Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Thursday, July 2, 2026

sane seen safe

This post started out as a Month of Mama recap and it definitely still is that.

4/30 MomsIRL
5/1 Chiro
5/2 NaughtyIRL
5/3 Bowling with Sally
5/4 eighth and final workshop
5/5 Albert dentist + New shoes
5/9 Dance your way to fitness
5/10 Mothers day Target run
5/13 Chiro + ultrasound
5/14 Watched Netflix on the couch + Dinner with Rashid
5/15 Chem Grad Party
5/16 Cobra 5Kai + Karin party
5/17 Salute to Recreation
5/20 submitted grades + Walmart run
5/21 donated blood
5/22 summer chop haircut
5/23 applied for EDD + D Line
5/24 IKEA scavenger hunt
5/25 Memorial day
5/26 eye doc
5/27 Dodge Bros walk + Skate
5/28 watched Netflix + LORs
5/29 kindergarten graduation
5/30 decluttering + Happy Ice
5/31 pool / recovery day

In summary, it was a good Month of Mama.

I titled it SANE, SEEN, SAFE because that's how Fit4Mom classes make me feel. Being in community with other moms helps me keep my sanity by lowering my expectations. I feel seen by the other moms who are all in the struggle. And it's amazing to be in a safe space with other women. MomsIRL, NaughtyIRL, and Moonlight Rollerway rainbow night are examples of safe spaces. I wish everywhere would feel safe for women.

Saturday, December 27, 2025

Festivus

I'm actually kind of sick of all the social media posts about women doing all of the heavy lifting during the holidays. At some point, if you don't want to be the one doing all the heavy lifting, you have to put the burden down and do nothing. And wait for somebody else to pick it up, or make peace with the fact that not only do you not have to be the person to carry it, but actually, maybe it doesn't even need to be carried. Like, yes, if you don't do it, it won't get done. But also, maybe you can live without it. 

I'm saying this as someone who has been carrying a very heavy burden for the entire past few months. So heavy, in fact, that when I finally put it down, I'm almost catatonic. I'm having like a two-day migraine headache, and I feel like I physically cannot go on. My body is breaking down like my ribcage. And my neck.

I was listening to the Rise and Run podcast, and they mentioned the Airing of Grievances as a part of the Festivus holiday. I think it might be healthy. To prevent carrying these grievances into the new year. Our son, Albert, was upset that we didn’t do stockings on Christmas morning. I just couldn't swing it. I had stocking stuffers, but we never hung the stockings, so I mistakenly assumed Albert wouldn't expect one. 

My husband seemed to really get it. He realized he hadn't bought or wrapped any of the gifts under the tree. And he offered to do something to make a stocking for maybe New Year's Day. But to my knowledge, nothing has been done about it. And there will not be time. But he asked me not to do it because he feels bad about not doing anything else. I don't know.

We spent Christmas Eve baking. Sugar cookies, candy canes, fudge, peanut butter balls, and gingerbread. Mike delivered the plates to the neighbors. It was a good project for a rainy day when we couldn't do much else.

I don't know what more to do. Now I'm trying to decide whether to take Albert to the winter academy. It's a normal school day the week before they go back to school. Shouldn't I be jazzed to spend every possible moment with my kid? But it is tempting to go for it, since this break has been full of screen time, meltdowns, and sugar.

Tuesday, December 2, 2025

Sparkle Season

I am already exhausted. The pressure to create the holiday magic is so real. I don't know if it actually brings me joy or am I a product of my culture. Like, am I just acculterated to feel like I must do these things:

Bake cookies
Decorate a tree
Buy gifts for people
Wrap the gifts
Hang stockings
Get stocking staffers
Plan a holiday meal / menu
Plan holiday experiences
Watch holiday movies
Drink holiday drinks

All while teaching six classes, leading a run club, and doing normal stuff like laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, meal prep, and trying like hell to drink enough water and not forget to do anything important.

I surround myself with calendars and to do lists. I am literally terrified of forgetting something. Thoughts flit into my consciousness and then right back out again just as quickly. I can't write them down fast enough and I can't remember what I already forgot.

I want the holidays to sparkle but I am not home enough to enjoy the decor. I have no idea what gifts I have already. I may have sent gifts to people. I bought holiday cards and stamps but I don't know when I will have the chance to address them, write a message, and put them in the mail.

My eye is twitching. It has been doing this for about 4 days. I'm worried it's due to stress and dehydration.

Thursday, November 20, 2025

Cost of Racecations

I got a really nice compliment from my coworker today. She said I'm looking good in the body. And the skin too. I feel so much gratitude that I have the resources to spend on running and running-related travel. I know it's not the end of the year (yet). But I thought it would be interesting to look at how much we spent in our "startup" year compared to the following year. I told myself I wouldn't need to buy new stuff as much in 2025 since I already had most of the things I would need to complete a marathon.

TOTAL SPENDING IN 2024 = $6549

TOTAL SPENDING IN 2025 = $6476
PROJECTED SPENDING IN 2026...
  • 1/11 Citrus Heritage Run $676
  • 1/18 Rose Bowl Half 2026 $126.42
  • 2/15 Palm Desert Half 2026 $80.50 registration + $249.00 hotel
  • 3/8 LA Marathon $1448.47
  • 6/10 Epic Sister Camping / Disneyland Trip $2000+
  • 8/1 Nebraska Family Reunion $2000+
  • 9/27 - Bimbo Global Race 10k
  • 10/18 - Mission Inn Run 10k - $120 registration
  • 10/24 - Nike Women's Half
PROJECTED SPENDING IN 2027... 
  • 1/17 - Rose Bowl Half $109.40 registration
  • 3/7 - LA Marathon $363.69 registration + LARR membership + photo package

I didn't join Sparkle Squad for the 2025-26 season. I didn't renew my Strava subscription. I kind of miss it but also kind of not. Definitely the Sparkle Squad was an opportunity to spend more via the facebook group and little gift exhanges throughout the year. But I do kind of miss the features of the Strava subscription, I almost renewed it yesterday when I tried to access the heatmap for the purposes of route planning and I couldn't see street-level details. But I also miss when it would tell you "Athlete Intelligence" about something it noticed about your run. Usually it would say something encouraging like, wow that was a lot of climbing, or you really pushed your pace. It felt like I had a friend encouraging me for what was new or improved with each training session.

