Showing posts with label maternity leave. Show all posts
Showing posts with label maternity leave. Show all posts

Saturday, December 19, 2020

40 week check in

Finally thank God the semester is over. I am grateful to have a job during this pandemic, of course, but it was rife with uncertainty, doubt, stress, fear and anxiety. On the positive side, we showed adaptability, resilience, compassion, cooperation, communication, empathy, community, innovation and growth. So now looking at the lists of these feels, I can see that there were a great deal of positives even though the negatives sometimes overshadowed on a moment-to-moment basis.

Here are the items that I bought:

Here are the items in the "Lecture Capture Kit" provided by my university:

I prefer the webcam that I got myself. It does have a kind of fish-eye effect but as long as your head is in the center of the field of view, I think it does a good job. I also started to use the Zoom filter because the HD webcam showed a few more imperfections than I wanted. The webcam with autofocus, which I used exclusively at school in my office, which does have a busy background I'll admit, seemed to have trouble keeping my face in focus. It was constantly shifting to in-or-out of focus, which I would find distracting as a viewer. 


I only used the USB microphone a few times, but it definitely made me want to start up a podcast. I need to add it to my technology audio test prior to starting next semester to decide what I want to use going forward. There is something to be said for a microphone that picks up EVERYTHING versus a microphone that cancels background noise. Sometimes, for example, if you have a baby crying in the background, you would rather subtract that out instead of amplifying everything.

I was able to use the document camera once for a lecture about COVID treatments. The content I covered was so new (to me) and I ended up drawing a lot of molecular structures with crayons and annotating the drawings with ink pen. I don't know if the students got anything out of that class meeting because I didn't make it very interactive, but at least I tried to cover some current events.

The wireless earbuds are so-so. I love using them when I'm with my son because he has a tendency to grab any cords and these keep cords out of his reach. But they do tend to fall out. I probably should have bought a pair that went over the ears. I like their battery life and they had good audio quality but they didn't reliably communicate with my phone and sometimes at work I would plug in the regular earbuds with a cord that came with our phones. The audio quality was similar and superior to the audio from my webcam.

The chest harness was something I used, but as I suspected it jiggled around quite a bit. I did use it when I was filming something right in front of my body, like sample preparation, but more often I used the tripods. That way the camera was stable and was better able to focus on whatever was going on. The forward-facing camera on my Samsung Galaxy S9 was really great for showing objects that were close up and also wider shots like an entire instrument. It was also really good at light-correcting when pointed at a computer screen. Overall my phone was a big help for filming lab, but I probably could have done without the chest harness. Also, when I tried to feed my son during lab breaks, he would get really distracted by the chest harness and forget to eat. It was frustrating.

The ring light I bought is fantastic. I love it. It is great for lighting my face and also I can point it at a document beside my computer. I'm OK with the "LumeCube" provided by my university, it wasn't terrible or awesome. It was pretty freaking expensive. Maybe I'll go back and watch the video of myself where I used it. It was broadcast from my office at CSUN where the lights turn off if I sit still too long. So I was talking about the stars, using my cool huge microphone, and the LumeCube. I felt like a radio host on Coast to Coast.

Thursday, September 17, 2020

22 week check in

Briefly, things are going well. Albert is long and strong. He is 28.5 inches tall, which puts him in the 99th percentile for length. He is average weight (around 50th percentile) and still has a big head (90th percentile) that is mostly round now.

I had a revelation that "my weight gain is partly Albert and his weight gain is partly me." This has helped me be more at peace with my post-baby body. I also still use the affirmation "my baby is healthy, my baby is safe" which helps me navigate this pandemic.

He is waking 4-6 times at night to eat. I have grown to understand that I am an attachment parent. Back-to-school is going to be difficult since I have been attached to Albert for 5 months, 8 if you count my third trimester where I was working from home.

I picked up my copy of Cribsheet today. I had a bookmark stuck in it. Apparently I had read the chapters on coming home from the hospital, breastfeeding, safe sleep, naps, vaccinations, work-life balance, and day care. I had stopped at sleep training. When I picked it up, I knew it was time for the topic. 

Also the bookmark I had put there was my instructions from the chiropractor about the time required to heal from a C-section and I also needed to be reminded that I should do no crunches until Albert is 1 year old. Also that it will take 6-9 months after I stop breastfeeding for the relaxin to leave my body. 

My dear sister said that I should give it one year plus 5 months, at least that is the advice she gives her athletes.

What I wanted to discuss today is how we are rearranging the house to accommodate zoom spaces and Albert's new toys and the pack and play now that it is no longer a changing table.

Actual Places to put Baby

https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-GGD48-Sit-Me-Up-Floor-Seat/dp/B07FG5XQ49/

https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Infant-to-Toddler-Rocker-Geo-Diamonds/dp/B014D4HHQI/

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Playard-Mattress-White/dp/B004JU0H6O/
+ associated mattress cover and sheets

https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Secure-Waterproof-Diaper-Changing/dp/B00O64QJOC/
+ associated sheet covers

Toys & Stuff to do with Baby

https://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-Splash-Water-Table/dp/B00QGSMK8K/

https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Me-Playard-Mattress-White/dp/B004JU0H6O/
+ associated mattress cover and sheets

http://annesoddsandends.blogspot.com/2013/04/fisher-price-friday-milk-carrier.html

Thursday, August 20, 2020

Nursery

Quilt gallery

The theme of our nursery isn't something I intentionally chose. What happened was that my MIL gave us a few quilts that were sewn for our nephews (her grandchildren). I washed them before Albert was born but then just set them aside for awhile. It didn't seem right to let him play on something that was almost 20 years old. 

