fall morning musings

Sorry for the brain dump. I have no time to edit this into a more coherent post. But I do think it's important to check in on how training is going. We're post-liminal space now. We're "in season." I've been relying on B-vitamins and ginseng to give me the energy to get through semester weeks 4 and 5. I'm starting to really look forward to the Mission Inn Run.

9/14 Morning run routine and motivation for consistent workouts

Good morning, runners of the world. I'm now here, it's a Monday morning. My feet are already hurting. This workout is kind of questionable. Don't know if I should be doing this right now. But I'm up. My husband woke me up. I'm ready to get my workout in and get on with my day. It's not a big deal, right?

People everywhere get up, do a workout, and get on with their day. I try to keep it simple. Follow the training plan. I trust the training plan. Sometimes life gets in the way. My son has been saying every food tastes like something else. Cucumbers taste like lime. Blueberries taste like dirt. I'm pretty convinced it's the sickness that we're dealing with. And as usual, my husband got it really bad. I'm in denial. And our child is just turning into a tiny Tasmanian devil. Because he doesn't know what to do with himself. He's sick and tired, and he's just running on adrenaline.

I don't know what I'm doing. I do know. I'm okay. Doing my little warm-up here. I'm getting my heart rate up walking up a big hill. I know how to do this. I trust my body. I trust my instincts. Although, my instincts today told me I just need to stretch, and not do a workout, but here we are.

At least the weather's kind of nice, 66°. I'll take that. Better than it has been. One morning last week it was 80 degrees at this time, so 66 feels nice. I felt really good after yesterday's run. I felt a lot of positive vibes. Which is why I decided to go out today.

I did my first upper body workout with my friend, Erik. That was good. I'm not that sore. I feel like I did something, I really did. I did something different. I did something brave. I did something that I would normally not do. And I'm okay. I don't feel so sore that I would never do it again. I will do it again. I will do it again. I will do it every Saturday. I will put it into my schedule. Do it. I gotta take a closer look at Coach David's plan.

I am at the top of this hill. Keep going. I tried to listen to a podcast, but it didn't really inspire me today. So I'll probably listen to music. Catch you next time.

9/22 Recovery and training routine after illness and donation

It's a good morning, it's a good morning to not get hit by a car. Hopefully these cars stop, they have a red light. You just never know with people, but I'm here, I'm out here training.

It's 24 weeks till the marathon. And despite all the foot issues that I've been having, I figured out that I just need to sleep with my feet in a flexed position. And that has helped greatly. Yesterday at work, my feet were feeling really good. Of course, I didn't run yesterday, but I'm gonna try a run today. See how that tracks.

I've had a lot going on in the past two weeks with my foot issues. We got sick. We got the flu. We've got diarrhea, nausea. I couldn't heal properly, I'm so tired. And this weekend, I donated blood. So we're gonna see how we feel going into the Bimbo race this weekend. Do a little couple laps around the Rose Bowl just for funzies.

I kind of switched up Monday and Tuesday. My husband got a little agitated by that. He likes it when I do my rest day on Tuesday. I wrote about how I felt like I was in a liminal space. A liminal space between 2 training plans. At the end of summer, the beginning of school, I almost feel like I'm probably in the groove of school. I don't say I'm thriving yet, but starting to get some traction. Trying to figure out what I can do. What I can do comfortably. And not have a total body breakdown. Because we want to train productively. My husband reminded me I usually find my groove mid-semester, like week 8 or 10 and then the semester ends. And I get a whole new schedule. And then it's chaos again.

By training, we want to cause adaptations in our body that lead to greater fitness. And what we don't want to do is break down to the point where we can't go on. I don't know how, but I was kind of there. If your body's not recovering, then you're just digging a deeper and deeper hole. Can't rest your way out of it. Can't eat your way out of it.

I've added on some other recovery things. I try to do it every single night. Magnesium foot soak and athlete's foot cream (1% clotrimazole NOT tolnaftate). Foam roll a bit. A little bit more on the muscle scraping right now to remove adhesions. I'm putting a lot more time and energy into recovery now. But it is pushing bedtime back by 30 minutes.

9/24 LARR Coach's call

What is 80/20 for runners? 80% low intensity, 20% high intensity. But that's not the perfect plan for everyone. It is what is used in Coach David's Level 4 plan for the LA Marathon.

As you age, you need to go down a level because you have less growth hormone. Level 1 is for age 70. Level 5 is for someone in their 20s. It has nothing to do with experience.

Run so slow that you're bored. So that you need company. That is your easy pace. Easy = fat-burning, aerobic, zone 2. MRP = zone 3, could maintain this pace forever. T-pace raises the pace at which you still can use fat as a fuel source. R-pace is neurological, engaging fast-twitch muscles.

Speed, volume, hills all increase the risk of injury. Fartlek is Swedish for speed play. Choosing a random object and going fast to get to it. Something you can see.

Morning & evening runs are the best. If we could all do it. On the same day. To increase volume efficiently. You can do 30 minutes in the morning. Then eat protein to rebuild muscle. Take a nap. Do some body work (massage). Then run again in the evening. Break it up if you can. That's what the pros do.

Why is the training plan in minutes rather than miles? Your body knows heart rate. It doesn't know miles. It knows time spent in anaerobic. You don't need to rely on an expensive heart rate monitor. You can just pay attention to your breathing.

Key Takeaways

I think based on what Coach was saying, and this was one of the questions I was going to ask him, if I got injured following the level 3 plan for the Santa Monica Classic, which plan should I follow for the marathon? I think he said that if you get injured, drop back to level 1. 