I guess what I'm trying to do right now is let go of the Palm Desert Half. I've never done it before and if I did it, I could get another medal for the Run Riverside County Challenge. I skipped Every Woman's Marathon 2025, and I'm okay with it since I was awarded a greater teaching load mid-semester. I thought it would be a nice trip, out to Palm Desert. But now I do have my Spring 2026 teaching schedule. Haha. Looks like I'll be running a marathon every Tuesday and Thursday.

SPRING 2026 TEACHING SCHEDULE
  • MW 09:30am-12:20pm
  • TR 09:30am-12:20pm
  • TR 1:00pm-01:50pm
  • TR 02:30pm-05:20pm
It's uncertain whether RunClub+ will continue for Spring 2026. I will be making enough from my CSUN units, so I don't really need the income from the side hustle, but it is nice to have the support from the other moms in the group. I am trying to unsubscribe from disney influencers because I don't want FOMO. I'm close to unsubscribing from LARR as well because they keep talking about this half-marathon and that drumstick dash. I'm trying to enjoy the races I signed up for and run the training runs. The actual race day doesn't feel as special when you're running a world major every other weekend. I enjoyed the Bimbo Global race a lot more than I thought I would. I enjoyed the Mission Inn Run a lot less than I thought I would.

I want to do the Mission Inn Run in 2026 because they have a legacy program. I would get a loyalty item, such as a hat, and a 3-year pin! I could put the pin on my patch jacket. It did work well to have our son stay with his grandma. However, kiddo was already nervous about Thanksgiving because he thought we would be dropping him off at grandma's again for an overnight. He said he was scared about that and didn't want to be away from us. So I would consider that when planning the potential Palm Desert Half and any other races for 2026. I'm glad I didn't sign up for the Holiday Half, even though that race was very special to me last year.

My motivation for running is to set a good example for my son. I took a few days off from my training plan, and I noticed that I had a noticeable drop in gratitude and joy. I had an increase in resentment and feelings of being disgruntled. I stayed home on Sunday when I would normally be out running and it was like I was in the way of my husband and the routine he's established with our son, they have some stuff that they enjoy doing together on Sunday while I'm out on my long run. So, I guess, it's become ingrained as a long-term pattern now that we've been doing this for two years. I really remember Thanksgiving weekend 2023 as the first runs leading up to the Disneyland 5k 2024.

As far as traditions this holiday season, I think we're going to just stick to training and our weekly routine and not do much else. Like, yes, bake cookies at home. But no, we're not planning to do any elaborate holiday light display that you have to pay to get into. I am still taking advantage of Buy Nothing to get things that are new to me, but also free. Yes, I have been stockpiling gifts for Albert to open on Christmas, which, by the way, we have no plans for. About half the gifts are games, which we can play at home. Running and doing my training is bringing me joy. And I look forward to returning to Fit4Mom in-person classes with Albert over winter break. I would also like to go rollerskating or ice skating at least once.

Staycation

Thursday, November 13, 2025

Fever Pitch

Fever pitch means a state of extreme excitement or agitation, and its origin is related to the high temperature of a fever. The earliest known use of the noun was in the 1830s, appearing in print in 1837, likely referencing the high temperature of a fever to describe intense emotions. The phrase is commonly associated with sports.

I have been working so hard since I got these new classes. Breakneck pace is a phrase that comes to mind. My mind is endlessly cycling through the "to do" list. Doing what absolutely needs to get done. Just putting out fires. Not really able to think about long-term strategy or even simple housekeeping.

Hot take versus hot flash

And I had such a bad PMS and hormone rollercoaster this cycle. My flow finally arrived this weekend but the past two weeks were either anger, anxiety, or overheating. It was hard to run and it was hard to be nice. I had to apologize to my family on more than one occasion.

The foot pain is real and I purchased a couple of things to try to address it. I bought lock laces, which are kind of like a bungee, stretchable laces. I also got some toe spreaders, to straighten out my little pinky toe. My sister said the pain that I was getting on the outer part of my foot is most likely due to my shoes being too pointy in the toe box. I guess it's called a bunionette, which is acute sounding name, but it didn't feel very cute.

Bad News Update

I think I'm starting to process through my grief, after I got the bad news that my cousin died last friday. It hasn't even been a week. I told my best friend from college. And I also told my best friend from high school. And just today I told the crossing guard that stands in front of my child's elementary school. It has been hard to go to work and pretend like I'm fine. I've done a lot of sobbing at my desk. 

I've been trying to think of ways that I can honor her. But so far nothing feels right. The only thing that feels logical is to reach out to the tough mamas in my life that are still out there doing the work, fighting the fight, parenting, being an athlete, being a strong member of their community. Just reaching out to them and saying how much I appreciate them. How much the world needs them. How much their family and friends benefit from their presence and strength.

I feel like this tragedy has helped me just take my foot off the gas pedal, a little bit with work stuff. Reevaluate my priorities. Ask myself what things are worth stressing about, and what things are really just small? And I can let them go. It's really terrible to read the obituary of a forty two year old woman.

Kate Gogela   Kate Gogela   Kate Gogela  

Katherine Gogela Obituary (1983 - 2025) - Lincoln, NE

Lincoln doctor dies after being hit by SUV https://share.google/98sVPQD924YHBW3kx

Stanford Student Dies After Being Hit By Van While Jogging / Nebraska woman struck crossing road https://share.google/1dPeUX0emO5LUJtYb

I used to make very insensitive remarks like, "If I die while I'm out on a bike ride, at least I died doing something I loved." The truth is, at that time, I was suicidal. I was under so much strain and stress during graduate school that the thought of dying was like being able to rest, and I actually wanted to rest. Now that I'm a mom, I definitely don't want to die. I want to be able to exercise outdoors safely without fear of being killed by a vehicle.

The other thing I said, right when it happened, is, "I don't even know what she was training for." My mom said, "She was probably just out enjoying the day, because it was the last beautiful day before winter weather hits." But still in my mind, I had a feeling she was training for something. A mother of four doesn't just go out for a walk because she feels like it. Katie was an accomplished physician and a busy working mom. To be so high-achieving, she was a type A personality.

