RunClub

We're nearing the finish line of my first time coaching RunClub+ with my local Fit4Mom franchise "West SFV."

To what extent have you met your RunClub goals?

I would say 2 out of 5. I initially summarized my goals "Keep up with kiddo. Slim down. Balance mood." In longer form, I said "I joined RunClub+ because my kid loves to run and momma's gotta keep up. Also, I feel I've tried every workout that Fit4Mom offers to slim down and I just can't seem to lose the weight I gained while breastfeeding. I've had success with running in the past so I wanted to try it again. Plus running is a great mood balancer for me."

I did experience an initial dip in weight during week 3 of the program, which was good because I had been training for already 16 weeks by then and I was starting to get depressed that it wasn't working. But I've gained back a bit and hit a plateau now it seems. I'm not too upset about it because it seems like my panniculus has shrunk. I feel so grateful for that. It seems like the fat above my belly button is still pretty dense, but at least I can feel like I've made some progress. The C-section scar was such a source of unhappiness for me, having less of an overhang in that area makes me so happy.

Strangely, my mom rage kind of got worse during the program, especially in weeks 2 and 3. I think it was stressful adding "one more thing" into my weekly routine. I felt pressured to do my runs while still doing all of my regular job and my tasks at home. It was hard to balance. Maybe the running has given me more energy, but rather than feeling centered, I felt really off balance. I didn't feel grounded, I felt like I needed more support to keep everything in perspective.

Which components of the program supported your progress? (Select all that apply)

Daily reach-outs (WhatsApp), Weekly emails, Recipes, In-person group runs, Client guide, Weekly running journal, Coach's YouTube videos, Coach's texts/emails, F4M on demand, F4M in-person classes, The finish line (LA 5k). 

Obviously, for me, I took advantage of all these components. I think the training plan was the #1 most valuable. I used the client guide a lot, very often, when thinking about what running gear I needed and the warm-up and cool-down. I never used the weekly running journal, but instead kept my own journal in a Google sheet. I enjoyed making the YouTube videos, I enjoyed sending the daily reach-outs. I enjoyed reading the weekly emails, and I did try all of the suggested recipes. 

It was stressful for me to plan and execute the in-person group runs. I felt insecure about the warm-up and I worried a lot about the route being stroller-friendly and how to keep a group of women together when they run at different paces and have different training goals. But I think I did benefit from participating in the group runs, they encouraged me to run faster than I would have alone. I did use the "on-demand" workouts by Fit4Mom, but it wasn't essential. I did 3 workouts from the Fit4Mom on-demand and 6 from my own library. I did attend weekly Fit4Mom in-person classes, so that was definitely essential for me. 

I'm really looking forward to the "finish line." I wouldn't say I'm not nervous at all. I'm nervous. I feel extra pressure that I won't be able to run the entire time. I feel like we might all get lost and separated from each other. I want to get finish-line photos of each finisher with their medals, and I'm not sure it will be possible.

What about RunClub+ surprised you or did not match your expectations (whether positive or negative)? You can share your general reflections here.

I was surprised that I asked my husband to rearrange his schedule to accommodate my workouts. I was surprised that he said yes, okay. I'm surprised I could stick with my plan and keep at it even when I got sick or didn't feel like it or when we had lots of rain this year. I was surprised that my participants hit a slump mid-program but are trying to finish strong. I'm surprised they want to do it again, even though they weren't engaged steadily throughout the program. 

I am surprised that I actually enjoyed participating in the daily reach-outs, and it felt like Fit4Mom was reaching out to me, too. I hope the other sessions go as well as this one did. I'm not sure I could have created that content independently, even though I did create some original content.

• Week 1 Homework https://youtu.be/23DpBu4txrM?si=0foCPnfJJUyC2xWP
• Route Planning https://youtu.be/An6d_B6uesE?si=4rn6BmXUMLmQQYVU
• Strava Beacon https://youtu.be/xTb_wBuZ1_8?si=q_Bl9IFCuTLBl1pY
• ABC Quick Check https://youtu.be/V6sjDntlZj4?si=7GveTt536VVQ8NSL
• Slo Mo Jump https://www.tiktok.com/@hamerk02/video/7339262637168954666
• LA Big 5k Course https://youtu.be/uK_jnZRleKY?si=6qWT8j9lt76815es

I'm surprised that I actually look forward to two-mile Tuesdays. It might be my favorite day of the week.