Coach also said that as you get older, you may need more strength training than what is written in the plan. He said if you're Travis Kelce and you're already built like a truck, you might not need more exercises that build muscle. But if you're frail, with less muscle tissue, then you might need more strength training than what is in the training plan.

Even with all these setbacks, I only completely skipped 1 training session. The other days, I inserted stretching or yoga or walking. It took me 2 weeks to reach out to my sister and ask for help. Why am I so stubborn? haha! Next time I'll try to reach out sooner.

Thank you to summer me who decided to order new shoes. I went through all my shoes and did a test to see if they would bend easily. Even though they're new, the Ghost 17 and Glycerin 22 bend so easily. But thankfully, the Ghost Max 2 does not. I kept preferring to run in the Ghost Max 2 but I didn't really know why. So I bought two more pairs from Amazon. Amazingly I have 3 pairs of shoes that I can rotate and I wear the running shoes during the day while teaching. So I don't have any dedicated running shoes, at the moment. But at least I am getting the plantar faschiitis under control.

https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2026/08/marathon-shoes.html

New Shoe New You

Our campus got a new toy, the BrandU photo booth. Mike and I went over there yesterday to take our headshots. It was my previous CSUN headshot that led me back to running, so I'm grateful for that. But I was hoping for a do-over because I feel like I have at least one less chin now. And it's subtle, but I have new glasses. They're the same frame style but a slightly different color.

FA23

FA25

I want to devote a short segment to gratitude for my shoes. Honestly, I don't know how many miles are on the current shoes I own, but I do think it's time to retire the Ariel 20s. It's also time to let go of the Ghost 13s that I got from Poshmark. The reason is that I can feel my toe hitting the end of the shoe. It's actually uncomfortable and after a day of wearing them, I feel my toenail on my big toe hurts.

https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2024/10/consumables.html

I have to be very frugal, and I hate throwing things away that aren't completely obliterated. However, I don't want a massive pile of shoes by the door that I'm afraid to throw away. 

• June 2024 grey green Ariel 20 via Amazon = $92
• November 2024 grey green Ariel 20 via Amazon = $106.33
• March 2024 black/grey/white Ariel GTS 23 via Fleet Feet Encino = $160
• August 2024 Grey/Black/Pink Ariel GTS 23 via Amazon = $119.95
• February 2025 New Balance Fresh Foam X 860 v14 via Fleet Feet = $140.00
• April 2025 Ariel GTS 24 COCONUT / CHATEAU / PORTABELLA via Amazon = $160
• August 2025 Ariel GTS 24 EBONY / BLACK / WHITE via Fleet Feet = $160
• August 2025 Ariel GTS 24 MERCURY / EBONY / SWEET LAVENDER via Fleet Feet = $160

So I think I'm feeling okay about this now, seeing that I've had the Ariel 20s for a year and I still love them, and I had two other pairs in the intervening time, which I didn't love, probably because they were the wrong size. So I will likely want to buy more shoes around the holidays or afterwards (before the marathon). I actually hate the New Balance shoes. My feet hurt so much the day after I wear them. Like they're comfortable but not supportive. I understand that some people might want a lightweight shoe, but I prefer a supportive shoe that is heavier and more durable.

I had a really good summer. We did a lot of decluttering, and I'm preparing to sell some items at the consignment sale. I did a lot of cleaning. I didn't do a lot of running. June, especially, but also July, were light on miles. But the goal I had set for the year (2 miles per day), I have already met and surpassed.

Goal achieved!

I had an episode where my blood pressure surged. My doctor says it could be because of stress or excessive sodium. I came across the video below that discusses exactly the problem I've been having with histamine. It's so helpful to see this type of content, so I don't feel gaslighted. Gaslit?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Elevate MD (@elevatemdohio)

Looking forward to a new season with the LA Road Runners. Guessing the Santa Monica Classic (which I'm not running) is in 2 weeks.🌟 Orientation Sunday is 9/14 🌟 First Sunday of the season 9/21. I do feel like I've been doing my base building starting in July and continuing in August so I will be ready to get back in season. My run club that I oversee was a non-starter for this session. I'm not super optimistic about the Oct-Dec session either, since the holidays occupy many of those weekends, but we'll see if there's any interest.

The Disneyland Halloween half is also about 2 weeks away. I'd like to go down to Anaheim for a meet-up with the Run Fit Mama herself, Kristin Wentworth, troop 486 leader. Next week is World Princess Week, which is a holiday made up by Disney Parks. There are daily themes that have been set forth by Crowned Athletics.

https://www.runfitmama.net/trainingprograms/core-workout-plan-cinderella-royal-core-7j8s6 

https://www.crownedathletics.com/blogs/crowned-connections 

If you interact with each day's social media post, or for an extra entry, share a photo of yourself, you might win a Crowned Athletics set. Here's my loose plan for which princess goes with each day's theme. Depending on how you feel about the Disney movies, you might assign a different princess with each trait: creativity, strength, kindness, grace, and bravery.

Mon 8/25 - Creativity 

   Rapunzel / Tangled

   Tiana / Princess and the Frog

   Raya / and the Last Dragon

Tues 8/26 - Strength 

   Luisa / Encanto

   Elsa / Frozen

   Moana

Wed 8/27 - Kindness

   Snow White 

   Cinderella 

   Ariel / Little Mermaid 

Thu 8/28 - Grace

   Mulan

   Aurora / Sleeping Beauty 

   Belle / Beauty and the Beast

Fri 8/29 - Bravery

   Merida / Brave

   Jasmine / Aladdin

   Pocahontas

So I want to put together five outfits. Monday, I can wear my purple jumper and call that Tangled. Tuesday, I could wear my Powerful Hermana set. On Wednesday, I could wear my mermaid skirt / visor / tank top from Sparkle Athletic. Thursday, I teach two labs, so I'm not sure how I could represent any of those princesses, but the jumper I have to wear that isn't already taken is slate grey with a red shirt underneath. I could run in my red Arabian Nights top with the Poisoned Heart Villain athletic skort. Friday, I could wear my green jumper and my Changed Fate set. 