Kate

I looked her up on Athlinks. I found out what name she uses to register for races. I found out that she had already completed two marathons: Panama City Beach Marathon in 2022 and Grandma's Marathon in 2023. But that still didn't answer the question, on that day, on that run, what was she training for?

Kate

The answer came over the weekend, Katie was training for The Good Life Halfsy. A half-marathon in Lincoln, which Katie had run before. She was well into her two-week taper period. She was killed on a Friday, the half-marathon she had been training for was on Sunday. I cried a lot on Monday, on what should have been her Medal Monday. Somehow, it brings me peace to know that she was training for something. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2025

Goodbye free time

This is a brief post to discuss a last-minute schedule change. I was awarded more units, which means I will have less free time. I enjoyed the work-free Tuesday and Wednesday while they lasted, and I completed some tasks around the house that needed to be done. Or didn't need to get done, but I wanted to spruce up the place and complete some things that were left unfinished.
  • 📝 Attach ladder to bunk beds
  • 😄Setup new modem Charter
  • 📝 Upgrade phone T-Mobile
  • 😄Finish setting up new phone
  • 🧽Mop floor of office


Crowned Athletics had a 70% off sale sitewide, and I ended up purchasing a number of items. I also bought some things secondhand from the Facebook BST group. The first thing I got was the Arabian Nights mint skort and bra. I knew I loved the AN red bra that I've had for a while. Then I got the Barbara Girl Pink and Blue Bra, Biker Shorts, and Reversible Jacket. Arabian Nights red flow top. I loved it so much I decided to get more from Facebook. Like me, people jumped on the 70% off sale, and some ended up with sizes that didn't work for them, so they let them go for a low price, around $28, when they're usually priced at $52 or more. So that's how I got the Changed Fate Flow and Solstice Sister Flow top.

I got one Golden Dreamer athletic cap (purple) and liked it enough to get another, the Poisoned Heart athletic cap (red). I organized all my caps in a rainbow and realized that I now have enough hats to cover the entire spectrum. I promised myself I wouldn't buy any more athletic wear this season, but the sale was too good to miss. I got to try some pieces that I wouldn't have otherwise bought. Now I am more aware of what sizes I like.





Given my new work situation, I don't feel so bad about buying these items. I was having some guilt. But after wearing the cotton Color Run shirt, I realized I can't run in cotton. The Flow tops are just so breezy, I can't wait to train in them more. I don't know what to do with my hair besides just letting it grow out. Therefore, the hats with the high ponytail holes are just right. It's turning cool in the mornings, in the 50s, and I'm grateful to be able to enjoy wearing pants and even long sleeves again. I registered for the Clueless and Breathless half-marathon race on Dec 20th, it was only $35. I might also register for the third race in the Run Riverside County Challenge series, the Palm Desert Half Marathon & 5K in February 2026. We were considering skipping it due to my pay drop, but now that I'm making more, I want to do it.

Also, probably because of the Bimbo race and the stress of adding two more classes to my week, I got sick. My symptoms started on Wednesday and got worse on Thursday and Friday. It was congestion and sinus pressure, then on Saturday, it felt like there were razor blades or sand in my eyes. Very uncomfortable. On Sunday, I tried to run, and my heart rate immediately increased into zone 5. It felt like the congestion was trying to push into my ears, so I just walked and covered fewer miles. I haven't run since last Tuesday (a week ago), but it's the best course of action to rest and focus on hydrating. The Mission Inn run is two weeks away, and I bet I'll be healthy by then. I just have to trust my training and enjoy it no matter how I feel on race day.

Thursday, September 4, 2025

August 2025 in Review

It's only a few days into September, but it's been a whirlwind the past couple weeks. I have to pause and remind myself that Albert has only been in Kindergarten for three weeks (as he reminded me today is day 14). I have only had one week of school so far. Since I'm teaching labs, there are no class meetings this week since it is the week of a Monday holiday (Labor Day), so that no sections fall behind. When I look back at what we did during August, I can see why I feel so whirly.

The month kicked off with the Dopey Strong 7 Dwarves Challenge. Each day, we were supposed to dress up like a different dwarf and add a few strength moves into our running plan. Then on the 7th day we were supposed to do all the strength moves. I'm not a big fan of run streaking but there were only three days in the month that I didn't at least walk a mile (Aug 8, 10, 12). Sometimes I wonder why I track everything, but then I remember that tracking helps me make sense of the pain I'm in when I can't understand or remember why my feet hurt so much.

7 Dwarves Challenge 2025  Seven Dwarves Challenge

There was also a collaboration between Valley Runners and the Goodr Cabana. A group of us from Glendale, Sherman Oaks, Northridge, Winnetka, Burbank (all over the 818) met in Venice Beach every Saturday throughout August.VRLA x Goodr 2025

And to end the month, Crowned Athletics inspired us to dress up for World Princess Week.

World Princess Week 2025world princess week graphic

I had fun with the challenge, and it got me to do some micro-blogging reflecting on what the Disney princesses mean to me.

CREATIVITY. As a mom, I get creative with my son as we paint, build, dance, cook, sing, and play. As a teacher, I find creative ways to incorporate all that into a college environment. Keeping everyone's spirits up while still enforcing safety rules and regulations. Chemistry doesn't have to be boring! I've got a dream. I want to make chemistry accessible to all students, allowing them to enjoy and learn. 👩‍🔬🥼🥽🧪 Rebel princess 👸✊ My first thought of creativity was Rapunzel, who had to pass away the hours locked away in a tower. But I think I'm a rebel princess at heart. Every day, finding creative ways to resist the empire. @crownedathletics #spacebuns #onebadmotherrunner

STRENGTH in motherhood is sometimes carrying your child, carrying your 50 lb folded stroller as you board the bus, bringing in the entire load of groceries from the car to the house in one haul. 🛒🛍️ Sometimes strength in motherhood is breaking generational trauma, escaping the unreasonable expectations of society, and giving other women a leg up. We all show our strength in different ways, and sometimes just showing up as the best version of you takes strength. 🥂 🙌 Here's a high five to celebrate all of the invisible unpaid domestic labor. Sometimes we carry the weight of the family on our shoulders, And even though every day isn't a ball, We still find big and small ways to sparkle and shine through. Thank you for being a part of my family, And thank you for helping to keep me inspired! #gratitude #strengthinmotherhood If I could add one piece to my Powerful Hermana set, it would be the Force Fighter flow tank top. 🛸💫🚀 I recently introduced my son to the Star Wars movies, and I was so inspired by Rey Skywalker. I'm not sure if she is considered a princess, but she is definitely a role model of strength. She never stopped fighting for freedom, and she never lost hope. No family is perfect, but finding your identity and drawing strength from your ancestors has always been a powerful force for me.