More specifically, what suggestions do you have to improve session 2 (April, May, June)?

Maybe a video about Cycle Syncing (adapting your training schedule to your menstrual cycle).

https://www.runnersworld.com/women/a42699204/training-during-menstrual-cycle

Maybe a tutorial video on Fitbit or Samsung or Garmin or NikeRunClub Apps.

Maybe a tutorial on how/why to do a magic mile and how to determine what walk-run interval to use. And how run/walk might help you go faster.

Maybe a video on Acceleration Gliders (AG) or Cadence Drills (CD). Or what is the purpose of the sprints? Or why are some days "easy" and some "steady" and some are "tempo." What is active recovery and what is not?

I would like a tutorial on how and why to keep a training journal. I could be more organized in keeping and sharing the routes on Google Maps, Google Docs, and Google Sheets. According to "Half Marathon: A Complete Training Guide for Women" by Jeff and Barbara Galloway these are some parameters you can include in your training journal. I also added suggestions from my aunt Anne.

• Distance
• Temperature
• Pace
• Route
• Time of day
• Heart rate (pulse)
• Humidity
• Running time (duration)
• Elevation change (ft)
• Walk/run frequency
• Special segments (hills)
• Company (friends)
• Terrain (trail or pavement)
• Overall vibe (1-10)
• Yucky or Yummy breast milk?
• Empty or full stomach (time since last meal)
• Nutrition during training segment
• Fluid amount during / after
• Bowel movement / GI distress?

These are the pieces of data that I collected this time. I only added Route/Course after the fact.

	Wk	Date	Dist (mi)	Duration (H:MM:SS)	Pace (min/mi)	Split (run/walk)	Route/Course
S	0	1/14/24	6.85	2:49:00	24.8	walk only	Wilbur/Kenya/SanFernandoMission/Lindley/Superior
M	0	1/15/24	5.51	2:18:00	25	walk only	PorterRanchDr/Sesnon/Tampa/Rinaldi
T	0	1/16/24	1.85	0:27:00	15	30/20	Topanga / Vanowen / Owensmouth
F	0	1/19/24	0	0	0	?	-
S	1	1/21/24	0	0	0	didn't feel like it	-
T	1	1/23/24	2.14	0:30:33	14.25	run only	Two Mile Tuesday
F	1	1/26/24	3.24	0:48:29	15	30/20 uphills	Porter Ranch / Sesnon
S	2	1/28/24	3.33	0:51:41	15.5	run only	Chatsworth Park South
T	2	1/30/24	2.5	0:35:43	14.25	run only	Two Mile Tuesday
F	2	2/2/24	3.5	0:51:53	14.8	run only	CSUN / Zelzah
S	3	2/4/24	3.45	0:51:01	14.75	6m run/1m walk	CSUN / G3 Parking Structure
T	3	2/6/24	0	0:46:00	0	12 d of Xmas	Two Mile Tuesday
F	3	2/9/24	9	1:19:00	21	Disneyland!
S	4	2/11/24	4	1:04:36	15.75	mostly walk	Mason Park
T	4	2/13/24	2.22	0:32:11	14.5	40/20 when it got hard	Two Mile Tuesday
F	4	2/16/24	3	0:44:00	14.9	40/20, 90/20	CSUN / Zelzah
S	5	2/18/24	4.5	1:11:23	15.8	6m run/1m walk	CSUN / Zelzah
W	5	2/21/24	2	0:32:00	-	didn't feel like it	across campus
F	5	2/23/24	4.5	1:04:00	14.2	run only	CSUN / Zelzah
S	6	2/25/24	7.5	1:30:00	12	bicycle only	CicLAvia ~ Melrose
T	6	2/27/24	2.23	0:32	14.5	run only	Two Mile Tuesday
F	6	3/1/24	5	1:15:00	15	run only	Dearborn Park / Sherwood Forest
S	7	3/3/24	3.85	1:02:00	16.3	mostly walk	Dearborn Park / Sherwood Forest
T	7	3/5/24	2	0:35:00	14.5	6m run/1m walk	Two Mile Tuesday
F	7	3/8/24	6.6	1:49:58	16.5	random as hell	Porter Ranch / Sesnon
S	8	3/10/24	3	0:46:53	14.5	run only until the hill	Porter Ranch / Sesnon
T	8	3/12/24	3	0:42:08	14	run only	Big Block
F	8	3/15/24	0
		RACE DAY!