And finally: Monday 9/1 is Labor Day and also the kickoff to the RFF Cinderella Royal Core program. The fun thing is to go out and get a Cinderella latte, which is a pumpkin spice latte with a half pump pumpkin sauce and a half pump white mocha. In fact, I'm heading out now to pick up these sauces so that we can make it here at home.

https://athome.starbucks.com/recipe/pumpkin-spice-latte
https://athome.starbucks.com/recipe/homemade-pumpkin-spice-syrup 
I bought this but it's taking ages to arrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D1TX4TL6

I'll end here. It feels like there's more to say. I wanted to do a quick check-in before the semester starts to have at least one post for August. I'm at peak optimism at the moment.  

poverty or wealthy mindset?

The wealthy are minimalist. You can always buy another thing if you want it. Poverty is keeping everything you were ever given because you don't know if you could afford to replace it in the future.

The wealthy are eating higher-quality food because they can afford it. Poverty is eating a greater quantity of lower-quality food because your next meal isn't guaranteed.

MAHA won't work if we eliminate SNAP, WIC, and programs that offer housing security. It will drop those on the bubble between housed and unhoused, fed and unfed, educated and uneducated.

Who benefits from less access to education, safe housing, and healthy food? Certainly not our armed forces. Who will have the skills to keep our country safe from cyber terrorists if nobody learns how to code?

Playing on ignorance. Preying on people's fears. Stoking the fires of hatred, racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. It's the whole playbook. Keeping people in line. Locking people up. Silencing the opposition. Defunding initiatives that level the playing field. It's oppression 101.

Hoarding is a poverty mindset. Keeping literally everything. Extreme cheapskates. Finding joy in getting an extreme deal. Going to great lengths to do so. Willing to suffer in an extreme way to save a few pennies. You're not seeing the big picture. You'll never win in the long game. There is no clear path to transcend poverty and achieve the upper middle class. That is a myth.

Because your parents only taught you how to suffer and survive in a poverty mindset. You don't know how to function as a healthy, successful adult. You don't keep healthy, mature boundaries. It's okay, but you're passing that along to your child unless you can find a way to break the cycle.

As satisfying as it is to see all the No Kings protest signs... It would be even more satisfying to see Trump behind bars. And every day that the conservatives are in power gives me a feeling of dread because it's bad and getting worse.

Even though my pay is going to be cut soon, I'm trying to live my wealthy life by purging junk from our house. We have removed most of the books from our library. We got rid of the items in our kitchen that we no longer use. I want to do the garage and bedroom closets next.

10 things I have learned from being a Disney mom

It is rare for me to have an original thought these days. Even less likely is that I actually write it down. And further, following up on that thought is the rarest event—like seeing a unicorn. Speaking of magical, I wanted to formalize some things Disney has taught me. These lessons translate into other areas of my mom life, so I wanted to share them in a list format.

1. On time is late. Early is on time. Way early is best. 

For Disneyland, I love doing rope drop. The first hour of the day is the most efficient. You want to be there as early as possible. If there's a virtual queue, join it. This extends to registering for after school programs, summer camps, marathons, whatever. Find out when the registration opens and know exactly what you want to purchase beforehand. Have your credit card ready and check out quick!

2. Having a magical day is your responsibility. Make a plan. Do your research.

Coming to the park with your top three already decided is really helpful, like what attractions and experiences are on your bucket list. This applies generally to prioritizing your life. You can be happier if you know what your goals are and celebrate when you achieve them. I'm not saying obsess over every single thing, but you don't want to be feeling FOMO when that holiday parade you saw last year just happened yesterday because you forgot to plan this year.

3. Bundle and save, but don't sweat the spending. If you are on a budget, use gift cards to limit your spending.

Buying in bulk at Disney isn't a thing, but you can save money with an annual pass (magic key). You can also save by purchasing a promotional 3-day ticket with flexible dates. Waiting until promotions are available will save you money in the long run. I'm not into unlimited spending, but I'm more of a 50-50 strategy. Bring 50% of the calories you plan to consume and plan to buy the other 50% while in the park. Same with toys. We try to stick to a $100 budget for each park day. We've used gift cards to restrict kiddo's spending too. I'm doing reverse budgets for our runcations to see how much we spend; that way, we can make a plan for 2025.

4. Bring enough hats and sunglasses for everyone. Make a packing list and stick to it.

Prepared is armed. If you forget a hat, you'll be paying extra $$ for a hat in the park that is more expensive than it has any business being. Likewise, with sunglasses, even if the day starts out grey, it will probably get sunny by the afternoon. Being outside all day leads to eye strain and fatigue. The best idea is a one-to-one ratio of sun hats and sunglasses to people in your party. This goes for any function like a beach day or a hike.

 
5. Stay ready so you don't have to stress while getting ready.

We have a corner where we keep our suitcases, park bags, toiletry bags, and diaper bags all packed. We copy and paste from previous packing lists and check off items as they are loaded into bags, which are loaded into the car. We keep track of when we leave the house, get to the parking structure, and get to the park. That way, we will know next time if it's worth leaving sooner or if we can try leaving later, and we don't stress about it. We even load up the car the night before so that in the morning we can just make coffee, get dressed, and walk out the door.