KINDNESS. The story of The Little Mermaid reminds us to practice kindness with our own bodies. There may be some part of your body that you wish were different. #bodypositive Ariel is doomed to want something she cannot have. She is willing to gamble her voice in exchange for the opportunity to experience her heart's desire, but only for 3 days. And if she is unable to achieve a nearly impossible task, she loses everything. The mermaid princess reminds us to appreciate everything our bodies can do. Today I am grateful for my legs. 🦵🧜‍♀️ 🐚🐠 Thank you, legs, for being my favorite form of transportation. Today I am thankful for my voice. 🎵🎶👩‍🎤 Thank you, voice, for allowing me to express myself. Staying inspired is sometimes a challenge. I have to do whatever motivates me to get out there and stick to my training plan. 

BELLA IN SELLA. is a phrase that I learned from the cycling community 🚴‍♀️ #cyclomania. It means riding a horse or bicycle and looking good while doing it. Often, I wear bright colors while riding or running for safety purposes. If you're seen, so much the better, because it lowers the risk of getting into a collision. And a close family member of mine was killed while running because she was hit by a minivan. But sometimes, like this week, I enjoy dressing up just for the fun of it. I find inspiration in the stories I grew up listening to. I wanted to represent Belle today, who didn't start out as a princess, but through her kindness, she came to love the Beast. I identified with Belle because she loved books and was a gorgeous brunette, like me. And, like her, I fell in love with a man who had a great bookshelf. 📚 # Bibliophile: I get to refresh my memory on Disney princesses, villains, and heroines by telling bedtime stories to my son as he falls asleep. He doesn't consciously remember every story, but I know he hears me. He puts princess figurines all around our bedroom for protection. Loving the energy from @fit4mom_west_sfv this morning. Showing up and being surrounded by kindness, moms supporting other moms, makes the journey of motherhood so much better. #communityinmotherhood #raisekindhumans #momssupportmoms #ourvillage #motherhoodsisterhood #worldprincessweek

GRACE. If you are newly postpartum or raising small children, you've got to give yourself grace. It's going to take time to get your energy back. Motherhood has been a powerful motivator for me. I want to be able to keep up with my son, so I keep pushing myself to stay strong and ready. Initially, when I thought of grace, I thought of Mulan. I'm not sure Princess is part of her back story, but she was a strong influence in my childhood. I was a tomboy. I ended up in a male-dominated career field. I've always tried to keep up with men and fit in among them. To be just as smart, fast, and strong. Mulan did what she did to protect her father and bring honor to her family. She was an epic failure at being a #tradwife but an epic success at leading an army. She exceeded her family's expectations and ended up with an even better match than any matchmaker would have found for her. Mulan reminds us to gracefully pursue our destiny, even if it doesn't fit with society's expectations for us. I thought about the graceful movements of a swords(wo)man. I realize that the modern military is different than the fighting style depicted in Mulan. I feel grateful for our military service men and women. Thanks to our veterans and first responders as well. ⚔️ Finally, I thought about how some workouts are tough. You have to give yourself the grace to suck sometimes. The law of averages will balance it out eventually with a workout that kicks ass in a good way. Today I felt so strong, graceful, and fast. ⚖️ Keep showing up. #ownthecrown #stronglooksdifferent

BRAVE. The brave thing I did today was bring my kid to work. His school has a holiday but my school did not. Today's theme got me thinking about various times in my life where I took a leap of faith. One of the biggest leaps I took was when I moved to California. I knew the cost of living was going to be really high. But I also knew that ultimately it was where I wanted to be. I wasn't sure how it was going to work out, but I was brave enough to go for it with the faith that I would figure it out. The second biggest leap of faith that I took was going through IVF. It was so expensive with no guarantees. It was like going through puberty again at 39 years old. I had to confront some of my biggest fears and misconceptions about becoming a mother. Thankfully for us, it only took one round. I'm so grateful that I was brave enough to take these leaps of faith. Finishing my PhD at UC Riverside was such a significant moment in my life. Training for and completing the LA Marathon (while wearing my Changed Fate set) was no big deal after becoming a doctor and then becoming a mother. If you're thinking about chasing a big goal or taking a leap of faith in the direction of your dreams, consider this a gentle push in that direction. Be brave.

STROLLER MILES. On my way to inspire the next generation of chemistry and biochemistry graduate students with my stroller and kindergartner, I dictated a lot of these microblogs while walking to and from school. Thanks to my bestie, Mykel for reminding me that it's okay to parent in public and that allowing students to see the joys and challenges of having children is a good thing. It's essential to make the work-life balancing act more visible. And this is also a post of appreciation for @bobgearus. I brought all the necessary items for my child and myself, as well as the supplies for my students. We had a fun day on campus. I love this stroller so much. I'll forever remember this as the vehicle that made all of our Disneyland dreams come true. BOB is an acronym for Beast of Burden, which is also a great song by the Rolling Stones. My Changed Fate set gives me powerful mama bear vibes when I need to remember how being a mom is my superpower. I also love how Merida was the shot caller in her story. She repairs the strained relationship with her mother and learns how to be more selfless. Even though Fit4Mom now pairs with Thule as their official stroller, I will never forget the BOB as my favorite part of strolling with my mini-me. My stroller model is BOB Revolution CE = City Edition which weighs ONLY 23 lbs.

