winter olympics

I had a crazy nightmare last night. I was at a base camp in the mountains. Staying at a bougie ski chalet. Having the time of our lives. Hot cocoa. Jacuzzi. Lush. Selfies. Fur coats. Glam. Good conversations with exciting strangers who also love active living and travel.

Then it dawns upon me. Why I am there. I remember that I registered for a 100 mile ultramarathon. In the cold. In the mountains. I have to stay in athlete housing. Bunks. I am the only female signed up for this race. There are only 12 people doing the race.

I take all my luggage and put it on a bunk bed. I try to sleep. I wake up and go to the bathroom. Someone had moved all my stuff to a different bed. I had to find it in the dark. The night before the race.

I got up to pee again and someone moved my stuff again and this time, like musical chairs, there were no more empty beds because more people had arrived in the middle of the night. So I just went down to the lobby. 

That's when I realized all the gear I packed was for California weather, not cold gear. I didn’t even have gloves. I had a light jacket, not even a windbreaker. I started to really panic. I started beating myself up for being unprepared. I started thinking there was a very real possibility I would die out there on the mountain.

When the other participants woke up, one guy offered me his snow pants and I got a parka and some gloves from somewhere. I thought I could still do the race. I might not finish, but I wouldn't die trying. Then I find out they make you strip down naked and have all your gear checked to make sure you aren't cheating.

Mind you, I'm the only woman. So there I am, a crazy Nebraskan-Californian with back rolls and saggy boobs and a fat ass... dancing in front of the judges and other participants and spectators. I wasn't embarrassed about my body, I was embarrassed that I was so unprepared. And I didn’t want it to reflect badly on me, women, mothers, Californians, Nebraskans, Americans. It was humiliating.

Besides being stripped naked, our gear was inspected. The snow pants that someone had "kindly" loaned me contained illegal, performance-enhancing valves, which the officials cut out. So my outfit ended up with holes in it, and almost ended up getting me disqualified.

So then I was left at the decision point. Run the race with all the holy gear, or quit before I start. Then I woke up.

I think it was about the Winter Olympics. And exploitation of women. And misogyny. And working in a male-dominated field. And feeling stressed about my training cycle. And the upcoming marathon. And generalized travel stress, like for a destination race. Like worrying about having forgotten something essential. And wondering what my next big challenge will be.