6. Comfortable over cute every time.

If you have two pairs of shoes, choose the more comfortable one. Don't even think of wearing something new that you haven't worn before for an extended period of time. Consider bringing a poncho if it's raining. It's not cute, but you'll enjoy the day more if you're not stuck in wet clothes. Make sure you have a pocket for your phone that is easily accessible because you'll need it often and quickly to capture those magical moments.

7. Cast members will move your stroller. It will not remain in the exact location where you parked it. Do not panic. Personalize it.

One of the best things we did was to get a stroller sign with our name on it. When you get enough different strollers in one place, the odds of someone else having the exact same model as you are finite. You need to be able to find your stroller when it's not where you left it, and you don't want anyone walking off with yours accidentally. This could be extended to any piece of luggage for travel. Also this can be extended to life in general, it won't always go to plan. Remain calm. 

8. Any moment is perfect for a sing-along, parade or dance party.

Leave your inhibitions at home. This is the time to make memories with your kiddo. Sing out loud if you know the words. March along with Mickey and friends. Dance in the street. Seize the day. Nobody cares if you look ridiculous. Just have fun and be in the moment. The biggest thing kiddo says is Mommy stop looking at your phone. So if you can, just be immersed in what's happening right now.

9. Calories don't count when you're walking all day.

We typically walk 7 miles or so in the parks. That's about 400 extra calories. Yes, I know Disney treats can be very caloric but as long as you stick to your budget, there shouldn't be too many extra calories involved. Enjoy what you do eat. Don't worry about it. Choose something fun and memorable that you can't get elsewhere.

10. A kiss goodnight is sweet.

I don't know how people stay all day until the nighttime events. I think I've only seen one night parade. But I think this is one of the nicest things about the parks, in concept. To say goodnight with music and fireworks. Or a dancing fountain. Or projections set to music that tells a story. I think this can be generally extended to parenting. Kind of like the saying, "don't go to bed angry." Kiss and make up. Go ahead and apologize for losing your temper at 2pm when you were dehydrated, sunburned, and exhausted. Tell a bedtime story. 

Everything we program into our little ones is stored in their amazing brains. I find it fascinating to see what pours out of my kiddo. I can see that those long days and nights of investment are already starting to pay dividends. Albert is an impressive storyteller. He remembers Disneyland and wants to go back.

lost my hearing

In a strange turn of events, I have a double ear infection and I can't hear. It started off pretty innocently, just a little runny nose. I kept up with my training. I remember doing my 10-mile training run and wondering if it was the right thing to do or not. That was Sunday, November 10th (10 days ago). I did do two 2-mile runs the following week, but it was a taper week and it got pretty cold. Later on Thursday, November 14th, I started to lose hearing in my left ear. By Friday, November 15th, I couldn't hear in the right ear either. I tried to rest all day Saturday, thinking it would clear up. But after sleeping most of the day, both ears were still plugged up late Saturday afternoon. We went to urgent care around 4:30pm and returned home at 8:30pm with antibiotics. People have been telling me that it should resolve after a couple of days. So now we're on day 4 of taking amoxicillin, and I still can't hear. 

This semester came in so challenging. I got a change to my teaching schedule on August 9th. That was the Friday before my kiddo's first day of TK. Within a few days, he came down with COVID. Then my husband and I got it too. I was behind from the first week of classes all the way until about week 4 or 5 (end of September). After things settled down, I got a bit sad because we had low participation for RunClub. Just when I thought that was canceled, it was back on!

Being without hearing for a week has been odd. I feel like I'm forced into a meditative state. I can't be entertained by podcasts or music right now. It's a lot of work to have a conversation or watch TV because I have to read the subtitles or people's lips and really strain to pick up what they're saying. So I'm really in my head. What's nice is I've found a bit of gratitude there. It's the lead-up to Thanksgiving now. I'm in the home stretch of the semester. I don't have to hear the students ask me what each piece of glassware is. I don't have to listen to my kid whining. I can't hear the brakes on our minivan squeaking. It's all diminished. And what remains is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people in my life.

It's that time of year where we trim the tree and send out holiday greetings. I did get to send a few care packages to loved ones in advance of the holiday break. I bought holiday stamps at the post office. I cut up photos of kiddo to include in the cards. There are just so many steps to sending these out, but I'm ready this year. I'm ready for the end of this year. I'm looking forward to the Holiday Half Marathon. I'm looking forward to the Rose Bowl Half Marathon. I'm taking these setbacks (like this double ear infection) in stride because my training has been strong up until this point. I'm on track to submit grades early. Amazingly enough!

I've been working on my holiday bucket list. Or should I say, a list of holiday traditions that are meaningful to me. Given that we only have a few weekends to plan stuff, I want to make sure we're prioritizing things that are meaningful and not just "staying busy."

Nov 23 - Birthday Party 10am - noon
Nov 24 - Grand opening of Boeckmann park 11930 Mason Ave Porter Ranch 2-6pm (11 miles)

Nov 28 - Thanksgiving
Nov 30 - Holiday Train / Downtown Disney
Dec 1 - Pick up Fitlicious / Hot Chocolate Run (13 miles)

Dec 7 - Discovery Cube?
Dec 8 - CicLAvia + GH Holiday Parade 1:30pm - 4pm (14 miles)

Dec 14 - kids race
Dec 15 - Half Marathon + Chatsworth Holiday Parade noon-5pm

Dec 22 - Discovery Cube?
Dec 23 - 15 miles

Iceoplex Winter Wonderland 
Dec 23-Jan 5 
three sessions (9am-noon, 1pm-5pm, 6pm-10pm)

ALL ABOARD! We got our tickets for
Saturday, November 30 - Anaheim (A.M.)