I tried my darndest to get through August without overdosing on ibuprofen. However, on August 31st, I finally took some ibuprofen, which relieved the pain in my feet. It was an increase in miles, too much, too soon. I forgot how school drop-off adds extra mileage to the week. But as I say, we're trying to ease into the school year, and it's okay if there are some growing pains. Albert asked me to make him a social battery indicator so that he can have time to recharge without us bothering him too much. He's always had a high emotional intelligence, and this just shows that he can ask for a way to communicate with us.

Social Battery Level   Albert August Artwork

Another thing Albert did recently was create two paintings contrasting a poor person's house, which was small, only one story high, and made of reclaimed materials. Versus a rich person's home, which he called the Eiffel Tower, which was multilevel, taller than trees, and made of gold. And for some reason, the poor person is during the day, and the rich person is painted at night, surrounded by stars. This is likely due to my lighter teaching load, which results in less income, and we often discuss this. We tell Albert that we can't afford some things because mommy won't be bringing home as much money. We discuss how we'll need to acquire more items on Buy Nothing, as we can't purchase them. September was a "normal" paycheck, but it will probably be the last "big" one for the next 6 months.

I saw the hashtag #RecessionCore and others, such as #economytok or #costofliving, to express a theme of economic hardship and austerity. We're not the only ones affected by this change in lifestyle. #budgetfriendly #economicanxiety #savingmoney #thrift #tariffs I've never been overly concerned with being trendy, and I know I'm talking about budget here, but here are some things I did buy this summer (or last summer) that I (still) love. 

  • ENERBLOOM Women's Yoga Jumpsuits Workout One Piece Rompers with Pockets Bodycon Backless Bodysuits Padded Berry Red X-Large. I wore this on a run, and someone told me I was a whole vibe. I had a SheFit bra underneath and my sequin headband. $19.99 I also wore it to the pool as a swimsuit. I don't know why they don't make more swimsuits like this.
  • Neely Gracey, the mom and running coach, recommended this product as the most comfortable item for summer, and I wholeheartedly agree. I bought one of each color and walked out paying around $50. I like them a lot. I'm glad I bought them when I did. This athletic all-in-one dress trend reached Crowned Athletics, and they sold each one for $118. I know, girl math, but I feel like I saved over $300. https://www.costco.com/elle-sport-women's-active-tank-dress.product.4000293912.html
  • WEBGGER 12 Pack Sequin Headbands Elastic Stretch Sparkly Fashion Headband for Teens Girls Women Hairband Sport Head Band Party Favors Multicolored now $5.94, usually $9.99 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09Z2TH288 Honestly, these are the best for summer. The airflow through the sequins is peak performance, and the sparklyness and color choices in this variety pack make my heart happy. I didn't bring one on my trip to Nebraska this year, but thankfully, I had left one the previous summer, and it was still there for me to use while I was visiting. Honestly, lifesaver. Somehow, the sequins are a great way to keep baby hairs from straying. I can't stand when my hair tickles my neck.
  • IDALOP 20 Pairs Cute & Colorful Striped Quarter Crew Women's Colored Socks, Size 9-11 $19.99 So I'm midlife. I have mostly ankle socks. But I noticed when I wear a short skirt, it looks like SO MUCH LEG all the way down to the ankle. People nowadays say that ankle socks are out. So I got these crew socks. I wouldn't care fashion-wise but I do teach college-age students and I don't want to appear too out of touch.
Athleisure on a budget

I also found three pairs of jeggings at ALDI this week. Light blue, dark blue, and light grey. I have some Levi's jeggings that I purchased in the Spring 2023 semester for $27 each. They're finally starting to show daylight in the inner-thigh area after 5 semesters (2.5 years). So these ALDI ones are about half the price. I can't comment yet to their durability since I haven't even washed them yet, but I will use them to teach in for several years probably. I tried on XL and L and the large I couldn't even button / zip. There was a gap in the back of the XL but I guess I can wear a belt. https://www.aldi.us/product/serra-ladies-premium-light-blue-jeggings-m-0000000000072022 $12.99

My aunt noticed my Instagram is looking more colorful these days. I appreciate all the people who inspire me to keep being expressive. I'm glad summer is over, but is it really? We just had our AC fixed today, thank goodness. I know we're in for a few more months of heat. Sometimes it's in triple digits even through the end of October. Albert and I decorated the house yesterday for fall. He was insisting that it be fall but not spooky. Which means leaves and pumpkins, but not haunted houses and jack-o-lanterns.

Albert is dedicated to being a ghost for Halloween, and I've got 3 costumes already, so that the whole family can participate. I'm not sure we're doing the Boo at the Zoo or the Enchanted Halloweekends at the Discovery Cube. We've let all our memberships go. So we need to find a trick-or-treat thing we can do for free. I'm trying my best not to buy the Bath & Body Works Disney Villains collection. I know it will sell out quickly, but do I really need more lotion and hand soap?

It's the weekend of the Santa Monica Classic and the Disneyland Halloween Half-marathon. I'll be sitting these races out and preparing for the Bimbo Global 10k on September 28th. I haven't done that one before, but registration was free, and it's closer to our house. I received a free sample of Ever&Eden Premium Mineral Sunscreen Lotion SPF 50, but I'm not impressed with it so far. These are more of my favorites that I buy again and again and use daily.
Wall of Sunscreen at Target

In my efforts to save money, I also cleaned out my cabinets and put all my backstock of personal care products in rotation. Our good friend used to work at Paul Mitchell and would always gift us products whenever we visited him. So I have some shampoos, conditioners, and gels that will be on our bathroom shelves until they're gone. I lived so frugally when I started this blog, while in grad school. I know how to do it, I just wish I didn't have to.

Finally, I realized we're only six weeks away from the Mission Inn Run. I'm totally looking forward to that. I haven't thought about my outfits for race day. But I have time to come up with something. 

Monday, July 21, 2025

Cookie Mile Race Report

The event itself: Where? How long? When? Weather?

The event start and finish line was on Mercy Rd between Stinson Park and the Fleet Feet Aksarben shoe store. The course turned right on Aksarben Drive, right on Pine, right on 67th St. It was great for spectators because we could see the gun and start and then walk over to the finish line and cheer the runners in. It was a hot day, so they reversed the order with the elite runners going first at 8am and the kids going last at 8:45am. A new wave started every 15 minutes. The high school and middle school runners went second at 8:15am. The open adults went at 8:30am. The kids did laps around a big statue in the park. Little ones did fewer laps. Albert surprised me and ran the whole 4 laps.