I also have a quilt that is 40 years old that my mom sewed for me before I was born. And I have a quilt that I made for my baby. There is also quilted pillows and a cushion for the window seat that I quilted out of old jeans about 3 years ago. There is a graduation quilt that people signed when I finished my undergrad in 2002, so 18 years ago.















The furniture that ended up being SUPER useful was the changing table and the glider. Albert isn't really at the point where he sleeps well in his crib, but I am confident we'll get there eventually. The gliding footrest is EVERYTHING. We didn't use the bassinet for long, instead we put Albert into a cosleeper. The most clutch feature of the cosleeper was the vibrating clip-on heart. We also use a separate white noise machine. We do have a baby-cam setup, but since he co-sleeps we don't realy use it unless he goes to bed and we stay up late, or vice versa, he sleeps in and we get up early.




Friday, August 7, 2020

gender is a construct

Women vs men is irrelevant. Now I would divide humans into "has carried a baby in their body" and "has not." Does this make me a TERF? TERF stands for “trans exclusionary radical feminist.” I think J.K.Rowling was turned down a lot with young children in tow, she was also the victim of sexual and domestic abuse, which has led to her becoming an aggressive biological essentialist.

My friend who is a stepparent said that if you truly accept your parental role, stepkids can pierce your heart as deeply as babies you have carried in your body. I can't speak from personal experience on this topic, but I trust her. The Netflix documentary "Babies" has an episode on changes to the parent's brain. If there is a heterosexual couple, generally the mom's brain is the one that changes. If there is a homosexual couple, one partner's brain will change. I can say that I know my son has irreversibly changed me.

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/pkeynz/jk-rowlings-transphobia-wasnt-hard-to-find-she-wrote-a-book-about-it

https://www.vogue.com/article/jk-rowling-transphobic-tweets-harry-potter-franchise

Becoming Nicole
https://variety.com/2020/tv/news/jk-rowling-trans-tweets-nicole-maines-supergirl-harry-potter-1234632167/ 

Professor Ruth Feldman
https://ruthfeldmanlab.com/people/

Baby blankets

Sometimes you get gifts, especially if you are a first-time parent, and you don't know what they are or what purpose they might serve. Sometimes if a product is new, the packaging will give you ideas about how to use the item. But if it is a used or hand-me-down item it may not be in its original packaging. It can make you feel like you don't know what you're doing, like you aren't ready for your baby. I didn't know the difference between receiving, muslin and swaddle blankets. 

I did a little research about swaddling before my baby was born and ended up making two swaddle blankets out of an old flat bed sheet that measure 48 x 48 in. Typical dimensions for a swaddle blanket are 47 x 47 in. My baby didn't like being swaddled, so I didn't get a lot of use out of these. A swaddle blanket can be stretchy. I have one that I like made of muslin cotton that is thin and breathable, as well as stretchy.

A recieving blanket measures 30 x 30 in. It is smaller because it is used to swaddle a newborn baby. I definitely ended up with one of these from the hospital because I didn't have the proper baby clothes to bring baby home from the hospital. I had just a onesie with no pants or socks and it was cold and windy. Oops!

People gave us a bunch of rectangular blankets of thicker flanel recieving blankets. Dimensions of 28 x 34 in.

Uses:
Covering the changing table
Layer between your body and baby while babywearing

We got a bunch of thick polyester fleece blankets, square in size. Some had an animal attached. At 4 months my baby actually likes these, one in particular with an elephant head. He cuddles it (with his mouth) while he's in his swing. At first I was resentful at these gifts because babies are not supposed to have toys or blankets in their sleeping area until they are 2 or 3 years old. But when awake, the younger baby can still appreciate such warm and fuzzy blankets.

Song archive

List

Itsy bitsy spider
Old McDonald
The farmer in the dell
One two, buckle my shoe
Working on the railroad
The ants go marching
Over the rainbow
5 little ducks
5 green and speckled frogs
Monkeys jumping on the bed
Ten in the bed
Song that never ends
BINGO
The muffin man
The wheels on the bus
The riddle song
Baa baa black sheep
Mary had a little lamb
Head shoulders knees toes
Frère Jacques
Hush little baby

🇪🇦 Dans mon pays d’Espagne olé 🎼🎵🎶
🌞 Soleil
🏔 Montagne
🌊 La Mer
🐮 Un Taureau
🤠 Un Chanteur
🎸 Une Guitare
💃 Des Danseuse
🕺🐃 Des Corridas
🦐 Des Paellas 
🕺💃 Du Flamenco 
🐚 Des Conchitas
#French #Spain #babymusic #kidsmusic #childrensmusic
 

Wednesday, July 15, 2020

turning 40

I have devoted this month to my son, who has survived his hernia repair surgery and 4-month vaccinations. I will be keeping a close eye on him and doing all I can to promote rest and healing. I never really looked forward to turning 40, and had no expectations for how it would be, so I am completely content in how it has turned out.

A few little gifts I bought for myself are linked below. I have no regrets about these purchases!

new slippers

Not only are these items COVID-19 quarantine approved, but they complete my postpartum essential wardrobe. Heather gray is my new favorite color. I used to think of it as drab but now it is the best at camouflaging dried spit-up. Thank you, Heather!