Conclusion

I am happy, I love my Brooks Ariel shoes. I got two new sports bras from Freya and one from Enell. I think it's important to continue to support the milk makers. I got a Muzen portable speaker, because I saw one rollergirl had one at CicLAvia and it was incredibly small and light while being incredibly loud, but maybe I should have gotten the Noxgear one. I got myself a massager, which I tend to use on Friday after my long run while waiting for my kid to finish his 50-minute speech therapy.

Month of Mama

I have been on a spending spree but I am so happy with the items that I have purchased. This month of mama, I am going to tell you about the things I have recently bought and why I love them.

In addition to all the wonderful pumping stuff that I bought for my pumping life and returning to work and babywearing, I also got some things that are just for me. To protect and cherish my body. To emerge from pandemic quarantine work-from-home maternity leave and to celebrate my body as it is and not how I wish it were.

Hello Treacle - Diamond Boobs magnet. I was so sad to see that there are so few ways our culture celebrates breastfeeding milestones. There are more vendors in the UK that celebrate with gifts. The magnet quality was so-so, it was very thin but it came with this really cool card that says THANK YOU FOR BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC on one side and on the other side it says "By breastfeeding you are giving your child the best start in life. And by breastfeeding in public you're helping to normalize breastfeeding and encouraging other mothers to do the same. Keep the message going by passing this card onto the next mum you see breastfeeding in public. Have a wonderful day! #NormaliseBreastfeeding www.HelloTreacleStore.com"

MamaDearJewellery - Diamond Boobs keychain. I actually love this. I clipped it to my Sarah Wells pumping bag.

LiquidLoveStickers - I put two of these on my breast pump and the third one (Never quit on a bad day) is sitting right in front of me on my computer monitor so I can see it all the time. I love it so much.

Legendary Milk - Sticker pack. I used these stickers to decorate my Ceres Chill and my Think Sport water bottle. I shared some with my sister.

Studio Spirit Y Sol - Affirmation card deck. After my sister gave birth by c-section, I realized that I had a lot of unresolved feelings about my own birthing experience. I have been looking at these cards every day and meditating with the Calm app and trying to let go of the negative emotions and memories associated with how my son was born.

These are silly purchases I researched while doing middle-of-the-night (MOTN) feeds. Even around 2 years old, my son still wakes up in the middle of the night. Usually between 10-midnight and then again around 4-5am. If I can't go back to sleep, I do scroll a bit on my phone. Are these items essential to my health and well-being? No. But when I look at them, do I feel rewarded, recognized, valued, affirmed, and a sense of belonging? Yes. So in that way, they are taking care of my mental health.

Sometimes I do wonder how I'll look back on this time. It seems so important to me right now. But maybe when I've moved on to the next stage or season, I'll just be glad to be done with it.

birth thoughts

What is the need of the terms Advanced Maternal Age and Geriatric Pregnancy? I wish I had felt free to take my time in the birthing suite. When presented with all strategies for speeding things along, I said yes, yes, yes. I wish I would have given myself permission to take my sweet ass time.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dianne Cassidy IBCLC / Milkly (@dianneocassidy)

30 week check-in

This morning I feel okay. My sister had her baby over the weekend, which was exciting and terrifying. It brought back memories of my hospital stay, which weren't welcome to say the least. Everything I read says that it can help you process your trauma if you re-tell your birth story over and over. Since the entire country went into lockdown right after my son was born, I feel like I didn't re-tell my story very often. In fact I think I only told one person. 

I've been watching The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu and it's cathartic. Seeing a severe dystopia where women's work is devalued in the extreme for some reason makes me feel better about the present reality.

Albert is having 3 meals a day of purees. Breakfast is rice cereal with vitamin D drops. Lunch is some kind of fruit or vegetable puree, we tried lentils once so far. Dinner is always avocado since he likes it and it's high fat content helps him sleep better at night with fewer wake-ups.