Course description and evaluation of event logistics

It was very well-organized. The route is flat and Aksarben Dr runs tangent to the Keystone trail. The energy was amazing. My dad went with us and he was impressed with all the runners and how family-friendly it is to attend a race. There was a balloon arch photo op. The race swag included a 3"x 5" card with tips for race day from a woman who can run a sub-5 minute mile. Race-day pickup was easy. They were not strict about showing ID at day before race bib pickup. They handed out T-shirts at the end of the race. They announced at 8am that the number of participants was less than expected so it's possible not everyone in the open division got shirts and medals.

How did you train for the event

I should have done some runs with my child because I didn't realize he would run an 11 minute mile. A friend told me her daughter runs a 7'30" now so I guess I better keep training.

Gear and Nutrition

Didn't bring much. Just a water bottle that I left on the stroller. I also brought some trail mix to eat while spectating, which came in handy for the kiddos. I ate Coach's oats with protein powder and peanut butter for breakfast along with 2 cups of coffee. I wanted to dress like Cookie Monster and there were some cute costumes.

Specific experiences

There were lots of volunteers from Fleet Feet all around the course at cheer stations. It was so sweet to run behind my kiddo and see him high fiving the giant foam hands of the volunteers. There were also little signs in the ground with motivational messages. 

Finish and associated emotions

At the end I was so enthusiastic to see Albert get a medal. He was very proud of it. I ran with my sister and her daughter who is 3 years old. My dad was taking pictures and videos of all of us. I was proud of my sister for showing up. It was her first race postpartum after her two girls were born. It's not easy coming back to running while you are still breastfeeding. Her daughter Elena isn't even a year old yet.

Overall evaluation of the event 

Overall, l loved this event and I would consider doing it again. There seems to be a strong running community in Omaha, which made even more sense after I ran on my own a few weeks later. I wonder if the organizers would consider adding other race distances. But for a summer event, it was excellent to be "short & sweet." And parking was free!


P.S. I found this event by searching Running In The USA, which I learned about from listening to the Rise and Run podcast. Elysha recommended doing a destination race while traveling for summer vacation. I'm so glad I found this one.

https://runningintheusa.com/

My sister pointed out that a 1-mile race is very beginner-friendly, and the organizers did a great job of making it inclusive to all runners.

20250628_090233-POP_OUT

Summer bucket list

It's that time of year when the countdown to Back-to-School begins. We have just three weeks until Albert goes back to school (Kindergarten!). So I made a list of things that we might do. Some of these are things I had planned in advance, some of these we may not get to at this time but we'll come back to it later when we have more money and time.

beach
Zoo
Discovery Cube
San Fran
Central Library
Water slides
Playdates
Getty museum
Botanical garden
Dodger game
Drive-in movie
San Diego
Santa Barbara 
Shampoo rugs
Declutter tv stand in Queen suite
Declutter closet in Queen suite
Declutter close in King suite  
Declutter kitchen corner cabinet
Buy new fitted sheets for King and Queen
Make a visual race calendar for the family

Perimenopause Beauty Routine

Cleanser

Ponds Cold Cream
Facial Cleansing Wipes for sensitive skin from Target
Johnson's Head-To-Toe Baby Wash and Shampoo
Clinique Redness Solutions Soothing Cleanser
Jurlique Nourishing Cleansing Oil For Face

Moisturizer

Clinique dramatically different moisturizing lotion+
Pond's Dry Skin Cream
Dr. Mercola's Organic Acai Night Moisturizer
Clinique Moisture Surge Intense 72H Lipid-Replenishing Hydrator Moisturizer
Jurlique - Nutri-Define Supreme Restorative Rich Cream

SPF

Sun Bum Baby SPF 50 Sunscreen Stick, Mineral Roll-On
Eucerin Sun Sensitive Mineral Baby Sunscreen Lotion SPF 50
Neutrogena Pure & Free Baby Mineral Sunscreen Lotion with Broad Spectrum SPF 50 & Zinc Oxide
Think Everyday Face Sunscreen Lotion, Naturally Tinted, SPF 30+

On my 45th birthday, surrounded by loved ones, two family members that I haven't seen in awhile commented "gee your face looks red, it looks like you've gotten some sun." I was kind-of taken aback, like geez people I hardly ever see you and this is the first comment you want to say. This is what you're leading with? Well, I suppose it's just their observation, and I didn't mean to take offense. 

But when you're dealing with hormone fluctuations, you get bad skin. And then I thought about the use of face tune, filters, and skin smoothing on photos. If people are keeping up with you on social media, and you're doctoring every photo you post, then when you are greeted in person, people are going to ask you if you're okay when your skin doesn't look like it does in the photos. 

Generally, I do wear sunscreen every day and on special occasions I wear the tinted one that is kind of like foundation. But I didn't bring it. And I had gone for a difficult 6 mile run that morning so I guess I was looking flushed. And this is the best routine I can do at the moment for my aging skin. I'm seeing a dermatologist today so we'll see what they say.

I tried this at my parents' house, and it was nice:


20250710_115259

How I weaned

I had no plan so I signed up for a marathon. I figured my milk production would decline automatically as the demands of my training increased. I asked my son when he would stop breastfeeding and he said when he was 10 or so. So that was all I needed to hear to realize that it would have to be initiated by me. About a month before my marathon was our last feed. It came and went with no ceremony. Kiddo just realized that there was no more milk. Then we celebrated the marathon together. It was his first night away from both of his parents (he stayed in a hotel with his grandparents). It was the week he turned 5. Any way you do it is great as long as it works for your family. It does sound a bit extreme in hindsight but somehow in my mind it made total sense.

I remember that

Menopause is worse than puberty because adults have already formed a stronger sense of self. Menopause changes you in profound ways, in your body, skin, fat, and brain. Probably skeleton too, just like puberty. But as a 13 year old, I was still forming my personality and identity, I was more malleable. I feel my adult self is being destroyed and re-formed by menopause, perhaps more profoundly than matrescence. I guess it's scary because I don't know what the final state will feel like or look like and I'm afraid it will be worse than the state I have been in for more than 30 years, the childbearing years.