Also my baby's pediatrician kind of scolded me yesterday for not taking prenatal vitamins. She said my baby looks too pale. He's exclusively breastfed (EBF). I read somewhere that mom and baby store the iron from prenatal vitamins taken during pregnancy for 4 months postpartum so I was going to re-start the vitamins soon anyway, but it didn't feel good to be told there's something wrong with the way my baby looks. 

I read that babies shouldn't wear sunscreen until they are at least 6 months old, so I've been covering him head-to-toe if we go outside. Of course he's pale, right? I am terrified of him getting a sunburn and becoming super cranky or dehydrated. Do babies tan? 


They told me to stop all supplements when I was discharged from the hospital after my C-section and then at my 6-week follow up OB appointment, my doctor was ambivalent about whether I needed supplements. She was like: it's ok if you want to. But she wasn't like: definitely start taking your vitamins.

Anyhow, last night I took the prenatal multivitamin, vitamin D, calcium/magnesium, DHA/EPA and lecithin. I think I need to buy a daily pill case so I don't forget to take these. I am having the worst memory lately.

Postpartum pandemic shopping to have something to look forward to is a real thing. I also got a silicone mold to start making & freezing baby food.

Breastfeeding truths

I feel like I was so prepared for labor. I took classes. For 10 weeks. I did daily strengthening and stretching to help with birthing. I ate dates and drank raspberry leaf tea. Then I had an emergency C-section after 22 hours of active labor.

I was unprepared for the realities of breastfeeding. The endless hours on the couch. The slouch. The horrible recovery from abdominal surgery. I didn't know what the fourth trimester would be like. I took one 2 hour breastfeeding class. I took one 2 hour orientation and tour of L&D. I just don't think I fully appreciated the length of time it would take to recover from the process of separating my baby's body from my body.

What I mean is: my feet hurt all the time. I feel like my bones are loose. My ribcage is loose. My pelvis is loose. My wrist hurts all the time. I walked 4 miles today. It's the one thing my husband wanted to do for Father's day. I feel like I've been run over by a concrete mixer. 

I have pain around my incision when I do too much lifting. We spent time on Friday tidying up the garage, putting things away and tossing out trash. By the end of it, I was in pain just trying to sweep the floor. I'm 14 weeks postpartum. I don't know what I thought, but it was something along the lines of "as soon as this baby is out (vaginally) I will recover in 2-3 days." 

This is hard for me because I was like a crazy single woman for a long time. I loved going out on long runs with my two dogs. I would ride bicycles all day and all night. I love hard workouts, rollerskating and dancing. I have always been a strong and independent woman, not needing help with anything.

I had no idea that as long as I am breastfeeding, the relaxin levels in my body will stay high, which means no high-impact exercise. When I set my mind to EBF, I didn't realize what that meant. I am not second guessing it, but I wonder if the people who teach those BF classes could give moms-to-be the real truth about that. 

I was not told that pumping can help build your supply if your milk doesn't come in right away or your baby doesn't latch well. I ended up figuring that out myself. I wasn't taught that formula and breastmilk aren't mutually exclusive. I used both for the first 3 weeks. I wasn't told that paced bottle feeding is a great way to monitor and teach your baby to latch. I still worried about nipple confusion when it came to bottles and pacifiers. I felt like a failure at BF when my baby didn't take to it right away.

I was trying to get information out of my mom and she said that she "wasn't a good cow." What the hell does that even mean? My dad's sister was all nirvana about it. Her son "just latched from birth and it was perfect from there."

I remember that when I was pregnant I didn't want to hear any birth horror stories. So I guess I'm just over here shouting into the vacuum. I hate quarantine. I EBF now, on demand all day with one MOTN pump, and my period hasn't come back yet. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and this week will be quiet and restful.

Yea! 14 weeks postpartum + 3 days and I finally feel my breasts are less engorged. I was doing tummy time with my son and not in pain for the first time in months. Been EBF since 7 weeks + 3 days.

I get worried about not making enough milk, but I try to tell myself "the breast is not a storage vessel" and that engorgement is not good. It puts pressure on delicate milk ducts, which can lead to other problems.

I read that supply regulates at 12 weeks pp but maybe I'm late because my milk didn't come in right away. Hoping this means I can drop my MOTN pump. I was afraid to drop it before my supply regulated because I thought it might cause my supply to drop.

Hating that when I worry about BF stuff, my mind wishes I could attend in-person support groups...but I can't due to COVID. My husband is like, "isn't there support online?" I am a member of LLLI Facebook group. Are there any others I am missing? 

Side note: I sobbed during my workout on Monday morning while babywearing. I was just thinking about how much I love my son. On Sunday I fantasized about going no- contact with my mom. Then today I called her like nothing was wrong. So yeah, it's been a hormone rollercoaster lately.

Edit to add: @pump_momma_pump on IG recommends 2 MOTN pumps from birth-2 months, 1 MOTN pump during months 3-4, skipping MOTN pump during months 5-6. So I guess I'll keep doing it until school starts up again. I was painfully engorged this morning after skipping last night's MOTN session.

Lots of times I wear my baby, who helps hold the milk bags in place. Sometimes I wear a nursing bra or two. I definitely don't do any jumping stuff, more dancing. I tried a zumba class, it was a little too intense. This [barre](https://youtu.be/r55Y72xVTuM) workout was good and sufficiently hard. This [HIIT](https://youtu.be/cLJfmPaKb1M) workout was good also. Definitely modify push-ups to wall and jumps to heel-raises. 