It's really hard to balance working and caring for this tiny human. At the beginning of the semester, I had an infant insert on top of the pack and play. I would feed him and get him to fall asleep on the Boppy then transfer him to the PnP, which had a mattress on top. That would get me 30-40 minutes uninterrupted work time. But somehow, when my mom came to visit, we ended up regressing on that progress. We kind of went back to being held all the time.

Postpartum Part 5: links

Here are some of the webpages I had open on the browser of my smartphone. I want to close them now, but they were good for a time and I might want to come back to them later or recommend to someone else.

https://thesehungrykids.com/labor-like-a-pro-how-to-rock-your-labor/

Your support person should be chanting the following words:

• You are amazing.
• You are doing great.
• This is normal.
• You are doing exactly what you need to be doing.
• You are strong.
• Each contraction is one step closer to meeting the baby.
• Rest your body between contractions.
• Here’s a sip of water.
• You were made for this.
• You are incredible.
• You are safe.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/water-breaking/art-20044142

When I talk about my baby's birthday, I struggle to find the words. I want to be accurate, he was ripped out through my abdomen using a scalpel. I have a hard time saying labor and delivery. I can't say a doctor delivered him. I can't say he was born. More like he was removed from me. I didn't have that moment of pushing that you see on the movies. I don't know if this is the scientist in me just wanting to use the most precise and accurate language or the fact that our culture prepares you to have a vaginal birth. I feel like I don't have the words for what happened.

My reddit group had 75/25 vaginal/Cesarean. More than 50% of respondents had a labor of less than 12 hours. I feel robbed of that experience. I am just about recovered from the surgery, but I don't know exactly how to talk about what happened that day.

https://www.scarymommy.com/maternity-leave-advice-wish-id-been-given/

Due to COVID-19 most of this advice does not apply. But maybe it would be good advice under normal circumstances. I am struck lately about how short human lifespan is and how quickly babies grow and I wish I would have had a kid sooner so that I could have more than one and what the heck was I doing with my life until now. I can see how people with kids tell people without kids to go for it.

https://cdphpaymentportal.sutherlandglobal.com/

Yeah, due to a mix-up with my identity at the DMV while upgrading my driver's license to a "Real ID," they thought I had a daughter named Kayla Kayser who was born in 2004. It took a few weeks to get that fixed, but it's all good. I also may or may not have paid for the genetic testing for the state of CA. I mean I know I didn't pay for it, because my OB told me that my insurance should cover it. But as far as I can tell, the debt has not been paid.

https://la.eater.com/2020/4/6/21211278/los-angeles-county-officials-urge-residents-stay-home-skip-shopping

So many things are messed up due to coronavirus. We are just now able to find things that we need, but there's always a risk going out to find it.

https://ollnr.weconnect.com/

8:30am Monday-Saturday

8:30am and 10:30am Sunday

And sometimes we go to church on Zoom. Even though the church is right across the street. I kind of hope they continue broadcasting so that we don't have to bring a crying baby into the building. It's nice to be able to hear the service no matter what kind of mood Albert is in.

299: Hospital Provided

I was pleasantly surprised about what the hospital provided. Here is a rundown of what I thought I needed to bring that was actually provided by the hospital.

Puke bags (4)
Trash bags (4)
Tiny box of Kleenex
Toothpaste / toothbrush
Moisturizer
Baby shampoo
Baby body wash
Baby hair comb
Baby wipes
Baby diapers
Overnight pads (20)
Mesh panties (4)
Slipper socks
Puppy pads
Peanut birth ball
Orange juice
Straw / cup for water
Pillows (4)
Breast pump (available for rental)
Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner (for mom)
Formula (for baby)
Swaddle blankets
Newborn hats
Baby bulb syringe nasal aspirator

I will say that there were adequate pillows available, we used 4 of them throughout our stay. The hospital staff did comment that they were wondering where all the pillows were on the floor and that usually they only allow people to have 2 pillows. We had 2 other pillows from home.

They gave me all the pain medication that I asked for. Unfortunately, I didn't get any stool softeners or laxatives. This is an important point, know what drugs you want and ask for them. You might not get them at the moment you want it, but it will arrive eventually. Also, know the mode of delivery of the drug. At one point, my IV got clogged and my arm swelled up something fierce. After that, all medications had to be delivered orally.