It is interesting having this realization in the house I grew up in, the house I went through puberty in. The most valuable part of spending time with family has been reinforcing my childhood memories. Hearing a sister say, "I remember that," is so validating. I have a big fear of losing my grip on reality and having no memories. Like is my body already primed for dementia? Is it tied to the brain fog of motherhood and menopause? I have enjoyed reminiscing with my sisters this trip, sharing memories from our childhood, reinforcing things that happened as facts and not made-up fantasy from my silly failing brain. I feel like I'm grasping at a mist that can't be held but my sisters help me retell the story and reinforce it with concrete cinder blocks with rebar. Love those gals.

Running through Elmwood Park, Memorial Park, near the Keystone trail, through UNO and along Happy Hallow Blvd made me think moving to Omaha was a good idea.

Tuesday, June 3, 2025

Hello June

Here are two blogs that I had stored in my Google Keep. They're not directly related, but what they have in common is that I didn't have time to type them out. They were all dictated using a voice-keyboard. Mostly while walking. I decided that when I got done with teaching I would subject myself to a health gauntlet and visit all the doctors that I had been procrastinating. I was confident that I would be able to convince someone to prescribe me some hormone replacement therapy (HRT). But I was unsuccessful. 

Here's what the doctor sent me. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322587

And here's what I sent back:

High cholesterol (even with fasting) and pruritus (hands, feet, and vulvar) together are perimenopause symptoms. I don't want to ignore the cholesterol issue, which concerns me. Additionally, mood swings have been severe with unexplained crying mid-cycle and 10-days of PMS now.

I have been using Ultimate Hydration Body Cream for my hands and feet, which was one of your suggestions. I've tried Bounce Back Muscle Recovery Body Butter for my legs, sometimes a lotion with cooling menthol can distract my mind from the itching long enough to fall asleep. I have tried aloe vera aftersun with lidocaine, which does not seem to help. I have even tried Moisturizing Coconut Shea Butter Lotion on my vulva when it gets bad. It's so hard to sleep when I can't get any relief.

Yes, antihistamine diphenhydramine HCl at 50 mg does help, but I worry about its long-term side effects. It carries a risk of dependence, and I am 4321 days sober as of today (one day at a time). I don't want to rely on anything that can lead to dependency. This information is relevant to my concerns.

I'm not sure which type of Estroven is recommended; several types exist. I cannot see how much black cohosh is in each tablet. A review article suggests taking up to 120 mg of the drug/day, which is actually three tablets. Some studies showed that black cohosh increased HDL and lowered LDL, but not all studies showed this. More studies showed that black cohosh had no effect on cholesterol.

Now here are some more thoughts that I didn't share with the doctor:

Since meeting with my GP, I started taking a Menopause formula as a daily multivitamin. It contains soy isoflavones. How much of that is recommended for a daily allowance of isoflavones? Is there a danger of overdose? Will these new supplements together help regulate my symptoms? I don't have time to look into all these things! 

How much calcium is too much calcium? Should I add a fish oil supplement? If black cohosh has efficacy comparable to low-dose transdermal estradiol, why can't I take estradiol instead? It seems more prudent to take regulated substances instead of botanicals not regulated by the FDA. Estradiol plus intermittent micronized progesterone had a significant impact on LDL cholesterol.

And furthermore, can we trust the government right now anyway? Why is our country being run by influencers and funding is being slashed for women's health initiatives? We can't win right now! It was a very heavy Month of Mama this year. With my units being cut at CSUN, I can't afford to hire an outside doctor right now and pay for hormones out of pocket.


Mother's Day Musings

I feel like as women we are taught to accept less. To do more with less. To work with scarcity. And create magic. And that's how we are incrementally left with nothing. The gift we want is to be left alone. We're so tired of creating all the magic for others. 

I am dictating this while wearing a bra that I bought 6 years ago that's totally falling apart. It doesn't fit well. It's not supportive. This should be totally unacceptable. Why is it that advertising can make such big promises? But in the end most garments don't even do the bare minimum in terms of fit and function. 


I was doing so well in my Motherhood Maternity era, both during pregnancy and early Postpartum. In my Kindred Bravely era. In my Latched Mama era. In my LuLaRoe era. My Levi's jeggings era. Now that I'm in my Sweatpants era, I really don't give a crap about how other people perceive me in terms of what I'm wearing. Melani Sanders or “justbeingmelani” Instagram started a WDNC club. I appreciate what I learned during my Sarah Wells era and my Ceres Chill era. And I'm ready for whatever is next.



You don't matter

What I hear the medical establishment saying to me right now is your pain is not real. You're suffering is insignificant. Your problems are imaginary. This is what people have dealt with for thousands of years. We don't care about you. We don't care that you're suffering. We do not care that your life is impacted. We do not care that you're not able to sleep. We don't care about your history of substance abuse. We don't care to actually help you. We don't think you matter enough to focus on your problem. Your contributions to society are insignificant or are largely in the past. You do not have enough value to warrant our attention.

We will address each of your symptoms as individual problems, not look at the total sum of what these clues point to. We are going to dismiss your concerns one at a time, chalk it up to a lack of healthy diet, a lack of exercise, and simply a family history of high cholesterol. We're not going to look at the bigger picture and say that this is a new problem that has arisen in the last 5 years. We're going to say that your numbers are borderline anyway, therefore no action is required.

At what time do you realize you aren't going to be able to fall asleep? At what point do you cancel tomorrow's workout? When do you shut off the alarm you had set for tomorrow? At what point do you realize it's too hot in your bedroom? At what point do you start googling symptoms? At what point do you lean into online providers and telehealth? At what point do you give up? I don't want to be the person who has given up on myself. I want to keep moving forward. I want to realize I am only at midlife. I have 45 more years to go. Family tree roots run deep.


