Last month I had decision fatigue. There is about one day every two weeks that I snap at DH and tell him to figure it out himself. He's not allowed to ask me. Like, dude, I'm no expert. Nobody showed me. Also with COVID there were some things I used to do to refresh and restore that I can't do now. Like getting a massage and skating at the roller rink. 😪 I am trying to show up for my online fitness classes, but like you, I have some stuff going on with my body that is undiagnosed. I have pain in my extremities (hands, wrists, feet, ankles) that makes it hard to go "out for a walk" plus it has been 100's of degrees Fahrenheit or poor air quality for weeks. Yet somehow I am managing to do all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of baby and working a part-time job.
Last month, Ha ha. My baby is kind of delayed in rolling, but he can sit unassisted. He doesn't do any other pre-crawling milestones like hands-and-knees, commando, scooting, etc. My mom's fitness group was saying that kids tend to be early walkers OR early talkers. My baby is a chatterbox so I'm betting he's gonna be an early talker.
Last month, I celebrated the birth of my nephew Theo. I keep a cardboard box in the kitchen and as soon as LO outgrows something, I throw it in the box (clean). When the box is full, I ship it to my sister.
Last month, I wanted to buy stuff online just to have something to look forward to. Like baby Halloween costumes, and silly Christmas outfits. But I am also kind of crafty, thrifty, in to upcycling and hand-me-downs. We plan to go to the beach next weekend but with COVID uncertainty, we haven't made any holiday plans and it's kind of depressing. It was 108 deg F here yesterday, triple digits all week, so we're stuck inside hard-core. Which is probably a contributing factor to my desire for restless spending.
Last month, I felt like it is a struggle to feed purees AND breastmilk, do tummy time AND read/sing and do something for myself AND a little housework in these 2.5 hour wake windows. The days are flying by. I also feel a bit guilty. My mom was here the first 2 weeks of September. She's been gone 3 weeks. The first week after she left I cried EVERY day because I missed the help. DH has been trying to do more these past 2 weeks. He kind of asked me the other day if I noticed his contribution. It has been better but I told him I adjusted so it's fine now. I think he was asking if his help was helping. I don't know if I should have praised him for helping more. But why do dads say they babysit their own kids? That's called parenting when it's yours. Right? I do appreciate the help from him on folding diapers and meal prepping. So why can't I just express that? I think it's because I still have to do the larger share of being with LO. In terms of hours, DH is in charge of LO for 6.5% of the time. That leaves me with LO for 93.5% of the time. I don't know why [this ](https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/parenting-strategies-advice/sharing-parenting-jobs-couples-therapist-advice/) makes me mad.
Last month, feeding Albert a meal takes more like an hour. Setting everything out. Feeding one tiny bite at a time. Cleaning up. Drinking water practice included. I have started thinking of it as a meal we eat together. I alternate bites for him and bites for me. Or bites for him while I exercise. My baby is a slow eater I guess.
Last month I felt clutter fatigue. I am sick of all the brightly colored plastic crap around the house. For context, I had a kinda miminalist tiny house life before baby, complete with eco-friendly car-free commute. I am now a suburban-living minivan-driving buyer of toys for my little monster. We do get used toys, but they pile up along with the bassinet and infant carseat that we've outgrown. The recycling centers are closed due to COVID and I am fully fantasizing about throwing a bunch of stuff to the curb. Send photos of your organization porn. Any minimalist mamas out there want to brag?
Last month, MIL made a comment disparaging teachers. She implied that teachers "don't want to work" and that's why they are teaching remotely. She asked if I am still being paid the same amount now that we are virtual. She asked if the students get a discounted tuition. As if online instruction is a choice. As if schools that are face-to-face haven't had COVID outbreaks. As if virtual instruction is effortless. As if the value of live instruction via Zoom is less than the value of being "on campus." It hurts because I'm a teacher. It hurts because I am working as hard as ever. Students have said that having both live lectures and access to high-quality recordings has been a game-changer. We teachers still plan lessons. We teachers still assign and grade the same homework. We teachers still hold office hours. The only thing we don't do is the commute (less driving/use of transit = better air quality and lower COVID risk). I fully appreciate how difficult it is for working parents who are now supervising their children's online instruction at home. COVID has been disruptive for EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. I can imagine as a working parent the relief of sending a child to school. But I get defensive when people imply that teachers are just being lazy and not wanting to work. We're already pretty underpaid. We're already doing more by learning how to be our own audio engineers, lighting experts, transitioning our content into a virtual medium, trying to create rapport with students through Zoom and email. We're doing a lot of things we've never done before (which takes extra time). To suggest that we should be paid less is more than mildly insulting.