I have no idea if returning to exercise so soon was the best thing for my body. I feel my upper abs are OK but below my belly button, I feel like there is still a gap that I can stick my fingers into. I just bookmarked [video A](https://youtu.be/B2fkwJIIuFU) and [video B](https://youtu.be/sNcmGhLI4Hk) today to try to resolve this. My lower belly is hanging over my C-section scar like a big old beer gut and it's unacceptable. I started up with light group fitness via Zoom at 3 weeks postpartum. I did it to deal with the baby blues and to combat the quarantine isolation.

I ended up buying a bunch of loose-fitting tops to wear around the house because I heard that tight bras can interfere with milk production and contribute to clogged ducts. I remember thinking nursing tanks were garbage and yet again I was wrong to think that I wouldn't need it.

How Often does baby eat? 6 feeds per day, 1.5 hours between naps
How Long does baby eat? 15-25 minutes
Does baby eat on both Sides? One side per feed
How Old is baby? 15 weeks + 5 days

I read that there are lots of variables like breast storage capacity, how fast is your letdown, how strongly the baby removes the milk, fat content of your milk, etc. It may not be helpful to compare our numbers this way because every situation is unique. I am not a lactation consultant, so please do not take this as medical advice.

When my baby was 1 month old, I was EP and tracking using the Ovia app, he would eat between 20-30 oz per day. I pump once or twice in a 24 hour period now. Daytime, I can pump 2-3 oz per breast. MOTN (between 1-3am) I can get 5-7 oz per breast. We freeze some of that milk and some we bottle feed to the baby now, right before bed when I'm "touched out."

My son has always had the habit of falling asleep at the breast. I read that I should let him suckle until he lets go of the latch, so that's what I do. I have only been collecting 2 days worth of recent data using the Huckleberry app, otherwise I would have no idea since we feed and nap on demand. I have recently become curious what our patterns are, partly because I will go back to work at the end of August.

Also, my son is having his hernia repair surgery next week and I wanted to be able to answer questions from the health care team with actual data and try to plan how we're going to do the feeding on surgery day since we have to report at 5:30am and baby has to be fasting.

Thursday, July 2, 2020

upcoming surgery

I went to a Zoom book club this week. I feel my adult academic brain is like lost in the fog of hormones. I could bearly follow the discussion. Half the time I couldn't remember the prompt long enough to think of a response, and the times when I could think of a response, I couldn't remember it long enough to share it when another person finished speaking. I'm not mad about it. It's just strange and new to me. 

I can't keep track of little details anymore. Like baking meatballs that have to be turned halfway through cooking, I couldn't remember which pan (left or right) was on the top or bottom oven rack. I used to be so meticulous! I am a bit worried about starting to work again. I have less than 2 months left.

Anyone else become more neurotic about keeping a tidy house? I used to be very lackadaisical about housekeeping but ever since my son was born I can't stand having dirty dishes in the sink, used socks on the floor, cluttered countertops and unfolded blankets on the couch. I think it's because everything with the baby feels very out of my control. He feeds and sleeps on HIS schedule. So keeping the house tidy is something I can control. 

This wouldn't be a worry except I am staying up later at night to tidy up while my husband goes to bed early with the baby. I'm home alone just me and baby all day while my husband is at work, so it's harder to tidy up during daylight hours. But now I am losing sleep and getting tired during the day. Yesterday I stole a little afternoon nap and I usually hate sleeping during the day. Then I was up doing laundry during my MOTN pump.

We started logging sleep in the Huckleberry app. I'm curious to know if it's more regular than I can perceive.

Finally, and most importantly, Albert's surgery is scheduled for next week. It's a laparoscopic hernia repair. He's also having a COVID test. The following week, he will get his 4-month vaccinations, so July will be very busy medically speaking. Also, I'm turning 40. NBD.

aspirational

So much of mommy social media is aspirational. It's unattainable yet attractive. Nobody wants their Instagram showcasing photos of dim lighting, dust and clutter. But that's where this pandemic has me sitting right now.

Aspirational products in the mommy sphere I would include a Snoo. It is priced in the $1,100-$1,400 range. It is intended for newborns and infants up to 25 lbs and/or 6 months of age. Even the Halo bassinet is $275. We got a used one for $28 that we only used for a month before switching to a $77 cosleeper with a vibration attachment.

Another one I would say is the DockATot. Priced between $175-$315, it is essentially a fancy pillow with a removable cover. I thought I needed it for a minute, but I'm ultimately glad I bought another product instead.

Another category of aspirational baby products is prams. One, for example, costs $529-$699. The BOB jogging stroller costs $399-$699. I'm not saying a jogging stroller isn't useful. I just feel like maybe it's priced high because not everyone can afford it and that is on purpose. It's a product that communicates to other moms that you have the financial means to purchase such a high-priced item.

Baby Brezza Formula Pro Advanced, priced at $249, is like a one touch espresso machine for making up baby bottles. Now we're guilty on this one! We have the Baby Brezza Bottle Warmer ($70) and Baby Brezza Sterilizer ($100) when you could just boil some water in a pot for free. I do use these two appliances EVERY DAY, but I think each person would have to decide for themselves whether they want such luxury.

