1/3 - Milestone Monday - LO is obsessed with numbers and letters. And written words. He loves pointing at them and having me read them outloud. He finds numbers everywhere from the park, to the parking garage, and in my cookbooks. I never realized he was paying attention to those symbols but he is really eager. I am happy but also shocked.
1/4 - Tantrum Tuesday - Ended the evening yesterday with, "I am not your servant!" Directed at DH. It's hard getting back to work after 2 weeks at home. I get it. But he was asking me to bring him everything and leaving messes for me to clean up. I'm adjusting too! And after dealing with LO 24/7 (he's been out of daycare since Dec 8th) I need help and a break. I am hiding in the bedroom now, forcing DH to handle dinner and I just heard LO fall out of his high chair and he's wailing. I'm exhausted.
1/5 - Our little outing today was a mixed bag. I was going to be on time but I went to the wrong park. I got a call from daycare that got me flustered. We arrived at the correct park, LO went to play and I started doing my workout with another mom. LO pooped so we had to stop and change a diaper. Back to workout. Then LO wanted attention and snuggles and to nurse. OK, that was the end of the workout. I guess by typing it all out, it wasn't that bad. Kiddo was smiling and playing kinda independently for a good long while.
On the home front, DH is attending a funeral cross-country this weekend. Last minute planning. I declined to go along. So I'm just praying DH has a safe and normal trip (no canceled flight) and that he doesn't get sick. He has procrastinated getting his flu shot and COVID booster. I'm just like ugh. C'mon man. Do your own adulting. And when you do get sick, who's gonna help me care for LO? Just think about the consequences of your decisions. What if you die of COVID? Because that happens to some people. When can we stop framing COVID as a life/death scenario? Still don't know the cause of death of his friend. It's sad. I didn't attend my grandfather's funeral last month because it was too stressful to do a quick trip. I can't believe DH wanted me and LO to go along with him to the service of someone I've never met. Decisions are so hard to make right now.
1/7 - DH is away for the weekend and I'm home with LO for just 2 more weeks before I go back to teaching. My university is being pretty quiet on the topic of returning to in-person instruction, which is what is planned. I will teach a large (~80 person) lecture. The desks are NOT 6ft apart. I will double mask or get N95's. Who is paying for these glorious masks? Why are they $2-3 apiece? Do I need a new one each day or can they be reused? Will I need a microphone? Do I fill out the health questionnaire every day? Is contact tracing even possible when there is community spread? We get a daily email saying which buildings COVID-positive have used. Will it just say every building every day? Is that even useful info? Wishing now more than ever for the option to keep WFH. Don't know how we'll manage student absences and make-up work. Is it going to be just madness? How can I record each class meeting? I haven't been in a lecture hall since I was in my 2nd trimester with my marchling.
Edit to add: Breaking news is that our university is going to revert to virtual instruction for the first 3 weeks of the Spring semester. We have no details about how this will work and how laboratories and exams will be impacted. This was shared with me by my chair at 10am. So I guess there's that. Also it is sad that we have to buy our own PPE. Our university issued 10 cloth masks back at the start of the pandemic, but I have heard no news about whether they will provide KN95s. I looked on my university's info pages and they haven't been updated since March 2020! There was a forum for professors to swap tips and tricks but I don't think anyone is updating it for how to return to campus.
Oh hell no. I can't with this virus. Is it dangerous or not? With the wide range of mitigation strategies, it's hard to take it seriously. I just went back to my workout group in person this week after taking December off cause LO was sick and we are masking for outdoor, socially distant fitness. It's hard to workout in a mask but I feel better at least trying.
1/9 - Self-Care Sunday - DH is out of town and I've been alone with LO. We're doing all my favorite things. I love it. I realized that when DH is here, I can get so resentful when I feel DH is not doing enough to help me. Now that he's gone, I'm experiencing a level of joy that I haven't felt in a long time. So I guess I'm going to have to try to recreate this feeling when DH returns. Like I was the one creating all the misery. And I realized it. And I'm having so much fun going on dates with LO. And not worrying about keeping costs down. And not counting calories. And not worrying what other people think. Yes my kid might throw a tantrum in public and I can only do so much to keep it from happening, but I'm not going to stay home just because I don't want my kid to have a public meltdown. They end pretty quickly (the tantrums) when kiddo realizes that his crying isn't going to change my mind. We went to a fitness class, played at the park, ate at McDonald's, went to a recovery 12-step meeting in a park, walked and ate at IKEA. It was so fun. Today we're at the zoo.
December was miserable because LO was sick and it was raining so we couldn't go out. But now it's good weather and I'm taking advantage. Lots of steps.