I wore a hospital gown (with nothing underneath) the entire duration of my hospital stay. There were nurses coming in and out all the time to measure my (and baby's) blood pressure and temperature. I was constantly undoing the snaps on the shoulders of my gown to breastfeed. The only time I tied it in the back was when I went for a walk up and down the hallway (to try to move fluids up and out of  my legs). I did a lot of pacing around my hospital room. I did some ugly crying while pacing or while sitting on the toilet. I cried when my sister explained that I had a lot of trauma going on in my body.

We were discussing the pros and cons of having or not having a doula. With the COVID-19 happening right now, some hospitals are limiting laboring mothers to one visitor (support person) so in my case I would have had to choose between my mom and my husband (the baby's father). It would have been an easy choice, since my husband had been preparing by attending birth classes with me. In fact, for "day 3" and "day 4" of my hospital stay, my mom wasn't allowed to be there due to the pandemic. But for women who hired a doula, it would be difficult to have to choose between your husband and your doula.

In our case, a doula may have been helpful because of all the things that happened to cause a cascade of interventions that eventually ended in a C-section. Maybe (or maybe not) the doula would have been able to explain everything that was happening and advocate for us better. Maybe a doula would have helped me understand how to push the beg button on my epidural to have a more steady pain level. Maybe a doula would have told me to request stool softeners sooner and make sure I was discharged with a combination of pain meds (opioids) and stool softeners.

One thing I absolutely HATED about my hospital room is that my bed was facing the wall instead of the window. I had to stare at a markerboard that had a list of things that we had to do before getting discharged. And they never crossed things off when we had gotten them done. It was a markerboard that could be updated and it drove me crazy that they didn't update it. I mean, they did change over the names of the nurses on duty. I could have done a better job of talking with the nurses and calling them by their names. I could have brought them gifts or whatever. But staring at that "to do" list that included pain management when I was in so much pain was utter torture.

Also seeing all the action items in acronym form, and I had no idea what those acronyms stood for, made me nuts. I kept walking by that damn thing and wondering what it all meant. I really wanted to cross off some stuff once I found out what it was, and we had completed it, but I was hesitant because it wasn't "my" markerboard, it was really for the nurses to keep track of stuff and I didn't want to mess up their workflow. And one nurse took a look at our window and said, "I'm sorry you have such a terrible view. Some of our rooms have a really nice view." And I was thinking, just don't tell me that I got shafted on the room. I'd rather pretend that everyone has a view of a storage unit and a crappy parking lot, and one window missing a shade.

There were two chairs in that postpartum room, one of which folded out into a bed. I can't comment on the comfort of the chairs since I didn't sit in them, but my mom did complain about it. The nurses did provide bedding for dear husband, who was allowed to stay the night. There was a TV in the room and I turned it on once, on day 4, but the channels were all kind of weird. There was nothing on that I would have wanted to watch.

They sent 3 different lactation consultants (LC) into my room, who were very helpful. They gave me a nipple shield and taught me how to put it on. I showed them the breastpump that was provided by my insurance and we both agreed it was crap. I wished I had brought the other ones that my friend gave me. One of them was really good and I could have saved myself a lot of money if I had shown it to the hospital LC's. They could have given me a kit with all the necessary disposable parts to get going with it. We ended up getting those parts at Target, at our cost, so it wasn't a big mistake, but it could have saved us some money. I plan to write up a summary of what we had on our registry, what we bought, what other people bought for us, what we were able to get second hand, how much money we spent, how much money we saved, etc. That will probably have to be written on another day.

I guess I haven't posted before about this, but 7 days after my son was born I ended up with my colon packed full of poop. That's right, I didn't poop for 7 days. I ended up going to the emergency room and getting a Fleet enema (mineral oil) sometime between 10pm and midnight. It was very effective. I tried doing it at home using Burt's Bees Mama Bee Nourishing Oil with Vitamin E but I had no idea what I was doing. Even though that hospital is a regional drive-through testing location for coronavirus, it felt like we had no choice. There was no way that poop was coming out on its own. Thank goodness for healthcare workers.

What we did when we came home from the hospital was to set up the house as much like our recovery (postpartum) room as possible to make the transition easy. Now that we're 4 weeks postpartum, we've become comfortable getting into our own routine. But when we were first discharged, I had a big fear of doing things wrong and so we carried on exactly as we had in the hospital. They showed us how to give baby a bath and we have done it a few times since we've been home. It's something we plan on doing again today, so he can be all clean tomorrow for Easter.