We are transferring our son to his crib, he is 3.5 months old and just under 15 pounds.

I have been thinking about the phrase "aspirational" lately. In marketing, it applies to like high-end items that not everyone can afford. There are lots of things like that for babies. But I also see a lot of aspirational Instagram accounts full of moms and kids where everything is clean and everyone is happy and gorgeous.

Lately I've been putting healthy eating (meal planning, shopping, cooking, washing up) and working out (getting organized, wearing the right gear, showering before/after) in the aspirational bucket. I want an Instagram worthy meal. "Eat the rainbow" and all that. I want to glitter and glisten with glamorous sweat. But some days all I do is tend to the baby. Either he's needy or I'm exhausted or both. Sometimes the fitness and clean eating are just aspirational.

I have nowhere near lost "the baby weight." I struggled to lose about 30 lbs before I was pregnant. Then gained it back during pregnancy. Lost a bunch quick after delivery. Gained some back now while breastfeeding. I feel flabby but where am I really going now because pandemic. At least there's less to do now where looks matter.

My MIL and SIL said something kind of weird on Mother's Day, which was supposed to be our big "sip and see" party. They said, "you can look frumpy for a year. But after that..." yeah well I'm just taking this full year then to focus on repairing my body and enjoying spending time with my baby. I give myself permission to take my time and not get too caught up in aspirations.

Sunday, June 14, 2020

Cloth diapering

How to get started? How many cloth diapers do you need? What are some laundry issues that you may encounter? What type of fabric is used in cloth diapers? How soon should I be getting all this stuff?

For tiny baby, we've been cloth diapering since 3 weeks old. We used 28 flour sack towels (FSTs) with 2 polyester/polyurethane laminate PUL covers and 2 snappi fasteners. I loved this as a supplement to the 8 all-in-one BumGenius size 1 we had. It was possible to do laundry every other day. 

double FST with Snappi in kite fold

Thirsties Cover (Size 2, 9-36 months, 18-40 lbs)

The FSTs were folded in a newborn kite fold. What I would do is fold them in half lengthwise fresh out of the drier then let them sit overnight. The next day I would do the folding into a diaper shape. I have a nice basket to hold them until needed. FSTs are a way to diaper using flats.

Bummis Super Whisper Wrap Cover (size small, 8-15 lbs)

We had a set of 4 newborn all-in-ones from bumgenius, but I have already passed those along to my sister. We never used them because we didn't start cloth diapers until our baby was 3 weeks old, he grew fast, and his inguinal hernia when it bulges actually needs a lot of room. Maybe they would have been more useful for a girl.
BumGenius AIOs in Size 1

What I have not used yet are Fitted Sloomb Overnight Bamboo Fleece aka OBFs (Sustainablebabyish) are made from 70% viscose from bamboo / 30% organic cotton.

AI2 - all in two. I don't think I have any of these. They are a cover and an insert that snaps into place.

Soaker - the absorbent part of an AI2, fitted, or AIO diaper.  Lays in or snaps in. For AIOs, the soaker is sewn into the diaper iself.

Insert - the absorbent part of a pocket diaper.  The same thing as a soaker but is inserted into the pocket.

Doubler - used on top of or in addition to a soaker/insert when baby is older/a heavy wetter/at night. Meant to provide extra absorbancy. Thinner and smaller than an insert. Sometimes called "newborn inserts".

Booster - same thing as a doubler, not related to staying dry or wicking, meant to boost the absorbency.

Liner - usually single-layer pieces of fabric laid in a diaper to either create a stay-dry feeling or to make disposing of poop easier or to protect the diaper when using diaper cream. Can be disposable or reusable.



FSTs from Amazon we bought 30 more!



How often you should clean your washing machine — and how to do it https://www.today.com/series/how-often-should-you/how-clean-washing-machine-t20131 

Dec 27 - bought new dryer (week 29)
Jan 27 - washed new CDs (week 34)
Feb 4 - washed UCLA used CDs (week 35)
Feb 24 - washed CDs from Mykel (week 38)
Feb 25 - washed CDs from Christiana

You will also get a lot of use from two Pail liners that you can alternate. They can be washed with the diapers (turned inside out) and then I line dry the bag and PUL covers, while the flats (FSTs) I dry in the dryer.

How to properly fit cloth diapers YouTube tutorial.


Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Postpartum Part 12: food

Since Albert was born I have been so hungry all the time. I have written about my postpartum diet in another post.

I found a breastfeeding meal plan here. Sent dear husband to the store with a grocery list and he came back $300 later with all the items I requested. I don't know if I will have the energy to make all the things, but I am willing to try. 

Since Albert was born, it has been difficult to find the time, energy and attention to really get meals planned, prepped and served. It's important to have a clean kitchen because that's where we wash all the bottles and give the baby a bath.

Friday, May 22, 2020

To jump or not to jump?

By some definitions, my baby is an infant at 2 months old. We got him an Evenflo exersaucer and a Pop! jumper as well as a batmobile walker. He is crazy active and we're doing tummy time until he gets a bit stronger.



Found the Evenflo Exersaucer on the left abandoned at the curb, so I washed it with dishsoap and water and changed the batteries and it's good as new. Had to order 2 new feet for the arch and a new spring for one of the legs, but I feel good upcycling something that would have ended up in the landfill. The Pop! summer jumper was $60 and I hope we can take it to MIL's house and maybe to the beach. Yes I know these are not recommended until baby is older, but I wanted to spend that COVID stimulus money on something special.