Last month, we had a good time at the beach. Super big thanks to Ashley Maddox for posting her beach packing list.
⭐umbrella/tent
⭐chairs
⭐towel/blanket
⭐WATER!!!
⭐rash guard bathing suit
⭐floppy hat
⭐sunscreen
⭐sand toys
⭐baby carrier
⭐baby pool
We used everything on this list and we were "on the sand" for 3 hours. Baby took 2 naps. One in the carrier and one in the tent. We reapplied sunscreen midway. Nobody got burned. Adults had PB&J sandwiches.
Last month, I bought some dorky outfits! I know I'm not the World's best photographer but I plan to do the photos here at home. This [video](https://www.facebook.com/295199098300/posts/10158215666078301/) was my inspiration.
Last month, we went to the beach on Saturday with MIL. So tired we didn't unpack the car until Sunday. DH was watching LO while I was in class Tuesday night and realized we forgot to put the changing mat in the diaper bag. We had a disposable puddle pad and a recieving blanket so we used those. To me it was no big deal but DH got insanely upset. We went to bed angry on Tuesday night. Wednesday night we talked it out and I recalled the last time LO was changed. I was standing outside our vehicle and LO was on the front passenger seat. DH said he guessed I put the changing pad under the seat, he went out to the car and found it. I thought he was mad about the lost changing pad because of work stress but it turns out it is a combination of him being anxious about dealing with poop and being paranoid about being out and about with LO and not having the supplies necessary for diaper changes. He rightly reminded me that I am primarily home with LO and he takes the baby out while I WFH. I thought it was a strange thing to be upset about especially since we have another changing pad and LOTS of puddle pads and recieving blankets. DH is usually so willing to throw money at a problem, i.e. just buy another one. I couldn't understand why he would be so worked up. TLDR: we resolved the issue but it took 24 hours.
Last month, I looked in the mirror and saw my C-section scar. My belly used to overhang so much that I didn't see the scar, so I guess that's progress? I have for better or for worse been doing Zoom fitness classes 3-4x per week. In the beginning, starting 3 weeks after LO was born, it was more for community than for a workout. I modify what I don't feel comfortable doing. I did exercises for diastasis recti instead of whatever ab stuff they were doing. It's been 3 months of specific diastasis recti work and I feel my core is stronger. I feel my whole body is stronger. I used to wear LO during the workouts otherwise he would cry. He's now good with jumping or hanging out in his swing or high chair. I had to grab a 12 lb medicine ball because I missed having the extra weight. My instructor said she had to wear one of her kids until about 7 months and that's where we're at so I guess that's also a win. We got a bicycle helmet for LO and a seat attached, but I don't know if he is developmentally ready or physically strong enough to go for a bike ride. We've done two short outings and he cries when we hit bumps. I don't want to hurt his little body and it is illegal to ride on the streets with a child less than 1 year. I was a runner like 5 years ago but I'm afraid to run now because breastfeeding and my feet hurt so much. I am hoping to get back to outdoor stuff when summer is over. This week, we're under a heat advisory again, until 5pm Friday due to triple digit temperatures (Fahrenheit).
Last month, I realized babies had to be put down for naps. I didn't know about this. I guess I thought they would just get tired and conk out. I feel like managing baby's schedules for diapers, feeding, exercise, learning and sleeping is a full-time job. Dang I was so naïve.
Last month, These just arrived today. ❤❤❤ > I love. I feel so much better.
Nicewin Arch Support Brace for Men & Women Elastic Copper Bandage Foot Care Brace for Pain Relief of Plantar Fasciitis, Heel Spurs, Flat Feet
Last month, we went to the Farmer's Market to get fresh produce and the grocery store to pick up meat & dairy. We were winning at meal prep.