One more important tip that I realized too late: you can wash the mesh panties the hospital gives you. That way you can reuse them. I just started wearing "normal" panties yesterday. If I would have washed and reused the mesh panties from the hospital, I would have been better off. As it happened, I threw away the first three pairs after 3-4 days and then washed and reused the last pair over and over until now. There's no way to explain how sensitive that whole area of my body has been. From my ribcage down to the top of my legs has been a "no go" zone. I had little sensation or feeling in that area and I definitely didn't want to wear normal pants or panties. Even now, I have these two pair of Victoria's Secret Pink cotton bikini panties that are no doubt 20 years old. They've been washed and washed so many times that they're REALLY soft. I can't wear any newer panties because they would be too tight and restrictive. Luckily I have two pairs.

I want to eventually write a blog about the clothes I've been wearing since coming home from the hospital, but baby is waking up now so I doubt I will have the time to compose that today.

298: Hospital Bag

When I was packing my hospital bag, I watched several YouTube videos about what to pack. What I can do is share my packing list and then share *what I actually used.*

In a Binder (which never came out of the bag)

Birth plan / advance directives / will
Prenatal lab results (blood type, HIV, Hep B, rubella, measles, syphilis, group B strep)
Bradley class cheat sheets
First stage labor positions / mantras
Hospital Pre-Registration Form
First 5 LA Registration Form (postcards)

In the car

Puke bucket (1 Gal ziploc bag)
*Car seat (for baby)
Trash bags
Deodorant for dad
Wet wipes

Red hospital bag

Back massager (red claw)
*Ice pack
*Phone charger
Deodorant for mom 

*Chapstick
Toothpaste / toothbrush
*Shampoo / conditioner

*Comb
*Face wash / moisturizer

Bar soap
Massage oil
*Fan (folding)
Nursing pads

Nipple cream
Pedialyte
Nut snacks 

Protein bars
Beef jerky
Baby diapers & wipes

Diaper bag
Witch hazel solution 

Overnight pads
Adult diapers

Blue hospital bag

Back massager (blue turtle)
Washcloths
Swimsuit for dad
*Noise generator 

*Music
*Nursing bra
Slippers / socks
*Flip flops
*“Going home” outfit for mom
*“Going home” outfit for baby
Change of clothes for dad
Puppy pads

Pack at the last minute

*Headband / Hair clips
*Headphones / earplugs
Birth ball + pump
Orange juice
*7-Up 

Popsicles 

*Insulated cold bag
*Straw / cup for water
Pillows / 2 old towels, large, clean

*Breast pump

The items with a star are things that we actually used during labor and throughout our 4-day hospital stay. An unexpected MVP of the ordeal was "Sparky" my pillow pet. It was a great thing to snuggle with, to stay grounded, to have something familiar and colorful and fun, to prop up my neck during contractions and to prop up my elbow while learning to breastfeed. 

A second MVP was an eye mask that could double as a headband. One of my windows was missing a shade so if I hadn't have had that eye mask, I would have seen lights from ambulances all night long. It was also great for taking naps during the day.

A fun surprise was that I had come in to L&D wearing Ugg-type boots that I describe in more detail here. When I was released from the hospital, I tried to fit my sausage-feet into them and NOPE, they would not fit. Luckily I had packed some flip-flops that barely fit, but at least I had something to walk out in. It was cold and rainy that day and the nurses were kind of surprised that I didn't have any more appropriate footwear, but what can I say? I also left the hospital in a sweet polyester muumuu that was all rainbow colored. I had no pants underneath! I will say that the ride I took in the wheelchair with my baby in a carseat on my lap was just about the sweetest ride of my life.

I had brought my own drink cup with a straw, but I didn't need to. The hospital provided something like it with a handle. Although they told me I wasn't allowed a straw after my surgery. Something about taking in too much air by drinking through a straw. I was also told that I wasn't allowed to drink orange juice right after the baby was born, so that sweet freshly squeezed OJ from Riverside-grown oranges had to be dumped down the drain. It was something significant to me because it was recommended to prevent tremors (shaking) after a drug-free vaginal birth and I felt like dumping it out was like taking all my expectations and flushing them down the toilet. Which we pretty much did.