I also bought some PJs from the Gap for me. Maternity Nursing Sleep Cami and Maternity Sleep Shorts. It seems like they are taking for.ev.er to arrive though. They haven't even shipped yet and I ordered on 5th of May. Got ~50% off by using two promo codes. Free shipping and free returns. I hope everything fits, I am not a fan of online shopping for stuff I would usually try on. Hoping the tops are a bit supportive, breathable, yet not so tight that they lead to clogged ducts. I realize this is a big ask. 

I got the following email from Gap yesterday, "we are experiencing delays in processing and shipping your order. We're unable to ship your order within the time frame promised." I am sad because Gap lets you order top and bottom separately, which is nice if you are a pear shape. So I went ahead and bought the following from Kohl's.

Women's Croft & Barrow Lush Luxe Tank & Shorts Pajama Set
These I like the most. The shorts are long enough.

Women's Simply Vera Vera Wang Sleep Tank and Boxer Shorts Pajama Set
These I only like the top. The bottoms are more like underwear than shorts.

Women's Apt. 9 Solid Cami & Shorts Pajama Set
These I hate. The fabric feels cheap and the shorts are also like underwear.

I was hoping to get something comfortable to wear around the house all day all summer long. I hate online shopping, for this reason. Do I return or exchange the stuff I don't like? What would happen to the clothes that get returned? Will they be burned or resold?

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Postpartum Part 11: symptoms

My sister says I kept an annoyingly scientific record of my pregnancy symptoms and I said, "it's for you!" I kept wondering if all those things were normal and how long they would last. So I am continuing to track symptoms postpartum as I recover however quickly or slowly.

rhinitis - gone

bleeding gums - gone

flatulence - worse

carpel tunnel - worse

linea nigra - same

stretch marks - not an issue

nipple soreness - not an issue... but breastfeeding is a challenge! It's not 100% painless.

hair falling out - not an issue (yet)

mastitis - constant struggle

discharge - much less

feet hurting - same as 3rd trimester

symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD) - never had it. But I did have postpartum back pain that was REALLY bad in weeks 3 and 4.


According to a chiropractor, the back pain was caused by three reasons (1) diastasis recti (2) a sacrum that may be out of place and (3) the Cesarean section. The whole core is destabilized. Throw in there a high level of relaxin that will persist as long as we are breastfeeding, that is the reason for some of the inflammation.

She let me know that there is scar tissue forming as my body is healing from the surgery. Filaments are forming as the uterus is contracting to its original size, and these filaments can cause pain in the abdomen and even down into the legs. It was hard to get out of my comfy recliner and get in and out of bed. The chiropractor said it will be important to NOT do a sit-up or crunch for at least one year to let the diastasis recti repair.

Now two months postpartum, I have less trouble getting in/out of bed. I can roll from my left to my right side in bed without any pain. I can get in and out of my recliner carrying baby without any pain.

One month after my C-section, I missed: hard laughing, working out, riding a bicycle, leg lifts, squats and lunges. I looked forward to the day when I could lay on my stomach and rest there. 

One month postpartum, laying on my side was nice. Two months postpartum, my breasts are huge and still painful. I could not lay on them, no way. I have bought some new PJs and sleep bras to help alleviate the discomfort of engorgement and the hot flashes I seem to get at night. I sleep really well when my bedroom is like 55 degrees.

One month postpartum, I looked forward to lifting things like laundry baskets, stroller, and carseat with baby in it. I can do most of these now, but the baby is gaining weight so fast I have to keep doing my Fit4Mom workouts to build my upper body to be able to lift baby in carseat. I have done it at least once recently.

My boobs can tell time

Shower thoughts after a night of good sleep seem so profound. I was showering, washing my body, when I thought: wow my boobs can tell time now. 

Want to do more reading about prolactin and circadian clock, MOTN pumping.


https://www.llli.org/breast-milks-circadian-rhythms-2/

The night before Mother's day I had a dream that I went to a roller rink that had two side-by-side indoor wood floor rinks but they were in use. The staff told me I could go outside and enjoy the outdoor rollerpark, which was kind of like the LA County Arboretum. There were popup thrift shops and art participation booths, very much like an open streets (CicLAvia) event. Then Sigourney Weaver showed up to skate and she was heavily pregnant. I thought she was a beautiful symbol of fertility and full of life. And then I woke up to breastfeed my son. I think I'm just dreaming of fun and wonderful things that make me happy, and dreaming of the time before COVID-19, when we didn't think about social distancing and we weren't required to wear masks in public.

It's frustrating to have abdominal cramps and wonder if it's my period coming back, 9 weeks postpartum. Then I read that it's different for every woman whether you are breastfeeding or not. I was rinsing spinach leaves and destemming them for a soup and it occurred to me that every leaf is shaped differently but they are all good and nutritious. So why would all women have the same pregnancy and postpartum symptoms on the same timeframes? 

Postpartum Part 10: beauty

I thought I totally had my beauty routine down, but as we age, we need to modify. The pregnancy hormones caused me to want to use different products, mostly more moisturizing and heavy. Now that I'm no longer pregnant, I have to find what works now because my face is wrecked. I was craving Pods cold cream. Mother's day weekend let me actually try a modern Ponds blend at my MIL's house. I didn't love it to be honest. I guess I need to try the original formulation.

