Halloween is a great time to expose our fears. I have so much fear. I worry that I'll never get these days, weeks, months and years back. I worry that by putting my child in daycare, I'm just bowing to the almighty dollar and the patriarchal society that demands women return to work if they are serious about their job. I worry any time my child is out of my sight. I worry that I am breastfeeding too long, but if we wean, will I have breastfed too short? I worry that I'm spoiling my child by taking him to all the things like Disneyland and Legoland and Ikea and overstimulating him, but I'm also worried that if we only stay at home that he will be under-stimulated and never learn words. I worry that by giving him everything, I'm creating what will become a discontent adult. I worry that I'm not modeling enough of a great loving relationship with my husband. I worry about getting my kid vaccinated, I don't let him rest enough, I don't feed him enough, he's growing too slow, he's growing too fast, he's getting sick too much, he's constantly sick, he's addicted to Tylenol, he's not sick enough, his immune system isn't developing. The myriad fears associated with parenting are so vast.
Our son's therapist last night said, "I'm glad you don't decorate with a bunch of spooky stuff for Halloween." I guess I have enough fear inside my head that I don't need it to be outward. I did want to do some holiday stuff like carve a pumpkin, pick apples in an orchard, make pumpkin juice, roast pumpkin seeds. But I didn't have a desire for spider webs, ghosts, scarecrows, haunted houses and stuff like that.
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