivered him. I can't say he was born. More like he was removed from me. I didn't have that moment of pushing that you see on the movies. I don't know if this is the scientist in me just wanting to use the most precise and accurate language or the fact that our culture prepares you to have a vaginal birth. I feel like I don't have the words for what happened.

My reddit group had 75/25 vaginal/Cesarean. More than 50% of respondents had a labor of less than 12 hours. I feel robbed of that experience. I am just about recovered from the surgery, but I don't know exactly how to talk about what happened that day.

https://www.scarymommy.com/maternity-leave-advice-wish-id-been-given/

Due to COVID-19 most of this advice does not apply. But maybe it would be good advice under normal circumstances. I am struck lately about how short human lifespan is and how quickly babies grow and I wish I would have had a kid sooner so that I could have more than one and what the heck was I doing with my life until now. I can see how people with kids tell people without kids to go for it.

https://cdphpaymentportal.sutherlandglobal.com/

Yeah, due to a mix-up with my identity at the DMV while upgrading my driver's license to a "Real ID," they thought I had a daughter named Kayla Kayser who was born in 2004. It took a few weeks to get that fixed, but it's all good. I also may or may not have paid for the genetic testing for the state of CA. I mean I know I didn't pay for it, because my OB told me that my insurance should cover it. But as far as I can tell, the debt has not been paid.

https://la.eater.com/2020/4/6/21211278/los-angeles-county-officials-urge-residents-stay-home-skip-shopping

So many things are messed up due to coronavirus. We are just now able to find things that we need, but there's always a risk going out to find it.

https://ollnr.weconnect.com/

8:30am Monday-Saturday

8:30am and 10:30am Sunday

And sometimes we go to church on Zoom. Even though the church is right across the street. I kind of hope they continue broadcasting so that we don't have to bring a crying baby into the building. It's nice to be able to hear the service no matter what kind of mood Albert is in.