What I have been doing, at the suggestion of a pal, is to use Xom3 You Can Dew It oil underneath my moisturizer. It seems that postpartum skin issues are common, although something I didn't really think or hear about until I experienced it.

Friday, May 15, 2020

Postpartum Part 9: babywearing

Baby carriers. Which one is best?

Soft Structured Carriers


The first carrier I chose based on which one fit both my husband and I. It is the Lillebaby 6-Position Complete Airflow. Removable lumbar support and padded straps make it comfier-than-most, suitable for long walks and day-long outings. Made of polyester performance mesh. Handles riders from 7 to 45 pounds, no infant insert required, with 6 different carrying positions on the front, back, and hip (including a front-outward carry).

I saw that it was on sale for $41.04 (regular price $124.99) so I took two buses to a Target near UCLA that said it was in stock, but when I got there it was not. So I took a bus and the light rail to a Target in Hollywood and found it. Then I took a light rail and two buses to get back home. I told myself that I would be telling Albert that story when he was big enough to be using that carrier.



A friend gave us an Infantino Flip 4-in-1 convertible carrier. I love it. It's set up in the forward-facing configuration. When Albert gets fussy, I put him in there and wander around the kitchen, garden and garage. He can see what's going on and he doesn't have to be just looking at my chest or shoulder. He can also see himself in the mirror. The only thing I don't like about it is that it kind of rubs the back of my arms. I tend to wear sleeveless shirts these days and I can only wear that carrier for so long before I am in pain.

We were also gifted an Ergobaby Original Bundle of Joy baby carrier. I haven't tried it yet. Allows 3 baby carrying positions: front-inward, hip and back. My aunt suggested wearing him on my back while cooking, but I just don't know how I would check to make sure he's ok, or even how I would get him back there. I do wish the babywearing group was still meeting. I would bring all of these carriers there and get schooled on how to use them. You may think having three soft structured carriers is overkill, but what I've heard is that it's good to have one adjusted for mom and one adjusted for dad and then don't readjust.

Wrap Style Carriers


We registered for a Moby wrap and one of our colleagues bought it for us. The reason we added it to the registry is that we attended a babywearing meetup at a park in Santa Clarita and after trying it on (with help) we realized how comfortable and useful it would be, as well as not difficult to tie. When we tried it on in the store (following the pictures on the box) without a weighted babydoll, it seemed too weird and difficult to tie. Now, I can get it on pretty quickly and leave it on all day even if the baby isn't in there.

   

The Moby is a stretchy wrap. There are also non-stretchy wraps. One that was gifted to us is the brand Didymos. Now they come in many shapes and sizes, and I'm not sure what size I have. I've been following the #MayTheFourthTrimester challenge on So-Cal Babywearers facebook page to learn many different ways of tying the non-stretchy wrap. So far what I really like about it is how secure it feels. As Albert is getting bigger (and heavier) I feel the non-stretchy wrap gives him a more snug fit, whereas the Moby settles over a 45-minute period and the baby ends up dropping lower and lower. He usually takes a nap after a while, but not always.

 

Just measuring the Didymos that I have, it's about 14 feet long and 22 inches wide. It seems like A LOT of fabric but it is extremely versatile and I'm really starting to appreciate it for its simplicity, breathability and beauty. Gardening while baby wearing is a great way to calm Albert down. He's been fussy lately and keeping him interested has been a real task. We have also done lots of dancing while he's in this wrap. Every Friday night, there's online line dancing on YouTube and every Thursday morning, Fit4Mom has a babywearing dance class on Zoom. We even did one session with GroovaRoo on Facebook live.

Mei Tai Carrier


A Mei Tai carrier is soft bodied with four long straps for tying. The one I have is homemade. I love it for how simple it is. Easy to pack and easy to wash. We call his arm hanging out the "temperature probe." It's quick to put on and take off.

  

We've taken this one for a longer walk. It's also convenient to put in the stroller in case baby starts fussing and won't be quiet in his stroller. I also have used it during my babywearing dance class. I sometimes put Albert in there when we're eating.

One thing I have yet to master is having Albert breastfeed while in a carrier. I also haven't mastered the side-laying breastfeeding. I am so grateful when we just do regular breastfeeding, I haven't felt the need to multitask besides scrolling on my phone or eating a snack.

What I would recommend is to check secondhand shops for used carriers. There's no way that you need to buy something new like I did. I was obsessed with having something and if I would have waited just a bit longer, I would have had enough carriers given to me that I wouldn't have had to buy one. But also, it's great to have a variety of styles. And the wraps are easy to throw in the washing machine, so I do appreciate having two especially since Albert seems to spit up a half ounce every hour.

Monday, May 11, 2020

Postpartum Part 6: pumping

I wanted to write about "pumps and a bump" which my husband thought was a crazy title, he just didn't understand what it meant to me. Sure, it makes no sense unless you know that I was so jealous of my younger sister who had a tape of MC Hammer. Now you have to understand that this was the mid 90s and we only had like 2 tapes. It was either The Funky Headhunter or NKOTB. This vintage walkman (as featured in the movie Pretty Woman) can be yours today for a mere $150.

Anyway, this post is about breastfeeding and my goals. I wanted to write it 5 weeks ago so that I could report now that my goals have been met, but with a new baby, he gets all the attention and it's not so important to post blogs for 10 people to read. Although, I remember when I was pregnant, I read some blogs that helped me a lot. There were some other ones that I read about pregnancy after IVF that I probably didn't bookmark or link to, but I hope that anyone who reads this will know that we experienced infertility and took steps to get pregnant that are above and beyond just having good old fashioned sex.



