November 2021 thoughts

 11/1 - Putting LO in daycare tomorrow for the first time. Pray for us.

11/2 - Daycare drop-off on LO's 1st ever time away from parents went well. I left him at 8am and picked him back up at noon. I cried and have a migraine from the stress. The daycare said LO did great. Phew. What a relief.

I hope they don't think we are total weirdos for starting with half days, but I'm just not ready to let LO try to nap somewhere else. I want to do some short days so that LO becomes confident we'll come back to get him. He's good with routines, so I'm gonna try a few weeks of synchronization of his routine at home with the routine at daycare.

11/3 -  I am starting to let go. The last thing I want is to stifle my LO's development by keeping him too close to me. We took our baby set off the Tripp Trapp, which means no straps. We've had several falls with him climbing all over it. But I still haven't put the straps back on because I think he's just exploring it and he'll learn how to get up and down with practice. So if you're ready for all that, go ahead and go booster seat.

Has anyone coined a term for the work-from-home-no-childcare mom (or parent) yet? I did finally send my LO to daycare, and it has been so hard for me to adjust. The house is so quiet. I have my autonomy back. I have my brain back. I can shower alone. But I feel like half my body is gone. I somehow miss the constant demands for attention. I can't stop talking to myself. I don't know if I should be making an OB appointment to get on some kind of antidepressant or antipsychotic medication. I know it will continue to evolve, and we're just doing half-days at daycare, but right now my heart is full of big feelings.

11/7 - I spent about an hour on the foam roller last night and I woke up this morning with no pain in my back, neck, legs and feet. It was glorious. Spent the better part of the day cleaning out the garage. Hubs always wants to have a quiet relaxing weekend. I always want his help doing things I can't do (or don't want to do) alone. This caused some tension but I'm happy because I got (and did) what I wanted. We had great weather for garage work (cool breeze, overcast). LO had fun running around inside the garage and playing with a bunch of new treasures. I was able to part with some items from the past and I aim to go further with decluttering and letting go.

BR: we let some big toys and a stroller go. I have to say this is why I needed my husband's help. I can get sentimentally attached to objects and hang on to them for way longer than necessary. I'm considering getting rid of my cloth diaper stash. Now that LO is in daycare, I don't see us going back to that.

11/8 - Our dog is 14. LO plays & spills the dog food & water multiple times per day. We've explored rehoming the dog but with no strong leads. Now that LO is at daycare, I'm hoping the dog enjoys having the house to herself for at least half days.

11/10 - The strength of my marriage is not tested when all is well and easy. It is testable when things are not good, when we're tired. Thanks parenthood for providing ample opportunity for testing.

11/11 - Is there any regret for NOT having formal photos of LO? I bought a tiny suit in size 18m but never sat LO down all dressed up for a photo. Daycare arranged picture day last week but it was on a Friday and our kiddo only goes Tues, Wed, Thurs. I didn't do a formal Halloween pic. I'm wondering if I will regret this.

It's still so weird with COVID having doubts about being in public. Do I take LO to the mall to sit on Santa's lap or is that creepy and weird? Do I take photos at the beach on some random day? Do I ditch the suit and just move on?

11/16 - I was talking with a colleague yesterday about being a working mom and I came up with an analogy: trying to come up with ideas from my mombrain is like wringing out a dirty dishrag. Let's say a good idea would be clean soapy (productive) water but all it seems I'm getting out of my brain now are dingy dirty gross (not valuable) ideas. Crap, basically. She was like, "it's unreasonable to expect yourself to work at the level you did before kids." And yes, I understand this. But I told her that I need to step down from all unpaid work. For my sanity and because I am not sharing valuable contributions and that stresses me out.

I also realized that by sending LO to daycare for just 12 hours per week, I feel like I got oxygen back into my lungs. Like it resuscitated me. I came back to life. I was drowning. And I feel born again. We're only in week 3. LO had diarrhea last Thursday (when daycare was closed for Veteran's Day) and vomited Thursday night, then been sniffling and whiny all throughout the long weekend so I didn't get as much work done as I had hoped. But LO is back to daycare today. Even though he still has a runny nose, they said I could leave him since he doesn't have a fever.

My printer inexplicably stopped printing and I am frustrated. WFH sucks because I can't call IT and have someone else deal with it and also I don't need it fixed badly enough to actually deal with it myself.

11/21 - We rehomed our dog this week. She has been gone since Wednesday. She went to a SAHM whose son is now in school and she was looking for a companion. Our 14 year old maltipoo is good with our son but was so spoiled that she was barking at us to take her for walks and we just couldn't deal with being barked at constantly. She also stole food out of LO's hand, causing mealtime meltdowns. Our LO was constantly dumping the dog's food and water on the laminate flooring that cannot get wet so that was a challenge. And LO was constantly going out the dog door and playing in the garden and bringing in dirt and rocks, so we would shut the dog door but then the dog would bark. So yeah I'm filing this under self-care. I have had a dog for the past 20 years so it's an adjustment, but LO is a handful so I'm plenty busy as a non-dog-owner.

11/24 - The walk to daycare this morning was eerily quiet. LO pretty much falls asleep immediately in the car, which is great if you plan for it but kinda sucky if you're driving 5 minutes and your LO wakes up permanently if you attempt a transfer.

My LO is firmly against hats. I'm sad because I love hats and have bought him a bunch of them that he refuses to wear.

11/29 - Milestone Monday = Jumping! He first did it when he was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and they were all jumping. He's been doing it daily since. He does come to my exercise classes with me and has since I was 13 weeks pregnant. So he's seen me jump, squat, lunge and all that. He does baby squats and baby twerks also. I love seeing him have music appreciation.

11/30 - Hate that our daycare only has me listed. I get all notifications and fill out all forms. DH is listed but not authorized to login with his email so he does not receive notifications. I just hate coparenting when the mom is the default for everything. Dad should be equally responsible, notified, informed and authorized.

Also while I'm ranting, we are spending Thanksgiving and Xmas with in-laws. Trying to pin down whether there is a gift exchange. His family is so freaking formal. I just know they will want to have LO open presents and sit down for a meal. Then they get upset that he doesn't understand how to open presents or won't want to play with whatever they buy for him. They have not asked what we want so I hope it's not a plastic annoying monstrosity. Also LO won't make it through a formal dinner. And I will have to chase him around the whole time saying "Don't touch grandma's [insert breakable item on the toddler eye level]." They haven't watched LO even one time since he was born. Ugh.