Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Breastfeeding truths

I feel like I was so prepared for labor. I took classes. For 10 weeks. I did daily strengthening and stretching to help with birthing. I ate dates and drank raspberry leaf tea. Then I had an emergency C-section after 22 hours of active labor.

I was unprepared for the realities of breastfeeding. The endless hours on the couch. The slouch. The horrible recovery from abdominal surgery. I didn't know what the fourth trimester would be like. I took one 2 hour breastfeeding class. I took one 2 hour orientation and tour of L&D. I just don't think I fully appreciated the length of time it would take to recover from the process of separating my baby's body from my body.

What I mean is: my feet hurt all the time. I feel like my bones are loose. My ribcage is loose. My pelvis is loose. My wrist hurts all the time. I walked 4 miles today. It's the one thing my husband wanted to do for Father's day. I feel like I've been run over by a concrete mixer. 

I have pain around my incision when I do too much lifting. We spent time on Friday tidying up the garage, putting things away and tossing out trash. By the end of it, I was in pain just trying to sweep the floor. I'm 14 weeks postpartum. I don't know what I thought, but it was something along the lines of "as soon as this baby is out (vaginally) I will recover in 2-3 days." 

This is hard for me because I was like a crazy single woman for a long time. I loved going out on long runs with my two dogs. I would ride bicycles all day and all night. I love hard workouts, rollerskating and dancing. I have always been a strong and independent woman, not needing help with anything.

I had no idea that as long as I am breastfeeding, the relaxin levels in my body will stay high, which means no high-impact exercise. When I set my mind to EBF, I didn't realize what that meant. I am not second guessing it, but I wonder if the people who teach those BF classes could give moms-to-be the real truth about that. 

I was not told that pumping can help build your supply if your milk doesn't come in right away or your baby doesn't latch well. I ended up figuring that out myself. I wasn't taught that formula and breastmilk aren't mutually exclusive. I used both for the first 3 weeks. I wasn't told that paced bottle feeding is a great way to monitor and teach your baby to latch. I still worried about nipple confusion when it came to bottles and pacifiers. I felt like a failure at BF when my baby didn't take to it right away.

I was trying to get information out of my mom and she said that she "wasn't a good cow." What the hell does that even mean? My dad's sister was all nirvana about it. Her son "just latched from birth and it was perfect from there."

I remember that when I was pregnant I didn't want to hear any birth horror stories. So I guess I'm just over here shouting into the vacuum. I hate quarantine. I EBF now, on demand all day with one MOTN pump, and my period hasn't come back yet. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and this week will be quiet and restful.

Yea! 14 weeks postpartum + 3 days and I finally feel my breasts are less engorged. I was doing tummy time with my son and not in pain for the first time in months. Been EBF since 7 weeks + 3 days.

I get worried about not making enough milk, but I try to tell myself "the breast is not a storage vessel" and that engorgement is not good. It puts pressure on delicate milk ducts, which can lead to other problems.

I read that supply regulates at 12 weeks pp but maybe I'm late because my milk didn't come in right away. Hoping this means I can drop my MOTN pump. I was afraid to drop it before my supply regulated because I thought it might cause my supply to drop.

Hating that when I worry about BF stuff, my mind wishes I could attend in-person support groups...but I can't due to COVID. My husband is like, "isn't there support online?" I am a member of LLLI Facebook group. Are there any others I am missing? 

Side note: I sobbed during my workout on Monday morning while babywearing. I was just thinking about how much I love my son. On Sunday I fantasized about going no- contact with my mom. Then today I called her like nothing was wrong. So yeah, it's been a hormone rollercoaster lately.

Edit to add: @pump_momma_pump on IG recommends 2 MOTN pumps from birth-2 months, 1 MOTN pump during months 3-4, skipping MOTN pump during months 5-6. So I guess I'll keep doing it until school starts up again. I was painfully engorged this morning after skipping last night's MOTN session.

Lots of times I wear my baby, who helps hold the milk bags in place. Sometimes I wear a nursing bra or two. I definitely don't do any jumping stuff, more dancing. I tried a zumba class, it was a little too intense. This [barre](https://youtu.be/r55Y72xVTuM) workout was good and sufficiently hard. This [HIIT](https://youtu.be/cLJfmPaKb1M) workout was good also. Definitely modify push-ups to wall and jumps to heel-raises. 

I have no idea if returning to exercise so soon was the best thing for my body. I feel my upper abs are OK but below my belly button, I feel like there is still a gap that I can stick my fingers into. I just bookmarked [video A](https://youtu.be/B2fkwJIIuFU) and [video B](https://youtu.be/sNcmGhLI4Hk) today to try to resolve this. My lower belly is hanging over my C-section scar like a big old beer gut and it's unacceptable. I started up with light group fitness via Zoom at 3 weeks postpartum. I did it to deal with the baby blues and to combat the quarantine isolation.

I ended up buying a bunch of loose-fitting tops to wear around the house because I heard that tight bras can interfere with milk production and contribute to clogged ducts. I remember thinking nursing tanks were garbage and yet again I was wrong to think that I wouldn't need it.

How Often does baby eat? 6 feeds per day, 1.5 hours between naps
How Long does baby eat? 15-25 minutes
Does baby eat on both Sides? One side per feed
How Old is baby? 15 weeks + 5 days

I read that there are lots of variables like breast storage capacity, how fast is your letdown, how strongly the baby removes the milk, fat content of your milk, etc. It may not be helpful to compare our numbers this way because every situation is unique. I am not a lactation consultant, so please do not take this as medical advice.

When my baby was 1 month old, I was EP and tracking using the Ovia app, he would eat between 20-30 oz per day. I pump once or twice in a 24 hour period now. Daytime, I can pump 2-3 oz per breast. MOTN (between 1-3am) I can get 5-7 oz per breast. We freeze some of that milk and some we bottle feed to the baby now, right before bed when I'm "touched out."

My son has always had the habit of falling asleep at the breast. I read that I should let him suckle until he lets go of the latch, so that's what I do. I have only been collecting 2 days worth of recent data using the Huckleberry app, otherwise I would have no idea since we feed and nap on demand. I have recently become curious what our patterns are, partly because I will go back to work at the end of August.

Also, my son is having his hernia repair surgery next week and I wanted to be able to answer questions from the health care team with actual data and try to plan how we're going to do the feeding on surgery day since we have to report at 5:30am and baby has to be fasting.

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