We did attend a breastfeeding class and they gave us some handouts that I actually used in the hospital and the days after bringing baby home. The most useful information for anxious new parents was that baby's stomach grows slowly and it's not super important to produce a large volume of milk right away. I was able to make colostrum (a thick honey-like substance) in the hospital, it was fairly easy to learn how to express it by hand and transfer it to baby. He was a champion at nursing from the start, at least he tried.

Baby is more alert on breastmilk. Baby gets hungry sooner after breastmilk. We thought formula allowed us more time between feedings for the same volume. For the first 2 weeks home from the hospital, we were doing every other feeding with formula. Then around 3 weeks, we were doing formula for the first night interval (5 hours) and pumped breastmilk for other feedings. But the last two nights we've skipped formula and baby is still sleeping for a long interval, so I guess we can let go of formula entirely now.

I have pain when pumping but even more pain when breastfeeding. But I don't have pain the whole time, it seems most intense at first then it decreases after letdown. I don't know if pain is everyone's experience, but I also get a strange euphoria which makes me understand why BDSM people get into nipple clamps. The first time I pumped, I seriously got high from it.

The hospital LCs recommended "triple feeding" with putting baby at the breast at the start of each feed. That got me very depressed because my baby wouldn't latch until he was 2 weeks, 3 days postpartum. And he didn't really get a full feed at the breast until he was 3 weeks old. He is good now, for a couple of weeks he could only breastfeed if he was hungry and I was not too full. The past two mornings, he has nursed on rock hard boobs with no issues. He's 7 weeks now.

Part of our motivation for eliminating formula was to use cloth diapers, which we started doing at 3 weeks. We use cloth all-in-ones until those are all dirty. Then we use flour sack towels folded in a newborn kite fold, fastened with a snappi, with PUL covers over the top. We have plenty of those so then we do a load of diapers every other day. People say that the poops from formula are more staining than the poops from breastmilk. The good news is that those stains are easily removed by hanging the cloth out in the sun, I can confirm. I wish I had a before-and-after photo, but I don't, so you'll have to take my word for it. And here's another 90s throwback for you:


via GIPHY

Here are all the tags I wanted to use for this post: breastfeeding, career, education, equity, family, fear, goals, gratitude, green, hormones, learning, interdisciplinary, maternity leave, meditation, money, motivation, nutrition, pain, positive, postpartum, simplicity, spring, sustainability, teamwork, technology, travel, vintage, walking. Since the post was getting too long, I had to split it in half.







Wish I had seen this two months earlier

I like this story. Anna Momigliano of the Washington Post writes about how people encourage breastfeeding by talking about how it is the "free" option. However, in her (and my) experience, there are costs associated with breastfeeding also. In the time of coronavirus, I was not able to attend support groups at my hospital and birth centers like Bini Birth or La Leche League meetings. Luckily, there are some instagram accounts to follow that are encouraging and motivating.

Postpartum Part 5: links

Here are some of the webpages I had open on the browser of my smartphone. I want to close them now, but they were good for a time and I might want to come back to them later or recommend to someone else.


Your support person should be chanting the following words:
  • You are amazing.
  • You are doing great.
  • This is normal.
  • You are doing exactly what you need to be doing.
  • You are strong.
  • Each contraction is one step closer to meeting the baby.
  • Rest your body between contractions.
  • Here’s a sip of water.
  • You were made for this.
  • You are incredible.
  • You are safe.

When I talk about my baby's birthday, I struggle to find the words. I want to be accurate, he was ripped out through my abdomen using a scalpel. I have a hard time saying labor and delivery. I can't say a doctor delivered him. I can't say he was born. More like he was removed from me. I didn't have that moment of pushing that you see on the movies. I don't know if this is the scientist in me just wanting to use the most precise and accurate language or the fact that our culture prepares you to have a vaginal birth. I feel like I don't have the words for what happened.

My reddit group had 75/25 vaginal/Cesarean. More than 50% of respondents had a labor of less than 12 hours. I feel robbed of that experience. I am just about recovered from the surgery, but I don't know exactly how to talk about what happened that day.


Due to COVID-19 most of this advice does not apply. But maybe it would be good advice under normal circumstances. I am struck lately about how short human lifespan is and how quickly babies grow and I wish I would have had a kid sooner so that I could have more than one and what the heck was I doing with my life until now. I can see how people with kids tell people without kids to go for it.


Yeah, due to a mix-up with my identity at the DMV while upgrading my driver's license to a "Real ID," they thought I had a daughter named Kayla Kayser who was born in 2004. It took a few weeks to get that fixed, but it's all good. I also may or may not have paid for the genetic testing for the state of CA. I mean I know I didn't pay for it, because my OB told me that my insurance should cover it. But as far as I can tell, the debt has not been paid.


So many things are messed up due to coronavirus. We are just now able to find things that we need, but there's always a risk going out to find it.

8:30am Monday-Saturday
8:30am and 10:30am Sunday

And sometimes we go to church on Zoom. Even though the church is right across the street. I kind of hope they continue broadcasting so that we don't have to bring a crying baby into the building. It's nice to be able to hear the service no matter what kind of mood Albert is in.