Welcome Event: 8:30 a.m. at Anaheim Station. Train Departs: 10:00 a.m.

Discovery Cube

🍪Cookie Decorating – Guests will learn about primary and secondary colors and decorate a cookie to take home

🎅Visit Santa Claus: November 23-24, 29-30, December 1, 7-8, 14-24. Appearances from 11:00 am – 2:00 pm.

👨‍🍳Meet a Pastry Chef! Gingerbread demonstrations on November 23-24, 40, December 1, 7-8, 14-15, 21-22, 28-29, January 4-5. Demo times: 11:00 am and 1:00 pm.

Westfield Topanga Village Snow falls Friday-Sunday evening Dec 3-23. 6, 7, 8pm.

Other ideas for the holiday list:

Yolanda Lights FREE

Baking gingerbread house

Sending holiday cards

White elephant @ CSUN

Holiday lights bike ride

Boat Parade Newport Beach

Rose Parade Bike Ride

Election Day

It's the 2024 presidential election day. There were many other things on the ballot, but the race for president looms large. This is a historic moment where America gets to decide between another white male or a highly qualified Southeast Asian black woman. It definitely feels like a referendum on our culture. Can we accept a woman in the highest office in our nation? Or do we want to re-elect someone who was already impeached twice? Incredibly, we have to put a woman against an epically lousy candidate. I keep trying to put the election out of my mind, and then when someone reminds me it's election day, it's like BAM, I snap back to the real possibility that America might choose a crime boss over a Barbie.

I remember the presidential elections that have happened in my lifetime:

• 1980 - Reagan v. Carter / Mondale
• 1984 - Reagan / H. W. Bush v. Mondale
• 1988 - H. W. Bush v. Dukakis
• 1992 - Clinton / Gore v. H. W. Bush
• 1996 - Clinton / Gore v. Dole
• 2000 - W. Bush v. Gore
• 2004 - W. Bush v. Kerry
• 2008 - Obama v. McCain
• 2012 - Obama v. Romney
• 2016 - Hillary Clinton
• 2020 - Biden / Harris
• 2024 - Kamala Harris

I wonder what my son, who is now 4.5 years old, will remember about this election. We did watch the live debates at home with him. And we voted around the kitchen table all together using our mail-in ballots. And we went as a group to drop off the ballots at an early voting center on campus a week early. Being Los Angeles, they had a photo-op set up for us and a volunteer took this picture. I feel like I remember President Reagan, so maybe my son will always remember President Harris. And he will have a different idea of what women can accomplish. 

I remember Bill Clinton and his sex scandal. And people say that's why they couldn't elect Hillary even though she was smart and qualified. They say his behavior was somehow her fault or had tarnished her reputation irreversibly. But what can they say about Kamala? She is very good at her job and has none of the tarnish that people claim poisoned Hillary Clinton's campaign. Don't even get me started on Lock Her Up and Those Emails.

"Leave the door open and the ladder down" ~Bernard Kinsey

I can say Biden did a very good thing by serving one term, which was fairly uneventful, and then holding the door open for Kamala. It's like he "teed up" and let her swing for the fences. I don't know if that's a golf analogy or T-ball, forgive me, I'm not a sports person. 

I just don't know if some people in our country can tolerate this challenge to their self-image. There is a real toxic masculinity in our culture; forget about microaggressions. There is straight-up racism, sexism, and violence against women. I wanted to write out my own personal thoughts for my future self, or for anyone who finds this after I am gone. On this day, before the results are announced. I feel very guarded. I don't know who to trust. I feel like there is a simmering violence that is hiding in the shadows and waiting to be invited out into the open. I feel unsafe when out running; I've already seen one pickup truck following me. I don't know what type of rage will be unleashed on ALL WOMEN if they don't get their way or if there is any challenge to the patriarchy.

I won't stay up all night to see what happens; I doubt we will have a clear answer today. But I know what I'm hoping America chooses. It will be amazing to make the Barbie movie a reality. But I'm also accepting alternate possibilities. America may decide that we're not ready for a Barbie president. America may decide that if Barbie is fairly elected, we cannot abide it. I am fearful of these possibilities. But I'm trying to live and record how I feel at this moment.

Third Time Covid

Life hands me lemons and sometimes I pout about it. 

My son came home from school with an upset tummy. He felt warm. It was only the second day of school. After he got home, he spiked a high fever which I didn't measure because he fell asleep on me while we were sitting on the couch. He woke up 2-3 hours later and I gave him chewable Tylenol because he was willing to eat graham crackers. He went straight to bed and slept the whole night through. The next morning, Wednesday, I brought him with me to a workout but he stayed in the wagon in the shade. Thursday, my husband and I felt a sore throat. It got worse quickly. My husband got a fever and came home halfway through the day. His fever spiked up to 104.5. My fever reached 101. We both tested positive for COVID-19 that afternoon but my "T" line was very faint while my husband's was super dark.

Unfortunately that meant my son stayed home Wed, Thu and Fri. His school policy was that the child had to be symptom free and have two negative COVID tests in a row separated by 24h, or else he would have to wear a mask for 10 days. The policy at CSUN is the same. My husband would have had to wear a mask until Aug 25th when he started to show symptoms on the 15th. So we took basically two weeks to quarantine. Thankfully, I had just done a big Costco run and our fridge was fully stocked. And I did send my son back to school for his second week of classes (Aug 19-23), since he did test negative on Saturday and Sunday.

And further, I was so put out. I had been telling myself all summer that things would be okay. I would send Albert to school on Monday, August 12th and I would have two weeks: M-F Aug 12-16 AND M-F Aug 19-23 to prep my classes in a quiet peaceful house. But no, instead I was taking care of two sick people and I didn't get any quiet alone time. Now the semester has started, it's the end of week 2, and I'm still scrambling to get organized and finding my way back to the preparation that I wished I had been able to do. I feel terrible about being disorganized. I'm terrified of losing some important piece of paper.