Also I reconfigured my closet. Removed all things I don't wear and got about 30 new tops that I love. Now I can't wait to get dressed for work. One person sold me 100 pieces for $200 so I regifted everything that didn't fit me, which has been really fun.
1/13 - Got a 45 min massage after a workout while kiddo was spending the morning at daycare. Two thoughts: there is nothing wrong with kiddo going to daycare. There is no shame in needing help. You're not a bad mom for sending your child to someone else for a couple of hours.
Prior to that moment, I felt so empty and alone and useless. Hate that I have to work. Just not enjoying getting back into the routine. But maybe once we get going, I won't even notice. The friction of starting a new groove is so painful.
Second, it is ok to do what you need to do. Fill your cup. Paint. Talk with friends and family. Get a cute haircut. Laugh. Dance. I don't remember what it's like not to agonize over everything, every decision, due to this pandemic. But it felt good to have this thought. Maybe I should meditate more often.
I've only had one haircut in 2 years and I'm just not a fan of long hair (on myself). I'm going to spend time with a friend on Monday and try to get a spa appointment for Tuesday. Yes, COVID cases are so common right now, but this is my last week before school resumes, so it's my chance and I am going to take it. As my sister told me, it's like QE... yaaaas qween!
1/16 - Self Care Sunday - I. AM. BUYING. EVERYTHING. I got new shoes for fitness and I'm so happy about it. A new running belt. And registered for a 5k race that I've always wanted to do. A new headband. A new MAMA hat. A new running skirt. A new tank top that says MOM PWR.
I still have body oil leftover from when I was pregnant and trying to avoid stretch marks. I did a leg & foot self massage last night after LO went to sleep. Woke up this morning feeling so awesome. Getting a massage on Tuesday, at a place which has a Women's Spa • Dry & Steam Sauna • Jacuzzi (Cold & Hot) • Clay Room • Ice Room • Salt Room • Relaxation Room. If you book a massage, you can use all the facilities. I know... Covid. But I need a break.
Daycare has asked us to send a paper face covering but say that LO will not be required to wear it. No cloth masks allowed.
1/17 - Milestone Monday - LO is obsessed with action songs. He loves "Wheels on the Bus" and does all the actions. He does "Let’s Tap" from CoComelon. Stomping and watching what mommy does. It's pretty freaking adorable.
1/18 - Tantrum Tuesday - LO is getting very particular about shoes. He wants to wear them in the house. Or not. He wants to wear them at the park. Or not. He wants to wear a specific pair. After getting dressed, he may want different shoes than whatever I put on him. I guess it's okay but I kinda miss the days where he would just wear whatever I picked out.
He gets a bit testy about taking off a jacket or vest, even when I feel like it's too warm. He likes to wear the monkey harness even though the head of the monkey blocks his view. If I try to take it off, he screams.
1/25 - Napped for 2h with LO yesterday. Such a luxury.
Today I have a 2h block to get work done (or shower) while DH is at work and LO is at daycare. Glorious!
I love my kiddo but he is doing this new shriek when he's not getting attention. It is (hopefully) just a phase. I am sure he's frustrated that he can't express himself. I'm like, dude use your words. And he's like, I can't talk yet, you know this.
LO woke up absolutely screaming in the middle of the night. Maybe he had a nightmare. He was grabbing his legs and feet. Maybe growing pains? I gave Tylenol and rocked in the rocking chair and eventually he went back down. DH even woke up. Haha.
Normally I handle all night wake-ups alone, but this was a whole-house alarm. Part of me was like yeah, welcome hubby, this kid wakes me up 2-3x per night EVERY NIGHT. I have been insulating DH from night wakeups for so long (18 months) by sleeping with LO in the guest room and letting DH get uninterrupted sleep. He's a light sleeper. And he never got to WFH during the pandemic.
1/30 - Self-Care Sunday - We got 4 new tires (all weather) for our minivan. This reduces my anxiety about driving on the freeway in the rain.
I have cut my hair only once since becoming pregnant with LO, so it's longer than it has been in 20 years. I'm learning about the Curly Girl method. It's expensive to buy all new products, but also if I have long hair, I want to do something with it. Kiddo seems kinda past the point of pulling on it for no reason. So far it is looking better and it's only been a week.
Right now we are unable to attend concerts indoors, due to the rules of the venue. I would like to try taking kiddo to orchestra, ballet or opera. I know it sounds ridiculous. But the campus performance space reserves 5 performances per year for children and right now they are restricted to age 5 or older. I saw a ballet with LO when he was in the womb in Feb 2020. So yeah I guess that's what I have to look forward to.
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