References

C. Castelo-Branco, M. Gambacciani, A. Cano, M. J. Minkin, D. Rachoń, X. Ruan, A.-M. Beer, J. Schnitker, H.-H. Henneicke-von Zepelin & S. Pickartz (2021) Review & meta-analysis: isopropanolic black cohosh extract iCR for menopausal symptoms – an update on the evidence, Climacteric, 24:2, 109-119, DOI: 10.1080/13697137.2020.1820477

Gordon JL, Rubinow DR, Watkins L, Hinderliter AL, Caughey MC, Girdler SS. The Effect of Perimenopausal Transdermal Estradiol and Micronized Progesterone on Markers of Risk for Arterial Disease. J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2020 May 1;105(5):e2050–60. doi: 10.1210/clinem/dgz262.


Vitamin city

On the plus side, I got results back from the pap smear (normal), the mammogram (normal), and the bone density scan (normal). I got a new eyeglass prescription but there has been a delay. The glasses should be ready for me to pick up in a few days. I am still waiting on the referral for colonoscopy.

Tuesday, May 6, 2025

month of mama 2025

I always go crazy for mother's day. I have a wish list of things and I buy them in May and tell my husband, don't worry about getting me anything. This year I feel like I'm scaling back or maybe I've just redirected my spending into another category, races!

  • June - CdM Scenic 5k (plus dolphin dash) $149.57
    • + Cookie Mile $35.00
  • October - Mission Inn Run (5k, 10k plus kids race) $129.70
  • January - Citrus Heritage Run (10k, 10k plus kids race) $129.70
    • + Rose Bowl Half (plus kids race) $126.42
  • February - have not registered yet for the Palm Desert Half
  • March - LA Marathon (new date TBA) $170

I'm really looking forward to doing the CdM again. I thought I could skip it but we're doing it as a family with my MIL too. I also considered skipping the Rose Bowl Half but it was a great race and I have lots of friends doing it, so that became important. I am skipping the Disneyland Half Jan/Feb 2026 and I am skipping Every Woman's Marathon in Scottsdale (Nov 2025). Even though I want to do those, I will say no thank you for now and keep them in mind for future seasons. I can easily say no to the Santa Monica Classic even though I love the race shirt, I didn't enjoy the race itself. What I did hear about is the Every Woman's Marathon training plan. There's a 12-week base building part that is available now and then a 16-week training block for in season. I may print those out and add them to my running binder.

In other news, I bought my first non-nursing bra in years! I had this one on my watch list and I thought as soon as I weaned, I would get it. I didn't know what size would feel best so I waited until they had a really great deal so I could try two different sizes. I prefer the smaller size so the band is a bit tighter.

$23.49 (for two) Women's Free Range Organic Cotton Bralette Duluth Trading (size Large is best)
I'm getting tired of always having to charge my smartwatch, so I thought long and hard about my favorite watches I've ever had. I remembered a Timex I had in college with a woven band all the way around, so I searched that up and found the one below. I got a cute pink, blue, and yellow one.

$14.98 Armitron Sport Unisex Digital Chronograph Nylon Strap Watch, 45-7004

Inspired by Run Fit Mama, I got a pair of heart sunglasses that have been perfect for May Grey. They don't really shade much, they are gradient lenses, which I usually don't like, and there's no polarization, but they are cute and fun. The most important thing is that they fit over my glasses.

$12.06 SOJOS Sunglasses Womens Heart Shaped Sunglasses Vintage Retro Glasses with Chain SJ2252 Fuchsia Pink Frame/Grey Lens

I wanted a shirt to wear after the marathon, so I found Lucky Mama. I wanted a shirt for Star Wars Day, and I found one about a Woman's Place. I love them both and they have been just what I needed to feel special and powerful.

$9.99 St Patricks Day Shirts Womens Lucky Mama T-Shirt Clover Graphic Short Sleeve Mothers Tee Tops

$21.94 A Woman's Place Is In The Resistance Shirt T-Shirt

I was inspired to make my bathroom in a Princess theme. It was previously Cars from Disney Pixar and also Mickey Mouse. Very bright red and black. It's not that I don't like Cars, or Minnie and Mickey, but it was kind of jarring to have those bright colors all the time. I wanted to transition to something more cream-colored, more soft. I was inspired by Bath and Body Works' collaboration with Disney on a Princess collection of lotions, soaps, and body sprays. 

20250420_113441

$48.02 purchase in store + $29.57 purchase online for 6 lotions and 5 foaming handsoaps. Buy 3 get 3 free or Buy 2 get 1 free. I had thought about gifting these for teacher appreciation, but they're limited edition and running out fast. I hope they do a restock.

$19.35 Disney Princess Figurine Playset 6pk (Target Exclusive) this is sold out now. I had an older one but it didn't have Tiana or Moana. Now I have Tiana but still no Moana.

$6.99 Castle Shaped Photo Frame - Unfinished - Princess Frame For 3.5 Photo

In other craft news, I opted to buy a letter jacket. I'm behind the trend but I don't mind. Run Fit Mama and her group Dopey Strong did jackets last year for marathon weekend. I thought it was such a cute idea but I didn't want to take the plunge and buy a jacket in too big of a size and I wasn't sure I would be able to finish the marathon, and also I wouldn't be traveling to Disney World. But the idea stuck with me as a funky motivator. And then Kristin Wentworth decided to come up with the idea of a girl scout troop. She said you can collect the badges on a sash or you can add them to your patch jacket.


I was charmed by the concept of a longline sports bra but on my body the long part kept riding up and constricting my rib cage. It was so annoying that I ended up not wanting to wear this cute set from Crowned Athletic. So I purchased 3" elastic after measuring the length of the longline part. I seam ripped open the longline part. I inserted the elastic and pinned it to see if it would be tight enough. I put it on and it felt good. I got out my sewing machine and sewed the elastic as securely as I could. Then I hand-stitched up the longline part of the bra (the shiny fabric). I wore it on a 10k run, it fit well, and didn't ride up. It doesn't make me want to run out and buy another longline sports bra, because it wasn't trivial to do all that, but it helps me know that if I do buy another one, I have a solution. Also it kind of makes me want to use the 4-way stretch fabric I bought a long time ago. Captain Kale!

$12.99 Royal Blue Wide Knit Elastic Band for Sewing 3 inch 5yards Double-Side Twill Woven Elastic Heavy Stretch Elastic Spool Band for Sewing Pants Waist-Wigs-Skirts-Craft-DIY Projects

20250420_084044