Fertility Part 17

It is probably pretty obvious why the image I identify with right now is a pincushion. It is a happy image for me because my mother and grandmother had tomato-shaped pincushions and also grew tomatoes in their yard. For me it is the same. The pincushion represents productivity and creativity, practicality and sentimentality, and tomatoes are nutritious and delicious, especially when vine-ripened in the summer sun.

It is not like I love being injected with hormones every day, but I feel like I identify more now with farm animals that are on hormones and steroids to stay healthy and get "market ready." Dear husband noticed that I am starting to build up a bit of bruising on my hind flanks and I am noticing that the injections are hurting more each day. I almost cried during the shots this morning and I had to rush over to a chair afterwards to sit down, have a cry and rest. I let out a little yelp and tried my best not to flinch.

I have mapped out the items we will need from now until the end of the two week wait (TWW or 2WW). The items circled in red are what we need to go and buy from the store right now. The IVF diet really has been a God-send because we do not have that old argument about "what do you want to eat?" It is more like, Oh that is what is on the meal plan today, Ok let's start making it.

Nephew's High School Graduation

I had a really great time attending my nephew's graduation last week. It was one week ago. Dear husband took the day off work and we went down to Newport Beach. We walked two malls (South Coast Plaza and Fashion Island), had lunch with our nephew (the one not graduating that day) and then attended the ceremony (at UC Irvine) and finally had a wonderful dinner with my in-laws. MIL interpreted the results of husb's bloodwork (lipids, glucose, etc). He is fine!

To pass the day yesterday, I started reading this awesome novel that is an origin story. I have been obsessed with the California Missions for awhile now. I have tried to visit as many missions as I can. The really interesting thing about the first section of the novel is that it puts a lot into historical context as far as geography, history and it is clearly grounded it a great deal of research. I feel particularly connected to the places in the book because I know right where they are, but also the descriptions of how it must have been over 200 years ago are fascinating.

I am doing well and was able to reach my "target" weight prior to the embryo transfer. And now I am just taking it easy and letting all the medicines and foods do the work. Yesterday I was feeling a tinge of nausea. Today I am feeling lightheaded, a little dizzy and also have a heightened sense of smell. Also my areolas seem darker, in addition to my breasts being super swollen and painful. I am doing my best to take 2-minute showers. The idea being that hot water will raise the temperature of the uterus and that is not good for the embryo.

Chia Pudding in the foreground and Tumeric Blast in the blender behind it and to the right

 

It is very tempting to try to read into these symptoms. But I am also enjoying what the IVF diet is prescribing. I am drinking a shake for breakfast every day, eating a salad for lunch every day, and having protein with dinner. It is hard to stick to scientific recommendations and not delve too much into sorcery. I read that you should not let your feet get cold, so during the day I am keeping thick socks on my feet. I read that some herbal tea can be harmful, so I am avoiding that. 

It is very hard to keep from obsessing about what may or may not be happening inside my body, but that was a great revelation that I had this morning right after my shots: MAYBE is also a state of existence. It does not have to be YES or NO. I do not need to rush to take a pregnancy test right now to find out if there is a yes or no for a pregnancy. I can sit in MAYBE for another week (because I have to but also) because I choose to. There is a certain joy in maybe. A glimmer of hope.