All the doctors and nurses made sure to tell us that women who come in with a long birth plan often have everything go wrong, which made me kind of happy that I never showed that document to any of my care providers. I will be making a list of all the items provided by the hospital in a separate post.

The Birth

We experienced a few contractions, early labor. It was confirmed on a monitor so it was real. We got a peek at the amniotic fluid index (AFI), it was 9.6 cm on Saturday night (3/7). This was a little low compared to Thursday (3/5) when it was 13.1 cm. Values between 8 and 25 are considered normal, so we were sent home. Two cervical checks indicated that I was 60% effaced, 1.5 cm dilated and baby was at -3 station. She could touch baby's head.

Symptoms from week 39 include contractions and soreness in the pelvic area, including groin muscles and lower back. I felt like I could do more walking, but I was so sleepy. Naps were my jam.

The feeling I had in my body was similar to food poisoning. There were waves of nausea, trembling, weakness, shortness of breath. But then things went back to normal, my appetite returned and the contractions stopped. My body was gearing up gradually to active labor.

Thursday (3/12) at my OB appt, we scheduled the induction. At 1pm on Friday (3/13) oral Cytotec (misoprostol aka miso) was used to ripen the cervix. I tested positive for GBS so the IV was placed immediately. Dilated 1 cm. Bishop score = 3

4pm Fri (3/13) On an ultrasound, they saw a problem with Albert's abdominal wall. They told us that his intestines might be spilling out of his body cavity. It was so frightening to think he might be born and then sent for immediate surgery.

6pm Pitocin, 7pm second ultrasound, 8pm balloon in, 9pm Epidural, 11:30pm balloon fell out. Dilation 5 cm. Bishop score 8. They broke my water and it was full of meconium. I knew this meant bad news, which stressed me out more.

"Baby Bath" After the amniotic fluid came out dirty, they set up some pump that sent fluid up into my uterus to clean the baby and then back out into a bucket. It was absolutely disgusting and distressing to see the nurses take that bucket to empty it out. Also, the catheter fluid they collected was an alarming shade of brown and they said that means I have a baby pushing on my kidneys/bladder and pushing blood into my urine. Who knows? It was gross. There were so many things hanging out of my vagina (1) catheter (2) baby bath (3) sensor for baby, it was really awkward to change positions in bed. Plus there was an IV attached to my arm. It felt very unnatural.

3am serious pain, tremors, 6am oxygen. In order to get all the pictures they needed on the ultrasound (earlier), they ended up rotating baby into a bad birthing position, and we could never get him back to a good position. I got stuck at 8 cm dilated. 7am Sat (3/14) My cervix was ripe in a manner which was uneven (asymmetrical) which my OB thought was due to a LEEP surgery that I had in 2003 (causing some scar tissue that wouldn't ripen). Every cervical check was extremely painful because they kept trying to manually stretch it out.

At this point I had some visitors and listened to some music, it was really nice to have a break from the pain and pass some hours singing (and crying). 10am Sat (3/14) Eventually, I did have a bloody show. But never got to 10 cm. Baby never dropped past -2 station. I was on oxygen due to baby's heart rate dropping during contractions. We tried laboring in a few key positions. Side laying with peanut ball, in a sort of child's pose, in a "throne" position, nothing would get the cervix to dilate further than 8 cm. It was really discouraging. I had my mom timing the 18 minutes between doses of pain medication so that I could push the button only when it would actually deliver the drugs, instead of pushing it like a maniac at every moment when I was in pain. Unfortunately, it took until this point to learn that that's how it worked.

1pm Sat (3/14) c-section. Couldn't stop shaking during surgery. They thought it was because I was scared or cold. I was mentally resigned and at peace with the decision, but my body wasn't cooperating. Albert is filling diapers but he has an inguinal hernia. His intestines are in his scrotum. It's considered 'elective' surgery to fix. If poop gets trapped in there, it could go from fine to NOT FINE so it's better to fix it. It's possible now to gently massage the intestines back up into his abdomen like squeezing a tube of toothpaste. Lots of hospitals will not do this surgery so it is causing more stress. Some of this drama is caused by COVID-19 overwhelming the health care system. We are in process of getting it done though, with the help of lots of doctors.