I guess it's a blessing in disguise because now I don't need to be immunized by a COVID-19 booster shot. Also, it was easy to recognize the virus by my symptoms since I had it twice before. And based on the recommendation from another mama, we used our telemedicine benefits and got a prescription for Paxlovid. We took it very strictly at 7pm and 7am for 5 days starting on Thursday night. It tasted terrible! Supposedly, it shortens your symptoms because it blocks replication of the virus. I'm not sure if it actually helped but at least it gave us the feeling that we were doing something proactive.

2.88	R 8/15
no miles	F 8/16
1.16	Sat 8/17
4.56	Sun 8/18
2	M 8/19
4	T 8/20
3	W 8/21
4.8	R 8/22
2	F 8/23
4.78	Sat 8/24
no miles	Sun 8/25

I guess we were feeling well enough to get a long walk in on Sunday 8/18. I was well enough Thursday morning 8/15 to do my "two mile Tuesday" run. The week of 8/19-8/23 we got at least 2 miles each day because it's 1 mile to my son's school from our house. The other days that we got more miles is because I went to my department meeting on Wednesday. And the other days Tues and Thurs, I wanted to do a longer loop and time it to see how long it took to go from Albert's school to my office, which is something I have to do every day now.

But I was definitely upset about losing that time. I also had to cancel an appointment with my chiropractor who was doing some important adjustments to my neck, which still need to happen sometime. It sucked having to push that off to another week. And then, to really suck more free time, there was the Labor Day long weekend. LAUSD has Friday 8/30 off and also Monday 9/2 so I didn't get my Monday work day at my desk here. I was home with my family, which was great. I'm not complaning about getting to spend time with my loved ones. BUT there were things that needed to get done that didn't and still haven't gotten done. 

I know, I'm sitting here writing this even though I could be working. But I wanted to capture these feelings and experiences before I forget.

2022 COVID 1st time https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2022/08/july-2022-thoughts.html

2023 COVID 2nd time https://bitchonabike.blogspot.com/2023/09/covid-blues.html

January 2021 thoughts

Happy New Year! My big accomplishment of last month was using up all my Hoopla borrows. I have been binging on the "Jessie Hunt" series by Blake Pierce in audio book format. I rarely use all my 15 borrows, so any month I do is a good month. If you don't Hoopla, it's an app from the Public Library that lets you stream audio/video or read ebooks.

I'm grateful for this group keeping me writing microblogs that I can string together later. It's nice to have a twice daily reminder to write stuff down. My sister's baby was born in October and she didn't get a baby book. Not sure why I'm so obsessed with keeping records, but I think it's because I have a pretty bad memory. I hope that if everything is in the cloud, I can look at it later and remember. And if not in the cloud, I will have a few selected printed memories.

I have started telling stories to LO from memory. It's interesting trying to come up with a long enough story to help him fall asleep. I tell him memories from my life, e.g. how I met daddy, my first half-marathon, trips I took for work. I tell him any fairy tales, fables or movie plots that I can remember. It's nice. No nightlight. No pages to turn or rip. He doesn't know what I'm saying but it seems to do the trick. Then after he's asleep, I put on the audio book to put me to sleep.

We went out for a walk today. Saw lots of other families. Even one who had a kid within 2 weeks of our baby's age. I commented to DH that if not for COVID we would have asked for their phone number and set up a playdate and maybe even taken turns babysitting each other's kids. These are our neighbors. This is our neighborhood. Simple as that. But because of COVID, we stay away from each other. It's so sad and we didn't plan to have our babies in isolation. Never forget this bumper community. We all know some of what each other are going through, even though we each have a unique journey. I don't know how history will remember this time, but I hope HERstory will remember how we all jumped online and gave freely our ideas and support for each other.

Jan 3: I just started following Evolutionary Parenting. So far winter has been brutal because DH wants the house at 70 degrees and I am happier at 63.

Jan 4: My Fit4Mom group meets outside, wears masks, and the instructors do temperature checks. I stopped going in person because for me it isn't fun working out in a mask, the restrooms are closed, and it's a 25 minute cross-town drive. They have daily Zoom workouts so I am still working out, just not out of the house.

We almost ran out of disposable diapers and so DH actually started using cloth. It was the most buy-in I've ever seen and it was glorious.

Also I challenged DH to be fully in charge of all timing of LO's meals and sleeps. He decided when, where, what, all of it. I enjoyed the mental vacation immensely.

I have been avoiding stupid work virtual modules on harassment, data security, etc since I went on mat leave. Did the 1st one out of four that I'm behind on this morning. LO was playing independently then crawled over to me and bonked his head on the leg of the desk. It was approaching naptime so I put him in a carrier. We've mastered BFing in the carrier, so that kept him distracted for a bit. But he wouldn't go to sleep. Bounced and swayed, no nap. Sang Alouette, Gentille Alouette (highly recommend) and a fit of giggles. Finally finished the stupid 1 hour module and put baby down for a nap. Only 3 more modules to go...

It used to be so easy to sit down with a cup of coffee at the computer and knock this stuff out. Now I want to spend my precious few productive minutes doing ACTUAL work like updating syllabi and preparing lessons. I'm sorry but I really hate these virtual training modules. I wish I could pay a task rabbit to login as me and do them.