Last month, I got a baby break from 2am - 3:30am and got some deep sleep. My husband supervised LO instead of me. DH says to me this morning at 5:50am just before he heads off to work... maybe one day LO will sleep independently in his pack & play. I was like, watch out what you hope for. Hope is a dangerous thing. I just don't think my baby is that type of baby. Maybe other babies do it, maybe not, but I don't want to risk fantasizing about something like that. But I do understand how that sounds like an attractive prospect. I just don't want to dwell on wishful thinking because I don't want to resent my baby for what he can't or won't do. Or maybe what he isn't doing yet. Also, I noticed my wrists don't hurt anymore. So I now have the answer to my question of "how long after baby is born will I have carpal tunnel?" The answer is 7 months. Some baby-related stuff is really annoying and produces anxiety because there are so many questions and so few answers. Or the answer is: it depends. Or the answer is: it's different for every mom. I feel like I can deal with a situation if I know it's temporary. If I feel like it will never end, I lose hope and start to dwell on despair. I was reading that the breasts may continue to produce milk for year(s) after your baby is no longer nursing. So I guess the mysteries of my body will continue to unfold.
Last month, I wondered why my husband INSISTS on talking to me while I'm trying to get LO to fall asleep. I feel like I've told him a million times that verbalization (words) make LO's ears and brain perk up, which is the opposite of him falling asleep. I hum and rock but I won't even sing songs with words or read a story because it winds the baby up instead of calming him down. DH doesn't seem to understand this, or he just doesn't care. He keeps talking to me and I shoosh him and he gets mad and keeps on talking and asking me stuff and we end up madder and madder at each other. Whyeee? Can't we just agree that if the baby is on his way to sleep we can talk later?
Last month, we got some childproofing underway FINALLY!!!! My WFH setup is in the main room and it was an absolute mess of cables. With the way this baby grabs everything within reach, I know the second he can crawl that desk will be a target for LO.
Last month, I realized that I used to be a total hater when it came to spelling and grammar. Like if someone turned in an assignment with a bunch of typos, run-on sentences, fragments, disarrayed paragraphs, etc. I would think, "What is with this person? Don't they use spellcheck? Why can't they proofread and see that this doesn’t make sense?" Now that I type everything one-handed on 4 hours of sleep, I'm so forgiving. I'm like wow, that was a good try. I think I know what you meant. There are lots of unexpected ways my son has changed me as a person.
Last month, we cleaned the house on Friday and Saturday. Got our flu shots (mom, dad and baby) last week. Cooked a big meal with leftovers yesterday. We walked a leisurely 5k (mom, dad, baby and doggo) and ate lunch at a hot dog stand. 🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭 👨👩👦 🐩 The weather here was perfect, overcast and cool. It really felt like we did something significant. Also randomly crossed paths with two separate professor friends. It was nice to see other adults.
Last month, my husband stepped it up after I apologized to him for "rage cleaning." I have a verbally-abusive mom. She would name-call all of us every time she was cleaning up the house. Called us lazy and useless and worse. I delayed starting a family because I was afraid of being like that. I get into that headspace every so often, but I don't say it outloud. I just get upset and quiet and kind of slam things a bit more than I would if I weren't upset. I waited until I wasn't upset. DH actually said that he would've waited a couple more days to do the cleaning but he would have done it eventually. He said, "it wasn't like I was trying to wait you out." So I told him that I already had consciously waited 24 hours to see if he would lift a finger and that's why I was upset when I finally did it myself. Backstory: He invited his dad over for a formal meal on Saturday and so I was hoping he would take the initiative to cook and clean because it was a special occasion that he had initiated. I designated DH as the "boss" of the event. He was in charge of all meal planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning. I said that I would assist but not be "in charge." I suffer from decision fatigue as it is with LO and I just didn't need a special occasion on top of everyday baby-rearing. Sometimes I think the tables need to be turned or the shoe put on the other foot for us to appreciate each other. Two weekends ago, I did all the shopping and it was exhausting. DH does all the "outside of the house" tasks so that includes shopping. It helped me appreciate the energy required for that task which I haven’t been doing since covid times began / baby was born.
Last month, I got $125 worth of toys for $17.25 at the CastaIc consignment sale. It's kind of unbelievable that I'm so bad at choosing toys that are at an appropriate developmental level. The way toys are sold is in bundles so if you want one specific thing, often you get 3 things you didn't necessarily want. Since they're all out of the box they have to be cleaned. Also I look them up to see how to clean and the age range. I then sort them into bins by age and put away anything LO isn't ready for. I guess even with all that, it's a good deal. Bench with 3 bins for $30 for toy [organization](https://imgur.com/gallery/PD7TgEi).