Had a dream about circumcision last night. LO was crying and saying 'don't take my duckie.' WTH? We didn't circumcise because of COVID lockdown and LO's hernia surgery was traumatic enough. DH said it probably won't happen. So I think I was dreaming of LO whimpering because he was ACTUALLY whimpering because he's teething. And I know he's fond of his 'ducky' because he grabs it during every diaper change, but he certainly can't say entire phrases yet.

Started calling Albert SHARKNADO 🦈because he is a biter. When he bites while breastfeeding, I end the nursing session.

I think this is the phrase "sleep when the baby sleeps" coming back to bite us. My husband does this too, like always defaulting to trying to get LO to sleep and then wondering why it doesn't work.

We only fed LO one meal yesterday because DH got home early from work and our nap/activity schedule was all off. The baby is still BF so it's ok. But I get tired of always being the one to think of feeding and nap schedules. Sometimes like yesterday I wait to see if DH will spontaneously feed LO but that's ridiculous. DH doesn't even responsibly feed himself. He waits until he's super hungry and then eats junk food. Like why would I even think he could be reliable in feeding LO?

I just keep hoping DH will come around. The trouble starts when we're both here. DH can be very good about feeding LO when mommy's not around.

I'm sad DH spent $350 on a third vacuum. I feel like I do extra work around here to save $12. He doesn't clean. I begged him to just use what we have, which works fine BTW. He just 'fixes' things by throwing money at problems. But... I DID find out why he doesn't use one of the vacuums we already have by talking it through. He used our current second vacuum ONCE on the day he bought it. While I was pregnant he wanted a lightweight vacuum so I wouldn't have to carry the one we keep upstairs up and down. Our townhouse is two levels. Anyhow, he use it ONE Time Only and ended up knocking over and breaking a lamp. Now he just doesn't ever vacuum. I guess he got traumatized. So now he's buying a super pricy cordless vacuum and at least I know why. Still I asked him to buy me a $10 push broom while he's at it. I want it to clean the garage so I can do my fitness in there while DH is out at work. I've been wanting it for months so I think it's a fair compromise.

Our Walmart (Porter Ranch, Los Angeles, California) shut down for "cleaning." With regards to COVID: We [as a nation] have demonstrated the outcome when a patchwork of half-hearted strategies are used. Wonder how different the outcome would have been with a consistent directive.

Jan 15: Had spent winter break planning to teach remotely. Got a last minute change in schedule. Now teaching an in-person lab class. Tiny bit more pay. Lot more COVID risk. Possibly less prep for teaching. Possibly less grading time. Definitely more contact hours (time away from LO). Childcare now more complicated.

Researching how and where to get COVID test. Talking with colleague about how to handle if a student gets sick. His answer: Nobody got sick last semester. Yeah sorry. The # of cases is 4x higher than the last surge over the summer and 10x higher than baseline so I anticipate someone testing positive. What if it's me?

I find it irresponsible to not have a plan in place and in the syllabus for what we'll do if any of us test positive. Gonna call my insurance and ask how many tests are covered. If I can, I will get myself tested weekly. If our sports players and elected officials can get daily tests, I can too.

Trying to stay positive. Trying to get information. Don't know when I can get vaccination. We're dispensing Tier 1 now, which is health care workers and seniors. Tier 2 is teachers. They're saying seniors have to wait until February at least. I will likely be interacting with students in-person before then.

I know we will be wearing masks and social distancing. It will be my job to ensure everyone (all 8 students) stay in compliance. It's hard to do lab work in glasses, goggles and a mask. I know: whaaaaa. <sarcastic crying, playing tiny violin> I know Healthcare workers have to wear lots of PPE these days. I just need to adjust my thoughts. I was not planning for this.

I taught a lab last semester but it was virtual. I wore all the PPE so I know I can do it. But I wasn't looking after the students in person. It is hard to get them to keep their goggles on in non-COVID times. They always complain that their goggles fog up. Just imagine how much worse it will be with masks. Ugh.

Jan 20: Had a Zoom work meeting yesterday. My colleague who has 3 kids pointed out again that my LO is the perfect age to be in quarantine. As opposed to her school-age kids which are driving her crazy. While this might be true, it's just so unhelpful to play pain Olympics. I love staying home with LO. I'm sorry her kids stress her out. I hate that she aggressively compares her experience to mine. Moms with older kids will never know what we who gave birth right when lockdown started have experienced.

This post-holiday surge in COVID-19 cases has my mom second-guessing her trip to be here for LO's 1st bday. Fine. I don't want her getting sick. But it's a FUCKING LONG GRIEVING PROCESS for us parents of pandemic babies. We lost a lot and continue to have our joy stolen with each milestone. I am getting renewal notices from stuff we signed up for like museums, parks and zoo memberships. I dreamed of taking the baby on outings. We paid those memberships and didn't use them once. Seeing the renewals is another reminder of what could have been. We are learning quietly about extended family members who have died of COVID-19. We continue to quarantine. I just can't get excited about inauguration day because it feels like a different figurehead but Pandora's box is already open. It doesn't solve the immediate problems.

I know some of my panic is because 1 in 3 people in my county are infected. I start in-person teaching next month. I only have 8 students in the classroom but that means 3 of us might be infected at any given time. They are opening up a vaccination drive-thru on campus but only people over age 65 are invited to sign up at this time. There's probably no way I will be immunized before I begin teaching. Gah. Sorry for the rant. On a positive note... I did a Zoom workout on Saturday with the lady who was my fitness instructor while I was pregnant in pre-COVID times when we did in-person workouts. She remembered me and got to see LO through Zoom. It was cute. She did a nice meditation at the end of the workout.

Jan 21: For the nails 💅 morning is better than evening. It's so bad here I do like just the index finger on both hands then wait until the next feeding. Then do just the middle finger on both hands. Like that until I eventually get to all fingers.

Jan 22: I wish for a solid skin care routine. I feel at a complete loss. It's not a priority. With working part-time (10.5 contact hours + grading & prep) and caring for LO full-time, it is enough that I shower every other day. But my skin on my face is suffering and I need a total reprogram. I just don't have the energy after making decisions about LO all day. I did get a facial roller for myself after meditating on my goals for the new year. A friend sent me a night serum. So I guess I'm on my way, but I just have to get all the way in. When I was teaching full-time at a prestigious liberal arts college, I was expected to look a certain way. I had a vanity set up in my bedroom and took great pride in keeping up my appearance. That was 8 years ago. On a positive note, I had a craving yesterday for a maxi-dress. My friend sent me one in the mail about a month ago. I put it on and tapped into my mother goddess energy. I put LO in a ring sling and felt like an Instagram model.

Jan 23: My friend told me her husband didn't get good at "dadding" until their kid was 4 or 5 years old. Maybe the long view is something to look forward to. I know I get so resentful when I feel all the feelings. I rarely get a break and my husband's specialty is supervising naps (so he can sleep too). He rarely initiates LO's meals. But, when our babies aren't babies anymore, maybe our DHs will be able to watch them for longer periods of time. I know we still BF so I'm needed every 2 hours or so.

I am WEARY today. Tired to the bone. Crying for no reason tired. Classes start in 2 days. Feeling fine about it. I must have faith that we'll figure out a new routine. Maybe it's the emotional hangover from inauguration week. Maybe it's because LO is clingy, teething and up at all hours of the night nursing. I am so grateful to Mashup Mom for a weekly meal plan. I did a bunch of cooking early this week and then ate leftovers. I did get a bit sad that I'm not losing weight, but it isn't my main priority right now. Put photos in LO's baby book for months 9 and 10. Also crawling and standing milestones. No birthday plans for LO. I guess we'll play it by ear with where we're at with vaccinations and community spread at that time. Sad but better safe than sorry.

Jan 26: My department gave me a third class to teach at 6:37pm on Saturday. Class starts in 75 minutes and I'm mostly ready. But dang! That was some last minute $&!#.

Jan 28: Our wedding anniversary is in March and I just asked DH if there's anything he wants to do. We will have been married 13 years if we make it 2 more months. I feel my identity is "mom" now and also "teacher" because I'm working. It seems like "wife" comes last (or not at all). DH was like... isn't it enough that we're doing our part to propagate our species by raising LO? What do you want, to lock ourselves in the bathroom and get freaky for 20 minutes? I'm like... No thank you. But I am a little jealous of all the pregnancy announcements. Glad some of us are getting lucky. We are staying home because of the pandemic, so going out to celebrate is not an option.

Jan 30: Thanks to a recommendation from one of you all I got arch supports in mid-October. I pushed through workouts despite a lot of foot pain. Gradually my feet got stronger. Now I can exercise (and everything else) without arch supports. I also started taking collagen in my morning coffee in mid-November. Can't say for sure it's working, but I am much stronger. I still feel pain in my knees but I probably just need to stretch more. In September I started weekly meal planning. Mid-November I started following Mashup Mom and shopping at Aldi. It has reduced my stress and provided healthy food for my family. Another brilliant recommendation from this group. As a scientist, I would love to know cause and effect. But in terms of health, a holistic approach is not focused on one variable or one outcome. On the whole I feel better.

I totally want one of these. we're using this piece of crap right now. I have it wrapped in a sheet but it's not comfortable.

22 week check in

Briefly, things are going well. Albert is long and strong. He is 28.5 inches tall, which puts him in the 99th percentile for length. He is average weight (around 50th percentile) and still has a big head (90th percentile) that is mostly round now.

I had a revelation that "my weight gain is partly Albert and his weight gain is partly me." This has helped me be more at peace with my post-baby body. I also still use the affirmation "my baby is healthy, my baby is safe" which helps me navigate this pandemic.

He is waking 4-6 times at night to eat. I have grown to understand that I am an attachment parent. Back-to-school is going to be difficult since I have been attached to Albert for 5 months, 8 if you count my third trimester where I was working from home.

I picked up my copy of Cribsheet today. I had a bookmark stuck in it. Apparently I had read the chapters on coming home from the hospital, breastfeeding, safe sleep, naps, vaccinations, work-life balance, and day care. I had stopped at sleep training. When I picked it up, I knew it was time for the topic. 

Also the bookmark I had put there was my instructions from the chiropractor about the time required to heal from a C-section and I also needed to be reminded that I should do no crunches until Albert is 1 year old. Also that it will take 6-9 months after I stop breastfeeding for the relaxin to leave my body. 

My dear sister said that I should give it one year plus 5 months, at least that is the advice she gives her athletes.

What I wanted to discuss today is how we are rearranging the house to accommodate zoom spaces and Albert's new toys and the pack and play now that it is no longer a changing table.

Actual Places to put Baby

https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-GGD48-Sit-Me-Up-Floor-Seat/dp/B07FG5XQ49/

https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Infant-to-Toddler-Rocker-Geo-Diamonds/dp/B014D4HHQI/

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Playard-Mattress-White/dp/B004JU0H6O/
+ associated mattress cover and sheets

https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Secure-Waterproof-Diaper-Changing/dp/B00O64QJOC/
+ associated sheet covers

Toys & Stuff to do with Baby

https://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-Splash-Water-Table/dp/B00QGSMK8K/

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Playard-Mattress-White/dp/B004JU0H6O/
+ associated mattress cover and sheets

http://annesoddsandends.blogspot.com/2013/04/fisher-price-friday-milk-carrier.html